Wake Me Up (Love Knows No Boundaries) (14 page)

“I’m not you. You’re twice my size,” I joke
, and finish off the piece on my plate. “Thank you for dinner. I’ll get tomorrow’s.” Because there is no way I’m going to be a leech.

I carry the plates to the kitchen and wash them up. When I go
and sit with him again, he pulls me in, tucking my head in under his chin. I curl up against his side, relishing the feeling of having his arms around me.

Then he says,
“I haven’t finished talkin’ yet,” I stiffen slightly. “When I came back tonight you were asleep, and I saw that piece you wrote about hate. I really hope you’re not talkin’ about me there,” he tries to joke, but it doesn’t work.

I just shake my head. I really
don’t want to have this conversation.

“I saw somethin’
earlier and it reminded me of something your mother said, and I could really kick myself for not thinkin’ of it sooner. When she said she’s cuttin’ you off-”

I jump
up and walk away. I’m definitely not having this conversation with him.

“
Emma, wait,” he calls after me.

I close the door behind me and look at my laptop. It
’s showing my monthly expenses, not my paper.

“How could you, Aiden! Y
ou looked at my expenses?” I say, mortified. I facepalm myself. Over and over and over, because I need to feel something else other than the humiliation coursing through my veins.

“
Emma, I said I’d help,” he says on the other side of the door. “I told you to come to me if you needed anythin’.”

I yank the door open and my cheeks are flaming hot. They. Are. On. Fire.

“You said it yourself, you’re not my father! I don’t need another one! I’m not going to take anything from you. Oh my … oh … this is so wrong. On so many levels.” I wave my hand up and down, and my cheeks keep getting hotter. It feels like I’ve swallowed a whole bloody furnace. “You’re not paying for a single thing. The second you pay for something, it makes me a whore. I feel cheap enough. I gave you the only thing that was mine. You’re not bloody paying for it.”

I slam the door close
d, lock it and sink down against it, and I cry. For the first time I cry, awful, gut-wrenching sobs. They hurt my stomach and make me want to gag. I’ve always cried silently, because my mum would go at me more and more if I made a noise. But she’s not here, and this hurts. For the first time something hurts more than my mother. My heart is breaking, and I wasn’t even sure I had one.

~*~

I crawl to bed, and just slump down on top of the cover. I’m too spent to care. My cheeks are wet when I fall asleep, and they’re wet when I wake up, whimpering. I hit and claw at my arm, trying to rid myself of my mother’s touch that’s still so fresh in my mind and on my skin. Her pasty, alcohol-drenched skin makes me sick.

I get up, not wanting to fall asleep again. When I open
my door, I slam into Aiden. His arms wrap around me, and he picks me up against his chest.

“You’re ice cold. Don’t ever lock that door again. I swear I’ll break it open next time
you do that to me,” he says hoarsly. There’s no anger in his voice, only concern.

He
takes me to his room, throws back the cover and puts me down. Then he leaves me.

“Aiden?” It comes out a whimper.

Maybe I heard his tone wrong, and he is angry after all.

“I’m right here,” he says immediately
, and comes back with a sweater. “Let’s get this on you first.”

I slip his sweater on
, while he gets in next to me. He pulls me in against his chest and curls his body around mine.

“Don’t ever do that again,” he says.
His breath fans warm over my face, and I press my hands to his chest, replacing the lingering touch of my mother with him. “We will have fights, but you can’t close the door on me and not let me make it better. You can’t go to bed cryin’.” He sounds desperate, and I wrap my arms around him. “Something could happen and we could never have the chance to make it better.”

“Al
right,” I say, to pacify him, and I hold him tighter.

His hand caresses my back,
and then they move up, brushing past my neck and into my hair. He takes hold of some and tugs lightly.

“
Emma.” When I look up at him, his eyes jump all over my face. It looks like he wants to kiss me, but he doesn’t. “I’ve been thinkin’.” He leans closer and my stomach tightens with anticipation. His breath rushes over my lips, setting off tiny tingles everywhere. “The past two weeks, not knowing whether you were out there with someone nearly had me losin’ against Joe, of all people, on Saturday. I can’t be worryin’ about men comin’ on to you, and try and work this case. There will be blood either way.” I’m distracted by his mouth so close to mine. I’m not sure where he’s going with this.

There’s a
muscle jumping above his jaw. He’s looks way too tense. I lean in and press my mouth to the muscle. His hand tightens in my hair, and he brings the other to my neck. He holds my mouth to his jaw and I can’t control my breathing as it increases. He slowly brushes his jaw against my mouth, and when he stops I press another kiss to the side of his chin. My insides curl with want – I want him to kiss me so badly.

“
Emma, don’t see anyone else.” The words stun me.

H
is mouth brushes over mine, our breaths mingle for a moment, and then he kisses me. It’s not like all the previous ones, it’s lingering and deep. His body presses against mine until I’m on my back. His hand smooths down my neck, and he follows the straps of my top to my chest, but he stays in the safe zone, just caressing my sensitive skin.

He breaks the kiss and I have to stop myself
, so as not to grab him. The feelings he brings to life inside me are overwhelming at times – and I want to feel so much more.

H
is eyes caress my face and drop to where his hand is resting on my chest, still in the safe zone. Then he says, “I can’t stand the thought of someone else touchin’ you.”

All the
glorious prickles evaporate.

“You didn’t listen to me,” I whisper
, and I wonder if he has heard anything I’ve said at all.

He eyes drift back up to mine
. “I did, but one might come along that you’re okay with.”

“I doubt that very much.” He still looks worried. “Aiden, I can’t even bring myself to
shake someone’s hand without it making me feel sick. This-” I place my hand against his chest, hoping that I’m making sense, “is all new. You know that feeling you get when you finally crawl into bed after a long day, when your body just melts into the covers, right before you drift off?”

“Yes.” His hand leaves my chest and cups my face.

“That peaceful feeling, knowing you can let go of everything for a few hours – that is what I feel when I touch you.” That’s the best I can do to tell him I feel safe with him.

“Sweetheart,” he whispers
, and the word warms me, “what did she do to you?”

Emotions swamp me from every side, some burning hotter than others. Embarrassment is fighting hard
to come out on top, with dread following close on its heels.

I try to duck my head
, but he tightens his hold on me, tilting his face lower to catch my eyes.

“Nothing,” I say, because I don’t want to rattle on like I did the other day.

His thumb skims over my cheek. “It doesn’t sound like nothing, sure didn’t look like it.”

“She…
” What? How do I describe my mother to him? “I’ve told you already. She drinks. She talks, a lot.” It doesn’t sound as bad saying it. Chloe is living through far worse than me right now. I’m just a coward, a mental coward.

“
Okay. When you’re ready, you come and talk to me,” he says. He places a quick, soft kiss on my lips. “But you still haven’t answered me, about not seeing anyone.”

“
Aiden,” I smile a daft-looking smile. This is going to sound so silly, but it’s all I can think of to say to appease him. “I’ve never had one, but I’d fancy it if you’d be my boyfriend. I really don’t want to see anyone else.”

“I thought you were never going
to ask. Is it a British thing to keep stringin’ a guy along?” he jokes. “You can drive a man crazy like that.”

“
Crazy?” I gasp, pretending to be offended. “I’ll have you know that I did no such thing. I’m a good girl, I am.”

“I love the way you talk,” he whispers
, and my smile fades at hearing the word ‘love’. “I love the way you chew on the inside of your bottom lip when you’re thinkin’,” he smiles, “and when you’re having coffee you stand with one foot on top of the other, always. It’s cute.”

I swallow hard, but the tears push up to my eyes
. I try to blink them away.

“I love the way you speed-walk and speed-shop. I love how you don’t take hours to get ready. Someti
mes you even beat me.”

I
laugh, and duck my head to his chest.

“I love how you fit perfectly in my arms
, and how you know what an eagle means to me. I love how expressive you are, Emma.” He pulls my face from his chest, and I swallow at the tears before I say it.

“Lo
ve is such a petty thing, Aiden. It destroys.” His grip on me tightens. “Wait, let me finish. What I feel for you goes way beyond that petty word. I’m consumed by you. I feel defensive of you. I desire you.” His eyes caress my face, and follow the tears that I can’t keep back any more. “Love is really such a petty word for what I feel. Don’t ever ask me to say it.”

~*~

I don’t feel too bad the next morning. I’m glad it’s almost the weekend, so I can work on my paper.

I go from one class to the next
, but come lunchtime, I feel dizzy with withdrawal symptoms. I’m nauseous and tired, and just bloody groggy.

I’m back to singing my dying mantra when my head starts t
o ache. And for the first time, I regret not having my phone with me. I wish I could phone Aiden. I really don’t have the strength to walk to the bus stop now.

When
my tongue becomes one with the roof of my mouth, I drag myself to the nearest water fountain. I gulp some down and look at the bench nearby. There’s no point in sitting and waiting for it to get better. It will only get worse.

“
Emma, honey, are you okay?” I hear a familiar drawl, and honestly I don’t care if she’s Hitler’s second in command, I’m just glad to see someone I know.

“Katia. No, actually I feel quite horrid,” I admit. Getting to know h
er might help Aiden too. “You couldn’t give me a ride home, perhaps?” It feels like I’m fighting gravity to stay upright.

“Of course,” she almost sings. She presses up against me
, her arm circling my waist. I let her, because she’ll keep me from making a total arse of myself and face-planting on the way to her car. “You poor thing, you’re so pale. Is someone at home?”

“Aiden will be home soon.” I hope.

“I’m so glad I ran into you. You’re hard to find,” she says, and I really just want to get to bed. “The girls are having a little get-together tomorrow night. Without the men, of course. You have to come. Seeing as you’re with Aiden, you have to get to know everyone,” she babbles non-bloody-stop.

I nod. I swallow the bile back. I shouldn’t have had the water.

“Sure.” I squeeze the word out.

“Honey, you
really do look sick,” she says, as if I don’t know it.

She’s strong. Crik
ey, she’s strong. Her arm tightens around me and she takes most of my weight. I lean my head on her shoulder and try to remember never to look for trouble with her.

“Here come
the guys,” she says. The sun is too bright, and I know if she lets go now I’m going to face-plant. “So, if you’re up for it, I’ll see you tomorrow night?” she asks quickly.

I nod and she starts to draw away.

“Katia,” I say to keep her close to me, but she keeps moving. I take hold of her arm to steady myself.

“
Emma?” Aiden’s voice is sharp.

I squint in his direction but the light is too bright. I
close my eyes so all the spinning will stop.

“Hey
, guys,” her voice echoes through my head.

I press my head to her shoulder to ease the throbbing. She rubs my back
, and I swallow to keep the bile down as it turns in my stomach.

“She’s not well. I found her at
the Old Well. Poor baby looks terrible.” And then I feel her stroking my hair, and my body jerks.

“I’ll take her,” I hear Aiden.

Strong hands take hold of my arms, and they pull me away from Katia, who is keeping my head from splitting open, but making me feel sicker, all at once.

“Ouch
.” The groan slips out, and I press my palm to my eyes as arms slip under my back and knees, and then the world capsizes on me.

“I have you, s
weetheart,” he whispers against my splitting head.