Walk of Shame (28 page)

I was under no disillusion that
the problem between us wasn't our problem. It was mine. I'm the one that had
the hang up with his job.

"So, if we were to end up
together," I said, "what percentage of our time do you think we could
spend away from the swamp and sanctuary?"

"You mean parked somewhere
else, doing your changing scenery thing?"

"Yeah. Is all your time tied
up? Or can I still enjoy the travel and scenery that inspires me?"

"Well, the sanctuary
business slows to a crawl during the winter because the animals are
cold-blooded and there isn't much in the way of entertainment for visitors once
the animals stop moving. The fieldwork slows way down, as well." He ran a
hand through his hair. "And I think I could probably save a lot of my
paper and computer work for the winter, too. I imagine we can do a fair amount
of travel then. And we can take an extra day or two traveling between the
sanctuary and whatever field assignment I'm working on at the time."

"So, we can work something
out."

"If we both give a bit, yes.
We can work something out."

I let that roll around in my mind
as I turned my attention to the quality of the meal he'd put on the table for
me. "This is really good."

"Mm-hmm," he said with
a smile brightening his face. "So do I get the bonus points for
cooking?"

Laughter burst from me.
"Maybe. Do you know how to cook more than one dish?"

"Absolutely."

"Then I think some extra
points can be arranged."

Our easy
banter continued throughout the meal and I found myself smiling more often than
not. Time spent with Jared was always a good thing.

"So," Mike asked on the
next morning's run, "any head's up on what the group date will be like
today?"

I smiled to myself. "You
think you have everything all figured out, don't you?"

"Not really. I didn't see
the bowl trick coming."

"I didn't know how else to
choose. Everyone here has had a one-on-one. I could have just pulled names from
the bowl on my own, off-camera, and passed the decision off as my own, but I
wanted to be upfront with everybody."

"It amazes me that you can't
decide at this point."

"It amazes me how amazing
the five of you are. I made quick work of narrowing down the field, to the
point of making it difficult for the network to put together a full season.
I've cut this whole process by three weeks. There should still be eight guys
here. And if there were, I'd have three more weeks of easy cuts to make before
being put in the position I'm in right now. And maybe by then I'd have a
clearer picture of who would get booted next."

"You could have picked the
two you like the most, to see if more time only brought out your like for them
more, or squashed it. Or, you could have picked the two you like the least to
compare them."

I stopped running. "I've
used both those strategies in the past, and they've served me well. But, see,
here's the thing; I don't know who I like more than others. Every moment I
spend with you guys, I like each of you more. I can't decide. I cannot get it
together. Quite frankly, whichever guy I spend that day with becomes my new
favorite. You guys just keep rotating around on the list. I thought Stephen was
on the bottom, I really did. But, turns out he was only on the bottom because I
hadn't been spending as much time with him as I was with the rest of you."

He gave me a hard look and
started running again.

I picked the pace back up and
caught up with him. "You don't get to be mad at me over this."

"I'm not mad," he said.

I glanced over at him a few
times, trying to judge his expression. "You're jealous."

"You're damned right I'm
jealous. I have to watch you go off with these other guys, week after week. And
I was glad I got one of the first one-on-one dates, I really was. But it's been
weeks of knowing that you wanted to rotate through the guys, and give them all
a fair shot. I understood that. But I have also noticed the fact that the guys
who get the most time with you, more often than not, are the ones you smile the
brightest for. It's why I started running with you. I wanted some of those
smiles directed at me again."

"I've spent more time with
you than with anybody else."

"I know it. I've seen to it.
I've put in a lot of effort to sneak over as many mornings as I can."

"And you don't feel like
I've put in equal effort?"

"No, that's not what I'm
saying." He stopped running and sighed. "Look, I like working out
with you. I enjoyed our little snuggle session the other day. I feel like I
screwed up that first date and I've done my best to make up for it. I just, I
had hoped that I would have gotten a chance to try a date with you again. And
you've done nothing wrong. You have a right to handle this however you have to
handle it, in order to make your choice at the end."

"So you're pissed at the
situation, again."

"Yeah. And I should thank
you for shortening this ordeal for all of us. It's just that I know you like
all five of us. And since you don't know what order to put us in, and you tend
to favor the ones you spend the most time with, and I wasn't on a
one-on-one..."

"You're worried about going
home."

"Em, as much as watching you
go off with each of them drives me nuts, the thought of you ending up with
someone else at the end is driving me insane.
I
want you. I don't say
it, but I freaking love every little bit I find out about you. I like your
attitude on life, your sarcastic sense of humor, and your dedication to a
project. I want to be with you at the end of this. I want to take you exploring
in the national parks system and I want you to park me someplace spectacular
between assignments. I want to share my life with you."

I let out the breath I'd been
holding since he'd started talking. And since I couldn't tell him that I wanted
all those same things, too, without thinking that I thought virtually the same
thing with other guys here, I gave him a flirty smile. "You know, I'm a
package deal."

He smiled. "I just might
like Goldie more than I like you."

"I find that hard to
believe. That little tramp's been sleeping in a different bed every
night."

"Well, yeah. But when she's
with you, she makes you feel like you're the only one."

I burst out
laughing. "I gotta go get showered and changed. I'll see you back at the
house."

I caught them at the tail end of
breakfast when I walked into the room where production had corralled them together.
I set the bowl back on the coffee table.

That got their attention.

"No group date this
week?" Phillip asked.

"Nope, I've done plenty of
group dates. The game has changed. I told you that. I have feelings for each of
you, real feelings. I don't need to spend group time getting to know you
anymore. I need private time, away from the others, to explore my feelings and
focus my attention on each of you, so I can make the best decision possible.
So, I'm boycotting group dates from here on out."

"Well, all right then,"
Liam said. "What's today's adventure?"

"Rose Bowl Flea Market. It's
supposed to be huge. I like to wander around flea markets and see what
treasures there are to be found. The items people are selling can spur on all
kinds of conversations. And whoever comes with me had better wear sneakers. If
it's as big as I've read about, we'll be there all day."

"Well," Jared said as
he leaned forward, "guess it's my turn to pick a name." He reached
in, read it, and turned to Mike. "You're up."

Mike stood, shaking his head at
himself. "I'm ready to go."

I said goodbye to the other guys
and walked out to the driveway with Mike.

"I just keep jumping the
gun, don't I?"

"Yeah, you do. But it's all
right. It just means that you know what you want."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. I'm the
one not telling you everything. I swear, if we do end up together, I'm not like
this in real life, playing my cards so close to the vest. But right now, I
can't tell you my thoughts and reasons behind my actions ahead of time, it
would give you an unfair advantage."

"Which I already have
because of all the extra time I'm spending with you."

"Exactly."

He opened the car door and waved
me in before running around to the other side and getting in. "Okay. I
have to learn to rein my insecurities in. This whole thing was more than I bargained
for. You're more than I bargained for."

I smiled. "All the more
reason for us to go and enjoy this date. We can't ditch the cameras, but we can
ditch the house and the guys for a couple of hours."

He chuckled. "All five of us
have decided we'd rather sleep in our rigs, in our own space, but production
won't let us. We're all ready to ditch the house. It's nice and all, but being
in such close proximity to all the other guys your girl is dating starts to
screw with your head."

"You guys were all getting
along."

"We still are, but it's
forced. You leave with someone and everyone else is quiet for the rest of the
afternoon. We used to carry on, go play basketball, hang out, but now everyone
just kind of keeps to themselves until the other guy gets back."

"So just because you're the
only one who voiced the jealousy doesn't mean you all aren't feeling it."

"Yep. As much as you're
feeling it for the five of us, it pains me to say that all five are feeling it
for you."

I looked out at the passing
scenery. "You know what I miss?"

"What's that?"

"Quiet days where all I have
to worry about is getting some writing done. I mean, I'm used to being on the
go, taking phone calls, doing activities to write about, working the tables at
a convention. But there were quiet days in between, and I'm in need of some of
those."

"I miss not being in a city.
I miss the scenery of the parks. I miss running along a trail instead of a
track."

We pulled into the parking lot of
the flea market and we left talk of the house and show behind. For hours, we
lost ourselves in browsing one stand after another, after another. And we
discovered that you could tell a lot about a person by watching which stands
they choose to stop at.

Mike seemed to have an addiction
to sunglasses, baseball caps, and pocketknives. He stopped at multiple stands
to check out the merchandise, telling me that his job necessitated all three,
even though I'd never seen him with a hat or a knife since meeting him.

He realized that I had an
addiction to sticky notes, nail polish, and stopping to appreciate someone's
creativity. He found out I'm a browser, not so much a buyer. I respected the
limited quarters of my fifth wheel and tried not to clutter it up too much
because it just made packing up to change locations that much more difficult.
But, that said, I liked to take pictures of absolutely everything that
interested me. Pictures were cheap and took up no physical space.

"Did you have plans for our
dinner?" Mike asked.

"No. My dinner plans have
been changed twice now. But if you have nothing up your sleeve, maybe we can
finally go to that Italian restaurant I've been trying to get to."

"Well, if you wouldn't mind,
I do have a little something up my sleeve."

I smiled. "I don't
mind."

"I did a little talking and
arranging when they pulled me aside for a mini-interview, while you were
looking at the paintings on the logs."

"Nice. So where are we
headed?"

"To a marina. We have to take
a boat to get there."

We rode in the car to the marina,
where Mike impressed me by taking the helm of the small boat the producers had
rented. And given the varying locations of his job, I shouldn't have been
surprised that Mike drove the boat like a pro and navigated us to an island.

"This island is privately
owned," Mike called out over the sound of the engine and wind. "The
owner rents it out to couples, families, groups, and such. Indie movies have
been shot here. A few major motion pictures have filmed scenes here.
Celebrities rent it to get away, without being too far away. The island is ours
until noon tomorrow."

I glanced back at the camera
crew. "I don't have eighteen hours," I called back over to him.

He shook his head. "I know.
But the rental only runs overnights. We don't have to stay until then."

"Got'cha."

"We just don't have to be in
a hurry to leave, is all I'm saying." He navigated to the other side of
the island and a small house came into view. "Dinner is inside, waiting
for us."

He docked the boat and we spent a
few minutes checking out our immediate surroundings.

He pointed to the beachfront
balcony porch on the house. "I say we carry our dinner up there and watch
the sunset."

I looked up to where he was
pointing. "I think you have yourself a deal. Isn't dinner going to get
cold while waiting for sunset?"

"They packaged it up to be
reheated, and a member from the production catering staff is in the kitchen
handling it."

"Nice."

"All we have to worry about
right now is enjoying the peace and quiet."

We walked up along the beach, and
then hiked inland to check out the limited vegetation and lay of the land. It
was fun, it was quiet, and while we had to deal with microphone packages being
strapped to us, the camera guys managed to stay back, since we were just
exploring, bantering, and chatting.

It was the most relaxed I'd felt since
this whole thing started. I didn't feel like I was here for some purpose. And I
think that had to do with the sheer lack of people crawling around the
property. There were seven on the island, including the two of us, and the
island was just big enough that you didn't mind their presence.

By the time dinner was reheated
and we went up to the balcony, I was in a much calmer frame of mind. "This
was a truly excellent idea, thank you."

"Believe me, it's been my
pleasure. And, since you've been trying to get to that restaurant for the past
two nights, I had the restaurant make us up small servings of five of their
most popular entrees. So we have a little buffet going on here."

"Awesome."

We dug in and filled our plates.
Reheated or no, the food was delicious, and the view of the sunset was
spectacular.

"So, kids," Mike
started.

My head turned towards him.
"Kids? Sure, let's have some."

He smiled. "We can get a
huge tent, set up a table or two inside, run an extension cord, and make that a
portable office, once we need to have two bedrooms."

"Awesome! And they make
portable climate control systems for tents, so summer and winter won't make you
want to die."

"Exactly. And when I'm at a
point in the project that I don't have to have an office area, we'll fold up
the tables and let the kids use it as a playroom on rainy days."

I smiled. "How many?"

"Two. I liked having a lot
of siblings while growing up, but more than two just becomes impractical with
our lifestyle. I don't want anyone to slip past us and then we spend hours
trying to track them down in a park."

"And we need to have more
than one so they can have a buddy to adventure with."

"Yeah. Having only one when
we won't be stationary long enough to make and keep friends is just
cruel."

"Are there others you
regularly work with that bring their kids to the parks with them?"