Walking the Tree (24 page)

  Morace sat close to her, shivering. She said, "Are you cold? Frightened?"

  He shook his head. "I can't stop it. My body shakes without any reason."

  She put her arm around him tightly. "Don't let them know. Don't show them." He rarely showed signs of weakness and they both knew that once a community noticed anything wrong, they would act quickly.

  The young women were attractive here, though not as connected to thought as others had been. Melia said to the other teachers, "Do you think there is someone here for Dickson? He doesn't like them too smart. Should we tell them he is making a necklace and see if they go running to find him?"

  Thea pushed Melia roughly. "You shouldn't talk about Dickson like that."

  Melia snorted. "Just because he is your brother you can't always support him. I would not expect any woman with brains to spend more than a night with him."

 

Lillah washed her face with red salt before joining Ebena. He had Magnolia's laugh. It was lower, deeper, but he laughed in the same way, head thrown back, tears in his eyes. He laughed at the same things. He and Lillah spent many hours on the beach, talking about Magnolia and the baby. About Logan.

  "You'd like him. I wish you could meet. You'd get on very well."

  "If he's like you I would. Though I wouldn't want to do this to him." He leaned over and kissed her. His lips were firm on hers, and she lifted her hand to grasp his hair.

  "Ow."

  "Sorry."

  "Gentle with me." They kissed again, and the

thought crossed her mind that he was so like Magnolia he could be her twin, and that this was not a bad thing.

  It surprised her, to realise how much she admired Magnolia.

  She liked being in this place, and she knew that if it wasn't for Morace, she would perhaps choose to stay. She wondered what it would be like in the wet; places changed a lot with the seasons, she imagined. The kiss made her sleepy, made her eyes sink closed.

  "Show me where you sleep," she whispered.

  They walked silently, words done now. He took her to one of the flatwood homes. Inside smelt bland, old.

  "You live here alone?"

  "Some of the other young men are here, too. They are out fishing. They want to impress you teachers."

  "We are already impressed."

  She stretched up to kiss him again. His arms around her tightly, she bent backwards under the pressure of his kiss returned.

  He led her to a bed upstairs but tripped along the way, dragging her down. They collapsed, laughing, and crawled to the room.

  The lovemaking was fun. It was not the most passionate, but it was joyful and satisfying. Afterwards they found more words and they talked, fingers interlaced.

  Later, Lillah heard her name being called by the children. "Come see, Lillah! Lillah! There are dolphins in the water!"

  Lillah and Ebena dressed. She liked that he wasn't annoyed by the children. In fact, he was very good with them. He played games with them, throwing a coconut from child to child, trying to get it into a hole dug in the sand. One small child with skinny legs, knees that didn't work, watched from the side until Ebena carried him on his shoulders.

  "Why is he so weak? He seems a nice child," Melia asked.

  "His mother died when he was born. He received no milk," Ebena said.

  "Poor little thing." In most Orders, a child was treated differently if his mother died. Some said only boy children lost their mothers, but Lillah had never quite believed that.

 

A messenger arrived, with news from Ombu. The children were healthy, and a new teacher had stopped in the Order. Agara, now of Cedrelas, had another baby. Also, Morace's mother had caught child, despite her great age.

  Morace looked shocked, but Lillah knew that this was a code from Rhizo, to say that she was ailing. She was telling the Order she had caught child and too old to do so, hoping they would avoid her for fear of causing the baby's death.

  "That's exciting news," Melia said. "A brother or a sister for you at last." She smiled at Lillah, one of her unpleasant, knowing smiles. Morace smiled back, but Lillah could see his gums in it; a forced, frightened smile. She whispered to him, "It will be okay. Don't worry. Your mother has it all planned."

  "But she's sick, Lillah. She may die soon."

  "You will have to be prepared for that. You have known since we began that she will die, Morace. That can't be changed no matter what we do."

  "What about if I talk to the ghosts? Perhaps they will save her. Perhaps they have a body she can use. Perhaps they can cure what's wrong with her."

  Lillah looked at him, horrified. "Don't you talk that way! Don't think about the ghosts like that. They will do nothing for you but damage you and steal from you. They will force you into such pain you will never think again. Don't you understand this? Morace, they will not save your mother."

  He nodded, but she knew he wasn't listening. "You keep away from the ghost caves." He nodded again, and he walked away.

  Melia, who had been watching from afar, said, "Everything all right? He doesn't seem happy to have a brother or a sister."

  "He likes to be the only child."

  "And perhaps he is worried that his mother will eat the baby."

  "Melia!" Lillah laughed. "You are a cruel woman." Lillah had barely seen Melia, who had not joined the feast or other Order events. "Are you okay?"

  "The giant birds are our friends," Melia said. Lillah saw her fingers were stained with green. She had been tasting some of the herbs the women of Parana had given her.

  "You shouldn't take so much of that herb. It stops you thinking properly."

  "You don't seem to remember I learned my uncle killed himself. I don't want to remember either. I'm trying to forget."

  Ebena laughed. "Lots of people go crazy when they first find the herb. She'll be okay."

  He's thoughtful, Lillah thought. Beautiful. Funny. Could I be happy here?

  "Are you thinking of staying, Lillah? I think it would be good." Ebena seemed able to read her thoughts.

  "I need to think."

  Lillah went to sit against the Tree, hard sharp bark against her back. The thought of stopping appealed in many ways, but she was still learning. There was much to observe, to know. And there was Morace. She had promised to care for him, though it was an unfair promise Rhizo had extracted.

  Melia, her eyes clearer now, joined her.

  "Are you thinking of staying?"

  Lillah nodded. "There is no 'knowing', though. No certainty. Do we really find that? That absolute certainty?"

  Melia shrugged. "Most settled teachers say yes. That there is a place exactly right, and that you'll know it when you see it."

  "Then this isn't it. But I do like it here."

  "Thea does, too. I don't think they want her, though."

  "Too smart for the other women here."

  Melia gave Lillah one of her looks. "Yes, it could be."

 

The days passed so easily Lillah felt she was in a dream. Then Ebena asked her if she would like to look at the numbers. The books.

  "What is listed there?"

  "Everything. How many people are in each community. Who passes through here."

  "Passes through? Would there be names? Descriptions?"

  "There is usually a record of where the person came from. The number taker likes things to be even."

  "I would like to see them. I wonder if there will be a line for my mother. I think she passed through here."

  It was there. "Olea, late of Ombu."

  "It doesn't say where she was going."

  Ebena looked at her strangely. "Where would she be going but around?"

  "I don't know. I just don't know when she will stop."

  "You don't need to know, Lillah. You should stay here. Some day a messenger will bring you her story and you will feel satisfied."

  Lillah knew this was not enough. She needed knowledge. She needed it as most people needed air and food. She had to know.

 

Lillah told Ebena she could not stay. "I feel there is something important for me ahead. Something I must do."

  He kissed her. Tears. She thought, Oh, have I missed it? Is this it, and I missed it because I think too hard?

  "I'm glad my sister is with your brother," he said quietly.

  Morace came up to them, tugged at her skirt. "Come on, Lillah, time to go."

  "Stay with me and make babies," Ebena whispered.

  Lillah pulled back. "I don't know if I want babies," she said.

  As they left, Magnolia's mother warned them of what lay ahead. What sort of men lived in Douglas.

  "If you conserve your energy, walk at shadow night, you could miss them altogether. Walk through and camp in the roots a half day's walk past. Then you won't need to meet those men and their sisters, because there is nothing to be gained there. Nothing for the children to learn. All they know is the weather, and we know that ourselves. They know the weather and the animals and the insects, they can predict the rain and know shadow night as no other. But it isn't worth it."

  "Knowledge is always worth sacrifice," Melia said.

  "There are things you can do to ward off the ghosts you will encounter on the walk to Douglas. You sing as loudly as you can, without tune. Walk loudly to scare away the ghosts. Chew nuts to keep a crunching noise in your ears. If you can't hear the ghosts, they will not be able to enter your head."

  Morace was reluctant to leave. Zygo had been bored here but Morace liked it, and sulked most of the walking to the next Order.

  Lillah told him, "Zygo, we will need you on our side in this next place. You know what we've been told about the men. We will need to be together and figure it out together."

 

  In her mapping, Lillah told the Tree:
Magnolia's
home will she return numbers here everything counted
the Number Taker comes and goes and leaves a counted
home behind.

  
Here, the Tree grows nuts for the brain. The leaves are
small and the Bark hard.

 

 

 

Lillah caught up with Thea, who was stamping on ahead.

  "You always said you'd stay there," Lillah said. "Ever since we were children and we came through. I remember when Magnolia stopped at Ombu and you told her you would take her place in Torreyas."

  "It wasn't for me. The place was too big. I didn't remember it being so big."

  Phyto waited in the roots of the Tree and ran down to join them.

  "Was that a good Order? Did they like you?"

  The children chattered at once to tell him their stories. In between, the teachers spoke of the warning they'd received about Douglas and the way there.

  Melia said, "They told us there is a whole section up ahead where no Order sits. It is always dark and there is a smell of mould about it. People say if you spend the night there, you will wake up without a soul. Some people say this happened to the men of Douglas. They slept the night as a rite of passage and lost their souls."

  Melia loved to tell ghost stories.

  Erica said, "Don't you think the children are frightened enough?"

  "Fear is not a bad thing. It makes us cautious and thoughtful. Part of our journey is to stop in every place. We can't let the voices of others stop us."

  The children were quiet. Some of them shivered and they pulled extra layers of clothes on to cover themselves. It was raining, and would likely continue to rain. Cold. Phyto tried to cheer them with stories to make them laugh.

  As they walked along, it felt like moonlight although the morning was fresh.

  Melia spoke in a loud voice. She had swallowed some of the herb. Lillah tried to quieten her but she would not be shushed. "All time departs in this time of the world. The sand seems smooth, but they say that footprints will appear out of nowhere. Whatever you do, don't stand in these footprints. They belong to the long dead, chained to earth for their sins. If you let one small part of your body touch where their foot has trod, you will have to take their place."

  Morace sat on the sand drawing patterns with the edge of his smoothstone, tired and not willing to go on. He looked back the way they had come. "Look!" he said. "Someone's coming!"

  Lillah and Melia squinted to see. "Probably an old woman on the walk back home. If she catches up to us we'll give her some food and ask her for her stories. It's probably a walking woman."

  The teachers knew about these women: Lillah's mother was one. They passed through Ombu on occasion. These women cared for their children and their adopted Order, using every last square of energy while they were needed, then slumping, hollowed out, when the need was over. Homesickness would come to them, the desire to return to their place of origin. They were the ones who travelled, either with the school, helping with food and bedtime, keeping busy, or alone, stumbling away quickly, without looking back. Often they would go after the husband's death: men died more easily than women, sooner, and with greater acceptance. Women were made strong by the long school walk, the job of schoolteacher, the choosing of a mate. Women seemed to digest the hard work. Many were left widows. If there were no grandchildren the decision was easy.

  "Do you think it's your mother, Melia?"

  "It could be."

  The market they passed was decrepit. Closed. Some mouldy woven baskets sat in a clump, some with the remnants of fish and some with crafted small things.

  "This market doesn't seem to be running. Someone should do something about it," Morace said.