Want Me (16 page)

Nate had paced and dialed her cell until her voice mail had no more room. Now, as he sat in the cold, gripping his cell phone so tightly he bruised his hand, he was bargaining. If she came home, he’d never say a word to her about how she’d turned him into a trading card.

He would have preferred that the story hadn’t already gone viral on the internet. Evidently, the Winslow family was big news everywhere. One of them was running for senator. Danny had shown Nate the story on Yahoo. A quick Google search had links to everything from the Winslow wiki to the history of trading cards, male prostitution, which had been a body blow, and the entire interview on YouTube.

But he didn’t care. He wouldn’t say a word because he knew she hadn’t meant to hurt any of them. He’d only really gotten to know her in the past couple of weeks, but he was absolutely certain that this trading card thing was her attempt to help her friends find love. That’s all. Because that’s what Shannon did. She helped people—strangers, friends, family, community. The gorgeous redhead didn’t have a malicious bone in her body, and God only knew how she was dealing with this avalanche of lies and blame.

He’d give up pretty much everything so that she wouldn’t have to go through this pain, and that was a body shock of a different kind.

He hadn’t realized until this morning, until he was alone waiting on the steps, that things had gone way beyond friends who have sex. He’d been convinced for years now that he wouldn’t have to worry about the consequences of love. Wrong. So wrong. And with, of all people, the Princess.

He thought about going inside. He wouldn’t go to bed, that was out of the question, but he could use something hot to drink. It was after 3:00 a.m., and his panic had been cycling for so long it felt as if he’d never relax again.

Then he heard footsteps. The click of heels on the sidewalk. He didn’t move, didn’t dare breathe in case he jinxed it or scared her off. If it was her.

It had to be her.

More steps, steps slowing down. It was Shannon. The relief hit him so hard he nearly passed out. Then he saw her face as she looked up at her home. His chest seized at the sorrow. At her hopelessness. Her pain and her guilt were written in her skin. Her eyes… Jesus. This was a woman gutted.

She shook her head, pressed the heels of her palms against her eyes, then turned away, took a step to leave again.

Nate was on his feet in a second. “Don’t.”

Shannon gasped as her hand went to her chest.

“Don’t you walk away,” he said, running down the few stairs until he could grip her by the shoulders, hold her in place. He didn’t even care that his cell phone was still in his hand, he was not letting go. “Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been? How worried we’ve all been? Your mother’s beside herself. You didn’t answer your phone. It’s goddamn three in the morning, and anything could have happened to you. Anything.”

She opened her mouth, but all that came out was a squeak.

“You can’t do that to me again, you hear me?”

“Why?” she said finally, her voice high and lost. “How can you even look at me? I’ve done everything wrong. I made a laughingstock of you. Of the plant. I’ve ruined
everything.
”

“You’re remarkable, but not even you could ruin everything.”

Shannon pushed at him weakly. “There’s nothing funny about this. I’m a disgrace and Fitzgerald and Sons is going to pay for it. That terrible anchorman used your picture, and I lied to you about that. I didn’t put your picture in the Gramercy newsletter, I used it to get you dates, and then I stole the card so no one could date you but me, but I never asked you, and that was horrible. You have every reason to hate me for it. And now I’ve dragged Rebecca into the mud, and she didn’t do anything wrong. All my friends, they were just playing along with me, but the trading cards were my idea. My fault. And I made sure everyone kept it a secret. I had to have known it was wrong or I wouldn’t have cared that it was a secret.” She took in a deep breath, and when she let it out her whole body sagged.

He pulled her close, right up against his chest.

“I’m so sorry,” she said, and he felt her body tremble, her shoulders shake with her weeping. “I’m so sorry.”

Nate closed his eyes and rocked her, using his free hand to gently stroke her hair, giving her as much comfort as he could. But all he kept thinking was how grateful he was that she was alive. That she was here. That he could hold her.

That he loved her.

16

“Y
OU
READY
?”
HE
ASKED
,
as he lifted her chin.

Shannon shook her head. “As soon as they realize I’m not dead, they’ll remember what I’ve done.”

“You haven’t done anything. Your family needs to know you’re all right. I can’t imagine even one of them is sleeping.”

“No.”

“Yeah, and trust me. Every moment is torture, so buck up.”

She couldn’t believe she’d have to face them when she was this tired and fragile. But since her feet had brought her home without her permission, she supposed it was inevitable. People didn’t actually die from shame. They just wished they had. “All right. Let’s go.”

He had his arm around her shoulders, and she slipped hers around his waist. Nate’s effort got them up the stairs. He put his hand on the doorknob, but kissed her temple before he used it. “It’ll be okay,” he said, as he took her inside.

There were lights on in the living room and the kitchen, and the moment the front door closed, Shannon heard her mother cry out. Then it was bedlam.

Her mother and father, hurrying from the kitchen, her mom holding an empty cup. Brady, Danny, Myles, Alice and Tim all came thundering from the living room and upstairs. Finally Paula, whom Shannon had met only twice, came stumbling down, tying her robe around her middle.

“Where have you been?” her mother asked. “We’ve been frantic. God in heaven.” She pulled Shannon away from Nate and into her arms. “Never do that again, young lady. You aged us ten years with that disappearing act. Never again.”

When Shannon was released, it was for only a second, and then her father took her up in a bear hug. He’d never been the type for hugs, and it was weird to feel him shaking, to feel the strength of his emotion. “Jesus Christ,” he said. “You scared the life out of us.”

The brothers just stared at her, for which she was more than grateful. When her father let go, she stepped back until she felt Nate at her side. “I’m sorry I made you all worry,” she said. “And I’m sorry for the incredible mess I’ve gotten us all into. I never meant any harm. I don’t know why they thought I was taking money or doing anything unsavory with the cards, but that’s not the point. The fact is, I did use the printing plant for my own reasons. To make trading cards for my friends at the lunch exchange. I never did ask any of the men for their permission. That was wrong, and I’ll apologize to each and every one.

“Mostly, I’m sorry for the damage I’ve done to Fitzgerald and Sons. I’ve humiliated us all. I don’t know what’s going to happen. People are bound to believe what they’ve heard on the news, even if it is just WNYC. I’ve tried so hard to keep our good name in front of the public, and now we’re a joke, an embarrassment, and that’s all my fault.”

“It’s…a little more than WNYC,” Danny said.

“What? What’s happened now?”

“I’m sorry, Prin—Shannon,” Danny corrected himself and smiled, and that alone almost made her start crying again. “But the internet got wind. Because of Rebecca Thorpe. The story’s out there.”

Nate’s arm went around Shannon’s shoulders again, and he gave her a squeeze. “There are things we can do after we’ve all had some sleep. A retraction, for one thing. That son of a bitch Grant Yost is looking at a hell of a slander suit, and that’s just from my attorney. I can’t imagine what Rebecca Thorpe’s going to do to him.”

“But I didn’t get permission.”

“If you think that there’s a single straight man out there who wouldn’t agree to being on one of your trading cards, then you need to get out more.”

Shannon blinked up at him. “But—”

“Am I on a card?” Danny asked.

“No,” she said, not understanding his tone. He should have been outraged at the thought.

“Why not? What, I’m not good enough for your lunch exchange?”

She stared at her brother, wondering if she were hallucinating. “You’d want me to put you on a card?”

“Hell, yeah. Especially one of those one-night-stand numbers. Wouldn’t that make life easier. Everything right out in the open.”

“I’d get in on that action,” Tim said. “You know all these women, right? There are no scary ones? I met this woman through an online dating service, and she turned out to be a stalker. She wanted to get married on our second date.”

“That doesn’t make her a stalker,” Myles said.

Danny poked Tim with his elbow. “That makes her crazy. Wanting an ugly idiot like you.”

“Hey, you’re one to talk.”

“Hold it,” Nate said, his voice carrying over the room. “It’s late. Tomorrow we can talk about everything. Sleep is the next order of business.”

Shannon’s mom turned to face her boys. “You all go on. Get to your rooms. Myles and Alice, don’t worry about Nate. He’s going to be bunking elsewhere.”

“Where’s that?” Nate asked, taking a step away from Shannon.

Her mother looked Nate in the eyes. “Your choice. The couch in the living room is comfortable. But you might as well go on and be with Shannon. Mr. Fitz and I appreciate your consideration, but given the circumstances, we’re prepared to keep on pretending we don’t know a thing.”

* * *

N
ATE
GRABBED
HIS
STUFF
from Myles’s room, then hurried to Shannon’s. He thought about getting his bathroom business out of the way, but he didn’t want to leave her on her own until she was safely in bed.

Good thing he came back because while she’d managed to get her shoes off, she was having trouble with her blouse. Her exhaustion ran so deep she could barely control her fingers enough to undo the top button.

Nate stepped in to help. Her hands dropped to her sides the second he touched her. Her eyes kept closing and opening until the blouse was undone and pulled out of her skirt. It was like undressing a wobbly mannequin. He’d raise her arm, and it would sink back down before the sleeve was off. He ached with how woozy and pale she was. Eventually he removed her blouse and quickly slipped off her bra. Taking off her panties was faster, and he felt as if he’d won something when she was finally naked.

God. She fell against him, and he held her, knowing he should help her lie down. He ran his hand down her back instead, so incredibly grateful she was in his arms, that she hadn’t been lost to him forever.

It was easiest to lift her, bridal style, and put her down on the bed. He hadn’t taken down the covers, but he managed to tuck her safely inside after a bit of maneuvering.

He watched her the whole time he undressed. She was out, completely still, even her breathing hidden below the comforter. But a single strand of her hair had broken free from the rest, and with every exhale, it quivered, making it hard to look anywhere else. It was proof enough until he could feel her again.

He didn’t bother with shorts or pajama bottoms. He wanted to feel every part of her he could. When he climbed in to join her, he turned off the light, then pulled her close. Her head rested on his chest, her hand on his stomach. He wanted to kiss her, but she needed to sleep. So did he.

Just before he nodded off, she snuggled closer, one of her legs curling over his. He breathed easy for the first time since the ten o’clock news.

* * *

W
HEN
S
HANNON
OPENED
HER
eyes, the room was so full of light she had to squint. She was plastered against Nate, which was wonderful until the next second when she remembered what had happened at the TV studio. Her whole body seized in a clench and she closed her eyes so tightly she saw stars, but it didn’t help. There was no magic that could change the past. She couldn’t even hide in bed. The world had kept turning. They’d all been up so late. Had Brady opened up the plant? The company still had orders to fill. The employees still had jobs. All of them, including Daphne.

Shannon couldn’t think about her, not yet. Nate was asleep. She moved carefully, trying not to wake him as she got out of bed. She didn’t remember getting undressed. She donned her robe, her glance catching the clock. It was past noon. God, what havoc was waiting for her downstairs? In the real world.

She hurried in the bathroom so she could get back to Nate. She remembered him surprising her in front of the house, remembered his words and hoped like she’d never hoped that he meant them.

She brushed a lock of hair from his forehead, her heart aching for what she’d done, how she’d messed up so thoroughly. No one was that forgiving, not in the light of day. He’d been all over the news, and if last night hadn’t been a horrible nightmare, his picture was now on the internet, as well. She doubted his bosses would be very thrilled about his notoriety.

She turned to get dressed but gasped as her wrist was caught by a strong hand.

“Where are you going?” he asked, his voice filled with sleep.

“To put on clothes. The second-worst day of my life begins.”

He shook his head. “No. You’re coming back to bed.”

“I already thought of that, but I can’t stay there forever. I’ll have to face the music eventually.”

“The music will wait for an hour.” He let her go in order to sit up, but his gaze kept her right where she stood. “Please. I’m going down the hall for two minutes. Please be back in bed when I return.”

“Nate—”

“For me.”

She couldn’t say no. In truth, she didn’t want to. “Hurry,” she said.

He was up more quickly than she’d have thought possible, his robe thrown on, and he was out the door. She was left in her too-bright room, the room of her childhood. The safest place on earth for most of her life. There would be no more procrastinating. She would find a place to move and leave this house. No matter what happened out there, whatever price she had to pay, she needed to step away from this cocoon. Maybe she’d have thought twice about her actions if she hadn’t felt so protected all the time.

For now, though, she’d take the comfort. She let her robe drop where she was and crawled back under the sheets. She pulled her pillow close and breathed in the scent of Nate, so masculine and so him. She knew why his specific odor made her clench and shudder. She’d bonded with him. His scent would continue to please her for as long as they were together. Which wouldn’t be long at all.

She inhaled again, not foolish enough to waste the good things she had. Not naive enough to believe she would get over him, not now. He would be the one man, the lost love. She would miss him forever, and even if eventually she did find someone else, Nate would remain the true love of her life.

She didn’t mind. He was worth it.

It dawned on her that she was assuming that he’d wanted her to stay in bed to comfort her. It was equally likely he wanted the time to ask her what she’d been thinking. Why she’d lied. Why she’d ever thought it was all right to pass him around like a toy.

The door opened, and she tried to see it in his face, what he thought, what he wanted. His reason.

He dropped his robe, climbed in next to her and wrapped himself around her, kissing her as if it were the most important thing he’d ever do.

Thank God.

He tasted too much like mint, but that was okay. The bad things were coming, they were, but not while Nate kissed her. While he ran his hand down her back and up her arm, when he moved his thigh between her legs just hard enough to make her gasp. He kept surprising her. He should be angry. Maybe he was angry, but it didn’t feel like that. His touch was too tender and his body too warm.

She didn’t exactly trust her judgment, however, and this was important. “I know I told you this last night,” she said, her lips an inch from his. She wasn’t allowed to touch them again until she found out the score. Until she told him again. “But I need to say it one more time. A hundred times. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I used you, that my actions caused you to be embarrassed.”

“Who says I’m embarrassed?”

“You’re on a trading card. A trading card that trades men.”

“I’ve always wanted to be on a trading card. I think I looked pretty good. Besides, you stole my card. I’m not sure, but I’m guessing you broke all kinds of trading card rules by your thievery. You need to apologize to the other ladies.”

She laughed. She could hardly believe it was possible to laugh, or to feel this way about anyone. Ever. She’d had no idea what love was like, and now she did. Nothing else like it in the world. It felt as if…but no, her actual beating heart was changed because she loved Nate Brenner. To love him with all her heart was a reality, not a poem. She wanted to tell him, she did, but because she loved him in such a real way, she wouldn’t. He was leaving. He had another life, a world away. It wouldn’t be fair, and he’d feel badly about it, and she would never want that for the man she loved.

“I’m glad you’re not angry,” she said.

He kissed her, a small kiss, just lips on lips, then pulled back far enough so that she could see his expression. “It would have been better to have asked because there might be men on the cards who would mind. I can’t imagine it, but it’s possible. But I’m not angry. I know you would never do anything to purposefully hurt anyone, especially not someone you care about. I know that you wanted your friends to be happy. To have fairy-tale lives and bigger-than-life love stories. How could I be angry about that?”