Wanted (2 page)

Megan
has never really cared for James.  She sees his selfish side and keeps
telling me I’m missing out, that I deserve more and that I’m settling.  I
know she’s right.

“I
do.  It’s just that I’ve been with him for 6 years Megan.  He didn’t
cheat or do anything wrong.  He’s a good guy.  I’m just afraid of
losing him completely.  I still want him in my life. I just don’t think
he’s the one.  I also don’t want to miss out on normal stuff that
twenty-one year olds do.  I want to go dancing with you and go to those
college parties and have stupid fun. I’ve already missed out on so much, ya
know?”

“Well,
I’m glad you’re thinking about this now before another six years go by. 
Your young and you have a lot of time to find the one. For now, it’s all about
fun and experiencing what you’ve missed out on for the last 6 years!  So
listen.  I got you a birthday present.” She slides a card over to
me. 

“What
is it?”

“Open
it.”

I
open the card and of course it has a picture of a naked man on it. 
Candles where they shouldn’t be and it says to make a wish and blow.  I
chuckle at her, shaking my head.  A printed reservation for a cabin in
Telluride during Christmas break is inside. “What does this mean?”

“I
booked a cabin for a girl’s getaway.  You deserve to have some girl time. 
Everything is paid for.”

“I
don’t know what to say.”

“I
invited Kate and Lisa too.  I figured the more the merrier.  We have
the cabin from December 21
^st
through the 26
^th
.”

“Oh.
I can’t miss Christmas with my Mom this year.”

“She
thought you’d say that. I talked to her about this the other day.  She was
afraid if her test came back bad, you wouldn’t want to go at all but she knows
you need this. She mentioned Christmas too.  You can come and leave early
to be home for Christmas if you want.  You’d still have a few days of
crazy girl time in the mountains!  Hitting the slopes during the
day.  The night life at night!  What do you say?”

“I
say, this is exactly what I need!”  I say, staring at the naked man on the
card, imagining blowing those candles out. His strong hand gripping my
ponytail.

***

“So,
if I just make one more sale this month, I will be the top seller.  I
don’t think I’ll have a problem.  This guy has been in three times this
week eyeing the new Mustang.  I’m sure I’ll be able to snag that sale
without a problem…..”

I
must totally zone out.

“Vanessa?”

“Sorry.”

“Anyway.” 
He says sounding annoyed with my lack of enthusiasm for his sales career. 
“How did you like dinner?”  James asks as he swirls his wine in his
glass.  I’ve been here for over an hour and James hasn’t even asked about
my Mom.

“It
was good.”  He made it sound like he was cooking me dinner. I should have
known better. He ordered in Chinese.  It’s fine. Just fine.

“So
I have a present for you.”

He
hands me a small box wrapped in shimmery silver paper and a white bow. 
It’s a jewelry box.  I start to hyperventilate.  I slowly open it as
if a jack-in-the-box is going to jump out at me.  I pull the lid off and
cautiously look inside.  It’s a bracelet.  Thank God!  It’s
cute.  It looks like one of those Tiffany toggle bracelets with the
pendant hanging from it with the tiffany logo etched on it, but it’s not. 
I just have never been a jewelry person.  I don’t wear earrings or
bracelets or necklaces.  I don’t paint my nails.  I don’t die my
hair.  It’s just not me.  “It’s beautiful James.”

“Here,
let me put it on you.”  He clasps it to my wrist and then bends over to
kiss me.  I feel nothing.  No sparks, no tingle.  He puts his
wine down and lowers me to the floor and continues to kiss me.  I kiss him
back trying to find it.  It just doesn’t happen.  Within minutes, he
has our clothes off and he is on top of me, pushing himself in and out. 
Panting heavily.  He doesn’t look at me.  He looks at the wall behind
my head.  His arms are holding himself above me and our skin doesn’t even
touch, except where were connected at the hips. I moan because I know that
makes him finish faster.  He grunts, pulls out and flips to his back
breathing heavily.  Then he disappears into the bathroom while I pull my
clothes back on.   This is our typical sex life.  I always
thought it was…fine.  Then, I started to read romance novels and listen to
other girls talk.  Something’s missing.

“So
what are your plans tomorrow?”  He asks as he comes back into the room.

“I
actually have to pack for my trip to Telluride.  I leave Tuesday,
remember? I just told you before dinner.” I swear, sometimes he doesn’t hear a
word I say.

“How
long will you be gone?”

“Just
a few days.  I want to make it back in time to spend Christmas Day with
the family.  The girls are staying longer.”

“Are
you driving by yourself?”

“Well,
since Megan, Lisa and Kate are staying, I kind of have to.  It’ll be
fine.  I like driving alone.”

“Well,
just be careful, you might not even have cell service in some of the spots
you’ll be driving through.”

“I’m
not worried.  I’ll be fine.”  I blow out a long frustrated
breath.  “You know James, I’ve been thinking.  I’ve been thinking
about applying to college and I’m not sure yet where I want to attend but…”

“Hey
now.”  James interrupts, shushing me with his finger over my lips. “None
of this.  I can do long distance, babe.  Don’t worry.  We’ll
figure it out.  I’m not tied down here anyway.  I can sell cars
anywhere.  I’ll just follow you.  Wherever you go babe.”

Whoa! 
That is not going to happen.  Great.  How do I say this?

“James,
it’s not you.  It’s me.  I think we should see other people.  I
think we’d be better off as friends.”

“Are
you kidding Vanessa?  Are you really fucking breaking up with me?  I
just rocked your world.  What the hell is going on?”

Rocked
my world?  Is he kidding me?

“I’m
sorry.  I just…..I just need some space.  We’ve been together for six
years and I might be going off to college and I just don’t think I want to be
tied down right now.” Well, I do….I really do want to be tied down….just not
like that.

“Is
it about this girls’ trip?  Do you want to pick up some guy or
something?  Are you cheating on me?!”

“No! 
I would never do that! It’s not like that James.  I have no intention of
hooking up with anyone.  I just need to be able to hang out with my
friends and do things that a normal twenty-one year old does before I get so
serious, ya know?”

“I
can’t believe you’re doing this to me.  We’ve been together since we were
fifteen!  We’ve been each other’s first for everything!  You’re the
only one for me Vanessa.  I thought we were going to get married and have
kids together! I stuck around when your Mom was sick and you had no one.”

“I
know you did and I love you for that!  I don’t want to hurt you but I’m
only 21!  The last couple of years have been really hard. I had to watch
my Mom become this frail person that couldn’t take care of our family
anymore.  I had to grow up fast so I could be everything to
everyone.  I need to think about myself and what I need for a change!” I
need a fucking orgasm!

“You’ll
change your mind and just so know, it might be too late.  I won’t take you
back used!”

After
six years, I should be fighting back the tears from this dramatic break up but
I just want him to finish up his rant so I can leave and pack for my
trip.  I do love James.  I’m just not in love with James.  Yes,
he was my first kiss, my first base, second base, third base and he even did
score a homerun after homecoming my senior year of high school.  Since
then, we’ve had lots of sex.  It’s fine.  Whatever.  James is
hot but he’s also selfish.  Being a car salesman, he can be very charming
but I don’t think he’s my type.  I don’t really know what my type is but I
want to get those butterflies other girls talk about.  I have never rolled
my eyes into the back of my head or curled my toes while having sex with
James.  He isn’t into foreplay at all.  He sticks his finger in to
make sure I’m ready like a guy checking his oil with a dipstick and then he
lays on top of me pushing in and out and in and out for about 3 minutes and
then he asks me if ” I went”.  Maybe it’s just me; I just can’t seem to
orgasm within 3 minutes in the missionary position with no foreplay.  I’m
not asking for a lot.  Id’ love to be just bent over and taken from behind
or tied up to the bedpost and manhandled.  I’m embarrassed just having
these thoughts.  I’m such a slut.

I
snap out of my thoughts and realize James is staring at me.  I’m probably
blushing and he’s trying to figure out what the hell I was just thinking about.

“I’m
sorry James.  I really hope we can still be friends.”   I say
sincerely.

He
rolls his eyes at me.  “Whatever.  You’ll regret this.  You have
no idea how guys are, Vanessa.  They are just going to use you and throw
you out like garbage.  Is that what you want?  I treated you like a
princess. I planned to marry you and start a family with you.  We were
good together. I hope you find what you’re looking for but don’t come crawling
back to me when you realize you’ve made a mistake.  A big mistake!” 
He yells and walks out of the room, slamming his bedroom door behind him. I
take that as my queue to leave.

It
takes me about 43 seconds to think about what I’ve just done and then I jump up
from the floor and head home to pack.

“Did
you pack enough warm clothes? It’s going to be cold in the mountains.  Oh,
and did you remember to get your oil changed?”

“Yes! 
Yes Mom!  I’ll be fine, I swear.  I have my phone, I have an
emergency medical kit in my car, and I have flares!  I put a baseball bat
under my seat.  I know how to change a flat tire.  My gas tank is
full.  I have the number to roadside assistance……anything else?”

“I
just want you to drive safely and keep in touch.  Check in every once in a
while.  Don’t drive when you’re tired.  I gave you extra money if you
need to get a hotel room on the way to rest.  Don’t stay anywhere
sleazy!...”

“Mom! 
Seriously.  I’m 21 years old now.  Please trust me.  I’ll be
fine.”

“I
know.”  She pats my cheek. “I love you.  Don’t forget to call me when
you get there, and Vanessa, for heaven’s sake, please don’t drink yourself
silly!”

“Yes
Mother!”

“Bye
Mason.”  I pout as I give my little brother a bear hug.  We don’t
fight like normal brothers and sisters do, even with the 10 years between
us.  When my Mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer two years ago, I had
just turned 19.  I lost my friends because I stopped being a normal
nineteen year old girl.  I was my Mother’s caretaker, the housekeeper, the
cook, and the chauffer.  During her chemo treatments, she would get so
sick, I had to be a Mom to Mason too.  I needed to help him with his
homework, assign his chores and drive him to football practice.  He
started to get into trouble at school so I had to meet with teachers and try to
keep him under control.  My father was an ER surgeon.  He lived at
the hospital.  He tried but he just couldn’t be here all the time. 
He carried a lot of guilt about it, so our family struggled through some pretty
hard times.  My father left the hospital and started his own family
practice so he is home a lot more now.  Our family is closer than we’ve
ever been before.  Mason and I have an understanding now.  We will
always have each other’s backs.

 “You’ll
be here for Christmas, right Vanessa?”  Mason asks, concern written all
over his face.

“Wouldn’t
miss it for the world, buddy, and don’t you dare peek at your present!”  I
rub the top of his head making his hair all messy.  He immediately smooths
it down.  He’s turning eleven soon and his hair has become important to
him all of a sudden.  I kiss his cheek and then hug my Mom one more
time.  My Dad gathers us both in his arms and places a kiss on the top of
my head.

“Be
careful kiddo.”  My Dad is a man of few words but I know he loves us
fiercely.

I
wave one more time before I get into my little red VW bug.  I love my car.
 I bought it from a little old lady that barely ever drove it. It’s almost
8 years old but it had just under 40,000 miles on it and she sold it to me for
only $2,500.  It still has the little vase with a red plastic flower in
it. 

I
pull away from my house, waving at my Mom, Dad and Mason as they’re standing on
the porch blowing kisses at me.  When I round the street corner and they
disappear from view, I roll the windows down and turn the music up.  I
start bouncing my head to the tunes of Nickelback when I see the screen on my
phone light up on the passenger seat.  It’s James.  I ignore the call
and keep driving.

Telluride
is about 5 hours from our little neighborhood in Colorado Springs.  I made
sure to leave early so I don’t have to drive through the mountains on those
rural roads in the dark. I should get there by 4pm or so.  The girls and I
agreed that tonight we would celebrate with a bottle or two or three of
wine.  Tomorrow we’ll hit the slopes.  I’m not a huge skier but
living in Colorado, I guess I had to adapt because most of the kids here
ski.  We’ve lived here for about six years but there is still a lot of
Colorado I haven’t seen.  I’ve never been to Telluride, so I am loving
this drive through the mountains.  Even though it’s December and there is
a ton of snow sitting on the mountain peaks, it’s actually pretty warm today. 
It has to be about 55 degrees and the sun is shining bright.  I actually
had to pull over after an hour on the road to take my jacket off because I was
so hot.  It will be perfect skiing weather.

I
pull over at a gas station off of Route 50 somewhere near Gunnison and I take
in the views.  It is just breathtaking here.  There isn’t a lot of
traffic on this road.  There isn’t a whole lot out here.  I did see a
sign for Western Colorado University.  It might be nice to attend a small
college out here in the mountains.  I really would prefer to attend a
smaller college.  I make a mental note to look into Western.  After I
fill up my gas tank, I wander through the candy aisle and pay the attendant for
my snickers and mountain dew.  I’m on vacation and I deserve to splurge. 
I only have a couple more hours to go.  I glance at my phone before I get
back on the road and see I’ve missed 3 calls and a text from James.

James:
Miss you.  Please call me so we can talk

I
know I need to talk to James.  He deserves more from me after our six
years together than just ending it like I did and not returning his
calls.  I just need these few days with the girls to clear my head. 
I don’t want to talk to him right now because I might give in to his charm and
tell him I’d be willing to give it another try.  The truth is, I’m
scared.  I feel like I’m being set free in the huge parking lot of
life.  I don’t know which cars are reliable and trustworthy.  The
pretty ones might not be safe.  Some might go too slow and some might go
to fast and what if I make a bad decision and get hurt.  I need to take
this risk though.  I need to trust my decisions and learn from my
mistakes.  I need to face my fears because what is even scarier is being
stuck with that safe, reliable car that doesn’t cause my adrenaline to surge
like I crave. 

I
dial my Mom to check in and shoot Megan a text that I should be there by 4, and
then I get back on the road.  Just as my back is starting to ache and my
legs start to get jumpy, my GPS tells me I’m in Telluride and 10 minutes from
the cabin.  The girls should be there.  They all drove together and
left an hour earlier than I did.

The
dirt road winds up a steep hill lined with trees and then I stop because the
flag on my GPS says I’m there.  I look all around and then I see it
through the trees.  Wow, it’s really secluded.  I turn onto a short
dirt road that leads to a small, quaint little log cabin that’s all lit
up.  Red checkered curtains hang from the windows.  I park next to
Megan’s little gray Mazda and grab my purse and my phone.  I run up the
three wooden steps to the door but before I get to it, Megan runs out and hugs
me almost knocking me over.

“You’re
here!  You have to see this place, it’s so cute!  The ski hills are
right behind us.  We can walk there.  There’s a fireplace and it’s
all decorated like a……like a log cabin in the mountains!”  She giggles
pulling me up the step and through the front door.  Lisa and Kate already
have a glass of wine and the fireplace is already blazing. 

Megan
is my best friend.  Really, she is my only friend.  Lisa and Kate go
to school with us but they play softball with Megan.  Sports are not my
thing.  I really don’t know them that well.  Lisa is a typical
blonde, blue-eyed bombshell.  She has huge tits and bouncy blonde hair and
legs that go for a mile.  She is really outgoing and you never know what
will come out of her mouth.  She doesn’t care what people think and you
can tell in her clothing choices. She practically lives in bikini tops and
short shorts.  In the winter, she will add knee high boots instead of flip
flops.  I really like her though, she’s the life of the party. 
 I wish I had her confidence.  Kate is more on the quiet side but
she’s sweet.  She is the opposite of Lisa.  Her brown hair hangs
straight and hits the middle of her back with a blunt bang.  She has big
brown eyes and doesn’t wear a lot of make-up.  She looks like she’s only
sixteen.  She is always a bit too serious.

“Hey
girls!”  I look around the cute little one bedroom cabin. The floor is
covered in a faded, worn blue carpet. To the right is a living area with one
brown leather couch facing the natural fireplace.  The kitchen area is to
the left with a high top table and 4 stools surrounding it. There are two doors
off the kitchen, which I assume are the bedroom and the bathroom.  Deer
antlers decorate the fireplace mantel.  The furniture is old and rustic
but it’s cozy.

“Vanessa! 
How was the drive?” Kate asks.

“It
was fine, really.  It went quick.”

“Come
sit, let’s toast!”  Lisa says enthusiastically as she pours a glass of
wine for me and then pats the stool next to her.

“I
have to get my stuff out of the car first, and then I would like nothing more
than to have some wine by the fire!”

“I’ll
help.”  Megan says following me out to my car. “So, Lisa and Kate called
the bedroom.  I guess we’re stuck on the pull out couch.”

“That’s
fine with me. I’m not picky.  It’s not like we haven’t passed out together
in close quarters before.  This is actually luxury compared to where we’ve
slept after some of those high school parties.”  Megan and I have had some
pretty crazy experiences together.  I remember when James went out of town
with his Dad for some car sales conference during my senior year.  Megan
and I went to a party at some kid’s parents’ house while they were out of
town.  We got trashed.  I remember us both stripping down to our bra
and underwear and dancing on the pool table in the basement.  This is also
where we passed out.  Curled up on the pool table. We woke to two guys
trying to shoot the balls into the pockets around our asses.

Megan
helps me carry my backpack, boots, skis and my panda pillow pet inside.  I
packed pretty light.  My ski stuff took most of the room in my little
car.  I’ll only be here for a few days so I only packed one pair of jeans,
a pair of yoga pants, a couple of hoodies, and a tank top and boxers to sleep
in.  I’m not a fancy girl. I like simple and I like comfortable.  We
set my stuff by the couch and I grab a stool and raise my glass of wine.

“To
a weekend of skiing, wine and hopefully boys!  Except for Vanessa because
she’s practically married.”  Megan toasts.

“Not
anymore.  I broke up with him.” I glance at the shocked expressions on
their faces.  All three girls gasp.

“You
did?  Why didn’t you tell me?  I didn’t think you’d do it.” 
Megan squeals.

“You
were right.  I’m only 21.  He was ready for us to get married and
have kids.  I love James but our relationship was just missing something
and I did feel like I was settling.  It was just too comfortable.”

“Orgasms! 
That’s what was missing!  He’s selfish.  Vanessa, you have no idea
what you’re missing.  You’ve never even kissed another man.  It’s
just wrong!”  Megan’s words smack me in the face.  I’ve never kissed
another man.  How pathetic.

 “You’re
kidding right?  You have had an orgasm haven’t you?”  Asks Lisa,
completely shocked.

“Of
course I have.  I just haven’t had one that makes me want to claw at the
sheets, you know?”

“Did
he have a small dick?” Of course, that comes out of Lisa’s mouth.

I
giggle and the girls all burst out into laughter. “How would I know?!  I
never had another to compare it to.”  I say blushing.

“Well,
James is hot.  Even if it was small, he should know how to use it
properly!”

I
grab the bottle of wine and pour us all round two. “I just didn’t feel it, ya
know?”

“That’s
what she said!”  Lisa practically spits her wine out exploding in
laughter.  “Brad is huge and we have done every position imaginable. 
He’s stuck his dick and his tongue in places it probably shouldn’t have
been.  After a while, you run out of new stuff and you miss that new
feeling.  The spark kind of diminishes after a while.  Maybe that’s
what happened with you and James.”

I
stare at her wide-eyed. “Lisa, James has never stuck his tongue anywhere but in
my mouth and that is rare.  He must consider that foreplay and foreplay
James does not!”

“No! 
You’re kidding!  He doesn’t like oral?”

“It
was rare if his mouth ever traveled south of my tits.  I’ve tried to go
down on him and he stopped me every single time.  Maybe he didn’t want me
up close and personal with tiny.”  I giggle and shrug my shoulders.

“That
isn’t normal.  Even if he is gay and you’re his cover, I think any man
would let you suck his dick. I’m glad you dumped his ass. Shit! Let’s toast to
finding men this weekend that know what to do with their tongues! Oh and maybe,
Vanessa can practice her oral skills.”

We
all click our glasses together, slam down our second glass and refill our
glasses.

“If
you need pointers, Brad says I’m the best.”  Lisa begins to slur. This is
getting interesting.

“Tell
us Lisa, how do you suck a dick properly?”  Asks Megan, rolling her eyes.

“The
key word here is suction.  The more suction the better.  Oh, and when
he hits the back of your throat, swallow or hum.  They’ll come on
command.  Works every time.”