War Torn Love (39 page)

             
I gently lifted my mother’s head up, and rested it in my lap. I gazed down at her, “Oh Momma, I need you!” Crying, I then whispered, “Oh Momma you dear, you saved her, you knew you were not both going to make it didn’t you?” I undid her hair from her bun, ran my hand through her long
graying hair
- to try to get some kind of comfort, as she always had done for me, and I her. “You did a real
good thing Momma, a real good thing, I am so proud of you.”

             
Poppa kept saying “No, no, no, don’t leave me my love. How am I supposed to walk this earth without your love and wisdom? I do not blame you for saving my precious grandbaby. I am so proud of you. I would had done the same thing.”

             
I then whispered in her ear, “I promise I will take care of Poppa, he’ll need me to take care of him.” Poppa then bent down and kissed Momma on her lips, and began to break down. At this point seeing him like this,
him and I
cried harder than either of us had ever cried, in fact I had never seem my Poppa cry this hard. It was so unreal – in the quiet woods, kissing Momma goodbye. It didn’t seem right.

             
Hersz came running over to us. “We had to get going now everyone! We’re not safe here. I spotted soldiers, coming this way. They are going to be looking for us soon.  The pilots probably reported back our location.” Abram and Hersz gathered everyone up. I gently put Momma down on the ground; I saw some wildflowers - the ones she liked. I picked a small bunch and then placed them in her arms, and
said,
“
Goodbye
Momma, I love you,” knowing we would not be able to put her in the ground properly, like she so deserved, or according to our religion. I felt horrible just leaving her just like this. But I know that she would not want us risking the valuable time it would take to bury her. I stood up,

             
“Come on Poppa please, we have to get going. I am sorry there is nothing we can do for her now, she has passed on. Poppa you need to come with me, please Poppa, you still have your family to think of - to live for, you’re head of the family, I need you to be strong for all of us. She would not have wanted you to just give up, now please Poppa we need you now come with me!

             
Poppa looked up at me, “I need her!”

             
I had to do something, “Poppa she’ll always be in your heart. Will you give up on me?”

Chapter Fourteen

                         
    
“The occupation

             
Abram said, "Come on, Hana sweetheart we really must get going! You are going to have to leave her. It is not safe for us to stay here - surely, the soldiers will be here soon. I will not let something happen to the two of you as well, but we got to get going now!"

             
I held on to my dear Poppa's arm, he did not want to leave Momma behind. I understood - I felt so bad for him; He was utterly brokenhearted. I was not certain what to say to him, when my own heart was breaking but I knew that if we stayed, we were as good as dead. He looked so distraught at the moment suddenly I was seeing him in a new light, Poppa was looking more old and fragile than he had ever appeared to me, so weak. He had always been so strong invulnerable, a pillar to look up until now. I had never seen this side of my father before; it greatly concerned me seeing him like this. I knew I had to make an effort to be there - be strong for my Poppa. It was him that was going to need to lean on me now, I owed him that much, since he had always been there for me. He was not budging; I gently tugged on his arm. And then said, “Poppa, listen to me, you have a family that stills very
much needs you, and Momma would have wanted you to come with me. There is nothing that we can do for her now. She would not have wanted you remembering her like that. Please Poppa come with us; we all love you so much.”

             
Poppa grudgingly st
ood up and came along with me.
 

             
We had good reason to dread the Germans, as well as fearing they were following us. We were forced to leave much of everything we had brought with us in the cars. We had to leave behind most of that in the process we just could not physically carry it all. It was at that time, our lives had crossed over being more valuable, than a physical object. With the exception of our money and jewelry, we had nothing more than what we stood in, some of it bloodstained. My arm hurt, but I didn’t stop to look then. How could I? I was numb now – with an edge of fearful terror.

             
Ever deeper into the thickening forest we now were finding ourselves fleeing. We could not be sure if there were any German soldiers pursuing us, but that was on all our minds.  We could not take any sort of chances.  We worriedly walked as quickly as we could - afraid they may catch up with us. We had to lend a hand to one another, in order to make our way, and not leave any of us behind – it was just us – and our family could not dwindle any further.  Our spirits were justifiably low, lower than any of us could
imagine even humanly possible. What we had just witnessed was surely pure evil.

             
I think the only thing - motivation any of us through these dark times, allowing ourselves to push on - was the most fundamental instinct in all humans, wanting to stay alive. The fear of them capturing us was overwhelming – the fear of death coming from above us – more planes – almost paralyzing. Every unrecognized noise made the whole group freeze and begin to wail
again
. Abram rounded us all up after an hour and explained that we had to move quietly – if soldiers were following us, that we’d give our position away.
             
We
could still
faintly hear gunfire off in the distance. That is why we did not bother stopping, even when we were exhausted. The gunfire was coming from somewhere behind us, but was still far off. So we moved on. In due course, after we’d travelled far enough, silence finally began enveloping all around us. The woods were soothing, and as we took a much needed break, some of our nerves began to calm somewhat. Maryam, Poppa and I began crying again, as we moved on. As we all walked, none of us talked much, there was a lot of whimpering, this silence gave me too much time to think, I could not seem to shut it down.

             
We must have ended up covered miles ever deeper into the forest - the undergrowth was growing thicker, as we were now in a section of the forest that had not been logged in many years from the look of it. Finally, we halted
our flight altogether and made plans to rest
. T
he elderly, and injured amongst us needed to take a break,  The elderly had needed more and more support to travel – and it meant that as a group we were exhausted – the men took turns carrying the injured, and helping the
frail
, but we had to acknowledge at some point that we had to stop – to rest and regroup. No one seemed to complain.  Abram never took turns - he carried my grandfather the whole way. The small children were having a fractious now too – both of Maryam’s daughters were crying and fussing!

             
Poppa took charge of the family - he was the oldest in our family and fortunate not to had been injured and he was known to be an excellent leader of the community. He decided that now was the time to rest – so the men scouted around and found a narrow, deep valley, with running water. The valley spotted thick in tall cedars.  It was a beautiful place to stop and to rest up. A plane could never spot us here.

             
Before I could think of sitting down to relax, I knew I was needed. Marym and I began nursing to the injured; they were in so much pain.  It was clear they required more than we could possibly provide for them. Upon further examination, some of the wounds appeared to be so dreadful – I knew there was nothing we could do. They were mortally wounded, and would probably not make it. But, I couldn’t say it - I just could not let myself admit it at the moment - that was clearly much too painful. You have
to remember that I am speaking of members of my own family, and my family is very close. People I had known all my life, people I love very much, and would do anything for.

             
As I sat and tried to relax, I began finally permitting myself to lift the veil of a false-hood that I’d imposed. It became quite clear just how many of our family members had been viciously killed in the German attack. Why did they had to attack us in the first place, we were defenseless. This thought kept repeating like a loop inside my mind.

             
It was a sickening sensation that came over me, as I began including in my thoughts; each lost on my fingers as a conducted a silent count, as I looked around. It was overwhelming, devastating to raise so many fingers. I thought of each of the deceased. Amongst them, my poor Momma, a great aunt, three cousins all around my age, as well as my dear grandmother, on my father side. As well as Momma's younger sister, she was always so sweet to me. Poor Poppa he lost his mother and wife in the same day. And his father was shot.

             
My sorrow was not just for the loss of my own family members. However, when I glanced around and realized sadly the absence of three entire families taken in by my own family.  They were completely snuffed out in the attack. The families that we had all taken in an
endeavored to help them rebuild their lives after they fled from the German’s - coming to us for help, when they themselves had lost everything. We had no choice according to our God to show them kindness - but rather I afraid to say we failed them, and our God miserably. All we had managed to do for them was get them all slaughtered - I was sickened most of the families were consisted of young children, so precious, everyone of them. Their dear faces shall haunt me for the rest of my life.

             
The filthy Germans were persecuting us for being nothing else then being Jewish, and had exterminated twenty of us, guilty of no crime, other than being in the wrong place. Ten more of my own family members ended up being wounded - some of those wounded were seriously injured – some mortally.  Of course, I knew as the plane had attacked- it could not discern whether or not we were Jewish or not, however they did know we were Polish. That seemed to be good enough for them.