Warning Signs (Broken Promises #2) (12 page)

My heart was racing, and images passed through my head. I was drunk; I was distracting her. I saw the car heading toward us. Then it hit me; it wasn’t just my mind, it was the warning in the air. I needed to pay closer attention, because the warning was all too clear.

A car was driving toward me, and we collided. Spinning around and around, metal flying, crashing. The sound was worse than I recalled. At impact, my seatbelt restrained me so I didn’t fly through the windshield. When I cautiously opened my eyes, my car was crushed up against the tree, and the windshield was broken. I could feel the wind. I tried to move, but I was too sore. Reaching for my phone, I didn’t realize that the car wasn’t done with me. I was rear-ended, and the impact crushed my car even more, leaving me pinned inside up against broken glass and a tree. I hit my head when I was jolted outwards from the impact, and I realized something was off. I was seeing myself from the outside. I was back in the in-between, a place I knew I didn’t want to be.

“Dammit, dammit, dammit!” I shouted.

“That won’t make you feel better. Trust me, I tried,” a long-lost voice said to me.

“M-M-Mackynsie?”

CHAPTER TWELVE

I refused to turn from the sight of my body pinned against the tree and my crushed car. I didn’t want to believe it was real. I couldn’t believe this was real.

“I know what you’re thinking.”

“Don’t you always know what I’m thinking?”

“Yes, but I actually
know
. It’s a perk of being dead.”

I turned to look at Mackynsie, and she had this glow that surpassed the one she had when she was alive. She was at peace, and she was happy. The image I had of her body after she died was being erased from my mind as I saw her standing in the clearing before me.

“This is a dream, you think. You think you’re really sleeping with that William guy, and you’ll wake up any minute. Just so you know, this isn’t a dream.”

“In my dreams you’re bloody and—”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Why are you here?”

She sighed. “I’m here to take you with me. It’s time, Bea. I know you don’t want to believe it, but you can’t escape death this time.”

I shook my head. “I’m not going with you. I’m not ready.”

“You know you don’t belong on Earth with those people. You should have gone with me, but you were saved that night.”

I began to tremble, and I shook my head. “No, I got lucky. Real lucky.”

“So lucky to be alive, yeah?”

“Mackynsie, I can’t go with you.”

“You’ve thought about it. You knew you were supposed to die with me. You knew you weren’t on Earth for the right reasons.”

“What are the right reasons to stay on Earth?”

She groaned. “Bea, you are too complicated. You want answers, but you’re too cowardly to go looking for them. So please, listen to me and come with me. You’ll be happy.”

“I am no coward! I will find the answers. Just tell me what I need to do.”

“It’s not going to be easy, and it won’t be pain free. There’s not even a guarantee you’ll make it.”

“I am in control here, not you.”

“I know you want to believe that, but it isn’t true. None of us are in control. However, if you are willing to fight for your right to live, then I’ll help you get started.”

“Fine, then help me.”

“Bea, you have to understand, no one who has done this has ever made it out alive. They give up.”

“I won’t give up.”

She pursed her lips and crossed her arms loosely over her small chest. “Fine. This is what you’ll need to do: Forgive those who have wronged you, thank those who have loved you, find a reason worth fighting for, forgive yourself, and lastly, fight like hell.”

“Okay, so what happens now?”

She waved her arms toward an orb of light that was growing into a large portal. “You need to relive your past, understand, and become enlightened.”

I looked back to the mess that was my Earthly body.

“Don’t worry, help is on the way.”

“How long do I have to figure all this out?”

“Twenty-four hours.”

Looking at her, I sucked in a deep breath. “What if I fail?”

“You’ll come with me, where you belong.”

“I’m sorry, Mack. That’s not happening.”

I leapt through the portal and landed into a part of my life I didn’t know that I wanted to see: my conception. I
really
didn’t want to see this, but it must have been important, because soon after I was pushed toward my birth and I saw an eight-year-old Ben looking through the nursery window with who I knew to be Brennan, our father.

“There she is, Benjamin. Your baby sister.” I was wailing like crazy, and I could tell despite the smiles and laughter I was driving the nurses insane.

I didn’t know how this was important, but when I felt a hand touch my shoulder a sort of warmth washed over me.

“Father?” It left my mouth without a thought. Turning to look, I saw him there. It was like looking into a mirror—same hair, same eyes…same everything. He was much taller than me, and that was surprising considering how tall I was. He wrapped his arms around me in a warm embrace, and I truly felt at home.

“I’ve waited my entire life to meet you,” I whispered into his sweet smelling chest.

“I’ve been waiting for this moment as well.” He pulled away and cupped my face in his hands. I let my hands grip his strong wrists, and I felt like a child with him.

“You died to save me,” I said.

He knew how he died, but I needed to say it. I didn’t cry. For once I felt at peace.

“Aye, I did.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead.

“You’re real. You’re really real.”

“I am.”

“I don’t understand.”

“What don’t you understand, sweet babe?”

“I don’t understand why my mother—”

“I did it for the same reasons you began a relationship with Thatcher, my sweet child.”

It was my mother’s voice, and when I turned I saw a beautiful woman who was untouched by alcohol, drugs or worry. She was at peace like Mackynsie was.

“Mom?” She opened her arms to embrace me, but I wouldn’t allow it.

“Why did you lie to me? Why did you try to change who I was?”

“Because I couldn’t think clearly; I was sick, my darling. It was too late to diagnose me with bipolar disorder, but when they did and had put me on medicine, I remembered every horrible thing I did to you and your brother. I couldn’t forgive myself, especially after I saw how angry you both were. But I am okay now. I’m at peace.”

“Well I’m not. You killed yourself, and here I am trying to live despite the hell you put me through.”

The scenery began to change, and I was wondering where we would end up next.

Once everything before me had settled into the next place we were supposed to be, I saw a familiar yard. It was only familiar because I had seen in it while I was comatose. It was the yard my father had died in, the same yard my brother and I used to play in before tragedy changed our lives forever.

“Is this where we lived?”

Before anyone could answer, I saw Ben riding dangerously fast on his bike, with our father trailing behind him while he held me down, as if I was flying to chase after Ben.

“C’mon, Brenna! We’re going to get your big brother!” He laughed, and it sounded like Ben’s laugh. Ben circled around the yard plenty of times before my mother appeared, and she stood in the walkway, staring at us with joy and peace washing over her.

“I love my little family,” she said. She clapped her hands and shouted, “Come in, you lot! It’s time for lunch.”

It must have been summer; otherwise Ben wouldn’t have had lunch at home with us. I followed them inside the house and looked behind at the abandoned bicycle and toys in the yard. I was wondering what could possibly be better than a yard filled with toys for children who knew they’d be outside to play with them.

As I left the front yard, I saw the inside of the house for the first time. It was simple, and it was filled with love. Framed pictures were hung on the walls, as well as decorative crosses and a picture of the Virgin Mary. It was a sanctuary compared to the places I had grown up in. Once I joined my family’s memory in the kitchen, everything seemed to be in perfect synchrony with the chaos that I felt approaching. I didn’t see what had happened to cause it, because I was so focused on Brennan’s loving affection toward me. My mother, however, began screaming loudly at everyone. She had flipped like a switch, yelling and crying. I was crying and so was Ben. My father tried his best to console her. She was speaking nonsense.

“Don’t leave me! Never leave me, Brennan!” she cried out desperately.

“I’m not going anywhere. I promise you that. Calm down, please calm down.”

My mother struck him in the face. I watched with horror as the realities of my perfect family came to life. We were never perfect. We had moments of perfection, but it was only moments out of the long scenes of disaster.

Watching all of this made me tear up. I looked at Ben, who was trying his best to console me.

“Why would you do that?” I asked, turning to the vision of my mother.

“I can’t answer that. That memory is from a time when I was very sick. I didn’t know what was wrong with me; I feared I was going to lose everyone I loved. Eventually, I did.”

Her words struck me. Maybe the fear of losing everything and everyone you loved wasn’t a trait that was mine alone; maybe I inherited it from my mother.

“Dad?” It didn’t feel weird like I thought it would; it felt right.

He looked at me and smiled. “Yes, Brenna?”

“When did you finally leave?” I asked him. I was afraid of the answer, but he didn’t need to tell me.

The scenery began to change again. I was inside a nursery, and I saw a figure standing over the crib. I walked up, and my mother was looking at me with the eyes of someone who had lost her mind in the depths of insanity.

“What’s going on?”

“Watch.”

My mother grabbed a pillow. I began to cry in my crib as she gently placed the pillow over my head and tried to smother me.

“Jacqueline, I thought I heard Brenna crying. Is she…Jacky?”

When my father came in, he stopped everything and pushed my mother away from the crib so forcefully she fell and hit her head.

“What were you thinking? Oh god—she’s still breathing.”

I cried loudly in my father’s arms, and it woke up Ben. My mother didn’t rouse despite the incessant screaming, and it worried my father. He called 911, explained what happened, and our mother was taken to the hospital. I was too. I had to be checked out and the police were investigating everything. I couldn’t believe this had happened.

“You tried to kill me!” I cried.

My mother’s spirit was crying too. “I was so sick. I didn’t know what I was doing.”

My father hugged me, whispering into my ear a lullaby in Gaelic. I didn’t understand the words.

“I love you,” I cried into the safety of his arms. He disappeared before I was ready to let him go, but I suppose it was time. I was left with my mother, and our surroundings turned to the purest white. In the distance I could see an hourglass, its sand the darkest shade of black, as if black could get any darker. I saw the sand pouring out of one end and filling up the other. I had plenty of time, but alongside it was a large clock with the longest arms that ticked by every second.

“Forgive,”
a voice said.

I couldn’t find the source of the voice, but it kept repeating the same word over and over again:
“Forgive.”
How could I so easily forgive my mother for everything that she had done? I was thrown back into the moment of my conception, and I saw my parents, tangled in sheets and cuddling with one another.

“I hope we can have a girl,” my mother said to my father.

“Aye, woman. You’re not even pregnant yet and you’re planning.”

“I’m happy, Brennan. When I’m happy, I plan.”

He laughed and kissed her cheek lovingly. “Okay, then what should we name her?”

“I don’t know. We should give her a name with meaning.”

“Ah, yes. I think that’ll do well.”

I watched them plan for something they didn’t know would come to pass or not, and when I turned to look at my mother, I shook my head.

“Out of all my bad days, I still had a few good ones. This was one of them. Because it was the night I created you. It was the night God heard my wish for a baby girl and gave me you.” She hugged me, and I cried.

“I love you, Brenna. I always have. I know it’s hard to understand, but I was too sick to let you know how much I care for you.” She caressed my hair as I sobbed onto her shoulder.

“Why did you kill yourself?”

“Because as much as I loved you, I couldn’t let myself live with the fear of you hating me as much as I hated myself for the things that I did.”

“I wish I could say I hate you, but I don’t.” It was the truth. “All I wanted was my mom.”

She hugged me tighter.

“I love you, Mom. I love you but I want to hate you.”

“Please forgive me, Brenna.”

“I forgive you, because you didn’t deserve to die that way.” I tried to hold on to her for dear life, but soon enough she faded away just as my father had.

“You’ve made it through the first obstacle. You have twenty-three hours and two minutes left. Use your time wisely. It won’t get easier from here.”

“Who are you? Where are you? Why am I here?” I asked the voice.

There was no answer. Only my screaming filled the void.