Wash (2 page)

“
Then have him come to the
door, and I’ll open it just a crack.”

“
He’s not here yet,” my
cousin informed me.

“
What!?” My jaw dropped.
“He was supposed to be here an hour ago. I just assumed he was with
all the groomsmen, because the photographer said he was heading
that way to get some pictures. Where do you think—”

“
I’m sure he’ll be here any
minute,” my cousin said, cutting me off before I went off into a
full-blown panic. “I’ll go look for him and tell him his beautiful
bride is waiting.”

I plastered on a fake smile as she
turned around and left. “Hey, Nadia, can you do me a huge favor?” I
asked. “Can you tell Jim I need to talk to him?”

She lightly patted my shoulder.
“Harassing the best man isn’t gonna get your groom here any
quicker.”

“
I know, but…I just know
Jake would never be late—not for this. Where’s my cell phone?” I
asked, frantically digging through my purse. I looked back up at
Nadia. “Do you think anything happened, that something came up
or—”

“
Calm down, Ashly,” she
said in a soft tone. “I’m sure he’s fine. He’s probably planning
some kind of romantic last-minute surprise.”

“
You’re right. I need to
calm down,” I said, taking deep breaths, “but I can’t. Where the
heck is my phone anyway?” I asked, anxiously darting my eyes all
around the room. I set the flowers down and smiled when my cell
phone rang.

Nadia picked it up from the table.
“Here. It was right where you left it.”

“
I’m such a
scatterbrain.”

“
Well, it’s excusable
today. You’re a bride with a million things running through that
pretty little head of yours.” She glanced down with a huge smile.
“Put all your worries to rest. It’s Jake.”

“
Oh, thank goodness.” I
breathed a sigh of relief as I reached for the phone. “Jake!” I
squealed in excitement. “I got the flowers! They’re just
gorgeous.”

When he didn’t say anything, I felt a
sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

“
Why aren’t you here yet?
And where the heck are you? The ceremony starts in less than thirty
minutes.”

“
Ashly, uh…there’s
something I need to tell you,” as he awkwardly said the words no
woman would want to hear on her wedding day.

I clenched my hands into tight fists;
something in his voice made me really nervous. “Jake, what’s
wrong?”

“
I’m so sorry, but…look,
I-I just can’t do this.”

Confusion and shock overwhelmed me.
Through the fog in my mind, it took me a minute to realize what he
was actually saying. “What do you mean?”

“
I can’t make it,” he said
in a grim tone.

I tried to process his words, but
everything had begun to spin around me, as if I was caught in some
nightmarish hurricane. “What do you mean you can’t make it? And why
are you so nonchalant? This isn’t just some Superbowl get-together
with your buddies, Jake! It’s our wedding!”

Silence was his only
response.

“
Babe, are you just getting
cold feet or what?” I asked in a panicked voice. “Tell me you
aren’t seriously considering backing out and leaving me at the
alt—”

“
Ashly, I’m
not
ready to get married.
I’ve been thinking about it hard. I’m only twenty years old, and
I’m not sure if I’m ready for all of this—for any of it,
really.”

Shock flooded over me, and every
square inch of me, inside and out, seemed to crumble, as if I’d
been hit by a Mack truck. “So you tell me thirty minutes before
you’re supposed to walk down the aisle? What am I supposed to tell
everyone?”

“
I’m sorry.”

“
I love you, Jake. I love
you so much. Please don’t do this.”

He didn’t even bother returning those
three precious words.

My hand trembled as I held the phone.
“We need to talk face to face. I at least deserve that, don’t you
think?”

“
I’ve gotta go,” he
whispered.

“
Baby, please don’t! Jake!”
I begged.

Click
.

My heart lurched. I frantically called
him back, but it just rang and rang. “C’mon, Jakey. Please pick
up!” I shouted. A second later, my panic had turned to anger. “Pick
up the damn phone.” With shaky fingers, I texted him: “U have 2
talk 2 me!”

“
It’s over. I’m sorry. I
think it’s best if U never call this # again.”

As I gazed down at the heartless,
dismissive text, I screamed. The thought of never talking to him
again, of never seeing him again, of him not sliding that ring on
my finger tore me in two.

“
What’s wrong?” Nadia
asked.

Overcome with a rollercoaster of
emotions, I threw my cell phone, shattering it against the wall.
“He’s backing out. Jake’s not coming.”

“
What?” she questioned in
complete disbelief. “Where is he?”

My breath hitched in my
throat.

“
Ashly?”

“
I-I don’t know.” My heart
was beating a million times a minute. “He’s not coming,” I
repeated, my voice barely able to tremble out the words.

She gripped my shaking hands. “What do
you mean?”

“
He’s pulling the plug on
our wonderful life,” I barely choked out, “and he just told me to
never contact him again.”

“
That’s crazy,” she
retorted. “Why?”

“
He says he can’t…that he’s
not ready,” I gasped between sobs. “I feel like I’ve just been hit
by a semi, and I didn’t even see it coming!”

“
He’s despicable!” Nadia
shouted, pulling me into a close embrace.

Emotion flooded through me,
more like a monsoon this time, and I let out a sob so loud I was
sure the entire church had heard it. I’d never felt pain and grief
rip through me like that.
How could he
dump me at the altar? He couldn’t have told me this last night,
before all the guests came, before I got all dressed up like some
stupid fairytale princess in this ridiculous dress? Who needs all
these beads and lace anyway?

I shouted. I cursed. I cried. He was
everything I wanted and more, and now I’d never have
him.

No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no! Brides are supposed to run away, not grooms! Didn’t he ever
see that Julia Roberts movie?

I couldn’t breathe.

I fell into a pit of
despair as my world crashed down around me. I couldn’t help
wondering what the heck had happened. We’d seen each other the
night before, and everything had seemed fine, perfect as always. As
usual, we couldn’t stop staring into each other’s eyes. When we
talked about the wedding, he’d seemed more excited than me. As a
matter of fact, it was all he talked about, and he said more than
once that he couldn’t wait to see me in my wedding dress. I thought
we shared such a deep connection, that we’d forever be madly in
love.
Why would he just throw it all away?
For what? Why? And why won’t he even talk to me about
it?

“
Nadia,” I said,
sniffling.

“
Yeah? What is it,
sweetie?”

“
I’ve changed my mind. This
is the absolute worst day of my life.”

* * *

Weeks passed, and I
continued to mourn my loss of Jake. Every breath and movement took
effort. Some days, the pain was so overwhelming that I couldn’t
breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t function, and couldn’t control
the tears. No one understood what I was going through, but everyone
tried to be of some comfort on the rough days, and I appreciated
that. On other days, I felt like I could manage. I hardly ate and
woke up in cold sweats left over from my nightmares. I knew I’d
never get over the loss of Jake dumping me, and I’d learned the
hard lesson that in the blink of an eye, one’s whole world could
take a swan dive; the elevator from heaven to hell was a
fast-moving one. One minute, my life had been perfect. I’d been a
princess with her Prince Charming. Then, in the next, I was a
damsel in distress all over again.
How
will I ever move forward?
I wondered. My
heart was torn.

Sometimes the grief was so paralyzing
that I had to remind myself to breathe. I knew there was no roadmap
to get me through the throes of pain, but I hated that it hurt so
damn much and for so damn long.

“
I love you, Jake…and I
miss you,” I whispered. “Not a minute goes by when I don’t think
about you,” I muttered, recalling his beautiful face, those
captivating features that I missed so much.

Everyone told me it would get easier
in time, but it hadn’t—not after all those weeks. Knowing I’d never
feel Jake’s touch, see his beaming smile, or hear his laugh again
was almost unbearable. I missed the way he said my name, and it
pained me that I wouldn’t feel his hand in mine. I’d never be able
to look into his beautiful blue eyes again. There would be no more
romantic dinners under the stars, no more slow dances, no more
romantic birthday celebrations. All of that had been stolen away
from me, leaving a giant, gaping hole in my heart.

I could still hear his voice in my
head, could still feel his touch. It was something like that old
country song I’d heard on the radio somewhere: I couldn’t stop
loving him. I simply didn’t have the strength. As I went through
his clothes, I could still smell him. All of my senses told me that
he was right there in that room with me, that nothing had changed,
but it had. It had all changed for the worst.

Chapter 2

Five years
later…

I crossed my legs and glanced out the
window, watching the sheets of rain pelt the glass and the ground
and the trees. I’d buried my mother three months ago, and I’d
finally summoned the courage to hear the reading of her will.
Losing her to cancer was like having my heart ripped out. She’d
always been such a strong, guiding, domineering force in my life.
Sure, she always criticized my friends, choices, and lifestyle, and
she totally controlled my dad. She always nagged me for everything
she found inappropriate, which was everything from fast food to a
minor curse word to a skirt above the knees. In fact, she found
fault with me no matter what I did, but I didn’t care. She was my
mother, a damn good one, and I loved her for it. Beneath that hard
exterior of hers, I knew she always had my best interests in mind,
and even during her hard-fought battle with that cruel disease,
she’d tried to look out for me.  

A tear slipped down my face, like the
raindrops on the windowpane, as I met my lawyer’s gaze. “Can we
please get started? Being here is just making all of this more
painful.”

It was seven p.m., and I’d spent the
better part of the day taking high-fashion photos of glamorous
models in designer gowns. I still had to review the pictures and
write up the article. As a fashion journalist and photographer, I
always seemed to have to take work home with me. Honestly, after
the day I’d had, I just wanted to take a hot shower and curl up
with a good book and an even better glass of wine—anything to take
my mind off the pain and loneliness of having yet another precious
person ripped out of my life. After her death, I’d cried every
night and even at work in the bathroom. In the midst of those
emotional meltdowns, I felt the world crashing all around
me.

My attorney looked down at his watch.
“He’s late.”

“
Who’s late?” I
inquired.

“
Your mother left very
specific instructions, and we have to abide by them,” he
said.

I hoped he’d give me a little clue
about who our mystery date was going to be, but he remained
secretive and mysterious. Mr. Shelby had been my mother’s lawyer
for thirty years, and she’d trusted him completely. I knew there
was more to the whole thing than he was telling me, and I could
tell by his nervous twitch that he was up to no good.

“
Please tell me what’s
going on, Mr. Shelby,” I begged. “You know how much I hate
surprises.”

Lifting a brow, he recited
robotically, “I’m sorry, Miss Roberts, but according to the terms
of the decedent’s Last Will and Testament, I am not permitted to
mention his name.”

“
But who else would she
include? All of her closer friends and the rest of my relatives
have already received whatever she bequeathed them. I thought I was
the only one left.”

He picked up a file and smiled a grin
that looked even faker than his toupee. “Please just be patient a
while longer.”

My mind raced with questions. I was
really the closest person to my mother. My father had died two
years earlier from a heart attack, and I had no siblings. My mother
had been a lonely child, so I just didn’t get it. We were just a
small, close-knit family, so it didn’t make sense that she’d
brought in an outsider.

Mr. Shelby looked at me. “You may want
to check your face. It seems your mascara is running.”

I rolled my eyes. “Well, excuse me for
crying. This is very difficult for me.”

“
That’s understandable,” he
said softly, sounding surprisingly human and handing me a
tissue.