Washed Away (13 page)

But Flynn, at least, didn’t seem to mind. Once he knew his mother was going to be okay, his sparkle returned along with his cheeky nature. The little boy demanded lunch from a frazzled Cheryl as she struggled to convince his five-day-old brother that sucking on a rubber nipple would soothe his hunger pains.

“H
OW’S THE OBSESSIVE
-compulsive disorder?”

Bottom in the air, mop and bucket in hand wasn’t quite the image Cheryl had been hoping to portray, but she managed a wry smile as Noah stepped into the kitchen.

“Cured,” she said on a dry note. “What else, after opening the door to a miniature horse who’s been locked up in a kitchen for three hours?”

“We saved Beth’s arm, though.”

The quiet triumph in his voice couldn’t go unacknowledged, and she stood up. “
You
saved her arm, Noah, and in the scheme of things, it might not sound huge, but ask Beth in a month or so and she’ll tell you just what a big deal it is.”

“She’s still got a long way to go, though. She faces major surgery once we get her to Houston and she’s still…

“Are you married?”

The question was completely out of line with the conversation, and she hesitated, not wanting to give him a yes or no answer when it wasn’t that straightforward.

“Are you married, Cheryl?”

She gave a slight nod, and watched him wince as her message hit home. “But I’m separated,” she said. “My divorce is due anytime now.”

He stared back at her, hope flickering. “Are you over him, Cheryl?”

“No.” She watched his shoulders stiffen. “Are you going to let me speak, Noah, before you pass judgment?”

He relented then, gave a small nod.

“When I say I’m not over him, what I really mean is that I’m not quite over the pain he inflicted.” When his eyes narrowed, she quickly shook her head. “Not that sort of pain, Noah.” Her hand moved to her chest. “He hurt me here, hurt me more than I thought another human being was capable of. So you don’t have to worry about Joe crooking his finger and me meekly following. It’s been over since the day he…” She couldn’t say it here, couldn’t stand in a kitchen and pour out her heart. “It’s over,” she said firmly. “The divorce should be finalized any day now. If it makes you feel any better about what happened, I’ll send you a photocopy of the papers when I get back to Courage Bay.”

Ignoring her sarcasm, he moved swiftly on. There were too many questions that needed answers and Noah needed to hear them. “So you are part of Mitch’s trauma team?”

She nodded. “I moved to California two years ago.” Shaking her head, she walked past him, simply not ready to discuss this. “I’m going to check on Beth.”

“Don’t walk out on me now, Cheryl.” His hand was on her arm, pulling her back.

Her voice was bitter. “What? Now I’m nearly di
vorced, have I suddenly become respectable all of a sudden?”

“Please don’t, Cheryl.”

More harsh words were on her tongue, but Cheryl held them back, knowing he was hurting as much as she was, that he simply didn’t understand why she wasn’t falling into his arms, why the fact she was free didn’t make things suddenly easier.

“When I heard you were married, I felt as if I’d lost you. It was the one thing I couldn’t handle.”

He paused, and Cheryl knew he was waiting for her response, but she was silent, leaving Noah to fill the gap.

“Can we move on now, get to know each other all over?” A smile curved his mouth and his eyes pleaded for her to join him, but she couldn’t.

“It’s not that easy, Noah. You were right to say we shouldn’t get involved before we knew more about my past. I should have listened.”

Confusion flickered in his eyes and there wasn’t a single thing she could say to comfort him. Instead she brushed his hand off her arm and headed for the stairs.

“I’m going to check on Beth, Noah. We’ll talk later.”

Beth was sound asleep, not from drugs now but from sheer exhaustion. Cheryl moved quietly around the bed, checking each finger in turn for capillary refill, and even though her heart felt as if it were bleeding inside, still she managed a quite moment of pride for herself and Noah, for what they had somehow managed to achieve in the most dire of circumstances. Beth still had a long way to go. More extensive repair would be re
quired when she finally made it to a trauma center, but what Noah had done—what
they
had done, Cheryl acknowledged with a warm glow—had given Beth a chance. A chance to hold her children again in her loving arms.

“Cheryl.” Beth’s sleepy voice caught her unaware, and perching herself on the bed, Cheryl smiled back at the woman.

“You’re fine, Beth,” she said. “Your hand’s still there. Warm and pink.”

“I can’t feel my fingers,” Beth said with anxiety. “Well, I can, but they feel strange, like pins and needles….”

“That’s from the block Noah put in,” Cheryl explained. “Can you move them at all?” She gave a quiet nod of encouragement as Beth’s fingers moved a fraction. “It’s looking great, Beth. Far better than we dared hope at first. Noah did a great job.”

“Thank you,” Beth whispered.

“Noah will explain later in more detail what he did, but basically he’s restored the blood flow. You’re going to need more extensive surgery as soon as you get to Houston.”

“When will that be?” Beth asked sleepily.

“We’re not sure. The roads are still blocked and the phones are out. That’s why Noah had to go ahead and operate. In hindsight, it was the right choice. It would be too late by now to attempt a repair.”

“I’d have lost my arm?”

Cheryl nodded. “But you didn’t, Beth. Just focus on that for now. And that amazing son of yours brought the
cell phone with him. As soon as we get a signal or the roads clear, we’ll get some help.”

“What happened to you?” For the first time, Beth really looked at Cheryl, her eyes widening in concern as she saw the neat sutures on her cheek. “How come you were here?”

“I had an accident,” Cheryl said lightly, not wanting to distress Beth any further. “I never made it back to town after I left your house.”

“Because of me?” Beth was becoming distressed. “Because of the directions I gave you?”

“Because there was a storm, Beth,” Cheryl said firmly. “It was no one’s fault, accidents just happen sometimes.”

“You’re telling me.” Tears filled Beth’s eyes. “I didn’t need this to happen, Cheryl,” she sobbed into the pillow. “Not on top of everything else.”

“Maybe this is exactly what you needed,” Cheryl said. “You’re going to be in hospital for a good few days, having the repair and antibiotics, physio. You’ll be able to take Paul with you and you’re going to be forced to lie in bed and concentrate on yourself for once.”

Beth’s sobs gradually stilled.

“There will be help there, Beth, counselors and midwives who can talk to you, help you work through your grief about Cody and all the new emotions a new baby can bring.” Cheryl gently rubbed Beth’s shoulders. “Sometimes things happen for a reason. Maybe that’s why I ended up in a river—”

“The river!”

Inwardly cursing herself, Cheryl tried to laugh it off. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you that.”

“You ended up in the river.”

“Yeah.” Cheryl rolled her eyes. “Mitch’s Jeep and me. I’m not looking forward to facing him.”

“He’ll just be glad that you’re safe.”

“I know,” Cheryl admitted. “We’re
all
safe, and given what we’ve been through, that’s quite something, isn’t it?”

“Room for two more?” Noah was in the doorway. Flynn rushed past him in his haste to get to his mom. He slowed down as he neared the bed, though, and cautiously stepped forward.

“Mommy’s fine, Flynn.” Beth smiled bravely. “Thanks to Noah and Cheryl, and to you for being so brave. I’m sorry I gave you such a scare.”

“Can I stay?” Tears were filling those brave green eyes. Now that he knew his mom was fine and the terror was over, he could finally go back to being just a little boy.

“’Course you can, buddy.” Pulling back the blanket, Noah tucked him in beside Beth. “We’ll be in and out, but if Mom wakes or there’s anything you need, we’ll just be in the front room.”

“Thanks, Noah,” Beth sighed, before she drifted back to sleep and Noah, Cheryl and the baby headed back to the main house. And even though there was so much they needed to talk about, everything had to be put on hold. Beth needed to be checked every fifteen minutes, which Cheryl happily did as Noah headed outside.
There were animals to be fed and comforted, damage to be assessed, and despite his exhaustion, a pile of work still to be done.

F
INALLY THE DAY
was nearly over, and Cheryl decided she could indulge in the luxury of getting clean. This was the closest they’d been to having order all day, Cheryl thought as she headed into the kitchen. Beth’s fingers were still pink, Paul had taken his evening bottle without much protest this time and Flynn was tucking into eggs Noah had retrieved from the barn and scrambled on a portable gas burner, before lowering his tired body onto the sofa and finally closing his eyes.

Though the water tank had long since gone cold, Cheryl was past caring. Filling the sink, she splashed herself with freezing water in a kind of frenetic sponge bath. The bruises on her body were purple now….

Hell, she felt bruised emotionally, too.

She’d expected her memory to return in stages, the snippets she’d glimpsed to multiply, but instead, the second Beth had hammered on the door, Cheryl’s memory had returned as if it had never left her.

And she didn’t particularly like what she saw.

Feeling incredibly shy, Cheryl made her way into the living room, her heart stilling as she saw Noah asleep on the sofa. He must be thoroughly exhausted now. His muddied boots were still on, his head uncomfortably resting on the back of the couch, and though she wanted to talk to him, a deeper instinct told her that he really needed this sleep. She slipped off his boots, guided
those tired shoulders down and lifted his legs up, shushing him as he stirred, then pulling a blanket over him. Sitting on a chair herself, she tucked her long legs under her and simply watched him as he slept.

“W
HAT TIME IS IT
?”

Cheryl smiled as Noah’s eyes snapped open, his wrist flying to his face as he attempted to focus on his watch.

“How long have I been asleep?”

“A few hours,” Cheryl answered. “It’s nine o’clock.”

“Beth!”

“Beth’s fine,” she said as he struggled to sit up. “I’ve been checking her hand half hourly. She could probably go down to hourly checks overnight. Flynn’s asleep with her. He’s going to come and get us if she wakes.”

“And the baby?”

“Right here,” Cheryl said softly, staring down at the sleeping bundle in her arms. “I should put him down, really. I’m probably getting him into terrible habits, but he’s so cute.”

“I’ll just—”

“Done,” she broke in. “I’ve fed them all, even given out the meds for you.” She saw his look of horror. “Yes, I know some of them are on special diets, Noah. For someone who keeps such lousy books, your clinic notes are impeccable.”

“You should have been resting, Cheryl,” Noah admonished. “You’re not well yourself.”

“I’m fine,” Cheryl said dismissively, saying it again when Noah raised an eyebrow. “Better than fine, actually. Do you realize that nutritionally, you take better care of your animals than you do of yourself? I found the blender down there and all the fresh fruit you give to the animals instead of yourself. I whipped myself up a high-protein smoothie, even added a few vitamins from your stock, so if I start neighing in the night, you’ll know why!” She smiled at him. “They’re all fine—twelve little piglets nursing away. I wasn’t sure, but I put the heat lamps back on….” Noah gave an approving nod. “Even Georgina’s in her cage.”

“You got her back in by yourself?” His eyes widened in disbelief.

“I did, though I think I added a couple of new bruises to my collection in the process,” Cheryl admitted. “For a little horse she’s very strong.”

There was a long pause and this time it was Cheryl who ended it.

“Let’s forget about the animals for a moment, Noah. How are
you
doing?” she asked softly.

“Better. Three hours is the longest stretch of sleep I’ve had in a while. And you’re right—I really needed it. Thanks for letting me sleep.”

“Do you want some coffee? I filled a thermos from the clinic kettle.” She lowered Paul into the makeshift crib, wanting to put off the conversation they needed to have for just a moment longer. But Noah clearly had other ideas.

“I just want to talk, Cheryl.”

He waited as she settled the sleeping baby and made some coffee. She felt nervous when she finally joined him on the floor by the table, knowing that for the first time there were no distractions, no halted memories, nothing to hide behind—just the truth to face.

“How much do you remember?” Noah asked when it was clear Cheryl wasn’t about to kick things off.

“Everything. I think it was starting to come back anyway, before Flynn came to the door. I mean, I knew I was a nurse, I could sort of remember Joe—but as soon as Flynn knocked, everything just came back. I can’t explain it really. I just knew who I was all of a sudden, the same way you know who you are.”

“And who are you?”

“Cheryl Tierney.” She fiddled with a long dark curl of hair, circling it around her finger. “A thirty-one-year-old trauma nurse who is originally from—”

“I don’t want your résumé, Cheryl,” Noah broke in. “I want to know who you are, how you feel about things…How you feel about us.”

“Confused,” Cheryl admitted after a moment’s thought. “Very confused. I figured that once my memory returned I’d have all the answers but instead it’s just thrown up a whole load of questions.” A soft wet nose was nuzzling at her arm now, and without even looking down, she cupped the face of her friend, Buster. “I found her on my way back to Turning Point from Beth’s. I’d gone there to set Flynn’s arm. We found out that the storm was shifting and that a couple of rivers had flooded, so Beth told me a shortcut. I couldn’t hear her
properly. I knew she’d mentioned a bridge and stupidly I assumed that I was supposed to cross it.”

“It wasn’t stupid,” Noah said. “How would you know?”

“It
was
stupid.” Cheryl gave a half smile. “I nearly ran over this little guy, or lady, as it turns out. So I bribed her into the Jeep with some of Beth’s cookies. At least I know I didn’t hurt her.”

“We knew that all along,” Noah pointed out. “So what were you doing, buying all the chocolate?”

“It was for Mitch and the teams.” Cheryl gave a tiny grimace. “How the hell am I supposed to tell him about his Jeep?”

“I’ll break it to him for you,” Noah offered, but his voice grew more serious as he continued. “I was heading into town to drop off medical supplies. Mitch and I decided that despite the warnings, the storm was heading off course, so we agreed I’d go home and lock up the animals, then head back into town to help out where I could. The hall was all set up. I was going to help out at the triage…” He smiled. “That was you?”

Cheryl nodded.

“Seems like we were destined to meet.”

“Perhaps,” Cheryl replied, but her voice was wary. She was determined to keep to the facts for now.

“Cheryl, after I saw you in the gas station, you were all I could think about. I didn’t know it was your vehicle on the bridge, but when I swam over, when I saw it was you, for a moment it felt like fate.”

“Oh, come on, Noah.” She gave a shrug. “I had an accident, you were there, but as grateful as I am, I think
you’re being a bit melodramatic. If the stars did somehow align to bring us together, I think it was for a rather more practical purpose.” He frowned. “Beth,” Cheryl explained. “If we both hadn’t been here, she’d have died.”

“Hey, what happened to the woman I woke up with?” Noah asked, bemused, and she knew he didn’t understand why she couldn’t just fall into his arms the way she had last night.

“She got her memory back,” Cheryl answered. “Noah, I had the perfect life. I was the eldest. Heather, my sister, is eight years younger than me. I had great parents, a great home and later a great job. I met Joe when I was still in high school. We got married when I finished my nursing degree.”

“Young, then?” Noah asked.

“Twenty-one. Everyone said we were too young, but I loved him and he loved me, or at least he did.”

She swallowed hard, and Noah knew it was difficult for her to talk about this. He hated putting her through it, but he needed answers so badly that even breathing hurt now. Somehow he held back and let her story unfold at her own pace.

“It was great for the first three years,” she said, “until I told him I wanted to have kids. I loved nursing, but I really wanted a family. Joe didn’t.” Her voice dropped, and her troubled, hurt eyes met his. “All of a sudden he said that he wasn’t happy in his work. He was an accountanting clerk in a law firm. He said the last thing we could afford was for me to give up work and start a family. He wanted to go back to school.”

“What did you do?”

“Supported him, of course,” Cheryl said instantly. “I didn’t want him feeling dissatisfied, so I put the family plan on hold, picked up extra shifts so that he could follow his dream.”

“He went back full-time?” There was a slightly incredulous note to Noah’s voice. “Why didn’t he study in the evening?”

Cheryl shrugged. “He figured he was already a few years behind, and I guess I thought the quicker he got his law degree, the quicker we could start a family. I didn’t mind.” Not even a trace of bitterness tinged her voice. “I really didn’t mind. Joe got his degree. He even got a job back with his old firm—and everything should have been perfect….”

“It wasn’t?”

Cheryl shook her head. “I always thought the second he got his degree and started work, that I’d go off the pill, but I didn’t.” She stared at her empty mug, handing it over as, without a word, he topped it up. “I knew something wasn’t right, I just didn’t know what. When I said before that I understood about shift work, I really did. Suddenly we were arguing about the fact I worked weekends, arguing if I was home ten minutes late from a shift. Joe hadn’t minded when I was supporting him, but suddenly everything I did seemed to be wrong, as if he were looking for an excuse to start a fight.”

“Was he having an affair?” He watched her shoulders stiffen, and anger blasted through him, at a man he had never even met.

“Yes, but it wasn’t only Joe’s infidelity that devastated me.”

Noah watched as she tried to hold back her tears, and though every fiber of his being told him to go over to her, he knew she didn’t want him to.

“I was heading for work one day when my mom called. She sounded awful, so of course I went straight over. She told me that my father was leaving her. Apparently their marriage had been a sham. Dad had been seeing another woman for years, but they’d stayed together for the kids. Now that Heather had finished her studies, he’d decided there was no need for them to stay together anymore, that it was time to finally be honest.” She gave a strangled sob, and Noah pulled her in closer. “I couldn’t believe it. It was as if my whole childhood had been a sham, the happy loving family I’d grown up in had all been an act. I didn’t phone Joe, I didn’t even call into work. I headed straight for home. I just wanted to be by myself. That’s when I found them in our bed.” Her voice was rising now. “In
our
bed. Noah, I lost everything that day. My family, my husband, my home—I couldn’t go back there, couldn’t walk in that door after what I’d seen. The only thing I had was my career. Even my name changed that day.”

“You dropped his surname.”

Cheryl nodded. “The next day. I went to work and had them make up new name tags. I didn’t want any part of him, Noah. I didn’t want a single thing from him, didn’t even want to be in the same town as him.”

“So you came to California?”

“It was a great job. I didn’t think I’d get it when I applied, even though I had a lot of experience. But they took me on, and suddenly I was on a plane heading for Courage Bay in sunny California. I found a small apartment and slowly got back on my feet. For the first time in years I wasn’t supporting someone, just myself, and you know what? It felt good. I refused to let myself go, even though I felt as low as I thought I could get. I joined a gym, took care of myself, ate properly, give or take the odd bar of chocolate.” Cheryl gave a small smile. “And sugar in my coffee. But on the whole I found it easier when I was taking care of myself.

“And one of the nicest things of all was that I fell in love with nursing again. I love it, Noah.” Her eyes brimmed with tears now, but tears of pride. “It had become a job when I was supporting Joe, I burnt myself out doing extra shifts just to keep our finances in the red, but when I came to Courage Bay and had only myself to worry about, I realized that I was actually really good at it. I’m in charge of a trauma unit. I go to work and I lose myself, focus on other people’s problems. And the best part of all is I’m a damn good nurse.”

“But it’s not all of who you are,” Noah prompted softly. “You can be a damn good nurse and still have a life away from work.”

He felt her stiffen and regretted pushing things too far. She pulled away, unclipped the watch from her slender wrist and stared at it.

“Do you know why I cried when I saw this?” Her fingers traced each word. “Mom sent me this when I got
the job and moved. It was supposed to cheer me up.” She gave a wry laugh. “It was the first time I’d seen it written—mom without dad. It just looked wrong, Noah, but I don’t expect you to understand.”

“But I do.” He was quiet for a moment before elaborating. “The first Christmas after my father died, I remember opening my card from my mom. It felt incredibly sad seeing her name written without dad’s beside it. It was hard to read and it would have been hard for my mom to write—yours, too.”

His insight was almost more than she could bear. She almost wished he would say the wrong thing, offer a dash of callous indifference so she could somehow justify walking away.

“How is she now? Your mother?” Noah asked.

“Getting there, I guess,” Cheryl said stiffly. “She says she’s happy. She spends a lot of time with Heather, who’s got a new baby….”

“And your dad?” He watched her lips thin. “How’s he doing?”

“I don’t know,” Cheryl responded with a note of defiance. “And I don’t want to know, either. He’s a liar….”

“He’s your dad, Cheryl. And from the way you describe your childhood, it sounds as if he was a good one. Who knows the complicated games people play. Who knows why your parents decided to stay together when they clearly weren’t in love. I couldn’t do it.” He paused for a moment and thought about it, but the answer was still the same. “I couldn’t do it, Cheryl, but for whatever reason, your parents did. Your dad stayed with your
mom when he could have left. Have you ever thought that maybe it was because he loved you?”

“I lost everything that day.” Her voice was a raw whisper, his answer too simple for the agony in her soul. “I was a mess, Noah. But somehow I picked myself up, made it through. And I swore then and there that I’d never bend over backward to please a man, never give all of myself to anyone, that the only safe thing to do is keep a piece of me back.”

“Keep everyone out, you mean?” Noah suggested, but Cheryl fiercely shook her head.

“My mother wasted thirty years on my father, thirty years of knowing he was cheating….”

“You didn’t, though,” Noah pointed out. “What happened with your parents is awful, but it doesn’t compare with what happened to you. You’re stronger than that, Cheryl. You didn’t waste twenty seconds on a relationship that was going nowhere. The second you knew it was over, you were out of there.

“Cheryl.” His words were soft, but firm. “Surely you know…”

“That you’d never hurt me like that,” she concluded. “They’re just words, Noah.” Seeing the pain in his eyes, she relented slightly. “Look, we’re getting ahead of ourselves.” She took a deep breath. “I’m just telling you where I’m at at the moment. How since my memories returned, life’s a touch more complicated. With what I know now, I realize that we shouldn’t have slept together, that things have gone too far. Surely you must see the need to take things more slowly.” Noah was
shaking his head as she spoke, and he gave a hollow laugh devoid of humor. But Cheryl chose to ignore it. She was determined to get her speech over and done with. “When I get back to Courage Bay, we can phone each other, e-mail, get to know each other slowly….”