Watch Over Me (11 page)

"Addison, it's Aunt Katie," my aunt said softly. I could hear the tears and sadness
in her voice but I ignored it.

"What's going on? Did you talk to Dad? This isn't happening, right?"

My aunt let out a small sob and I squeezed my eyes closed.

"You need to come home, sweetie."

I handed the phone over to Casey without even answering her. I heard Casey talking
softly with my aunt, but I ignored it. The song was still playing on the radio and
all I heard were the words that Casey just said were so depressing only moments ago.

Everyone I love goes away, in the end.

I leaned forward and rested my head on the steering wheel and screamed as loud and
as long as I could. I screamed until I had no voice left. I screamed until I couldn't
hear anything but the sound of my screams echoing through my head.

"Addison, hey, it's okay. Shhhh, you're okay. I'm right here, Addison."

Zander's soothing voice by my ear brings me back from the past, but there's something
about those words. Something about the way he says them that gives me goose bumps.
He's said those exact words to me before. I know he has. But that's not possible.
I can remember every single conversation we've ever had, every word he's ever spoken
to me. What is happening to me? What is wrong with me?

"I think I'm going crazy," I whisper to him when I finally find my voice. My throat
hurts, and I'm immediately embarrassed. I know that feeling. I must have been screaming.

"It's okay, we're all a little bit crazy," he reassures me softly before pulling me
closer and placing a kiss on top of my head.

I suddenly notice that we're sitting on the floor of the kitchen in a puddle of cake
batter. It's all over my jeans, and since Zander is right next to me, it's now all
over his as well as his shoes. I'm mortified that this happened. It's been so long
since I had an episode like this and now, ever since meeting Zander, it's happened
twice.

"I'm sorry. Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I'm such an idiot," I ramble in shame, tears
prickling my eyes as I pull out of his arms and attempt to get up off of the floor
so I can run and hide in a closet somewhere and never have to face him again.

Unfortunately, my feet slide right through the slippery batter that coats the floor
and I flop back down on my butt, causing batter to splatter on the front of Zander's
T-shirt.

I stare at his shirt in horror and watch as he slowly looks down at the front of him.
Reaching over, I try to wipe the mess off of his shirt but forget all about the fact
that my hands smacked down in batter when I fell. Instead of helping him, I just get
him messier by smearing more goo onto him.

"Oh no," I whisper in dismay. I can feel my chin start to quiver, and I know if I
don't leave right now, I'm going to start crying. I will NOT cry in front of him.

This night just went from bad to the worst night in history. He's going to get up
and run out of here so fast that all I'll see is a cloud of dust in his wake. It would
be easier for me if I never had to see him again and relive this horrifying nightmare
of having a break down in front of him and then spilling cake batter all over his
clothes, but just that thought alone depresses me.

"You are in such big trouble now," Zander finally says quietly as he looks up at me.
I bite my lip, waiting for him to tell me what a freak I am, but instead his mouth
curls in a menacing grin. Before I can apologize to him again, a handful of batter
is mashed against the side of my face from Zander's hand.

I gasp in shock as the cold liquid drips down the side of my face and drops down the
front of my V-neck T-shirt.

Zander chuckles at the look of complete shock on my face, and without thinking about
my actions, I quickly scoop up some of the batter by my hip and mirror his actions,
smacking the mixture on one of his cheeks with a maniacal laugh. This situation is
just too crazy for me to even comprehend right now.

We sit there quietly staring at one another with wide eyes until suddenly we both
burst out laughing, each of us scrambling to wipe up more spilled batter from the
floor and throw it at one another. I start screaming and laughing when a pile of it
lands on top of my head, and Zander lets out a yelp when I reach over and smear a
handful through his hair.

"Oh my gosh, UNCLE! UNCLE! I have cake batter in my eye!" Zander complains with a
laugh as he holds up his messy hands in front of him in a sign of surrender.

"Shut it! I have cake batter in my ear," I reply with a giggle.

He wipes one of his hands off on his jeans and reaches over, using the heel of his
hand to get some of the mess off of my cheek. His hand is warm and soft as it sweeps
against my skin, and I instantly feel cherished as he touches me. I've been craving
attention like this from someone for so long that even the simple act of cleaning
off my face fills me with unexpected appreciation for him and the care he takes with
me. When he finishes getting most of it off, he doesn't move his hand away from me;
instead he cups the side of my face and brushes his thumb back and forth over my cheekbone.

I swallow thickly and hold my breath as he stares into my eyes then slowly moves his
gaze down to my lips. I quickly wet them with my tongue, and I hear him make a low
groaning sound in his throat.

"I really want to kiss you right now," he whispers, still staring at my lips.

My heart beats frantically in my chest. I should tell him no. I should tell him he
doesn't want to get messed up with me because it won't end well. I should tell him
he's too good to get involved with me. There are so many things I
should
do, but right now I can't do anything but slowly nod my head in response to his words.

"Okay," I reply softly.

He slowly moves his face toward mine, and I close my eyes, the anticipation of feeling
his lips on mine too much to take with my eyes open. I can feel his breath on my face
and the first tentative touch of his lips. A shiver runs up my spine. His lips are
soft and warm as he presses them against mine, and I let out a sigh against his mouth
when he wraps his other arm around my waist and slides me across the floor closer
to him. All the bad thoughts fly from my mind, and nothing consumes me right now except
Zander: Zander's touch, Zander's lips, Zander's hands… He surrounds me and makes all
of the bad things disappear. He deepens the kiss with a groan and tightens his hold
around my waist. My arms tangle around his neck, and I kiss him back with everything
in me. Every feeling, every thought, every emotion—I pour it all into this kiss.

"Addison! What the hell is going on?"

The angry sound of my dad's voice cuts through the haze of pleasure that envelops
me, as Zander and I quickly break apart.

I stare at my father in shock as he stands in the doorway of the kitchen, looking
down at Zander and me in irritation. He wasn't supposed to be out of rehab for another
two weeks, and I feel a wave of fury wash over me when I realize that he most likely
skipped out on it again.

Zander's words from earlier in the evening suddenly pop into my mind at that moment.
When he said, "This is not going to end well," I wonder if he had any idea just how
true that statement would turn out to be.

"
Maybe he really is turning over a new leaf this time, Addison."

I roll my eyes at Dr. Thompson and cross my arms over my chest.

"You don't think people can change?" she asks softly, seeing the irritation on my
face.

"Who knows? It's not like I've had much experience lately with people changing for
the better. No one does what they say they will, and no one lives up to their promises."

I pick at some imaginary pieces of lint on my shirt while Dr. Thompson writes on her
notepad. One of these days I should just get up and grab that thing from her to see
if she's actually writing down things about me or playing tic-tac-toe with herself.

"That's true. Not everyone in your life will always do what you expect of them. Sometimes
they'll let you down, and sometimes, even though they tell you that they love you,
they do things that prove otherwise. You just have to decide whether or not you have
enough room left in your heart for them. Enough space to let them in and show them
what you need from them. As much as we want them to, our loved ones can't read our
minds. If they don't know what we want from them or what we need from them, they are
never going to be able to give it to us."

I already know what I want from my father. I want him to man up and make himself accountable
for his actions. I want him to be able to go back in time and erase all of the bad
decisions he's made and take away the hurtful things he's said to me that caused me
to turn into the person I am today.

I know that's not possible though. And frankly, I don't know if I have the strength
to move things around in my life to make that extra space for him that I filled with
responsibilities since he hit rock bottom.

Zander quickly gets up from the floor and reaches down to grab me under my arm and
help me to my feet. My dad stands by the door looking back and forth between us. His
head suddenly jerks to Zander's face, and he stares at him for a moment in confusion,
squinting his eyes and studying his face for so long that Zander finally looks away
uncomfortably.

"Do I know you from somewhere?" my dad asks, breaking the awkward silence in the room.

Zander laughs uneasily and doesn't make eye contact with him while he busies himself
trying to brush off some of the cake batter from his hands off onto his pants.

"Eh, people say that all the time. I guess I have a common face." He turns away from
my dad to face me and speaks softly so he can't hear us. "I'm gonna get going. I'll
call you later."

I look at him questioningly, trying to remember if I ever gave him my number.

"Meg slipped me your cell phone number the last time I was here. Didn't want to make
myself seem even more stalkerish by calling you without your knowledge," he says quietly
with a sweet smile before he turns and quickly walks past my father with his head
down.

"Sir," he mumbles to my dad in good-bye as he rushes by him and out the back door.

I wait until the door clicks shut behind Zander before I finally face my father. I'm
angry that he's here, I'm angry that my time with Zander was cut short, especially
when I just quite possibly received one of the best kisses of my life, and I'm angry
that he made Zander feel uncomfortable. I'm angry and confused and I'm full of cake
batter. I don't want him to be here. My life is good without him here. I'm used to
him being gone and I'm used to my routine. Having him back is just going to mess everything
up.