Watch Over Me (10 page)
‘That would be very helpful, Maisie, thank you, but the doctor bandaged her leg already. You can make her a card,’ said Jamie.
‘I’ll make her a card with stickers and glitter. Then she’ll feel better,’ said Maisie solemnly and ran upstairs.
‘Stickers and glitter! That will make her lots better!’ I laughed. ‘How are you going to manage? How much time can you take off?’
‘A week, no more. After that I need to find someone else. Mary will be out of action for three months, it’s a bad fracture. Probably one of the other mums at school … she has a best friend, her name is Keira, maybe her mum …’ He sighed. ‘I don’t want her to go with just anyone, you know … I trust Keira’s mum, of course, but …’
‘But three months is a long time. I understand.’
‘They don’t really know her. And what if they just do it as a favour but then it’s a bit of a bother to have an extra child at home for three hours every afternoon and then she doesn’t feel welcome?’ He laughed. ‘I know, I shouldn’t be so anxious about things. I know I’m fussing.’
‘Not at all, you are just protective. I’d be the same, if she was my …’ I stopped abruptly.
My daughter, I finished in my mind.
My daughter.
What was the baby I lost going to be? A little boy or a little girl?
I was never going to have a daughter. The old, familiar pang of grief.
‘You’re just protective,’ I recovered quickly.
‘I suppose. I’m sure it’ll be ok.’
‘What about Gail’s mum? She’s retired, isn’t she?’
He looked away.
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea. You know Gail and I … we were seeing each other. Sort of. But it wasn’t working out. So I told her. I’m not really the Ritchies’ favourite person right now.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that.’
‘Yes, well.’
Awkward silence. Desperately looking for something noncommittal to say.
Couldn’t think of anything.
‘Anyway, I better go. I’ll let you get on.’ I sprang to my feet.
‘Thanks for taking Maisie riding. She loved it. Maisie!’ he called in direction of the stairs. ‘Eilidh is going!’
‘Noooo! Eilidh, don’t go!’ Maisie came flying down the stairs. She had blue and silver glitter on her fingers and a bit on her left cheek.
‘Have some roni cheese with me! Dad, can she stay for dinner? Eilidh, are you staying for dinner? We can have a yoghurt afterwards and we can play ponies while I have my bath!’
‘I’d love to, sweetheart, but I have to go. Another time?’
‘Soon?’
‘Soon,’ I reassured her. She gave me a hug and spread glitter on my jacket.
‘I’m sure it’ll be ok, keep me posted,’ I said to Jamie and walked out into the cold evening air.
As I stepped onto the road, I turned back and saw Maisie and Jamie waving from the window, Jamie’s other hand resting on her shoulder.
Over dinner, I asked Peggy about Maisie’s mum.
‘Aye, yes, it’s very sad. Her name was Janet. Well, her name
is
Janet, she’s not dead, she’s just gone. She lives in London. She came here on holiday and you know how these things happen … she stayed for a couple of years, then just up and went, without Maisie. That poor wee lassie, her mum just left her like that. Jamie is so good with her, you know? And now that Elizabeth has gone, it’s just him.’
I felt the air being knocked out of my lungs with shock. Maisie’s mother had left her.
Left
her. That woman had a daughter, a wonderful daughter, and she abandoned her and went away.
How could she? How
could
she!
I felt my hands trembling.
She had been blessed. She had a daughter. And she threw it all away.
I couldn’t eat anymore.
‘Ach, Eilidh, don’t get yourself upset over that now, it all worked out for the best, Maisie is a cheery wee thing, they take such good care of her.’
But I had tears in my eyes again and they were tears of anger. She had a daughter and left her, and I wasn’t even given the chance.
Later, I sat crossed legged on my bed and emailed Harry on my new laptop.
From
[email protected]
Hi, silly me, got all maudlin tonight. Just one of those nights. Peggy had mince and tatties ready for me after horse riding – do you know what that is? Mince and tatties I mean, not horse riding. It’s lovely and warming, but I really feel like having a Chinese with you and Douglas and watching a film with Jennifer Aniston in it, you know one of those. And drinking Bailey’s. Like old times. I miss you guys. Had a ball today, the wee girl I told you about is so lovely, she reminds me of the twins, the things she says. She’s really funny and sweet. Poor Maisie, she’s going to have to be passed around for the next three months, her childminder broke a leg, sort of considered maybe looking after her, I’m free in the afternoons. Just to help out. Probably silly idea. Right. Going to go read a book. This house is very silent tonight. Bye guys.
Eilidh
I had barely pressed the send button when the laptop beeped.
From
[email protected]
Hi baby! You there? Give us a minute to read your mail.
X
From
[email protected]
Am here! Pjs, hot water bottle and all! Read, debate and respond at your leisure, boys. E.
After a few minutes sipping hot chocolate in a cup with Nessie on it, the computer beeped again.
From
[email protected]
We say not a stupid thought at all, go for it, you miss working with children and you’re great with them. Can’t shut them out forever, you’d throw the baby away with the bath water, not a sensitive way of putting it but you know what we mean. This little … or should we say wee! The wee girl sounds great, bet she’ll be good for you. Also good for you to be busy. We miss you too. Wish you were here. You put us in the mood for a Chinese. We’ll have Singapore noodles and think of you. Bet there isn’t a Chinese for miles around where you ended up. You probably have to go hunting. Ha ha.
P.S. Glad you have a hot water bottle. What about a plaid? H&D
From
[email protected]
You’re probably right. Will ask her dad tomorrow. Love you lots xxxx
P.S. Very funny about the plaid. Things have moved on since
Braveheart
, you know? Also, there actually is a Chinese takeaway in Glen Avich, believe it or not. It’s just that they are on hol. So there!
From
[email protected]
We are now thinking of Mel Gibson wrapped up in a plaid. Nice. Thanks Eilidh
I was smiling as I switched the laptop off and lay down with my book.
I thought of Janet.
And then I noticed a bit of blue and silver glitter, fallen from my hair, shining in between the pages like stars in the night sky.
MEANS AND ENDS
I can’t quite believe I’m responsible for someone breaking a bone.
It doesn’t always work for us ghosts to do these sort of things. I willed myself to become as solid as possible and I tripped her, seeing that she would land on her left ankle. She hurt the same ankle years ago, when she was a wee girl, so I knew it would put her out of action for a bit. I feel positively terrible about it.
Then again, if things go the way they should, it was worth it.
I’m exhausted now; the effort of becoming solid has been overwhelming. I feel myself thinning and thinning. I need to rest for a while, I’ll go down to the loch and lose myself in the water and the mist. It’s Jamie and Eilidh’s turn to make the next move.
I was at a loss. I had over fifteen orders to be dealt with, not to mention the local trade, and Silke was pushing for me to help her with the shop and the exhibition. I could hardly take a day off, let alone three months. There was no way Maisie could sit in the workshop with me; it’s a dangerous place for a child, with melted iron and sharp things and scalding stuff all around. Maisie there for three hours, half-supervised while I worked … no, I couldn’t even consider it.
I needed to think about things for a few days before I started asking around. The best way was probably to ask Keira’s mum first, then maybe Rachel’s. I knew they’d say yes but I just hated the idea of Maisie being passed around like that. Maybe the best thing was to look for a proper childminder, someone to rely on in these sort of situations.
Once again, I thought what a shame it was that Shona didn’t live here. I’d phoned her the night before and she’d said to ask Eilidh but I couldn’t possibly do that. Yes, Eilidh only worked in the morning, and she was great with Maisie, but she’d been back five minutes and she had so much on her plate, so much to sort out.
I was actually really surprised when Shona had suggested Eilidh; it hadn’t even crossed my mind. Maybe mothers deal with these things better.
I suppose all this should have made me miss Janet even more but it didn’t, not really. She used to do her utmost
not
to be with Maisie, she would have asked the bloody postman to take her on his rounds, so that she could paint. She would have been no use. My mum would have been the one to ask, except obviously she would have been looking after Maisie in the first place, she loved being with her.
So there I was, walking Maisie to school. No point in taking the car, the school was only five minutes away and parking was murder. It was a rainy, dark November morning and Maisie was wearing her pink Mac, matching waterproof hat and pink wellies with white dots all over them. She looked like a little flower, all pink against the dark backdrop of rain and grey skies.
That morning, as soon as I told her it was pouring, she started jumping up and down.
‘Daddy! I can take my new
Charlie and Lola
umbrella!’
A wee girl’s outlook on a rainy day.
The bell was ringing. I watched her running to Keira and her friends, their umbrellas closing one by one like popped balloons, as they went up the steps and into the school building, shepherded by the teachers.
I had to run, I only had about five hours’ worth of work before I needed to collect her.
A thought came into my head: to go and ask Eilidh there and then. No point in dithering, and before I knew it the week would be over and I’d be stuck. On the other hand, I couldn’t put her under pressure. I mean, who was I to ask her to look after my daughter every afternoon for three months?