Water Lily (12 page)

People were shouting goodbyes across the short stretch of water, being hysterical, and making him feel worse. He loitered
awkwardly at the back of the crowd as if he were in a packed bar, waiting for service. Above his head, colored streamers curled
in the breeze and fell to shouts and cheers. The wind blew his hair back from his face. Instinctively he pulled it forward,
smoothed it down, tasted salt on his lips.

Goodbye, Japan. He thought of the women he’d met there. If the agency had done a better job he could be flying home now, ready
to start a new life. Instead, he was still traveling, still searching, carrying dog-eared catalogs and photographs, Inter-net
printouts.

Chunks of writing were printed on his mind.

He should have charged Apple for all his travel expenses and for wasting his time. He had given her everything and was pre-pared
to give more. He would have given her the world if she hadn’t betrayed. He rubbed his temples. Since it was Apple’s fault
that it went wrong, there was no reason why it wouldn’t work this time with Li Hua. She wasn’t even from the same country.

Ralph took his own ad out of his pocket, a little crumpled and thin. The words were fading but gave him comfort still. It
had appeared in several Asian magazines and on the Internet. In a small way, he was famous.

He’d been unsure of the last line when he wrote it but now, in print, he was rather pleased with it. He was a romantic after
all. He did believe in love. He’d added later, in pencil,
I am a SPECIAL person
. And later still,
both when I’m on medication AND when I’m not.

He knew he was kind and gentle. Apple told him that before she turned on him. She was smiling at the time. It seemed like
a pretty, loving smile, but he didn’t know then what lay behind it. He said to her, “Your smile is very beautiful.”

She seemed to like it so he went a bit further.

“Don’t ever lose your beautiful smile, darling.”

He traced it with his finger. And she’d kept smiling but it stopped looking like a smile. It was sort of fixed and hard. A
frown or grimace but in the shape of a smile. Maybe she hadn’t understood what he meant. Her English wasn’t very good (though
sometimes he thought they pretended about that be-cause he knew that they all studied English at school in Thailand). Not
that he could speak French, or anything else he learned at school, but that was different because he could al-ready speak
English, the International Language.

Try to use a very SIMPLE selection of words. If you say a complicated sentence, the ladies will not understand you. If you
ask them, "Do you understand what I’m saying?" the Asian women will ALWAYS say yes but most of the time they don’t understand.

He tried that with Apple but it didn’t work. She understood him when she wanted to and misunderstood him when it suited her.
If he said, we’re going out this evening at eight, she would come home from the shops or cinema at nine or ten and act as
if she hadn’t understood. When he tried to tell her that her cooking was too spicy, she pretended to understand but continued
to give him inedible food until he had to make something separate for himself. He wasn’t a fussy eater but he simply couldn’t
manage food so hot that it hurt his mouth. He believed her at first—her innocent surprise and dismay that she had got it wrong—but
he noticed that she understood the television, the soap operas, and the news. She watched comedies and laughed in the right
places. She understood Ralph when he said,
I’m going out now
. She could barely keep the joy from her eyes. All he’d asked for was love.

He must fall in love with Li Hua. He must have all the things he couldn’t have with Apple. Walks by the lakes together, picnics,
perhaps a dog. Candles and simple food, a calming voice and touch. Soft hands to bathe him, a sponge of warm water squeezed
down his back. A malleable body that would arch weakly beneath his, whisper sweet words into his ear. Cute, funny English
that he would understand but that wasn’t perfect. Just a little further to go. He was almost there.

Goodbye, Apple. Li Hua is the one. When I put my mind to it, I get what I want.
I get what I want, that’s right, Ralph. And let no one deny it
. He looked down at the grey puckered water and all he could think of was that somewhere buried deep and swirling in all that
foamy liquid was his packet of seasickness pills.

He didn’t care to be outdoors for long when there was nothing to see. He wasn’t keen on the sea, too much of it, too cold.
No bearings once you were away from the land. But he needed air or he would be sick. He opened his mouth wide until his jaw
cracked. Then he inhaled as if to suck in the whole sky and swallow it up. Now, he thought, how am I going to last here for
two and a half days? Who shall I talk to first? Who will be my friend?

S
he grasped the edge with both hands and leaned over, imagined she was falling. The wind battered her face and bit into her
ears. Her throat filled with knives of icy air. If she jumped now, she’d never have to make an impossible decision again.
It would be so easy. She was worried about Ping. Ping might have changed, might have straightened out. She could be married
with children and want nothing to do with her. Runa would have to think of a back-up plan before arriving in Shanghai. She
had two days. She couldn’t speak Chinese and she didn’t know the city. She had enough money to last a few weeks, but without
friends she wouldn’t survive longer and she couldn’t bear to be alone. Runa looked down at the water and started to cry. She
couldn’t hear her voice and that made her cry harder. She was disappearing, intentionally or not.

She pulled herself back to catch her breath. It would be simple to jump headfirst now and disappear, but not much fun. She
only had to look at the creasing black water to know she’d never do it. She must put her faith in Ping. In a few days she
would have a new life. She had always found ways of getting into things, getting out of things. It was her specialty and at
least she could comfort herself with that knowledge.

At the school, when her life was in danger of standing still, she would go out at night and make things happen to move it
on, like stepping onto a treadmill until it was moving forward, then hopping off again. Could she do that now?

There was the time she had gone into a bar in the nearest big town to find friends. She had just split up with Kawasaki be-cause
he had started training the baseball team and was at school from six every morning until late in the evenings for practice
and on weekends, too. She only spent time with him in typhoons or heavy snow. Even worse, he frightened her by talking about
marriage. It was bad enough to think of spending her life with a man she never saw, but out there in the countryside, she
would have no other friends. She liked him, but not that much. The whole thing had become dull—no parties, no fun—so she told
him it was over but realized from his reaction that it made no difference to him. He started dating Ms. Kuroyanagi a few weeks
later. He was about to turn thirty and probably felt it was time to marry so he was looking around for someone who would do.

After that the nights were lonely. She had hardly seen him during her waking hours but at least he had been there when she
slept. She couldn’t see how she would have a life at the school and started to think she would die there. How did she make
it work? Too lonely to sleep, she needed to meet someone who wasn’t another teacher. She cycled off to the town and stopped
at the first bar she had never been to. A young man was drinking alone and she went to talk to him. She pulled up a stool
and filled his glass from the bottle on the table.

“What are you reading?”

“It’s about rocks.”

“That doesn’t sound very interesting.”

“I suppose it’s not. My boss is interested in stones and stuff. He collects them.”

“Is that why you’re reading it?”

“He always talks about rocks when we go out drinking. I thought that if I learned some stuff, I might be able to join in,
you know, just say something every now and again that didn’t sound stupid.”

“Sounds like he’s the one with no brain. Conversations about rocks? Over drinks?”

“He’s not so bad. He’s a very good boss. He’s done a lot for me. I just want to solve this problem with conversation. I want
to become a better employee. Anyone would do the same.”

“I certainly wouldn’t. I’d rather not have too much in common with my boss. I don’t want to end up respecting him. Don’t you
feel bad drinking that in front of me?”

“Sorry.What would you like? The same?”

“No. A scotch please.”

He laughed. “On the—? Oh dear, no. I don’t even want to think about rocks now.” The barman brought Runa’s scotch and she tipped
back her head to enjoy the first mouthful.

“It tastes good.”

“You drink fast. You must be strong. Very strong.”

An hour later, he was doing nothing to help things so she asked him to come home with her. He looked as if he wasn’t sure—perhaps
he was married and had a conscience—so she put her hand on his.

“I’ll pay,” she said.

“It’s all right. I paid for those while you were in the ladies’.”

“No, not the drinks.” Her lips felt dry but she couldn’t back down. “I’ll pay however much it is that people pay.”

He stared at her, open mouthed. “I don’t know about that. I don’t know about that.”

And he kept saying it, even after he had ordered another drink. He wouldn’t say no, though, so Runa waited for an answer until
she grew bored and just a little embarrassed. Then she left and cycled home alone. She knew now that she could ask; it was
in her vocabulary. A few nights later, the same proposition worked perfectly easily with a different man, a waiter in a pizza
restaurant. She found that waiters were more likely to say yes. It wasn’t a long-term solution to being alone but it helped.

If only, she thought, all men could be waiters, air stewards, bellboys. Dressed, trained, and presented to serve, with politeness
and a smile.

Was that before or after Jun? It must have been before. She hadn’t realized until now that she even cared for men in uniforms.
She laughed, and she knew she must laugh about Ping, too, if she was going to survive this journey. Ping was a good friend,
and friends were for life. She’d heard someone say so in a speech contest. She should have tried the phone number again. Ping’s
handwriting wasn’t clear and the sevens might have been fours or nines.

If Jun were here now, he’d be making her laugh. They’d be running around, playing hide and seek on the boat. He would have
to find the highest place, the darkest corner. He would be thrilled to travel so far by ferry. For Jun Ikeda it would be a
fantastic game and Runa would enjoy every minute with him. She missed Jun but at least the thought of him reminded her that
there would be others.

She touched the ends of her hair.
I must remember. I am not myself. I am my sister. Nanao would not behave in such a manner. Nanao doesn’t give herself to anyone.
But, Nanao, what in the world would you do right now?

S
he was a small figure on the ship’s deck. Her back was rigid against the wind. Ralph shuddered in the cold, cowered near the
doorway, and stared at the woman who looked down at the water. Damp, long black hair blew in seaweed strands. She could be
Japanese, Chinese, he didn’t know. He had not come out here looking for anyone or anything but now he was excited as though
he had found things he had been searching for.

Her hair fell back off her face and he caught a glimpse of her profile. She looked a little like the way he had imagined Li
Hua to look before he saw the photograph, and a little like the girl in the elevator. She looked nothing like Apple and yet
she was beautiful. This woman looked, somehow, as if she didn’t care to be spoken to, acted as if she owned the whole night.
But it might be her Asian modesty, that made her seem so. He was fascinated and a little jealous. She was a lovely star in
the night, he thought. He could tell her that.
You are shining like a star above the boat, above me
. What a compliment it would be. He wanted to know her name.

As he pushed his right leg to take a step toward her, he was stopped. A loud crash from behind started his legs trembling.
A hoarse voice shouted in a foreign language. Ralph jumped around to see a man running across the deck, pursued by an-other.
Their words came out and were eaten up by the wind so quickly it was a wonder they were able to understand each other. What
Ralph could tell from the fragments of sound left in the air was that the words were vicious. The taller man reached the edge
and stopped, breathless. The other came and shoved him hard against the metal. He slumped to the floor, perhaps to save himself
from being flipped over into the sea. He put his hands feebly in front of his face to shield a rain of sharp kicks to his
head. He managed to pull himself up again for long enough to grab the shorter man’s legs, pull him down. They fought, rolling
over and over, now without voices.