We Take this Man (16 page)

I was so happy the night before my wedding. Finally, I didn’t have to say I was getting married. Now, I was less than twelve hours from being married. I stayed at my mother’s house and we sat up until one in the morning discussing my life, her life, and the life we wanted for DJ. We laughed about all the losers I had to encounter before Dwight. She told me that a mother could only hope that her daughter landed someone as sincere as him. It made me proud to make her happy. It was as if all the silly mistakes or choices I’d made in the past were somehow erased with his love.

It was hard to sleep knowing that I was hours away from marrying a great man . . . a rare man. I tossed and turned and tried to block out images that displayed the ceremony not happening. What if he’s told his wife everything and she pops up here and barges in on the wedding? What if he doesn’t show up? What if I go into false labor? Lord, just get me to this courthouse in one piece.

The alarm clock buzzed and my head popped up, my heart beat rapidly. I couldn’t believe it was my wedding day. Wow. After all was said and done, Alicia Dixon found a man she thought was worthy enough to marry. I called Dwight just to verify that he’d be there. He laughed. “Baby, don’t worry. I’ll see you in a few.”

I called the girls and they, too, confirmed that they’d be there. When I got out of bed, I smelled the aroma of turkey bacon and followed the scent to the kitchen. My mother smiled at me and gave me a hug.

“Alicia, girl, I was getting worried. Didn’t know if this day would ever come.”

“Well, it did and we’re here. So, let’s get ready.”

“Have you talked to Dwight?”

As I plopped eggs on my plate, I began to giggle.

She asked, “What’s funny?” Before I could explain, she began laughing, too. Why was she asking in a conniving way if I was sure he would show up? I guess we both weren’t sure if this was a prank or not. She wanted to be sure he would show up too.

“Yes, Ma. I talked to him this morning. He’s going to meet us at the courthouse at nine.”

“Well good, because I’ve told all my friends and I don’t want any change in plans.”

“Ma, I don’t know why you are so nervous.”

She raised her brow and huffed. I chuckled again. Well, I guess I was slightly leery, too.

In my bedroom, tears welled in my eyes before I put on my dress. Though I felt like a balloon in my white baby-doll dress, I was anxious to get there. I pinned my twists up into a spiky ponytail and used a bunch of makeup contouring techniques to slim down the features that had spread on my face. By the time I was done, I felt like a bride, even if I was a makeshift one.

When we arrived at the courthouse, the crew was already there. Momentarily I was excited to see them, and I went to slap fives, but their attire made me gasp. They began chatting, but I covered my mouth.

Gina asked, “Why the hell are you acting crazy? Is everything okay?”

“Is there a reason y’all have on black?”

Everyone laughed. Still, I stood baffled. Tammy said, “Damn it. You’re the first in the crew to get married. We figured this might be our only opportunity to be bridesmaids.”

Andrea added, “And we all had black in our closets.”

“Oh! I thought you guys were trying to say you didn’t approve or something.”

“Girl, please. You know we would have told you if we had a problem. This is all of our wedding,” Gina said.

She slapped five with Tammy, who said, “You ain’t lying.”

My mother shook her head. “You girls are pitiful.”

Everyone’s neck unconsciously snapped in her direction like
please
. No one dared to say anything, but our expressions said everything. We exchanged words with our eyes.

Then someone asked the million-dollar question, “Where is Dwight?”

My heart sank as I gazed up at the clock. My words came out slow and uncertain. “He should be here by now.”

Andrea said, “He’ll be here.”

Tammy joked, “I hope your old boo Ian didn’t catch him coming in the courthouse and kidnap him.”

Only she would think of something so crazy. My eyes squinted and I wanted to pluck her, because the last thing I wanted to think about today was my past relationships. Especially considering it was one that I regretted. I shook my head. Why did she think that was funny?

Despite my irritation, everyone laughed and added their two cents into the Ian story. Finally, I said, “Can you guys stop?”

Tammy made a face at me and I rolled my eyes and said, “Please.”

She slightly frowned. “Damn, I was just joking.”

“I understand.”

Minutes later, Dwight walked through the metal detectors. The crew clapped as he walked down the hall. He blushed and strolled toward us. After embracing everyone, he stood in front of me. “How do you feel?”

“Like the luckiest woman in the world.”

He kissed me, and my mother kidded, “Let’s save that until you guys are married.”

We laughed and he asked which courtroom we were supposed to go to. We headed to the room for our nine-thirty wedding.

I held his hand tightly when we entered the room. It disturbed me that his palms were sweaty. My eyes questioned him. He released my grip and ran his hand over his pant leg, but when he held my hand again it was still moist. I asked what I really didn’t want the answer to: “Are you sure you want to do this?”

He paused and I stood paralyzed. It seemed like an eternity before he spoke. “Of course.”

All of my organs began to function again. The judge entered the room and I looked at Dwight. He laughed. “You are too funny.”

The judge called us to order, and in five minutes I was Mrs. Wilson. Can you believe that it happened so fast? We kissed to solidify our union. The ceremony was over and still I felt like I was dreaming. This couldn’t be. I touched my husband. He was real. We signed the marriage certificate. It was real. I had snagged an endangered species: a successful black man who loved me. If I wasn’t pregnant, I would have jumped in the air and tapped my feet together.

We stayed at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel to consummate our marriage. Seconds after we entered the room, Dwight unzipped my dress. The protruding pouch seemed to arouse him more. He kissed my shoulders as he stood behind me and slowly ran his hands down the silhouette of my body. He said, “I love you, Mrs. Wilson.”

Suddenly, I became a little tensed. I really hadn’t wanted to think about changing my name before everything was actually final. Didn’t want anything to jinx me. In the midst of our passionate moment, I was wondering,
Should I just hyphenate my name? Should I simply drop my last name?

He turned me around to face him and we kissed. This was more than I dreamed of, he was more than a man who loved me. He knew how to make love to me. We held hands and stared into each other’s eyes. I was his future and he was mine. He unbuttoned his pants and let them fall to the floor. As he stepped out of them, he sat on the bed. His erection summoned me to straddle him. I slid down on my husband and I exhaled. While he guided my waist, I escaped into euphoria. Our moist bodies clung together as he became saturated with me. We were united not only by emotion but by law. Legal sex felt safe, secure, and endless. I wanted to carry his name and his name only. That’s how much I loved this man.

I dropped my head on his shoulder. “I’m going to drop my last name.”

“Drop what?”

“I’m going to drop my last name and just go by Alicia Wilson.”

He kissed my arm and said, “Thank you.”

“I thought you claimed it didn’t matter to you.”

“I just wanted to see what you were going to do.”

I was so glad that I passed his test, because he’d certainly passed mine. It was okay to be vulnerable with him. There was no need to be over-independent just for the approval of outsiders.

CHAPTER 21

Tracey

O
ver three months had passed and I had yet to receive my court documents telling me that the divorce was contested or given a new court date. And Dwight hadn’t been home, either. Mama Dee always said don’t tell everybody everything. I guess that went for her, too. I didn’t tell anyone that I’d contested the divorce. I just wanted to see how all of this would play. Would Mama Dee and Danny still treat me like their daughter and sister? So for right now I am family, but you know how people change when you get a divorce. Today Mama Dee is watching the girls. As always, we walked in the house and Mama Dee was in her kitchen, mixing her legendary potato salad. I came into the kitchen and pulled up a seat. The girls gave her kisses and took their bags upstairs. Mama Dee looked me over one time and said, “You look tired.”

“I am. I’m real tired.”

“Where’s my only son? Why hasn’t he been home? Y’all still playing games?”

“You should call him and ask him,” I answered her with an attitude.

“I don’t believe y’all. It’s so sad.”

I shrugged it off. “I’m happy. He’s happy. We can’t keep harping on it. Can we?”

“I don’t even know why y’all going through all of this. Y’all just stubborn. You ain’t going to do nothing but get remarried.”

“You need to stop worrying about us because I’m not.”

She put her hand on her hip. “You think I ain’t. Y’all act like you still fourteen and fifteen years old. Y’all grown,” she said as I left her kitchen and walked outside. It was so hard to accept that I’d given all these years to a selfish bastard. I sat on the steps and took in the sun’s warmth. Danielle drove up in her Kia Sorento.

“Hey, sister-in-law,” she said as she exited her car.

“Hey,” I said sadly.

“What’s wrong with you? Have you spoken to my brother?”

“No.”

“And you are not concerned. He hasn’t been home in months.”

“No, he will come around. I ain’t chased him in all these years. Why would I start now?”

“Because he is your husband and you don’t know what’s going on with him?”

I didn’t want to be having this conversation with Danielle of all people. She knew she didn’t have the ideal marriage, either, but I still felt like I had to explain myself to her. “He is still paying all the bills and he talks to the girls,” I said.

“What did you do with the divorce papers?”

“I contested the divorce papers. I’ll divorce Dwight when I’m ready, not a moment before. If he really wanted a divorce don’t you think he would have come down here and handled that instead of trying to mail something to me? Enough about him.”

“What are you doing tonight?” Danny asked.

“Nothing, staying in the house. Your mother is keeping the girls, and I’m not going to do anything but rest and enjoy my peace and quiet. “Why, what are you doing?” I asked.

“Going to Nikki’s bridal shower.”

“Bridal shower? I thought you said she was pregnant.”

“Yeah, she is. It’s a . . . don’t laugh. It is a bridal shower and a baby shower—she’s getting married next week.”

I tried to control my laughter, but I couldn’t. I almost choked with laughter. “Are you serious? Let me get this right—a baby shower and bridal shower in one.”

“Stop laughing, it is not funny.”

“You and your people. Y’all are too damn funny.”

“You should go with me.”

“You know I don’t like your ghetto friends and they don’t like me.”

“Yes, they do like you. They just think you’re bougie,” Danny said.

“Well, I’m not bougie just because I don’t have a man doing time or a criminal record.”

“News flash, sister-in-law. Your ass is bougie. I’ll be there to pick up your bougie ass, so be ready.”

I reluctantly accompanied Danielle to Nikki’s shower. There was no sense in staying in the house and I knew I was going to get plenty of entertainment. The shower was being held at Nikki’s mother’s house in the middle of the projects. Why did I let Danny bring me out?

We entered Nikki’s mom’s small, cramped apartment. Everyone looked us up and down and Nikki came and checked us for our gift.

“Hey, cousin-in-law,” she said, hugging me. Nikki’s stomach was the biggest extra large basketball that was going to explode at any minute. Her navel was poking out through her white shirt, which clung to her skin.

“How my cousin doing?” Nikki asked.

“He’s doing good.”

“Look at my ring,” she said. “That’s right, I’m getting married, bitches,” she said, showing the tiniest piece of metal I’ve ever seen in my life. The ambience of this bridal/baby shower was pure ghetto. Nikki’s mother, Vivian, had baked brown cupcakes in the shape of a penis.
How nice
, I thought, shaking my head. And people were of course deep throating them. We had a seat and sank down almost to the floor on the battered sofa.

During the middle of the shower, Nikki’s baby-daddy/fiancé came through the door and everyone started clapping and saying “What’s up, Poppa.” He had long dreads tied up into a bun and a white-and-black scarf tied around his neck covering his chin. His tattoos started at his biceps and stopped right below the knuckles of his fingers. His shorts were hanging and long enough to be pants. If I saw him in the streets I would definitely clutch my purse. He came over to Nikki and acted like he was play fighting with her stomach.

“Be careful before one of those punches land,” her mother said. Then she asked him to help her take some things to the basement. After he went into the basement all of Nikki’s friends started commenting on how fine her man was.

“You are so lucky. He ain’t even been home a year and he working for the sanitation department and he gonna marry you. That is so good.”

“Why you looking at my man?” Nikki asked.

“Nobody looking at your man, bitch. You better shut up ’fore you get fucked up.” I thought they were for real but they all began to laugh. They were so excited that this convict-looking man, who was not, truth be told, even a good catch, was marrying her. I guess they were just happy with any ole man. I couldn’t keep myself from laughing at them. If they only knew what a good man really was. The only person who knew I wasn’t laughing with them, but at them, was Danny. And she didn’t know I was laughing at her ass, too. Danny poured me more drinks, and everything those people said and did became even more funny.