We Take this Man (9 page)

“What’s wrong?”

“Mommy, she said she got to pee.”

“You just went, Destiny.”

“I got to go again. Real bad,” she said as her legs shaked together.

“Just hold it a few minutes.” Destiny looked at me and said, “I can’t. I can’t.” And something started running down her leg. I was so mad at her. She peed in my new car.

I was so upset. I was going to kill Wade. Oh, I can’t take it. As I went back to the door, the Sanders were walking out.

“Thanks for showing this to us. We’ll call you,” they said as they walked toward their car. I knew they weren’t going to call me. I locked the property and drove home. I’m going to have to get a real nanny. This shit was getting out of control. I called Wade because it was his fault I had them with me. Of course he didn’t answer his phone. So I left him a nice nasty message. Even though I was really mad at Wade, I had to be true to myself. And the truth was all of this was Dwight’s fault. He should be home and I wouldn’t be having all these problems.

Dwight came through the door on Friday like a hero. The girls gave him a king’s greeting. I just changed the channel on the television. Dwight dropped his bags, hugged the girls, and tried to hand me some flowers. I looked at him and shook my head.

“What is your problem?” he asked.

“I don’t have a problem,” I said as I looked past him. He tried to sit next to me and began telling me about his week, explaining all the system problems they had. I kept acting like I was into the television, not even acknowledging that he was speaking.

“Are you listening to me?”

“Not really. Why should I?”

“What is your problem?”

“What’s my problem. Let’s see. I have the responsibility of ten on me. You promised me you would be home every weekend and that has not been the case. I don’t have a problem; you have a problem.” I knew I was frustrated and about to cuss him out, so I ordered the girls upstairs. I stood up and said, “I don’t know how else to say it, but you got to quit that job. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t do it all. This little setup is not fair to me. I’m working as hard as I possibly can.” He sprung up from the sofa and a look of confusion plagued his face.

“Tracey, I promised you that I would take care of you. It’s not your job to work harder. All I need you to do is follow me and I’ll take care of you. Do you understand that? You’re making this hard on yourself.”

“How am I making it hard on myself? Because I want to stay close to my family? What am I supposed to do in Maryland about a job? Who’s going to watch the kids when we want to go out?”

He shouted at me in a way he’d never done before. “Damn it, Tracey! I make enough fucking money to hire a nanny if that’s what you want.”

“I’m not leaving my kids with strangers. I want to stay right here, where your mother, your sister, and my family is. I don’t want to go hunting around for nobody to keep my kids.”

“I can’t quit my job,” he said and walked into the den. I stormed behind him, trying to yank his arm. He snatched it away from me. “Dwight!” I yelled. “You act like I’m just supposed to uproot everything and follow you to Maryland. I have everything here. Why would I leave?”

“Everything? What is everything? This fucking house. Is that what you call everything? Hell with the house. I’m your husband.”

“Don’t talk about this house is all I care about, because you don’t care about me or these girls. I have been doing everything by myself while you are living carefree.”

“I’m living carefree? I’m working hard every day paying every damn bill in this house. But you just don’t appreciate it.”

Jordan came to the top of the steps.

“Mommy and Daddy, please stop arguing.”

“Stop being grown, Jordan. Go to bed,” I yelled.

“Go to bed, Jordan,” Dwight scolded her as I walked out the door. I didn’t know where I was going; I just got in my car and drove. It was the first time I had to myself in months. I thought the ride would calm me down, but it didn’t. I was even more enraged when I returned.

Dwight might as well have stayed in Maryland—he worked the entire weekend and I gave him the silent treatment. Every time he asked me a question, I responded with one-word answers
. You’ll get no conversation from me
. We did take the girls to the movies, but I was super evil to him from the time he got off that plane to the moment he got back on. Forget him.

CHAPTER 11

Tracey

I
need a damn break! These little divas are killing me.
Really, I’m about to hurt somebody. The thought of my husband being seven hundred miles away was transforming me into an Angry Black Woman. This shit wasn’t fair. Every other word out of my mouth was a fucking curse word. I was sick and tired. And when I was saying curses I was spelling them out.

“Mommy, when is Daddy coming home?”

“Soon,” I said with a smile, but of course I wanted to scream,
Don’t ask me that again
. Every day the same thing. Daddy gets drawn pictures, and they write letters professing their love to him.
What about Mommy?
I wanted to ask them; the absent parent gets all the love.

“You said that the last time.”

“Is Daddy staying in Mary-land?”

“It’s not Mary-land. It is Marilyn-land, Destiny,” Jordan said, correcting Destiny like she was pronouncing it right. All their fussing and fighting was too much for one parent. I just wanted to rest. My body needed a mental and physical break. I couldn’t wait to just feed these little mamas and put them to bed so I could have some me time. Hell, I really didn’t feel like making them anything. I popped frozen macaroni and cheese and chicken nuggets in the microwave.

“I don’t like macaroni and cheese,” Destiny said, spitting her food out of her mouth and onto the plate.

“Yes you do, Des,” I said with my hand on my forehead as I begged God for strength.

“Not no more, Mommy. Can I have a peanut butter and jelly?” she said as she folded her arms and began sulking.

“Destiny, don’t make me hurt you, girl. Eat that food,” I yelled. Destiny looked at the food then began crying.

“Stop crying and just eat your food!”

“I’m thirsty. Can I have some juice, Mommy?” Jordan asked.

“Get some juice out the refrigerator, Jordan.”

She poured the juice and moments later I heard her gasp and say, “Uh-oh.”

“Ooh, Mommy, she spilled,” Destiny yelled.

“Clean it up, Jordan!”

“Mommy, then I’ll get dirt on my hand. Yucky.”

“Just clean it off.” She looked at me like
are you insane?
It took everything in me not to yank her up. My eyes scorned her. “Jordan don’t play with me. Clean that mess up,” I yelled. That was it. I left them to fend for themselves.

I went upstairs before I lost my mind. I left the dishes in the sink. I didn’t even tell them to take a shower before bed. I just went into my room and closed my door and turned up the volume on the television to block any noise they made.

They started singing the Mommy song. It always started low and elevated halfway through it. “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy.”

Then the knock on the door with another “Mommy, Mommy, she . . .”

I couldn’t determine who was saying what and I didn’t give a damn, either. I decided to ignore them because if I didn’t, I might be on the evening news
. Mother strangles two young daughters
. It seemed like it had worked. They walked away from the door. Just as I began to relax a little, I heard a bunch of banging, jumping on the bed. I opened my door and yelled, “Jordan and Destiny! Go to bed, now!”

It got quiet for a few minutes and then I heard little footsteps approaching my bedroom. There was another knock on the door. “Mommy?”

“What?” I asked.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too!”

“Good night, go to bed.” I decided I should add, “Love you.”

They replied with, “We love you, too.”

It wasn’t them I was angry with. I was angry with my selfish-ass husband. Why couldn’t he be here? Why do I have to do this all alone? I called him. I needed to be reassured of my position in his life. I need him to tell me how much he loved me and how everything was going to be okay. I felt so neglected, like work was his new baby, or maybe it wasn’t work—maybe it was something or somebody else. I know something was distracting him. I felt as if something was pulling him away from me, like he was falling in love with his job. He answered and I don’t know what came over me, but I surprised myself by asking, “Dwight, are you seeing anyone else?”

He huffed. “Tracey, don’t ask me stupid questions.”

“There has to be someone else. It is not a stupid question. Why, Dwight, are you extra involved now with your work?”

“Well, if there was, you damn sure aren’t worried about it.”

“I am worried about it. Why the hell do you think I’m asking? I’m telling you the truth. I’m worried, real worried. Dwight, I feel so lonely in this house without you. I don’t like sleeping alone. I miss us. Why can’t you just come home?”

“Tracey, you won’t even come to see where I live, but you want to ask stupid shit.”

“Why are you being so mean when I’m expressing myself? Dwight, you’ve never talked to me like this. There has to be someone else.”

Laughing, he said, “Someone named Work. Tracey, I love you. I love our life and our family, but I can’t deal with this right now. I have to go.”

“So you hanging up on me, Dwight?”

“No, I’m telling you I can’t deal with this right now and I’ll talk to you later.”

I was so upset that Dwight had just about hung up on me. I looked down at the phone and kept asking myself if I was overreacting and if I was wrong for not following him. I didn’t know, but I knew something wasn’t right.

A few days later, I felt a little better because Dwight had called and apologized. We both promised to be more understanding until we came up with a solution. I still prayed he would quit his job and come home. But I didn’t have the luxury of worrying about Dwight. I was too busy rushing around trying to get out of the house as usual. There was a knock on the front door. I went to the door and the FedEx guy handed me a ProFlowers box. I knew they were from my husband and I started smiling as I signed for them. I opened the box to two dozen red roses. Dwight was really trying and I appreciated that. The note read: i miss you, baby girl. i’ll see you this weekend.
We were taking a short family vacation to Disney World and I was anxious to have my family together. I smiled. Maybe he was coming around. Dwight wasn’t crazy; he knew family was the most important thing.

I called Dwight to see what time he was meeting us as I packed for our trip to Orlando.

“Dwight, what time will you arrive at the hotel?”

“Tracey, what hotel are you talking about?” he asked, preoccupied.

“Dwight, please tell me that you didn’t forget about our vacation.”

“We are in the middle of this project. Tracey, oh my God, I really forgot. Damn it.”

“You promised these little girls a weekend in Disney World and I’m not going to be the one to tell them their daddy is not coming. So make something happen, Dwight.”

“Okay, let me see what I can do. I’m not sure if I can get off. Tracey, I’m going to try.”

“Don’t try, Dwight—get here! What’s more important? Us or that dumb job?”

“You and the girls, but I have to do what I need to do for my job. If you like having a roof over your head, then I have to work.”

“Your job! Your work. I am getting tired of hearing about your job. I swear this is making no sense. I wish you would just quit. I need you to be here with me,” I said as I began to cry.

“I can’t just quit. I made a commitment to this company.”

“What about your commitment and responsibility to your family?” I hollered.

“Don’t start this shit again. What are you committed to, that house or me? Huh, Tracey? Your fabulous kitchen or your closet full of clothes? Don’t talk to me about commitment.”

I was silent. I didn’t have a response for him. I didn’t feel like talking to him right now. We kept having the same argument over and over again, going in circles. I was dead tired of it. Something had to be done.

“Dwight, you better make it. Listen carefully: I’m not going to Disney World alone,” I said as I ended the call.

Disney World was only three hours away, and we came right down the Florida Turnpike. We caught a little traffic on the way down, but still made good time. We checked into the hotel and went to our suite. The suite had yellow and white fresh wallpaper. There were two separate bedrooms, a dining area, and a living room.

“Come on, girls, let’s get in the pool,” I said as we placed our luggage down. They were both so excited. They raced into the bathroom and changed into their swimming suits and floats. I had so much on my mind, but I had to be happy and smile for them. Dwight called to say he was on his way, we were on vacation, and everything was going to work itself out.

At the pool, Jordan and Destiny swam in the shallow part and splashed water on each other. While they played, I flipped through the latest
Us Weekly
. I loved looking at the fashions and reading the gossip. A warm breeze was blowing and I could almost close my eyes and take a nap. I felt so relaxed just sitting by the pool. A woman with red hair walked up. Her daughter was flipping through the water as she watched.

“Your girls are really good swimmers,” she said.

“They both have been swimming forever.”

“Are they twins?”

“No, they are two years apart.”

“My husband is asleep in the room. I only have the one. I wish I had someone for her to play with We have a big day planned tomorrow. What park are you going to?” she asked.

“Magic Kingdom.”

“We are, too! If my husband gets up in time. We might wait until Saturday.”

Another mother walked past with a little girl who had her hair up in a bun and was wearing a purple and orange dress.

“Doesn’t she look cute,” the first woman said as the little girl strutted past the pool.

“Kelsey, don’t run,” her mother shouted. The little girl realized everyone was looking at her and began to run anyway. We both asked where she got her dress and makeup done at.