Wedded in Scandal (30 page)

Robert released a slow breath. Clearly his sister didn’t know the Chandler’s sordid history. She was babbling on as if it were nothing more than a dreary gentlemen’s club. That was a relief, of course, until he chanced to look at Helaine.

She knew. He could see it in her tightened lips and downcast eyes. She knew exactly what the Chandler used to be. And she naturally came to the wrong conclusion about what he did when he went there.

“Let me explain—” He didn’t get a chance to continue.

“By all means, my lord,” Helaine said stiffly. “You have been most generous in sharing your time with us. Pray do not let us detain you.”

“It’s not what you think,” he said firmly. Then he was stuck, because all the women were looking at him, waiting for him to explain. But he couldn’t. Not in front of Gwen, who was completely ignorant of the whole of it. Certainly not in front of his future in-laws. As for Helaine, he wanted to be alone with her when he told her about that part of his life. He wanted her to know the real him, the man who did indeed love every minute he spent at the Chandler the way it was now.

But he couldn’t say it now. “Very well,” he said with as
much dignity as he could muster. “I can see that you ladies wish to be rid of me. But I beg of you, Mrs. Mortimer, please spare me some time this evening after I return. I should like a word with you.”

“I’m sure that’s not necessary—”

“On the contrary, I insist. Directly after dinner, if you would.” Then he belatedly realized that he sounded as if he were giving her an order. “It is a request, you know, not a demand, but I would be exceedingly grateful for your time.”

He waited for her to dip her chin in acknowledgment. It took awhile, but she finally did, so he took his leave. He had plans for tonight. Big plans. And precious little time to prepare.

It was with true dismay that Helaine realized she was an
illogical, contrary creature. Not so long ago, she had walked out of an inn room intending never to speak again to Lord Redhill. And yet, not more than two days later, she had gone to stay at his house. And now, one week later, she had not only spent a very late night in conversation with him, but then proceeded to spend a lovely day shopping with him as well. And when he left them—to go to a brothel, no less—she found herself missing him quite dreadfully. He had a keen mind and actually listened to what she said. He could be quite funny when he put his mind to it and, all in all, was a delightful companion even for such a female thing as shopping.

So when he left after tea, she told herself she was glad of his absence. After all, any man who had to go to a brothel to restore his good humor was not an ideal companion. And yet, no matter how stern she was with herself, she could not keep her mind from wandering back to him. If she saw a fabric, she wondered what it would look like on him. If someone said something particularly witty, she listened for his low chuckle. And worst of all, she kept turning around to share this or that with him, only to realize he wasn’t there.

Illogical and foolish! And yet she couldn’t stop herself.
Nor could she keep herself from speculating on what he could possibly want to discuss with her after dinner. But she had a job to do now, and so she continued to shop with the women until they were all dropping with fatigue.

Then a miracle happened that solved all her immediate problems: Gwen asked about dancing slippers. Helaine suggested they all retire to her shop, where she was trying out a new shoemaker. It was Penny, of course, who was still staying with Helaine’s mother. The girl had made a couple pairs of delightfully feminine shoes for Francine and so Helaine had decided to promote her work more extensively. Plus, the ladies wanted to see Irene’s shipment of Brussels lace. Irene had apparently been able to use their new lines of credit with the cloth merchants as leverage against the ship captains. What that meant was beyond Helaine’s understanding, except to know that Irene had brought the lace plus a few more bolts of silk to the shop just yesterday. And now that Francine’s father had paid her bill—the girl was apparently enjoying her new wardrobe to the fullest—Helaine could afford to buy the bolts from Irene and send the woman out for more purchases.

Success was within sight—or at least disaster was stepping farther and farther away—and that was a miracle all in itself. Now she just had to build on everything she’d put in place and make sure nothing untoward happened to disrupt it. Something unsettling and unexpected—like an evening’s discussion with a frustrating viscount. But that was tonight’s problem. For right now, everyone was in good spirits as they tromped the short distance to her shop. And while all the ladies were fitted, Helaine wrote a note to Lord Redhill delaying their after-dinner meeting. She would be staying the night at her home here, she wrote, and so would be pleased to speak with him on the morrow.

She knew she was only delaying the inevitable, but she hoped with a good night’s sleep she would have better control over her emotional state. Then she waved the ladies good-bye, spoke a few brief words with Penny, who was departing for her father’s workshop so that she could get
started on the work, and then kissed her mother before disappearing into her bedroom for a well-deserved nap. Sweet heaven, it was lovely to sink into oblivion without fear of handsome men with brown coats and warm chocolate eyes. No bookkeeping, no whisper of poverty, not even hunger kept her awake. And for a few hours, she was completely ignorant of the world.

Until her mother came tapping at the door. Helaine had already been stirring. She was not a woman accustomed to naps, so a few hours of sleep had both refreshed her and left her disturbingly out of sorts. She had been thinking of Robert, of course, her mind wandering over some of their most pleasant moments, when her mother interrupted.

Helaine immediately climbed out of bed and opened the door. “Yes?”

“Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!” her mother exclaimed as she looked at her.

“What?”

“Your dress. Your hair! Oh, even your cheeks are creased!”

Helaine was hard put to make sense of her mother. Of course she was creased from head to toe. She’d just woken up. Although she did manage to look down and see how badly she had damaged her dress. “I suppose I should have undressed before I lay down, but—”

“Never mind that now! Come, come. Let’s get you into something more suitable right away.”

Helaine was rubbing her eyes when her mother all but shoved her back into the bedroom, efficiently stripping off her gown.

“What—ow!”

Never had she met a woman who could both strip her of her clothing and brush her hair at once. Her mother was a miracle of efficiency, if only she’d managed to pull out the pins from her hair first.

“Oh, bother!” Her mother pressed the brush into Helaine’s hand. “You finish with your hair. I’ll get you a better gown.”

“But—”

“Brush!”

Helaine did as she was commanded, quickly unpinning her hair. “Why am I rushing to look acceptable?” she asked. She had planned a quiet evening at home.

“Because
he
is here. Said you had an appointment.”

No need to think who “he” was. It was Robert, of course, and she released her breath in a huff. “I told him I would speak to him tomorrow.”

“Brush! And step into this.” Her mother was holding out the very same dress she’d worn the week before to the inn.

“I can’t wear that! I wore it the last time he was here.”

“Oh! Oh, yes.” Her mother quickly spun around, dropping the dress as she rushed out of the room. She returned a moment later with a winter gown of deepest blue velvet. “You shall just have to wear one of mine, then.”

“But you’re smaller—”

“Ssst! You cannot refuse him, Helaine, no matter what you told him. You began this path. You cannot turn him away so rudely now. And if this is a little tight on you, then all the better.”

“But—”

“Brush! Step!”

Rather than follow orders, Helaine put down the brush and turned to look her mother in the eye. “I have not done anything of which to be ashamed, Mother. There is no path, as you put it. Merely a…” How to put it? “A friendship. Nothing more.”

Her mother dropped into a crouch so that Helaine could step into the gown. When Helaine didn’t move, she looked up with a sigh. “It doesn’t matter what has and has not happened. Everyone believes it of you.”

“But—”

“And I do not blame you for it.”

That froze Helaine in her tracks. A week ago, she’d feared her mother would be sobbing her eyes out at Helaine’s fall from grace. But now the woman was pushing her into a liaison with Robert? It made no sense. And yet, as she looked
into her mother’s eyes, she saw an acceptance she’d never seen before. Could it be that her mother was finally ready to face the world again? Not as the ghost of the countess she once was, but as a whole woman? Someone who accepted life as it was and not how it used to be?

Impossible. It was too far a step for the woman to take. And yet, apparently, sometime during Helaine’s nap, the world had changed. It was but a moment more before she realized what had happened. Or more accurately
who
had happened.

“What did he say to you?”

“Ssst! Nothing! Now step into the dress.”

She did, if only to get her mother to stand. And then she was tucked and pushed and tied into place with such vehemence that Helaine knew she had guessed the truth. So when the gown was settled, she took both her mother’s hands and forced the woman to look her in the eye.

“What did he say to you?”

“Ssst—”

“Do not hiss at me! I deserve an answer, Mama. What did he say?”

The woman grimaced but finally answered. “Just that…just that he admired your strength.”

“What?”

“We were talking about you because that’s what mothers do when they meet an eligible man of their daughter’s age.”

“Mama, you cannot think he intends marriage—”

“I know! I don’t! But listen to me. He started talking to me about you, about how strong you are. That he admires everything you have done with the shop, and that I must be so proud. And I am, Helaine. I really am. You have saved us when I hadn’t the strength to rise from my bed.”

Helaine felt her face flush as she looked away. She hadn’t even realized how much she’d longed to hear those words until they were spoken aloud. Her mother was proud of her. “Thank you, Mama. But what has that to do with all this?” She gestured to the lush gown and her hair, which was flying willy-nilly about her face.

“Oh, sit down. Let me do something with your hair.” Helaine obeyed, and while her mother began to stroke it to a glossy sheen, she began to speak. “He cares for you,” she said. “I can see it in his eyes. It’s not Spanish coin to a girl’s mother.”

Helaine sighed. “Mama, you cannot believe what a charming man says. I would think you would have learned that lesson by now.”
From my father.
She didn’t need to say the words to make them heard. Both women knew how sweet Helaine’s father could be when it suited him.

“Lord Redhill is not a drunkard,” her mother snapped. “He is solid, stable, and good
ton.
”

Helaine couldn’t disagree with that, so she held her tongue. And then her mother caught her eyes, holding her gaze steady in the mirror. “He promised to make you happy, Helaine. He said he would do all in his power to make sure of it. And I believed him. He is not a man to make promises lightly.”

“But he does not mean marriage, Mama. You know that.”

The woman sighed, her shoulders slumping with the movement. “Of course I know that. But joy is something precious. You should embrace it while you can.”

“Even if it means compromising…everything?” She didn’t have to state it out loud. She didn’t have to say, Even if it meant losing her virginity to a man who would not marry her.

Her mother’s expression turned wistful. “I first met your father at a garden party. He made me laugh and later sent me posies. Then he followed me around from ball to theater, even to a musical evening, though he hated those things. He was charming and I never laughed so much as in that first year. Our wedding was wonderful and the night afterward out of a fairy tale. He was a terrible lover, I believe, as these things go, but he made it so much fun. We were two children stumbling about and I was so happy. Until he began drinking to excess, I was over-the-moon happy.”

Helaine searched her mother’s face. The words had come out in a rush, but they were no less heartfelt. Her mother
was speaking the truth, and that thought stunned Helaine. “Mama, you have always said he was a wastrel and a fool.”

Her mother shrugged. “Well, he is that, too. But in the beginning, it was different. We had such fun. I think that is why I now hate him, because it was so different those first few years.” Her mother’s eyes were distant, her thoughts far away. But a moment later, she returned to pinning up the sides of Helaine’s hair while the rest fell in loose waves behind her. “You have already lost so much. I want you to feel some of the joy, too. As much as you can, if you can.”

Helaine’s thoughts were in turmoil, and her heart beat triple time. Was her mother truly giving her permission to lie with a man not her husband? “I cannot do something so easily, Mama. Not just for joy.”

“Darling,” her mother said as she patted the last curl in place, “there is nothing
just
about joy. Not true joy that comes from the heart.”

Helaine shook her head. “Even so, Mama.”

Her mother looked at her a long time and then finally nodded. “That is why you are smarter than I. And yet, even after everything, I wonder if I would make a different choice with your father. Those first years were the very best. A life without such wonderful times would be very dull indeed.”

“But he left us, Mama. With nothing. No food, no protection, not even our reputations. He destroyed us and then he disappeared.”

“I know. But, darling, because of you, we have food. We are safe. And as for our reputations, they are long gone. Royal courtesans have not so terrible a lot. They have the joy and are not trapped once it is gone.”