Weeds in the Garden of Love (10 page)

Chrissie was sitting at the kitchen table when Craig opened the door from the garage.
Oh

great.
H
ere we go again.

“
Sorry I got so mad,” he said. “It’s just … you know the right buttons to push and—”

“
Craig, our problems have suddenly become very small.”

Craig heard the worried tone in her voice. “What is it?”

“
It’s mom. She’s going in for a biopsy tomorrow.” Chrissie explained Olivia had been to see Dr. Stuart for her annual checkup. He found an irregularity on her chest x-ray. A radiologist confirmed a biopsy was in order. “Mom’s doing okay. She’s hoping for the best.” With that, she ran to Craig and hugged him for dear life. “Oh, Craigie. I don’t want my mom to die.”

Craig couldn’t believe Olivia might die. He held Chrissie tight. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” he said. “Your mom is a strong lady.”

“
I’m not sure I can do this,” Chrissie said.

Craig tried to comfort her. “We’ll get through it. I promise.”

The next day, Craig and Chrissie met Joe at the hospital. Chrissie ran to her father and melted into his arms. “Oh, Daddy. How’s mom? Have you talked to Dr. Stuart? How are you?”

“
I’m okay, baby, settle down. All we can do now, is wait. Hey, Craig.” Joe reached out and shook his hand. Joe gave Craig a wink and a strained smile.

After the bronchoscope, Olivia was moved to a recovery room near the I.C.U. The local anesthesia used to suppress her cough and swallowing reflex had made her nauseous. Eventually, the sedative effect wore off, and she was quite alert when Dr. Stuart came in.

Dr. Scott Stuart had been Olivia’s G.P. for over twenty years. They had long ago passed the impersonal doctor-patient relationship. They had become friends. Olivia always reminded him she wanted the truth, no matter what. She was an educated, articulate woman, and Dr. Stuart respected her. He knew Olivia had a great deal of medical knowledge and was capable of handling the truth. He prayed she could handle this truth.

“
Hi, Liv,” Dr. Stuart said. “Still feeling nauseous?”

“
No, Scott, and quit beating around the bush. What is it?”

“
Would you like Joe in here, or is it gonna be just you and me?”

“
You and me, Doc. We can tell him later. Get to the point.”

“
Okay. The news is not good. The biopsy showed malignant tumors in both lungs. It looks like oat cell carcinoma, but we’re going to double-check. We’ll run more tests later today.”

“
Then what?” Olivia asked. “Surgery?”

“
Not an option with this type of tumor, I’m afraid. This is small cell lung cancer. You have extensive tumors in the central areas of your lungs. We can’t get at them.”

A sudden rush of fear and panic was making Olivia’s voice quiver. “What do we do?”

“
We’ll start radiation and combination chemotherapy right away.”

“
How long do I have?”

“
Listen, let’s not go there yet. We’re getting some amazing results from—”

“
Be straight with me, Scotty!”

“
This is a very aggressive form of carcinoma, Liv. It metastasizes quickly. We think it’s advanced but—”

“
How long, Doc? Years—months?”

“
Months. But we’ll help you fight this.”

Tears were running down Olivia’s cheeks. “Gonna be one hell of a fight, Scotty. I don’t give up easily.”

“
I know, Liv. I’ll be right in your corner the whole time.” They were both in tears as they hugged, two old friends comforting one another.

Joe spotted Dr. Stuart walking down the corridor towards him and knew the news was bad.
I can tell by the look on his face. I’m going to lose my Olivia.

The doctor explained what he had told Olivia. Joe took the news as best he could. He told Scott he knew Olivia was a lot sicker than she let on. She had lost weight and had a raspy cough that wouldn’t go away. He finally talked her into going for her annual physical a month early.

“
She’s smoked for a lot of years, Doc. I begged her to quit—but she couldn’t.”

“
She just did,” Dr. Stuart said. “Too late, but it shows she wants to fight this.”

“
I know my wife, and she’ll never give up. She loves life too much.”

“
She loves you too, Joe. She always said you were a good man, and I agree.”

“
Thanks, Doc. And you’re a dear friend.”

Joe walked to the dayroom before going in to see Olivia. He couldn’t stop the tears. He had to be strong for his wife, be her rock and keep it together. He stopped in a visitor’s restroom to splash his face with cold water. Joe looked in the mirror and told himself he was strong enough to get through this. “Now, I have to see my Livvie. She needs me.”

Joe and Olivia cried in each other’s arms. Words were useless. They kissed and looked into each other’s eyes to the depths of their souls. A strange calmness enveloped them. They were two very lucky people. They had shared many wonderful years together—in love and happy.

Chrissie took the news hard. She needed Craig’s support. She wasn’t strong enough to face this alone. Craig told her he would do whatever he could to help her. At the same time, Craig worried Chrissie would use her mother’s death as an excuse to drink even more.

Another thought was bothering Craig.
I don’t understand why good people
like Olivia have to die,
and scum like p
edophiles and rapists get to live. It doesn’t make any sense!

Dr. Stuart was explaining the treatment regimen to Chrissie when Craig interrupted him. Craig was angry and wanted to know how a doctor could possibly know how much time someone had to live. The doctor tried to explain but Craig continued to question him. “What’s your proof, Doc?”

“
Statistics on this type of cancer. We’ve seen this many times and—”

Craig interrupted him. “But you don’t know for sure—do you?”

Dr. Stuart understood Craig was upset and having trouble accepting the facts. He continued his discussion with Chrissie. Craig didn’t acknowledge him when he left.

Craig and Chrissie put on a brave face when they saw Olivia. Olivia told them she knew it would be an uphill battle, but she was ready. Joe said he would stay with her until she fell asleep tonight. Chrissie hugged her mom and didn’t want to let go. Olivia told her to be brave. Chrissie hurried out of the room. Craig couldn’t speak past the lump in his throat. He kissed Olivia on the cheek and quickly turned away.

“
Take care of my little girl, Craig,” Olivia said. “She needs you now, more than ever.”

Craig and Chrissie didn’t speak on the way home. They were each deep in their own thoughts as they drove along. A light rain was falling. It seemed appropriate.

Craig was thinking about how difficult the days ahead would be for Olivia. Radiation and chemotherapy do horrible things to a person. She would never be the same. Neither would their family. He worried about Robbie and Heather. How would they understand and cope with the loss of their grandma?

Chrissie was thinking about how much she needed a very large cocktail.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Downhill Battle

Joe pushed the talk button on the control yoke. “Gander, Worldwide one ninety-four heavy is leaving flight level three-three-oh for three-seven-oh.”

“
Roger, Worldwide one ninety-four heavy. We check you leaving three-three-oh for three-seven-oh,” the Gander controller said. “Call level at three-seven-oh.”

“
And we’ll call level at three-seven-oh—Worldwide one ninety-four,” Joe said.

Joe welcomed the tedium of a trans-Atlantic flight. He needed the diversion. The last few months had been extremely stressful. He had watched his Olivia endure radiation and chemotherapy. Joe was with her for most of the visits to the cancer clinic. When he was away on a flight, Craig took over. The radiation and chemotherapy treatments had taken a heavy toll on Olivia. She slept most of the time. She had lost her appetite and most of her hair.
She never
complains
, Joe thought.
S
he’s one amazing lady.

Joe advised they were coming up to thirty-seven thousand feet. The first officer Wayne Foster pulled back on the thrust leavers and engaged the altitude hold. The Boeing 747-200 would now be flown on autopilot. Joe, Wayne and the flight engineer Randy Peters were reduced to “clock-watchers”, monitoring the flight control and system instruments over the next many hours. The tedium would only be broken by mandatory radio calls. This was the longest stretch of the flight and was much more enjoyable with pilots you liked, agonizing if not.

Joe spoke into his headset. “Gander, Worldwide one ninety-four heavy is level at three-seven-oh.” He rolled his eyes and feigning extreme boredom, yawned at Wayne. This was Wayne’s leg, one of his first on type. Joe was the aircraft captain, but on this portion of the flight he was performing the duties of a first officer. After a two-day layover, Joe would bring her home.

Although Wayne had only recently qualified on this particular aircraft, he still had thousands of hours of flight time under his belt. He knew Joe was using humor in an attempt to lighten the load of responsibility that comes with command.
Joe didn’t have to do that. I’m not worried. I figure if I get my butt safely on the ground, my passengers are sure to follow. But I appreciate the gesture.

Wayne Foster was a friend of the family, and Joe was thankful he was in the right seat this month. Wayne loved Olivia. He joked he only bid on flights with Joe on the off chance he would see her. He knew the heartache of cancer all too well. He had lost both his father and older brother to this dreadful disease. Wayne asked Joe how Craig and Chrissie were dealing with Olivia’s struggle. Joe told him Craig was an absolute rock, but Chrissie wasn’t handling it very well.

Craig and Joe had shared a great deal lately, Joe about his impending loss of Olivia and Craig about his marriage. Craig told Joe he and Chrissie were barely keeping it together.

Chrissie refused to discuss her mother’s illness, let alone her death. She told Craig she couldn’t even handle taking her mother to the cancer clinic. Whenever Craig tried to talk to her, Chrissie would change the subject or leave the room.

Initially, Craig believed Chrissie blamed her mother for her own illness by willfully subjecting her body to years of alcohol and tobacco abuse. Now, he wasn’t so sure. Craig wondered if it was fear that was driving her. Maybe Chrissie saw her mother’s illness foreshadowing her own future and was terrified by the prospect—but not terrified enough to stop drinking and smoking herself. But the reason for Chrissie’s behavior was secondary. More important was the fact he and Chrissie were drifting further apart and Craig felt powerless to stop it.

Joe checked the aircraft clock.
Today is Liv’s radiation treatment; Craig is probably on his way to pick her up right now. He’s such a good guy
.
He loves Olivia so much
.

* * *

Craig pulled up to the main entrance of the hospital. “We’re here, Mom.” He helped her out of the car and told her to wait inside while he parked.

“
I think I know the drill by now,” Olivia said.

“
Sorry, O. I know you do. I’m just trying to make it easier for you.”

“
I know, honey. I’m a bit short of patience these days. Hurry back.”

The cancer clinic was relatively new and attached to the East Wing of the old hospital. Craig had been here with Olivia many times over the past few months. He knew the best place to park, the quickest route to the cancer clinic waiting room, the nearest coffee machine and the closest public restroom.

Olivia was waiting inside and smiled when she saw Craig walk in.
Man,
he thought,
she looks like she’s aged twenty years since our last visit.

“
Always so good to see your smiling face,” Olivia said. “You make these visits easier, if that’s possible.”

“
My pleasure, madam.” Craig held out his right elbow. “Now—please allow me to escort such a beautiful lady.” Olivia hooked her left arm through his. She knew Craig was deliberately being nice by not focusing attention on the fact she actually needed his help. The walk from the main entrance to the cancer clinic was becoming an effort for her, but she refused to use a wheelchair. She was determined to stay mobile as long as she could. She said she wasn’t ready to lie down and die, not yet anyway.

Olivia checked in with the nurse behind the desk while Craig looked for new magazines. She sat down beside him and then squeezed his arm as she leaned towards him. “The saddest thing about this place is these kids. Sometimes one of them is missing, and I wonder if they’re cured or—”

Craig looked into her weary eyes. He didn’t know what to say. He knew what she meant. He had seen the kids’ gaunt faces, the dark circles under their eyes and the baseball caps or kerchiefs covering their bald heads. He tried not to think about how he would feel if it were Robbie or Heather. Marital problems were so trivial in comparison. Craig watched a painfully thin boy in a baseball cap playing with a fire engine.
Death is close here. You don’t have to look very far to find it.