Welcome to the World, Baby Girl! (37 page)

From the moment she walked in his door that first day he had felt his former life, the one that had been so carefully planned, all behind him, barely remembered. He knew he would follow this woman wherever she wanted him to go. And there was something almost merciful about that moment; he didn’t have to fight it, or struggle, or regret, because he was as sure of this as he had been of anything in his life. He knew that trying to stop it would have been as futile as trying to stop himself from sliding down a glass mountain.
He felt himself falling but there was no fear, no terror, only the sweet, burning anticipation of landing beside her, in her arms.

On the other hand, the object of all this earth-shattering activity was unaware of it. Dena Nordstrom did not believe in love, true or not. It almost killed him when he read in the paper that Dena was now dating Julian Amsley, the president of her network. Every time he saw their picture together in the paper, which was often, it almost broke his heart. But there was nothing he could do.

Six months after Howard’s death, Dena spoke at the Mississippi College for Women, and Sookie had driven her back to Atlanta. They were driving around looking at houses, killing time before Dena had to get the plane back to New York.

“I wish I had paid more attention to current events when I was in school,” Sookie said. “Then maybe I wouldn’t be so surprised at what’s happening now in the world. I was busy trying to be liked.”

“You
were
liked.”

“Yes, but I had to work at it. You didn’t have to. People just liked you automatically, I don’t know why, you didn’t have to lift a finger. Not me. I had to run around like a chicken, smiling, joining this and joining that. I never got a good rest until after I was married.”

“Sookie, you’re still running around joining everything in sight.”

“I am not! You’d be surprised, the things I haven’t joined. And the things I do belong to I enjoy. Listen, don’t forget, it’s good for Earle’s practice to have a wife out there in the community, doing things; besides, what else would I do, sit home and stare at the walls? Look at that house! Are those not the most gorgeous boxwoods you have ever seen?”

“What?”

“Oh, you missed it. My boxwoods are just puny this year.”

Dena had no clue as to what she was talking about. “Sookie, have you ever spent any time alone? I mean really alone.”

Sookie thought about it. “Why would I want to?”

“Don’t people get on your nerves?”

“No.”

“Ever?”

“No … not really, except for Mother, of course.” Sookie suddenly spotted something. “Look at that! Now, why would anyone paint their house that color, will you tell me?”

Dena looked at the lavender house with the dark purple shutters. “God only knows. But seriously, Sookie, I’m really interested in knowing why.”

“Why? New money, honey. Atlanta’s full of it. No taste, bless their hearts.”

“No, I mean why do you like people?”

“What a silly thing to ask. Because, why shouldn’t I like people? You’re supposed to like other people; everybody likes other people, don’t they?”

“I don’t know if I do or not.”

“Of course you do. You always liked people.”

“I did?”

“Yes. Very much.”

“Maybe I’m just tired of people now.”

“Don’t tell me you’ve gone Bohemian, like Margo?”

“Who?”

“Oh, I told you about Margo, that girl from Selma who went to school up north.”

“I don’t remember.”

“Yes, you do. She came back home all warped and weird? She acted so bored with everybody, wore black all the time?”

“I can’t …”

“Well, anyway, she wouldn’t join anything, not even Junior League. She just wanted to sit around and read or something. So finally, one day I went over there to see her and I said, ‘Margo, what
in the world is the matter with you? Have you just given up on humanity?’ She closed her book and looked up at me and do you know what she said? She said, ‘I haven’t given up on humanity, it’s man that I’m disappointed in!’ And with that, honey, she just marched back in the house and left me standing there on the porch like a fool! And I guess by man, she must have meant woman too, because she never has gotten any nicer. She bought some little dinky house way out in the woods and raises those ugly little pug dogs. I hate to say it, but I think she’s peculiar.”

Dena smiled. “Well, then, I must be peculiar. I wouldn’t mind living in a house in the woods, all alone.”

“If you ask me, you are alone too much as it is. You need to have somebody to talk to, to share your innermost thoughts with.”

“Don’t worry. I have a psychiatrist I pay a lot of money to share my innermost thoughts.”

Sookie, alarmed, almost ran the car off the road. “A psychiatrist? Don’t tell me you’re going to a—Oh, my God, see, I knew something was wrong.”

“There is nothing wrong. A lot of people go to psychiatrists. And it’s not really psychiatry, it’s hypnotherapy.”

“What?”

“Hypnotherapy. She hypnotizes me.”

“Oh, my God, Dena! I hope you know what you are doing. Earle says most of those New York psychiatrists are card-carrying communists. You don’t know what he may be telling you when you’re hypnotized.”

“She.”

“Well, she, then. She may be turning you into a spy or something. You just better be careful, there are a lot of subversives everywhere now.”

“Sookie, where do you come up with this stuff?”

“I read.”

“Oh, Sookie.”

“Well, they are trying to get rid of Christianity and once they do that, then you watch. Our taxes will go up and they’ll take all our guns away and the next thing you know, a communist or a socialist will get in the White House and then it will be all over.”

“Sookie, surely you don’t believe that.”

“Honey, they are trying to outlaw prayer in the schools, right now, as we speak.”

“I think it has something to do with separation of church and state.”

Sookie turned the corner. “Oh, listen, that’s just some lame excuse they’re using to try to turn us into a Godless nation and corrupt our children.”

Dena was getting a headache. “Whatever, I don’t care that much.”

“You should care. It’s your country, it’s your children and my children we are talking about. Do you want them to come home from school someday and murder you in your bed?”

“I don’t have children.”

“Well, you’ll want to get married someday and have children. You have to think about those things.”

“I’m not getting married.”

“Oh, sure. You say that now. But someday you’ll meet someone and fall head over heels. And I better be your matron of honor or I’ll never speak to you again. You’re my big claim to fame, so don’t you dare ask one of your movie star friends to show up and take my place.”

“You don’t have to worry because there isn’t going to be a wedding.”

“Don’t you want children?”

“No, I really don’t.”

“Oh, I can’t believe that. Every woman wants to get married and have children.”

“You have them and I’ll enjoy them, OK? I don’t feel the need to procreate.”

“Why not, for heaven’s sake?”

“Because any idiot can get married and have children; that’s no great accomplishment.”

“Well, thanks a lot!”

“Oh, I’m not talking about you. You know what I mean.”

Sookie’s face was all amazement. “I can’t believe you don’t want to ever get married. I thought I knew you better than that.”

“Believe it, we are just two different types of people. I keep telling you that—we always were.”

“No, we weren’t!”

“Yes, we were.”

“How so?” asked Sookie.

“For one thing, you were always boy crazy.”

“I was not!”

“Sookie, don’t tell me that. You used to go to bed with a cold rag on your head if some stupid boy didn’t call.”

“I did not. Once, maybe. What does that have to do with you not wanting to get married?”

“Haven’t you heard of women’s liberation? Not everybody wants to get married.”

“I know that but you don’t want to be alone the rest of your life, do you? And wind up raising a bunch of ugly dogs somewhere in the woods. You don’t need to go to some psychiatrist, Dena Nordstrom. I can tell you what’s wrong with you absolutely free. You think you don’t like people but you do; and you’re just scared of them, so you stay alone.”

Dena sighed. “Sookie, I have so many people around me all day, believe me, I am not alone.”

“I mean when you go home at night. And on holidays, for instance. Who are you with on Christmas?”

“God, not this again. I don’t need to have children just to have someone to spend Christmas with. There are plenty of places I can go.”

“Ah, but you
don’t
go and that’s my point. You sure won’t come to Selma to spend it with us. You know what I think? I think you sit up there in that apartment of yours all by yourself, that’s what I think.”

“Sookie, I’m not like you. I like to be alone. I really do. Anyhow, let’s get off me. I am under enough pressure as it is without having to listen to your lamebrain,
Good Housekeeping
theories about how miserable and all alone in the world I am. Why can’t we just have a nice visit without you constantly badgering me?”

Sookie kept driving. For a long time she did not answer. “Dena, I have something I have to tell you.”

Dena could tell by her tone that it was going to be something she did not want to hear and moaned, “Oh, God, this isn’t going to be about some new religious experience, is it?”

“No.” Sookie looked worried and glanced into the rearview mirror, then pulled over to the curb and turned off the engine. She stared straight ahead, took a deep breath. Her eyes were closed. “Dena, I know about your mother.”

Dena, startled, said, “What?”

“There, I’ve said it and I’m glad. I know I’m taking a chance of losing you as a friend, but before you get furious at me, I didn’t mean to find out. It was an accident.”

“What are talking about?”

“It was a stupid thing to do but … we … well, all the girls in the house used to think you had a secret boyfriend. And … they put me up to looking to see if you had any love letters stashed away … and I accidentally read the letter from your grandfather by mistake.”

Dena felt her face getting hot and flushed and her heart was racing.

“I know I shouldn’t have done it … and I’m sorry.…”

Dena did not say a word.

“Are you just ready to kill me?”

Before Dena could answer, a woman with short brown over-permed hair in a green cotton housedress came out of her house and looked at them with curiosity. Sookie smiled and waved at her. The woman smiled and waved back and headed down the stairs toward them. Sookie mumbled, “Oh, Lord,” and rolled down her window.

The woman came over to the car and looked in at Sookie. “Are you here to give me an estimate?”

“No, ma’am, we’re just sort of lost.”

“Oh, I thought you might be looking for my house. I’m waiting on some people from Sears to come and give me an estimate on some indoor-outdoor carpet. But I guess you’re not them, are you?”

Sookie said, “No, ma’am.” The woman looked over at Dena. “No, ma’am. We just … stopped here for a minute. We’re headed on now. But good luck with your carpet.”

“Oh,” she said. “Well … would you like to come in anyway? If you’re lost you can use the phone, and I can show you the back room
where I’m thinking about putting it. You can tell me what you think.”

Sookie, realizing that they had to leave, reached to turn on the ignition. “Thank you but that’s OK.”

The woman said to Dena, “You look familiar to me … are you any kin to the Larkins?”

Sookie jumped in. “No, she’s not from here, she’s just passing through. On her way to a plane. She’s a complete stranger.”

The woman was mildly disappointed. “Oh.” She stepped back from the car. “Well, let me get back on inside in case they are trying to call me. Nice talking to you.”

“Nice talking to you too … good luck with your carpet.”

“I just hope it’s not an arm and a leg, that’s all I hope. But I guess they’ll tell me, won’t they, if they ever show up.”

Sookie pulled away and waved good-bye. They drove awhile and Dena lit a cigarette but was silent. Sookie was miserable. “Dena, if you don’t say something I am going to have a heart attack. You’re going to have to say something eventually. I don’t know what gate your plane leaves from.… Look at me; I’m so nervous I’m breaking out in hives.”

Dena spoke. “Who else did you tell?”

“Nobody!” Sookie was emphatic. “Do you think I would tell anybody else? I didn’t even tell you until now! I wanted to but I was a coward. I wanted you to like me and you kept telling me you were spending all your holidays with your mother and what a wonderful time you had. I couldn’t very well just come out and say I knew you were lying, could I? I kept inviting you to come home with me but you never would come. I didn’t know what to do. You know I was addle-brained back then; I could barely figure out what to major in, much less something like that. I didn’t know what the right thing to do was so I didn’t say anything.”

Dena took another drag of her cigarette. “Have you told Earle?”

Sookie reacted in horror. “Earle! Why in the world would I tell Earle?
No
, I haven’t told anybody. Do you actually think I would betray a friend? I am a good friend, Dena, you know that. And if you don’t know that by now, then you must not trust anybody. Didn’t all
the Kappas come to me and tell me everything? And the Pi Phis too? And did I ever repeat one word, even when I was dying to? No, I would never betray any of my sisters, and believe me, I know plenty. I’d rather have my tongue ripped out. You say I don’t know you, the truth is you don’t know me. I am your friend whether you like it or not.”

Sookie’s chin began to quiver and she was on the verge of tears. “I’m sorry I read that letter … but I would never betray you and it hurts my feelings that you think I would.”

Dena put her cigarette out in the ashtray. “You were spying on me. What do you call that?”