Wellington Cross (Wellington Cross Series) (8 page)

“Thank you, I’d like that very much.”

His face abruptly changed and his smile faded.  “I do wish
I’d found you sooner.  There is something I must tell you.”  He
hesitated.  I looked into his eyes and saw pain.  “I’m not sure
you’re ready for this.  It won’t be pleasant for you.”

“Go on,” I said, bracing myself.

 “I was just married to another woman only a month
ago.  It was a short betrothal, I’ll admit, but I was terribly lonely
after you’d been gone for nearly a year, and I thought I needed her.  My
father kept insisting that you were dead, since no one ever found you.”

I furrowed my brow, thinking of what he said.  I was, of
course, surprised.  After receiving such a warm greeting of affection, I
had thought he cared for me.  Perhaps I was wrong.  I must have
misread the look in his eyes, his joyfulness, his attentiveness, and his gentle
touches.  Perhaps he didn’t want to be with me, after all.  Even
though I didn’t remember him, it hurt that he had moved on so quickly, only a
year after I had disappeared.  I didn’t even fathom that he could have
remarried.  If he loved me as much as I thought he did, why had he married
again so soon?  And yet, he hadn’t actually said he loved me.  I had
come to the wrong conclusion.  I supposed that if he’d thought I was dead,
he should be allowed to go on with his life.  But still, it hurt.

I stood up to go.  “I’m sorry,” I said, flustered, looking
down at my hands.  “I shouldn’t be here.  You have your own life
now.” 

I turned to go, but he stood up quickly and caught my arm. 
“Where are you going?”

“I need to find some place I can call home, maybe to that
brother of mine.  I’ll just take my carriage and go now.  I’m sorry
to have troubled you, truly I am.” 

He gathered both of my hands in his.  “Please, don’t
leave,” his eyes were pleading, his voice deep with regret.  “I don’t love
her the way I love you.  I still love you, Madeline.  I can get the
marriage with her annulled, now that you’re back.  Please…don’t leave me
again.”  He took one of my hands and brought it to his lips.  “Please
give me a chance.  Give
us
a chance.  Let me help you
remember.”

He just said he loved me.  I felt joyful and hopeful once
again.  But was he telling the truth?  He had re-married, after
all.  I was still hesitant.  He had said that he needed this other
woman.  “It might be best for me to go live with my brother,” I said in a
softer voice, “until I remember everything.  Besides, it wouldn’t be
proper for me to stay here with you as long as you are married to another.”

“My whole family lives here, too.  And your servant friend
with her daughters – they are familiar to you, and right now, your brother is
not.  Besides,” he squeezed my hand between his.  “I want to be close
to you.  I want to help you remember me.  I want to see your face
when you finally remember who I am.  You already remembered my
voice.  Now that you’re here with me in person, you may get your memory
back quickly.”

I looked hard into his eyes, looking from one eye to the other,
wanting desperately to believe that he cared about me, this man who claimed to
be my husband.  I wanted to believe that he loved me and not this other
woman.  I wanted so much to have someone who would take care of me, since
nearly everything around me had been taken away, twice.  I wanted to fill
the loneliness that was in my heart.  And most of all, I wanted him to
fulfill the longing that I felt when I first heard his voice call my name in my
memory.

I’d have to forgive him for marrying another woman.  Could
I do that?  I didn’t know the answer just yet, but I was willing to try.

“All right,” I finally agreed.  “I will stay here for a
little while.  But if it doesn’t work out or I don’t get my memory back,
then I will go to my brother’s.”

Ethan kissed my hand again and said, “Thank you, Maddie.”

Maddie
.  He’d just called me “Maddie”.  Just like in my
dream of the dark-haired boy I’d played with as a child, the one who had helped
me when I fell out of that tree. 

It hit me like a bullet. 

“Wellsy?”  I remembered all of our nicknames then. 
His was Wellsy, mine was Maddie, and my brother’s was Jonesy.  Was my
childhood friend, Wellsy, the same person as Ethan, my husband?

“You
do
remember me!”

“Is it really you, Wellsy?  I married Wellsy?”  I
couldn’t believe it.  I remembered now; Wellsy was shortened for
Wellington.  He didn’t like being called Ethie.  I quickly hugged him
with all my strength, suddenly feeling safe for the first time in a very long
time.  The playmate I had cherished had been the same voice that I’d
longed for and had been the one I’d been married to.  I felt tears well up
in my eyes.  “My Wellsy,” I whispered softly.  “I only remember you
as a child,” I said, letting go of him to look into his amber eyes.  Of
course, I’d seen those eyes before.  How could I forget those eyes? 
His appearance may have changed as he grew up, but his eyes didn’t.

“There’s my girl.  You see, you’re already remembering
things,” he said, smiling brightly, wiping tears at the corners of my
eyes.  I laughed and finished the job with my handkerchief.

I told him all about the dreams I’d been having of us
playing.  “So the blonde-haired boy, is that Jonesy?  He’s my
brother?”  He nodded.  “And he’s still alive?”

“Yes,” he laughed lightly at my excitement. 

“Oh, thank God.  I found my two dear friends again.  I
wondered what had happened to you both.  I wish I could remember more.”

“I’m sure you will in time.”  He rubbed my hands in
his.  “There is more,” he said.  “Much more.  Does the name
Lillie Rose mean anything to you?”

“Who?” I asked.  That name didn’t ring a bell at all.

“Lillie Rose.  She’s your daughter…our daughter.  You
had a baby before you disappeared.”

I caught my breath, and then I had no breath at all, and I felt
my back side hit the hard ground.

I woke up moments later to concerned honey-colored eyes hovering
over my face.  “Are you all right, Maddie?” Ethan asked, anxiously.

I moved to sit up, and he helped me, his arm around my
back.  “Yes, I think so.”  My back ached a little but otherwise I
felt fine, just shocked.  I’d had a baby?  Why couldn’t I remember
that?  “We had a baby?” I asked him. 

“Yes.”  He brushed off dirt or leaves from my back, and
then looked at me again, squatting next to me.  I knew that we had been
married, but realizing we had a child together meant I had been intimate with
this man.  I swallowed hard.  I had just found out that my childhood
best friend grew up to be a handsome man and that I’d married him.  To
find out that we’d had a child together also was overwhelming. 

“I…I’m a mother?”  I still couldn’t believe it.  What
kind of mother had I been?  What kind of mother was I that I couldn’t even
remember having a baby?  Perhaps I should have had that country doctor
give me a personal exam, after all.  “I wish I could remember.  Could
I see her?”

“Of course.”  He helped me to my feet, and we walked back
up the hill for my first look at my daughter.  It was a scary
thought.  I’d had a baby girl, and now that Ethan had re-married, another
woman was taking care of my baby.  Did the baby think this other woman was
her mother?  Would she love the other woman more than me?  It was too
painful to think about. 

“What does she look like?” I asked as we ascended the hill
together.

“You,” he said simply.  I looked over at him and
smiled.  I wondered if she would recognize me or my voice when I met her,
the same way I remembered Ethan’s voice.  Would she know I was her
mama?  I couldn’t wait to find out.

As Ethan and I approached the river-front door of the manor,
Clarissa was there to greet us on the terrace.  “I see you found each
other.”

“Yes,” Ethan said, as he walked over and kissed his mother on
the temple.  “How are you, mother?  I’m glad you’re back.”

“I’m glad to be home, and just look who I brought back.”

“You did good, mother.  I had given up hope of ever seeing
our Madeline here again.”  He walked back over close beside me again and
reached for my hand.

“Madeline, dear” she said to me.  “Is it all right to call
you Madeline?  What is the name you were going by before?  Melinda?”

“Yes, that is the name Mrs. Washington first gave me, but I
started having dreams of me and Ethan as a child, not too long ago, and I
remembered that my nickname was Maddie.  I just remembered that Ethan’s
nickname was Wellsy.”  I failed to mention that it was Jefferson who first
called me Madeline, one of the few truthful things he told me.  I didn’t
know why, but I felt like I should leave Jefferson out of the conversations for
now, as I didn’t know where he fit into my past.

“That’s wonderful, dear.  I’m glad you’re starting to
remember things,” Clarissa said.

“Mother, Madeline would like to meet Lillie.  I told her
everything.”

“Oh, of course.  Madeline, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but
I felt Ethan should be the one to break the news to you.  Do you forgive
me?”

“Of course.  Think nothing of it.”  I smiled
tentatively.

She smiled at me and turned around and walked inside the
house.  Ethan walked me to the door and held it open for me, helping me
step over the threshold.  I was distracted by the fact that I had a child,
whom I was excited to see, but I suddenly felt needy for him.  It was the
familiarity of him as my childhood friend in the midst of this – for now, at
least – unknown world that I was re-discovering.  Finally, something
familiar.  I didn’t want to ever let go of his hand.  Ethan smiled
encouragingly at me.  I felt nervous and somewhat tremulous.  I
wanted to look around the manor to see if I could remember anything, but for
the life of me, all I could think about was that I was a mother.  I wanted
to see my child.  Everything else was a blur.

“Would you like a drink of water, Madeline?” Ethan asked
me.  He told Clarissa about my fainting spell.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake.  Please, let’s get her some
water.  Won’t you sit down for a moment, dear?”

“Yes, thank you.”

She led me into a nearby parlor, and I sat on the couch while
Ethan poured me a glass of water from a pitcher on a large round table.  I
drank half the glass quickly.

I heard Clarissa in the hallway and other footsteps
approaching.  “Jake, we need a hand up on the third floor if you have a
minute, to bring down Madeline’s trunk of clothes.  Get Zeke to help
you.”  She called to Ethan in the parlor.  “Ethan, when you go up to
get Lillie, I think you should tell Elizabeth the news.  Let her know that
Madeline is going to be staying with us for a while to help her regain her
memory.” 

Ethan nodded and turned back and looked at me.  “Are you
all right?” he asked.

“Yes, I’m fine now, thank you.”  I put the glass on the
round table and stood up.  “Elizabeth…is that your-”

“My wife, yes,” he said softly.  I cringed slightly. 
He kissed my hand before reluctantly walking across the hall and through the
dining room.  I wondered where the staircase was, as I didn’t see one.

Clarissa linked her arm with mine.  “Shall I show you the
house now?  Do you feel up to it?”  I nodded, and she led me back
into the hall.  We were standing in the entrance hall, which was wide
enough for dancing, Clarissa said.  The river-front door was exactly
opposite of the carriage-front door at the other end of the hall. 
Clarissa showed me the dining room, the first room on the left when coming in
the river-front door.  Once I entered that room, I could see the staircase
down a narrow hall, where Ethan had just gone.  Clarissa pointed up above
near the staircase to a landing where she said musicians played during
parties.  That seemed familiar; I could almost hear the violins now. 
Beside the staircase was the master study.  Looking in, I saw a big desk
in the corner by a window across the room, and there was a sofa by two more
windows on another wall.  Stacks of books filled a bookcase in the corner
and more were scattered over by a fireplace as well as on top of the desk. 
The fireplace was on the wall closest to the dining room.

We walked back through the dining room and out into the
hall.  Moving towards the carriage-front door, we passed a fake door on
the left where the staircase was on the other side of the wall.  Clarissa
told me that this was so it would be symmetrical to the door across the hall,
which was a sitting room.  This was typical in Georgian homes, for the
doors to be lined up directly across from each other.  In the sitting
room, there was an old piano in the far corner.  This room is where the
family gathered and where I had apparently played the piano.  I didn’t
remember that.  In all my childhood dreams, I’d never dreamed of being
inside a house.

On the other side of that room was the parlor where I had sat
earlier, where visitors were normally entertained.  The sitting room and
parlor had a two-sided fireplace in the middle on a shared wall, and there were
double-arched entrances connecting the two rooms on both sides of the
fireplaces.  That way, Clarissa explained, the British could only charge
taxes for one room instead of two back before the War for Independence. 
It was truly an old house.  There were many paintings of family members on
the walls all throughout the house, none of whom looked familiar.  Faces
from the past, Wellingtons from another time.