We're Working On It (13 page)

“There were too many people around him when this happened, and they all had seen what he’d done. He was arrested last night along with the other men that were with your dad that night. He’s being charged with second degree murder and a hate crime.”

Cory remained silent for a moment.

As he turned back to Richard, Cory said, “You know? I really don’t care. He’ll finally get what he deserves.”

But then, the wetness of Cory’s eyes returned.

“Oh my God, Richard, that man died. I feel like shit. I can’t help thinking that it was partially my fault either.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Cory, and you know that. Your dad made his choices. You had nothing to do with it.”

Cory remained silent, deep in his world.

“Will it ever end?” Cory finally whispered to no one, but Richard had heard him.

“It’s over now Cory. It really is over. I think we’ve heard the last of your past life.”

Cory remained silent, but slowly nodded. He was thinking of his past life now as Richard had just brought it to the table. Cory couldn’t get that night out of his mind, the night that had saved his life.

“About that night you picked me up,” Cory started to say, speaking to the window.

“You don’t have to say anything about that night if you don’t want to.”

“No. I want to say this to you.”

Cory slowly turned back to Richard.

“I probably need to say this more than anything right now. It’s been something unsaid since that night. A month ago, I was cold and alone and really didn’t know where to turn. My dad had kicked me out for being gay. Then, from nowhere, you stepped into my life. I was nowhere, man. I had nowhere to turn. It was like I had just walked into an unforgiving brick wall. Life was over for me.”

Cory had a hard time continuing.

“But there you were. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I am now who I am because of you. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay you, except to become the man who you want me to be. But you never wanted me to be the man you are. You want me to be the man who I can be. I want to be that man too. I owe you that. I owe you more than I’ll ever know. I’ve never said this to you before and it’s something that needs to be said. I owe you my life, Richard.”

Cory finally let it out. He wasn’t holding back. He couldn’t, not to the man in front of him. Not this man. Not to the man becoming his ‘dad’.

Richard grabbed Cory and pulled him into himself. He’d never heard a teenager talk like this before. Cory had been himself, revealed himself, opened up his very soul to the outside world. Teenagers don’t do this. But here was Cory, vulnerable, allowing himself be vulnerable. But there was more to this, a lot more. Richard realized that by Cory allowing himself to open up and be vulnerable, he was showing courage, real, not put on, courage, the kind of courage that comes from knowing what is right and following that path, courage that comes from inside, inside his very being.

Richard also knew that Cory was still 15. Yes, he was growing, trying to become a man, but something inside of Cory, something that was hard to touch, hard to put into words, something that is just a part of Cory was emerging – call it ‘will’. Call it what you want, but call it Cory.

Cory will grow, and have self doubts. Hell, we all do at that age, but that ‘something’ inside of Cory will drive him to make the right decisions, the right choices, and probably also get him in a lot of trouble along the way. Cory will act on his own feelings. That’s something that the rest of the world needs to learn. Act on what you feel is right and not what the rest of the world thinks you should do.

Richard couldn’t speak or even think anymore. All he wanted to do was hold onto Cory as Cory gripped him. They cried together as a family does.

The silence between the two lasted for a while. As they calmed down, Richard loosened his hold and Cory slipped away.

Cory began. “Richard? There’s something else.”

Richard continued to watch Cory.

“What is it Cory?”

Cory looked at Richard quietly before he spoke again.

“I think I may have met have someone. I mean I’ve met someone who I kinda like more than like. Does that make any sense?”

Cory turned and couldn’t look at Richard.

“Oh? So who’s the lucky guy who’s going to steal you away from me?” Richard laughed, but not wanting to.

“It’s not funny, and no one’s going to steal anyone away!”

“Well, that’s good then. I think I like this guy, whoever he is, already. Do I know him?”

Cory didn’t answer. He had a hard time trying to say his name out loud.

“Cory? Sounds like you’d like to keep this to yourself. Do you want to keep him a secret for awhile, until you’re sure?”

“No. But, I don’t really know what to think right now.”

Cory had returned to being 15 years old.

“Why don’t you tell me who the lucky guy is?” Richard asked.

Cory quickly turned to Richard and blurted, “It’s Kevin. I can’t get him out of my mind.”

“Kevin seems like quite a nice boy. I like him, you know?”

“Yeah, but he confuses me.”

“Why? He seems to like you.”

“I know, but he confuses me because I don’t know how I feel about him...”

Cory had to pause.

“...because I don’t know what love is. I’ve never been in love before, and I don’t know how to describe how I feel towards him. It’s just something I don’t know how to put into words. Am I making any sense at all?”

“Yeah, I think I know where you’re going, Cory. If you can’t tell me exactly what you feel, then try to describe the feelings in any words you can think of.”

“This is hard. All I know is that I can’t stop thinking about him. He’s even in my dreams at night. When I feel lonely, he’s always there to be with me, maybe to put his arm over my shoulder or just give me a friendly smile. Every time he touches me, my brain explodes. When I look in his eyes Richard, I feel like my feet are puddling on the floor. I can’t move, I can’t look away, I can’t do anything. When he’s feeling down, all I want to do is hold him in my arms to be his strength, like he does for me. I want to be with him all the time. I want to be with him forever. If he ever gets hurt, I’d give him my body, any part of me, to make him whole again.”

Cory stopped speaking, looking at nothing in the room. Cory was back in Kevin’s world.

“You want to know something Cory? Poets have tried to describe love for thousands of years. But I don’t think I have ever heard a more honest, from the heart, more true description of what love is than what you just said.”

“But what do I do, Richard? I can’t think. I can hardly breathe when I’m with him. And then I can’t breathe when I’m not with him.”

“Well, here’s a question that you might think of asking. Do you think he’s gay?”

“No, he’s not. I have no idea. I just don’t know. No, I know. He’s straight, I think, but, but he likes me, I...”

“He does like you, you know?”

“I know that. Sometimes I think he actually loves me. I just don’t know in what way. God, my head is so screwed up.”

“Have you ever thought of asking him?”

“Have you gone completely insane? I can’t ask him that.”

“Why not? It’s probably the only way you’ll ever find out, unless, of course, he tells you first,” Richard answered.

“No! I can’t. What if he isn’t gay? What if after I tell him, it ruins our friendship? What if he can’t stand me after I tell him? What if he wants to leave me? I can’t lose him, Richard. I just want him to be with me.”

“But what if he is gay? What about the happiness that you’ll miss if you don’t take that chance?”

“Richard, I can’t do that. I just can’t. I’m so scared right now.”

Richard walked over to Cory and wrapped his arms around him as Cory buried his eyes into Richard’s shirt, again. Richard could feel the wetness of Cory’s tears spread through the cloth to his skin.

Richard softly spoke, “Cory, you’ll know when the time is right. At some point you’ll know what Kevin will say to you even before you ask.”

“I only wish I could be as sure as you are.” Cory softly replied.

Richard could feel the fear in Cory right then and wished he could give him some confidence. He tried to remember the uncertainty, the lack of self-assurance, the ever present constant fear inside of a teenager just trying to grow up. He had been 15 once, but the reality of what he had felt back then had faded over the years. But he also knew that Cory had something inside of himself, something that would make this all work out, that Cory would work out himself.

Richard had an idea just then.

“Look Cory. You’re going to be 16 next weekend. Why don’t we invite your friends over and have a birthday party for you?”

“A birthday party? I haven’t had one since I turned 12.”

“Well it’s about time then. It’ll be fun. Tell everyone it’ll also be a pool party. You can barbeque burgers or dogs and just enjoy some time with your friends.”

“Yeah!” Cory was excited now. He started pacing, no, prancing, around the kitchen floor, around and around the cooking island deep in thought.

“Hey, we can play all kinds of games, and swim, and...” He said with his arms going in circles, continuing his pacing.

Richard had to stifle a laugh. “A birthday party will be just the thing for you for your 16th. And being it’s your 16th birthday, we’ll call it your coming out party.”

Cory stopped dead.

“No way! No frigging way! I am NOT coming out,” he almost screamed at Richard.

“Calm down, Cory, that’s not what I meant. A 16th birthday is like a debutante party. It’s the traditional party when someone reaches adulthood. Of course that tradition started hundreds of years ago when being 16 was practically an adult. Today the law says you have to be 18. I didn’t mean that you have to ‘come out’ like you’re thinking.”

“Good, cuz I’m NOT coming out like that yet, maybe never!”

“You’ll know when the time is right, Cory,” Richard said as he walked to Cory and gave him a hug.

That Kevin was never going to know walked all over Cory’s synapses.

The next week at school started off slowly for Cory as he went through the days. He seemed to really enjoy his schoolwork, but as the weekend birthday party approached, his excitement grew. Having his friends, especially Kevin, at his house for the party was going to make his life just ‘perfect.’ Life was good.

Cory had invited Matt, and of course Kevin, along with Kelly, her friend Dawn and Dawn’s boyfriend, Josh. He didn’t know much about Dawn or Josh, but he had spoken to them a few times at school when they were with Kelly. It was going to be a small party, as Cory had only been in that school a short time, and these were his friends, so far.

Cory had stopped riding his bicycle to school, preferring to walk home with Kevin and sometimes with Matt too. As he approached the front of the school after classes on Friday, he spotted Kevin waiting for him. His heart skipped a beat, as was usually the case when he looked at Kevin after not seeing him for 30 seconds or more.

“God, he is so hot,” Cory said to himself as goose bumps ravaged his body again.

“Hey, dude, ready for our party tomorrow?” Kevin asked as Cory approached him, banging his knuckles with him in that familiar greeting of teenagers.

“Not yet. I still have to clean up the back yard today and get the pool cleaned and stuff.

“Need some help? I could sure use a dip in the pool when we’re done,” Kevin grinned, eyebrows lifting rapidly.

“Geez, Kev, you are such an exhibitionist. You just want to pretend you’re this swimming team super jock. Cory frowned. “And what do you mean ‘our’ party? This is MY party. You don’t turn 16 for another month.”

“Don’t best friends share? I want to share this with you.” Kevin paused for a moment, looking away from Cory.

Kevin turned back to Cory.

“Okay, okay. I know I’m much too young for you, so let’s just say that it’ll be preparation for ‘my’ 16th coming out party, okay?”

Fear and anticipation ran through Cory. Was Kevin saying that he’s gay and will be coming out? No way. Kevin’s just trying to get Cory with that debutante shit, but Cory could play his game too.

“So you’re going to wait until you’re 16 before you come out, huh perv?”

Kevin shot a look at Cory, and Cory saw fear in his eyes for an instant, but then that fear quickly evolved into the look of the devil.

“Only to you, my dear,” Kevin whispered, eyebrows bouncing.

Cory stared at Kevin, praying that what he said was true, but realized that Kevin was being just Kevin. He smacked his arm.

“What a perv, man. You’re so full of shit you scare me sometimes.”

Cory was in no way ready to go into what might have happened if Kevin kept up that little joke of his.

“Get your pervy ass in gear and let’s go clean the pool,” Cory told Kevin.

As they walked toward Cory’s house, they talked mostly about school, homework, the possibility of Cory, Kevin and Matt being on the swim team together when there were enough openings, the party the next day, you know, nothing earth shaking.

The back yard didn’t look that bad though, only a few leaves on the grass and a few pieces of paper that had blown in on the wind and had stuck to the back fence. The pool however needed vacuuming and fresh chemicals tossed in. Cory assigned Kevin the task of picking up around the back yard, while he got the hose and vacuum head out of the pool house. The pool house to the right of the pool had a changing room, towel storage area and a shower to clean off the chlorine after swimming the pool.

Cory let the self-moving vacuum head reach the bottom of the pool and turned on the suction. Satisfied that it was moving across the pool bottom, he turned his attention to the deck furniture. Everything looked fine except for a layer of dust on the tables and chairs.

Cory looked around for Kevin, and saw him in the back corner of the yard, staring at him!

What the hell? Why’s he looking at me like that? God he can be so lazy but damned cute, he thought.

“Hey slacker! You done with the yard yet?” Cory shouted.

Kevin seemed to be shaken out of his daze.

“Yup. What do you want me to do next?”