We're Working On It (23 page)

“Mr. Mathews?” After a few more seconds of silence, Richard finally responded.

“Go on.”

“Thank you. One of Cory’s friends was shot and killed on the school grounds today. Cory saw it happen. We’re extremely worried about him.”

“I know what happened. Cory told me and it’s all over the news. He’s all right for now. I want him to rest a little.”

“Mr. Mathews. I would like to come over there to help him get through this.”

Richard thought that would be helpful, but he wanted Cory to sleep for now.

“Maybe tomorrow would be alright.”

Baker was getting excited.

“No! Mr. Mathews, please. Right now! After what Cory has been through, at his age he needs some professional help right now, not tomorrow.”

Richard knew that what Cory was going through was excruciating, and this experience would be with him for the rest of his life.

“Mr. Mathews. I’m trying to help Cory. Please. Let me come over there.”

“Cory will be right here.” Richard answered.

“Thank you. I’ll be there shortly.”

“Okay. And thank you.”

While Richard waited for the counselor to arrive, the telephone rang again. He picked up the receiver expecting it to be the counselor again, but it wasn’t. “Hello. Mr. Mathews?”

“Yes?”

“I’m from the Herald and I’d like to be able to have a talk with Cory, you know, to get his reaction to what happened today. He was there, wasn’t he? He did see what happened? Would it be alright if I came over?”

Richard was in disbelief. There was no way in hell that Richard was going to let them get anywhere near Cory.

“Not while I’m here.”

Click.

The phone calls kept coming. One of the calls was from another concerned parent who wanted community support to have the Principal, Mr. Bettler, suspended for allowing this to happen at his school. Richard almost agreed with this parent, but finally refused his support. Another phone call was from someone that Richard didn’t know. But when he heard the word ‘Leviticus,’ Richard immediately slammed the phone down.

Cory was sound asleep, but he was perspiring badly. He tossed and turned fitfully and suddenly bolted upright with eyes filled with fear. He scrambled out of bed and fell to the floor. Grabbing his blanket from the bed, he pushed himself backwards along the floor with his feet until he was stopped by the corner of the room. Cory pulled the blanket up around himself for protection.

As he sat in the corner, cowering, there was a knock at his bedroom door. Cory could hear someone speaking from behind the door.

“Cory?”

Cory did not move.

“Cory? I’m Ryan Baker, a counselor from school. May I come in?”

Cory continued to remain motionless.

The door slowly opened and a short stocky man of about 40 appeared in the doorway. He was dressed in a business suit. The light from the hallway behind him cast shadows over his face, and Cory could not see what he looked like.

As the counselor closed the door and walked slowly towards Cory, Cory could now see that he had a stern but friendly face, but he feared him. He was a part of the school. The counselor moved toward the bed and sat on the edge while keeping his eyes on Cory. Cory remained in the corner of the room, trying to draw away slightly. As the counselor put his forearms on his knees and folded his hands, Cory flinched. The fear remained in Cory’s eyes.

The counselor looked directly at Cory, and a moment of silence followed.

“Cory? Would you like to talk about it? About what happened today, I mean.”

Cory looked away.

“Cory? It was pretty awful, wasn’t it?”

Cory snapped his gaze toward the counselor.

“How the fuck would you know?” Cory’s anger ripped through him. A silent pause followed as Cory glared into the eyes of his enemy.

“What do you know about what it’s like, to be someone like me or Matt, and what happens to us?” Cory screamed.

“People do bad things sometimes, Cory. And even with the bad things out there, life goes on. It always has and it always will.”

“Not for Matt, it won’t!”

“Cory, I know how you feel. I really do.”

“No, you don’t!”

“I really do know how you feel.”

The counselor appeared to be pleading with Cory. Cory didn’t care. This man knew nothing.

“How the hell could you? You don’t even know me. You didn’t even know Matt!” Cory cried out.

“Cory, let me help you, please.”

Cory stared at the counselor for a moment and then turned his eyes from him back to the empty wall.

“Whatever,” Cory remarked with indignation.

“Will you talk to me tomorrow, after you’ve had some rest?”

“Yeah, whatever.” This conversation had ended.

The counselor looked around the room, then stood up and put his hand out to Cory.

“Let me help you back to bed.”

“Please, just go away. Get out of here and leave me alone.”

The counselor slowly dropped his arm and stood watching Cory for a moment. He then turned and walked to the bedroom door, opened it and just as he started to leave, he turned slightly to see Cory climbing back onto his bed. He silently closed the door as he left.

As the counselor reached the bottom of the stairs, Richard was waiting for him.

“Cory’s going to sleep now. Can I talk to you a little about Cory?” the counselor asked.

“Please. I really want to know what’s happening and what I can do.”

“Mr. Mathews. Cory has witnessed the death of an extremely close friend. He’s retreating into himself right now. He’s questioning the whole world and his place in it. I believe he’s about to shut himself off from the world, to hide in his own mind. He needs your understanding and support now more than ever. Expect him to be sullen, not wanting to do much. That’s okay for a while. Don’t push him right now to do anything. But be with him as much as you can. Can you take a couple of days off of your work?”

“Yes. That’s not a problem.”

“Good. He needs to feel wanted right now and that he still has a place in this world. Once he feels that, he’ll come back to the real world.”

The counselor leaned over and picked up his coat from the chair.

Richard smiled slightly.

“Thank you. Thank you for coming over today,” Richard said as they walked toward the front door, not believing that the counselor knew what he was talking about.

Mr. Baker handed Richard a business card.

“Mr. Mathews, if anything happens, if there is any change in Cory, please call me. I’ll be available. I haven’t really been able to get to know him yet, but I have this feeling. He’s strong, stronger than any of us may realize. I’m hoping that his strength will carry him through this.”

“So do I, so do I.”

That was the one thing that Richard knew in which the counselor was correct.

The counselor walked out the door.

Richard stood alone for a moment and then looked upward toward Cory’s room.

Sixteen

The Remorse

Cory wanted nothing to do with the outside world because it had taken his friend from him. He understood why it had happened too. Johnny had pulled the trigger, but Johnny was following what Johnny thought was a normal thing to do. He was following the implied rules set down by the society in which he lived. Cory didn’t blame Johnny for Matt’s death. He blamed the society which had hate in its heart, a society which does not want to know that there are other people out there, a society that feared those who are other than themselves.

He had spent the next few days in his room, isolating himself from anything outside the door. He awoke late the first morning, looked toward the window and recognizing that it was another day, turned over to sleep through it. He didn’t want to be part of it. As he tried to sleep, a tear rolled down his cheek.

That evening, he was lying in bed staring at the wall beside him. After hours of motionless staring, he heard a knock at his bedroom door. He rolled over slightly to stare at the door, but said nothing.

Richard entered with his dinner on a tray, crossed the room and set it on his desk.

Rolling over, Cory continued to stare at the wall. He wanted to think about nothing, to become a nothing. To be human, you have to think, to care, to feel emotions. The pain of being human was too much.

Richard looked at him for a moment and then left the room. Cory did not eat his dinner that night.

Cory spent the next day looking out the window. He wouldn’t dress himself, but preferred to sit on his desk chair in his boxer underwear staring out of the window and seeing nothing. In mid afternoon, he saw Kevin walk up the street and stop at the front of the house. Kevin’s eyes moved to the window of his room. The two boys stared at each other for a moment, and then Kevin moved toward the front door. Cory continued his blank stare at the front lawn, and then moved slowly to his bed. He laid down again facing the wall as he heard the sound of the doorbell.

Within moments, he heard a new sound of someone knocking at his bedroom door, but again remained motionless. Richard slowly opened the door, and only pushed his head inside of his bedroom.

“Cory? Kevin’s here to see you.”

Cory remained still.

“Did you hear what I said?” Richard asked.

Cory would not turn away from the wall.

“Tell him I’m sleeping, will you?

“Cory. You can’t let this go on like this. Won’t you please go talk to him?”

Silence.

“Cory?”

Without any life coming from him, Richard looked downward toward the floor and then slowly closed the door.

The next day, Cory again began sitting by the window wearing only his underwear. He was now spending most of the day just staring out of the open window. Again, he saw Kevin approach the house. But this time, he did not make eye contact with Kevin and moved away from the window. He resumed his fetal position on his bed facing the wall. He knew that he was going to lose Kevin too. That’s what the world was all about. It would eventually take Kevin too. He would be alone. He knew that. So right now, he was alone with himself.

The next day Cory kept thinking about Matt’s funeral. he knew it was the next day as he had heard voices from the living room over the past few days talking about it. As he stared out the window, he knew that this was a decision time for him. He wanted to go, but he also wanted desperately to not be at the funeral. He looked out the window for a moment, but then turned, crossed the room and opened the door.

As he approached the kitchen, he could see Richard quietly and reflectively seated at the kitchen table, a cold cup of coffee was in front of him. Cory stopped at the entrance to the kitchen, and Richard looked up, but said nothing.

Softly, Cory finally spoke.

“I think I’d like to go the funeral tomorrow.”

Richard was silent for a moment but held his eyes on the boy at the other end of the kitchen.

“Do you think you’re ready for that? It’ll be very emotional for you.”

“No. I’m not ready,” he heatedly said. But then more softly, “But I have to be there.”

“Okay. There’s no church service, only a graveside one. We’ll leave at 10:00 am.”

A slight smile came across Richard’s face.

After a moment of silence, Cory nodded, turned and went back upstairs to his room. He lay back on top of his bed, but this time, he stared at the ceiling with his hands folded behind his head.

Dresssing quickly the next morning, he didn’t really pay much attention to how he looked. He was only going through the motions. He did not smile, but he did not frown either. Not really checking how he looked one last time like he usually did before he goes out, he left his room to join Richard downstairs.

Richard was in the kitchen putting the milk back into the refrigerator when he saw Cory come in the room.

“Ready?” he asked.

“I guess so,” Cory replied with no expression.

The drive to the cemetery was filled with silence as Cory sat the entire time watching the city glide by outside the window. Richard parked the car at the curb a short distance from the grave site. They could not see the grave from the curb yet as they had to walk up a steep hill.

As Cory neared the top of the hill, the awning came into view. There were many people at the grave site, and most of them were kids he knew from school. But there were plenty of adults too. He only knew a few of the adults, mostly from school. Seeing Kevin and Kelly standing a short distance away, he didn’t go over to see them. Mr. Bettler, the school Principal, and Ryan Baker, the school counselor, were talking to each other nearby.

Richard put his hand on Cory’s shoulder for support as they walked the remaining distance to where the graveside service was to be held. As they came closer to the site, he saw Matt’s coffin. He had to stop for a moment. Cory stared at the coffin draped in flowers, still not wanting this to be true. Matt’s parents were seated in the middle of the first row of folding chairs beside the coffin. Matt’s father sat squarely with his head looking straight ahead while his mother sobbed openly into her handkerchief.

As they passed behind the people who had gathered, Cory saw again glimpses of the coffin passing between the people. He remained expressionless. They stopped at the rear of the assembly and waited for the service to begin. He moved close to Richard and then stood motionless.

After waiting quietly for a few minutes, a small man dressed in a black suit moved to the head of the coffin and began to speak.

“Dearly beloved. We are gathered...” was all that Cory heard. His attention was now riveted on the coffin. Suddenly he saw Matt’s face. It was beautiful. It was an image that he knew was in his mind, but the image was superimposed on and in the coffin, being one with it. In Cory’s mind, the image of Matt turned and looked straight at him, and smiled. Tears freely flowed down his cheeks now, but he remained motionless as he watched his friend in front of him, beckoning him, understanding him, loving him.

A moment later, he started to slowly move forward, leaving Richard behind, keeping his thoughts on Matt. He moved his way through the crowd until he was in the front row. Kevin looked at him, but Cory didn’t see him. He was now looking straight down at the coffin. Matt’s image began to fade as he watched. Matt was leaving. Matt was leaving him. His tears exploded.