Western Approaches (Jimmy Suttle) (40 page)

Suttle nodded. When Lenahan offered seconds he shook his head. He had enough. He was nearly through. Nearly.

‘So when do you go back?’ he said.

‘To the Sudan? The sooner the better. You know something, my friend? I’ve spent the last six months trying to find trouble in paradise but it’s hopeless. There’s no civil war, no bodies by the side of the road, no dodgy situations to talk yourself out of, no so-called drinking water that will probably fry your guts. Everything works, or sort of works, so where’s the challenge? Where’s the
fun
?’

Trouble in paradise
, Suttle thought. Didn’t Kinsey’s death qualify as trouble in paradise?

‘That depends on your definition of paradise. Kinsey had it all, didn’t he? Money? View? Girlies? Astral Tash? Us? Jesus, we even won him a cup. But it wasn’t enough. Because it’s never enough. Kinsey should have taken himself off to Africa. He should have seen the half-open eyes of the starving. That might have done him some good.’ He reached for his glass again and then paused, struck by another thought. ‘You’re asking me for a diagnosis? Is that it? You want a hand here? From your tame little medic? The wild Irish guy from out yonder? You want a steer on what happened?’

‘Go for it.’

‘Kinsey ended up dead because he had too much. The poor wee guy choked to death on all that stuff. Me? I’d chuck the whole lot off the balcony. The bling. The money. The goodies. The extras. The Thai girlies. The Porsche. All that dinner-party shit. Everything. The lot. I’m with yer man.’

‘Yer man?’ Suttle was lost.

‘Pendrick. He’s like me, don’t you see that? The guy’s been around a bit. He’s seen too much.’ He tapped his head. ‘Think too hard about what we’ve become and you end up fucking
ruined
.’

Lizzie was wondering about giving Jimmy a ring when she caught the sound of footsteps outside. Puzzled to know why she hadn’t heard the Impreza, she got to her feet and went through to the kitchen. It was dark outside. She checked her watch. Nearly half nine. She switched on the light. She sensed a movement beyond the door that led to the patio. Then she heard a noise, a hard metallic noise, a snip. She froze, knowing now that there was somebody out there. She hadn’t heard the Impreza because there was no Impreza. Someone else, God help me.

She edged slowly around the table. The door was unbolted. She’d been expecting Jimmy any time. Then a shape emerged from the darkness, someone big, someone clad in black. Black jacket, black T-shirt, black jeans, black everything. The whiteness of a face pressed itself against the glass panel in the door. A hand lifted wearily in salute. Pendrick.

He let himself in. He’d been drinking heavily. She could smell it. He reached for the support of the table, unsteady on his feet. Then he sank into a chair. He wanted to talk to her. He needed to explain one or two things. She wasn’t to take offence. She wasn’t to be frightened. He’d do her no harm. He’d never do her any harm. He’d treasure her for ever. And that was a promise.

‘Where have you been?’

‘The pub. Up the road.’ He nodded vaguely towards the garden. ‘The Otter? I left the van there.’

She stared at him. His eyes seemed to have lost focus. There was a terrible emptiness in his face. He seemed unaware of where he was, of how he’d got here, of what was supposed to happen next.

‘Get out of my house,’ she said softly. ‘Please.’

He lifted an eyebrow. He hadn’t heard a word of what she’d said. She repeated it, much louder, letting her anger show. Go. Leave. Now.

He stared at her for a long moment then shook his head.

‘I can’t,’ he said. ‘It’s just not possible.’

‘I’ll phone the police.’

‘Yeah. Sure.’

‘I will. I’ll do it now.’

‘Whatever.’

She reached for the table, but his big hand had already closed over the mobile. He gazed up at her, trying to remember how to smile.

‘I love you,’ he whispered. ‘I really, really do.’

Lizzie held his gaze a moment longer. When he tried to reach for her she avoided his outstretched arm and darted into the living room. The telephone was on the table beside the fireplace. When she lifted the receiver, she could hear nothing.

‘I’ve done the line.’ Pendrick was still at the table. ‘Come back and talk to me.’

Lizzie was eyeing the stairs, but the last thing she wanted was Pendrick following her up to a bedroom. Grace was up there too. She couldn’t leave the house without her.

She returned to the kitchen. A pair of wire cutters lay beside her mobile. Pendrick nodded at the other chair.

‘Please. For me.’

She asked him again to leave. She promised not to breathe a word to anyone that he’d been here and frightened her shitless. She promised to keep it a secret.

‘Just us?’

‘Yes.’

‘I like that. Why don’t you sit down?’

The cutlery drawer was directly behind Pendrick. Even if she could grab a knife she knew it would be hopeless. He was far too strong.

With great reluctance she sat down. Pendrick asked for a drink.

‘We haven’t got any.’

‘No?’

He got to his feet, his eyes never leaving her face. There were three Stellas in the fridge. He helped himself and returned to the table. He popped the tag and offered her the can. She shook her head.

‘Here’s to Kate,’ he said.

He tipped the can and took a long swallow. Stella dripped down his chin.

‘You remember Niran? The little Thai kid? The one who disappeared? Kate used to see him. Years afterwards, he kept turning up. He was the wind that opened the door. We’d get back home and he’d have put the lights on. We’d go fishing and he was the tug on the end of the line. He was everywhere that kid. And he was here too.’

‘When?’

‘Just now.’ He nodded towards the window. ‘He was the cloud in front of the moon. You should have seen it. I should have got you out there. He was beautiful, that child. Still is.’

‘Please leave.’

‘No.’

‘You said you loved me.’

‘I do. You know I do.’

‘Then go. It’s for the best, believe me.’

‘For you?’

‘For us.’

‘You mean that?’

‘I do, yes. If you want the truth, I loved being with you. I loved going to Cornwall that day. Trezillion. The dunes. The picnic. I meant everything I said. But it’s like your cloud. Your Niran. It’s gone.’

‘You’re wrong. He’s still alive.’

‘No, he’s not. He’s dead.’

‘But he’s here. He’s around us. And we’ve got a second chance. Both of us. That’s what we said, isn’t it? At Trezillion?’

Lizzie didn’t answer. Pendrick, she knew, was talking to himself. Some of her anger had gone. What he’d done tonight was inexcusable. She’d never forgive him. She’d never let it happen again. But way down inside, somewhere deeply private, she was beginning to feel sorry for this big man with the lostness in his eyes.

She got to her feet. He looked at her, suddenly alarmed.

‘What are you doing?’

‘I’m going upstairs to get my daughter,’ she said. ‘Then I’m going to put her in the buggy and we’re going to take you back to your van. It’s in the pub car park, right?’ He nodded. ‘Is the mattress still in the back? The sleeping bag?’

‘Bags.’ He was trying to smile again. ‘Plural.’

‘Whatever. Stay there. Don’t move.’

She began to edge round him but he extended a leg, barring the way.

‘I want to sleep here,’ he said. ‘With you.’

‘That’s not possible. Not now. Not ever.’

‘Then when?’

‘I just said. Never.’

He was staring up at her, wet-eyed, trying to coax some sense from the conversation.

‘I just want you to hold me,’ he muttered. ‘Nothing else.’

She began to shake her head, to tell him he had to get a grip, to tell him to accept that whatever they had was over, but then came the burble of the Impreza coming down the lane and the glare of Jimmy’s headlights reflected in the hedge beyond the patio. The car swung onto the gravel and Lizzie heard a brief snatch of Adele before Jimmy cut the engine. Then his footsteps quickened and his shadow darkened the window and he was pushing on the kitchen door.

For a second he stood there, holding a bottle of red wine, not understanding. It was Pendrick who spoke first. He’d seen this man only yesterday.

‘Police?’ He looked bewildered. It must be some conjuring trick. His gaze went to Lizzie. ‘How the fuck did you manage that?’

‘He’s my husband. His name’s Jimmy.’

‘Hi, Jimmy.’

Suttle studied the outstretched hand.

‘What are you doing here?’ he said.

Pendrick didn’t answer. He was looking at Lizzie.

‘In your heart you know I love you. Isn’t that right?’

Lizzie shook her head. Suttle hadn’t moved.

‘He’s pissed,’ she said quietly.

‘Yeah, I can see. So what the fuck’s going on?’

Pendrick stirred. He drained the Stella and crushed the can. His eyes had never left Lizzie.

‘Tell him. Lizzie. Just tell him.’

‘There’s nothing to tell.’

‘No?’

‘No. There never was and there never will be.’

‘Really?’ A smile had warmed the big face. ‘You don’t remember? You don’t remember Trezillion? All that?’ His hand sank to his midriff and then crabbed down still further. ‘Is it the scar? Is it that? Don’t be ashamed, my love. I’ve seen worse.’

At last he got to his feet and slipped the wire cutters into his pocket. He offered Lizzie a dip of the head, a courtly little bow, then headed for the door. Suttle stood his ground.

‘What is this?’

‘Ask your wife.’

‘I’m asking you.’

‘Then I can’t tell you. Either you see it or you don’t. That’s the thing about life, yeah?’

He gently pushed Suttle aside and stepped into the darkness. Suttle hesitated a moment, then followed. When Lizzie tried to get between them, he told her to go inside.

‘Leave it, Jimmy.’

‘Fuck off.’

He spun Pendrick round. Suttle’s first blow caught him full on the mouth, the second put him on on the ground. Suttle began to kick him, driving the point of his toe into the big man’s ribs. Pendrick offered no resistance, just soaked the punishment up. Finally, breathless, Suttle stood over him.

‘If you set foot in my house again,’ he said, ‘I’ll kill you. Right? You understand that? You hear what I’m saying? Do this again and you’re a dead man.’

Pendrick peered up at him. His mouth was bleeding and he was nursing his bruised ribs.

‘Too late, my friend.’ He spat a tooth into the long grass and struggled to his feet. Moments later he’d disappeared into the darkness.

In the kitchen Lizzie was pale with shock. Suttle eased her into a chair, stood over her. She was shivering, her hands wrapped round herself. She wanted to know whether Pendrick had gone.

‘Yeah, he has. You want to tell me what this is about?’

‘Don’t do the interview thing. Please.’

‘OK.’ He turned to the sink, trying to control his temper. Cold water from the tap eased his bruised knuckes. ‘Just pretend I’m a bit confused. Trezillion? Scar? This is a guy that loves you, right?’

‘So he says.’

‘And you?’

‘I’ve been stupid.’

‘How stupid?’

‘Crazy stupid. Stupid like you wouldn’t believe.’

‘Try me.’ Suttle took a seat at the table.

Lizzie said nothing. She’d never felt smaller in her life.

‘You want a Stella?’ she said.

‘You think that might help?’

‘Yeah, I do.’ She offered him a weary smile and tried to reach for him across the table. He shook his head and withdrew his hand.

She explained about meeting Pendrick, about how helpful he’d been with the rowing, how attractive he’d seemed, and how supportive.

‘With the rowing, you mean?’

‘With everything. I was in a bad place, Jimmy. And he seemed to understand.’

‘Yeah, I bet he did. But you happen to be my wife.’

‘He didn’t know that.’

‘Maybe not. But you did.’

‘I was Lizzie Borden. That’s who you wanted me to be.’

‘Makes no difference. I trusted you. I thought I knew you.’

‘Then you’d have known how unhappy I was. How this house . . .’ She tailed off. They’d been this way too often. There was nothing left to say.

‘You went to this place Trezillion?’

‘Yes. He drove me there.’

‘When?’

‘On Saturday. I lied to you, Jimmy. We’d sorted the club compound by lunchtime. Then we drove out.’

‘You and Pendrick.’

‘Yeah.’

‘And?’

‘It was lovely.’