What a Girl Wants (29 page)

“For chrissakes, you know me better than that.”

“I do? Obviously, I don’t know jack about you.”
Turn the other cheek. Don’t fight dirty.
Words she’d lived by, but sensible wisdom now sounded hollow. “All I know is that you probably used sex to sidetrack me so I wouldn’t find anything out.”

“You know damn well I didn’t use you for sex.” He raised his voice also. “And you got it backwards. You seduced—” She could tell he wanted to take back those words as soon as he uttered them. “Mother of God.” He paced, raking his hands through his hair. “Now
I’m
being ridiculous. I didn’t mean it that way.”

Oh, so he thought she was ridiculous? She let that slam go by. There were more important things to discuss. “Who else knows about my personal shit?”

He sighed. “Tim. He helped me out by following Washington and Grant. Your uncle. Hollister and obviously your mother.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Even though I threatened her, I wouldn’t be surprised if Washington ran to the tabloids—”

“Let’s share it with the world, everyone except me. Hell, I bet the butler knows too.”

Alex didn’t confirm or deny it.

“I was being sarcastic.” This could not be happening, she thought. “Why the hell would Maxwell’s hired help know?” She eyed him with suspicion. “There’s more, isn’t there?”

“That’s another story and it’s not up to me to tell it to you. Hollister said he would explain—”

She slapped her forehead. “Stupid me. I forgot, your loyalties lie with others and not with the woman you’re screwing—”

“For fucksakes.” He turned his back to her. “Stop reducing our relationship to that. It’s way more than that, and you know it.” Throwing his head back, he said, “I know you’re confused—as soon as you talk to your family, I’ll help you make sense of it all.”

“
You’re
going to help me make sense of it? Like you’re doing right now? Not telling me everything you know?” She backed away. “You lied to me—”

He swung around. “I never lied. I didn’t tell you right away, you’re right. But it’s not like I kept this to myself for months.”

 “No wonder you won a few Pulitzers. You spin the truth so damned beautifully. Here’s a newsflash for the ace reporter—a lie of omission is still a lie.” Propelled by anger, she picked up the purple angel pillow he’d given her and sneered at the embroidered quote. “Nice way a buddy is taking care of a friend, huh?” She threw the pillow against the wall. “You kept this to yourself because you’re a control freak—”

“I was trying to protect you from getting hurt.” He went to the patio door and spread his hands on the plate glass. “The way I took care of your apartment. I did it because I care and I was worried. I knew you’d take it the wrong way—”

“My apartment?”

He nodded. “Might as well tell you. It’s not a big deal. I own the place. I arranged for the property manager to deal with you directly and keep me out of it.”

“No big deal? No big deal? You are unbelievable.”

Since she couldn’t take her anger out on her mother, her uncle or Maxwell, she pummeled him with vicious words. “You cheapened our friendship by turning me into a woman dependent on a man. Like my mother. And I didn’t even know about it. I don’t take charity from anybody. Least of all from
you
. Someone I trusted. Yeah
trusted,
as in past tense. This is my official notice. I’m moving out, Mr. Landlord. Any more surprises you want to spring on me?”

She looked around for something else to throw, but came up empty. Instead, she hurled more words. “It’s been great getting it on with you, but now you can fly away and leave me to pick up the pieces of my insane life, get answers you already have but won’t share. Thank you, Donovan. The sex was great. It’s been a blast.”

He stood in front of her. “So you’re telling me that everything between us was physical? Sex? That’s it? Because that’s not what you said last night.”

Out of frustration she kicked a T-shirt that lay on the floor beside the bed. “To think I was actually considering going with you.”

“And now?”

“No. Damn. Way.”

She could see his jaw clenched tight. They both remained silent. Staring at each other. Her face was flushed and so was his.

“The way your family handled this secret sucks.” His voice calm and low. “What you’ve been through is unfair. But what happens with them should have nothing to do with us. This is you being the escape artist you’ve always been. When things get serious you pull a prank or push me away.” He held her gaze with intensity. “You’ve been looking for an easy out, haven’t you?”

Her face heated up even more. “After you’re finished analyzing me, why don’t you dial a few wrong numbers to keep people on their toes, Dr. Pop Psychology?”

“That’s it. Make jokes,” he said. “God forbid something good happens in your life and it screws up your expectations.”

“You have no idea what I expect. Because if you did, you’d know that I would have expected you to be straight with me the way I’ve been with you.”

“I know you expect any and all relationships to tank.” She recognized the determination in his voice. He was trying desperately to coax her into facing things she’d rather not talk about. He wasn’t about to let her off the hook. “If you look a leap of faith with me and it worked then you’d have to stop using Felicia as an excuse for your no-strings arrangement.”

“This is coming from the guy who lives by the two-date maximum rule?”

“Never
with you.” He picked up his overnight bag and threw it on the bed. “You don’t think I was scared about getting into this relationship with you? Why do you think I held off for so long? But I took a chance because you’re worth it.” He paused. “You still are.”

Opening the nightstand drawer—practically tearing it off its hinges—he threw socks and underwear into his bag. “I knew damn well after that first kiss that if we gave in this was
never
going to be casual. And that was fine with me.” He opened the closet door and grabbed his shirts and pants. “As soon as I signed that contract, all I thought about was you. How to ask you to come with me. To take a chance together and see where this could take us.”

He opened a drawer and threw T-shirts into his bag. “That first morning after we made love I tried to talk about it, but as usual, I couldn’t get a serious moment with you.”

“You tried to tell me about Maxwell Hollister possibly being my father the morning after we had
sex
? Funny, I must have missed that between all the groping.”

“No. I wanted to talk about my move and us that morning.” He sighed loud. “I told you. At that point I was only working on instinct regarding Hollister.” He stuffed the bag with his books and magazines. “Since I didn’t have facts to back up my suspicions I kept my mouth shut.”

He went into the bathroom. She could hear him gathering toiletries. “Based on a hunch and a few pieces of information, I was not going to take the chance of getting your hopes high only for you to get hurt.” He came back out, threw his bag on the ground and stared at her. “Tell me. What the hell would you have done in my position if the tables were turned?”

“I wouldn’t have risked our friendship by withholding the information. I would have had more faith in our relationship and in you. I recognize and admire your strength and know that you’d be able to handle the hurt. After all these years, I would have thought you’d see and respect the same in me.

“I would have had your
back.
Not placed my loyalties with that bunch.” Leaning against the dresser, she had one goal in mind—to make him feel as bad as she was feeling. “I realize now that we were all about sex. Nothing more. Nothing less. We were kidding ourselves about England and extending what we had beyond this trip.”

He was silent for a few beats. “Look me in the eye and tell me you mean that.”

Forcing herself not to blink, she met his stare. “Yes. I mean every word.” She folded her arms to hide her shaking hands. “This is my serious side you’ve been looking for. How do you like me so far?”

“Right now.” He picked up his overnight bag and headed to the door. “Not so much.”

Chapter Twenty-Eight

“A sunrise awakens you to a day’s possibilities after a night of regrets.”

—Maddie Saunders

“Haleakala means House of Sun,” said Finn, a tanned thirty-something tour guide with a subtle Australian accent and long hair the color of melted caramel, tied in a ponytail.

It was the next morning. Along with seven other people, Maddie had gone on an outing to Haleakala National Park, anticipating the beginning of a new day at the crater’s rim.

She focused on taking notes for her article. Even though she’d been sent here on false pretenses, she was determined to finish the piece on her tropical adventure. She was, however, going to rethink the whole romantic theme.

Last night, Alex had called her after he’d checked into another hotel to inform her of the time they were scheduled to head back to Makana tomorrow. He’d sounded detached and professional and that was fine with her. Emotionally drained, she had fallen into a dreamless sleep, waking at four a.m. to meet the bus that would take her to the summit. Work, as always, would be her salvation. In the morning, she pressed cold washcloths on her eyes to lessen the puffiness from the frustrated tears she’d shed and mentally prepared herself for a mountain adventure.

Pushing the remnants of yesterday’s angst out of her mind, she inhaled a breath, plunked herself back to the present and focused on Finn.

“…we’re at more than 10,000 feet above sea level.” Finn pointed to the dusky sky. “I cannot think of a better way to start a new day in Hawaii.”

“Mark Twain described the sunrise at the summit as the most inspirational spectacle he’d ever witnessed,” said Nelly, a pretty brunette who had introduced herself to Maddie.

“You will soon see what he meant.” Finn flashed Nelly a charming smile. “The sun’s about to wake from its slumber,” he said to the group. “Rid your mind of clutter, kick back and enjoy this awesome astronomical event, known around here as the eighth wonder.”

Maddie took his advice and gazed at the stars fading away as the sun’s brilliance yawned its way up, illuminating the sky with vibrant colors, turning it from dark gray sky to bright gold with faint streaks of orange and red. She hoped the morning’s radiance would help repair her maimed spirit.

While everyone enjoyed a picnic breakfast of juice, bagels, macadamia nut butter and fruit, Finn talked about the park. “Silversword,” he said. “At one time the park was filled with these rare plants. Now they are found nowhere else in the world except for Maui and the Big Island. The silversword,” Finn continued, “blooms once in its entire life. So if you see one in full bloom, it’s your lucky day.”

Maddie’s fingers went to her chest, touching the pendant underneath her T-shirt. Her silversword seemed to burn a hole right through to her heart. The memory of Alex’s smiling face when he gave her the necklace flashed through her mind. Their lovemaking that night was so tender, her heart and lungs competed to see which would explode first with joy. God, she thought with unspeakable sadness, how quickly things changed from one day to the next. She washed down a bite of nut-smothered bagel that now tasted like sawdust with pineapple juice.

Biting into a banana, she gave her full attention to Finn, who pointed toward the coastline and said, “The mountain cradling the coastline is believed to have divine power. We call it the healing place.”

She and Alex would need to reside there for a long time to mend their relationship, especially after the way she’d behaved. In the light of day, she now realized she had been unreasonable on
some
points. But dammit, she was justified, wasn’t she? Not only had he sucker-punched her with his news, he’d kept so much information from her. She’d always prided herself on their tight, trusting friendship and she believed she knew him well.

Or did she? She knew Alex could recite the dialogue from Citizen Kane and the Shrek movies. She knew that he wanted to learn to speak Japanese. She knew he was blown away by the book
Don Quixote
and read it once a year. She knew he stashed a St. Christopher medal inside his carry-on luggage and had even slipped one into hers.

But did she know he would use his investigative skills to dig into her personal business, discover things she had wanted to learn her whole life and then keep them away from her? Keep the fact that he was her landlord from her? Did she know he was capable of making love to her, look her in the eye and not share any of these things?

Okay, enough about Alex.
She cleared her mind and her plate and followed Finn and the others down to a seven-thousand-foot starting point, where the group members were given lightweight, full-suspension mountain bikes to ride on the trail.

She put on her helmet, gloves and pads, checked that the wheels spun freely on the rented bike, the chain was lubed and the portable kit she’d been given had the tools necessary to fix a flat tire.

Finn handed them maps and gave them instructions. Pointing to his right, he said, “That path leads to a mountain for advanced riders. There are signs to guide you in case you take a wrong turn.” He adjusted the straps on his helmet. “I recommend that only those who have experience with the most difficult trails take that route. If you go off a jump, your bike can leap up to forty feet coming down.”

Nelly and a few other people let out audible gasps. The two teenage boys in the group fist bumped each other, saying, “No dramas, dude.”

Maddie had ridden similar trails in Arizona, Colorado and Pennsylvania.

“Okay, mates. No timetable today,” Finn said. “It’s your day on the mountain.” He gave them a thumbs up sign. “Have fun. And remember, safety first.”

Maddie had been paired with Nelly. At Nelly’s request, they rode slower than Maddie was used to. She took advantage of the leisurely pace, tried to memorize the spectacular scenery. She remembered Finn explaining that the Ohia forest was over one-hundred-years old and to look out for eucalyptus groves and other native species blanketing the mountainside. They pedaled along the side of the mountain and had a magnificent view of Maui’s turquoise shores.

She signaled for Nelly to ride ahead of her so she could travel off the main path onto a more demanding trail further into the forest, lined with potholes and logs. She welcomed each obstruction, lifting both her wheels off the ground, crouching down and exploding upward, pulling the bike with her and spiking her adrenaline.

“Hey, Maddie?” Nelly said, sounding out of breath. “Can…can…you see me?”

Maddie bunny hopped over another log and speed pedaled toward Nelly. “Here I am.”

Nelly slowed down and stopped. “Are you ready for a break?”

“Sure, here’s good.” Maddie stopped, jumped off her bike and secured it. They’d been riding for over an hour. She dug out her water bottle and took a long swig to quench her thirst.

“Boy, that sun’s bright.” Nelly removed her helmet and slipped on a pair of sunglasses. Gargantuan sunglasses. “I have to stretch my back and legs.”

Hmmm. Maddie had thought Nelly looked familiar when she’d first seen her and now with those sunglasses. “Hey,” Maddie said. “Were you on the Kanani Tour boat yesterday?”

Nelly’s face flushed. “No. I…I’m staying in Maui. Why?”

Maddie shrugged. “Thought you looked familiar. It’s nothing.” She pointed to Nelly’s bike. “Best to lean your bike against a tree. Make sure it’s secured. You know, for safety…”

Nelly hiked her brows with a look that clearly said,
Duh, I do know biking protocol.

After munching on granola bars and resting—each in their own thoughts—for twenty minutes, Maddie stood. “I need a pit stop. Are you ready to get going after that?”

Nelly nodded, digging into her backpack. “Sure. I’ll take some pictures.” She giggled. “Guess your hot-chocolate addiction is catching up to you.”

Interesting comment, Maddie thought, heading further into the forest. She’d had pineapple juice at breakfast and hadn’t shared her preferred choice of hot beverages with Nelly. Maddie slowed her steps, turned around and noticed that Nelly’s camera looked similar to one of Tim’s high-powered, expensive ones. It wasn’t something a tourist would take on these trails.

Maddie slipped behind a thick bush.
Ten, nine, eight.
She mentally counted down to one, jumped out, rushed Nelly and snatched the camera out of her hand. “Who do you work for?”

“Hey,” Nelly said, breathing hard. “What…what are you talking about?”

“Must be a vampire convention in town. You bloodsuckers show up everywhere.”

Nelly took a step toward Maddie. “Give that back to me. How dare you—”

“I dare, chickie.” Maddie laughed without humor. “You couldn’t snap a picture of me on the boat yesterday, so you thought you’d catch me with my pants down in the bushes?” Bunch of wack jobs. She jogged over to the side of the mountain. “What are you after?” She dangled the camera over the side of the mountain. “Speak, or the camera gets it.”

“Shit.” Nelly ran over to Maddie, but stood about ten feet in front of her, muttering, “Damn, I screwed up.”

Maddie looked down. It was steep. Actually, that was an understatement. “Say bye bye to the hardware.”

“No, wait.” Nelly held her hand out. “Give me the camera, and I’ll tell you.”

Maddie rolled her eyes. “As if. And don’t think I’m bluffing about smashing this—”

“Okay, okay. I’m new at the paper. It’s my first big break.” She took her gloves off and slapped them against her leg. “
Reckless.
I work for
Reckless
. All I know is that I was to take…well…you know… pictures. Compromising ones.” The latter she whispered.

“This baby looks like it would set you back a few bucks, huh?” Maddie inspected the camera. “What do we have here? Video capability? A hidden microphone? Were you going to record my tinkle too?” She edged closer to the cliff, extending the hand that held the camera.

“Okay, please don’t. It belongs to my boss. I can’t afford to replace it.” Nelly’s lower lip trembled. Maddie felt sorry for her, but not enough to let her off the hook.

“What pictures did you take? What do you think you know about me?”

“No other pictures. I know that you…you were romantically involved with that reporter that was on our front page—”

“I was?” Damn snoop probably spied Alex checking into another hotel last night. “Says who?” Lordy, this chick was green. She was struggling for an answer.

“I assumed,” Nelly wiped the sweat off her brows, “that after you read
Reckless
—”

“You’re so full of it.” Maddie lowered the camera. “You followed me on the boat yesterday and last night and took a bunch of pictures.” She glared at Nelly. “Right?”

Nelly toed a hole in the ground. “Two pictures.” She cast Maddie a nervous smile. “He’s a jerk. For what he did to Ms. Washington. I’ll Photoshop you out of the pictures—”

“What
Alex
did to Washington?” She gave Nelly a disgusted look. “Do you all attend brainwashing seminars so you can believe your bullshit inventions? And you better not print one picture of him or say his name and the word jerk in the same sentence again.”

Listening to herself, Maddie realized her boiling anger toward Alex had simmered to ticked-off status. “Or a note will be sent to your boss saying, ‘Camera resting in pieces, compliments of Nelly’.”

Maddie found the view button on the camera and pressed it.

Nelly held out both hands with a pleading expression. “Okay, I’ll delete the pictures. Please don’t touch anything—”

“Color me shocked. A stalkerazzi who lies. Two pictures, huh?” Maddie scrolled through the pictures. “Do you have numeric dyslexia? Because there are
twenty
pictures here
.
” There were pictures of her and Alex on the boat, her and Tim at the snack bar. Her having dinner with the Donovans. How invasive! Yup, there it was, Alex at the front desk checking into another room last night.
Nosy bitch.
She could only imagine how the seedy editorial staff would have spun these shots into sleaze.

Maddie found the delete button, hitting it until there was nothing left to erase.

“Oh, shit,” Nelly said, walking closer to Maddie. “What did you do?”

Maddie threw the camera in the air, caught it and made like she was going to throw it again. “Come any closer and this thing is history.”

“Stop,” Nelly squealed. “Okay, okay, stop doing that. I told you, I can’t afford to replace it.” Shaking her head, she planted her hands on her hips. “I’m an administrative assistant at the paper, but since I’m the only one on staff who could handle these trails and my goal is to be a photojournalist, they gave me this break. All I know is that I was to follow you and get as many pictures as I could, especially your reaction after seeing that jerk… I mean Donovan’s story in the paper.” She held her hand out. “Now, can I have the camera back?”

“Not so quick, Lois Lane. I know there’s more. What else are you supposed to dig up?” Maddie lowered the camera. “Spill, or I smash this with my foot before hurling it over—”

“Don’t, dammit! That thing costs over five grand.” Nelly threw her hands in the air. “To hell with it. I’m probably going to get canned.
Reckless
wants a lot of pictures of you. They’re doing a human interest story.” She smiled. Maddie rolled her eyes. “Sweet story. About you meeting your mother’s…you know…her old lover. The billionaire on Makana—”

“I know who you’re referring to.” Maddie clutched the camera tight to stop herself from tossing it over the mountain. “You leeches are not going to drag an innocent person into this soap opera you’ve concocted.” She shook her head. “And sweet story?” She put her hand up to stop Nelly, walking closer with her arms held out. “Not so fast. Who told you where to find me?”

Nelly sucked in a long breath. “Ms. Washington’s a close friend of my boss. She got your Maui itinerary from the media-relations officer Stewart Milton—”

“—who is obviously an asswagon.” That unprofessional, revolting backstabber had had the nerve to ask her for her full itinerary on the island, claiming he would keep it confidential. He’d suggested he and his wife could join her one night. Shaking her head in disgust, Maddie found the latch for the camera’s batteries and removed them and the memory stick and slipped them into her jacket pocket. “Here.” She handed the camera back to Nelly. “Take a hike.”