What A Rogue Wants (18 page)

“
You should have. No doubt
you would have encountered a lot less problems if you had. When a
woman is paid for services rendered, she understands perfectly not
to expect anything from you but her money.”

Grey could’ve pointed out that the
women he had bedded understood not to expect anything more from him
than pleasure, but Gravenhurst would argue the point and he’d been
an ass enough for one night. Hell, maybe two. The conversation
could go on all night. “Let’s forget it.”

Gravenhurst nodded. “Done.”

“
Isn’t it rather risky to
involve a chambermaid or any outsider in our training?”

“
There’s no risk at all.
Constance thinks she’s trying to win a bet with me. She has no idea
you’re attempting to get information from her or about anything
else.”

The amusement in Gravenhurst’s voice
didn’t sit well with Grey. He trusted his friend with his life, but
Gravenhurst had a sense of humor that had led Grey to more trouble
than he cared to remember. “Just what sort of bet have you
made?”

“
I bet her she couldn’t
seduce you.”

“
You bloody jackanapes.”
Grey itched to punch Gravenhurst in the jaw.

“
What?”

“
I can’t let some woman
try to seduce me in a public tavern. What if it somehow got back to
Madelaine?”

“
Don’t be ridiculous. It’s
not as if Lady Madelaine is going to have a conversation with the
chambermaid.”

That was true enough, but it wasn’t
the damned point. “I no longer welcome another woman’s
touch.”

Gravenhurst scowled. “What’s your
bloody point?”

“
I don’t want Lady
Madelaine to think I’ve lied to her or that I won’t be loyal.” His
ears burned with exposing himself.

“
There’s no
choice.”

Bloody, blasted hell. Gravenhurst was
right. Grey clenched his jaw. “If it gets back to Lady Madelaine
I’m telling her you were trying to seduce Constance.”

“
Fine.”

Grey had to forget Madelaine and what
could happen and concentrate on what was about to occur. “What am I
trying to learn about Constance?”

“
Where she’s from and how
old she is.”

“
Simple.” Grey smiled
grimly into the darkness.

“
Not as simple as you
might think. She’s unusually tight-lipped. It took me these last
few days to find out where Constance is from and how old she is. If
you fail to tell Pearson the answer when he arrives at the tavern,
then it’s back to training for the both of us. With
Pearson
as our trainer.”
Gravenhurst abruptly stopped and pulled up his jacket and shirt
sleeve. “See this?”

Grey squinted in the dark night.
“No.”

Gravenhurst grabbed Grey’s hand and
shoved it against his arm. “Do you feel that scar?”

Running his fingers down the length of
a raised, knotty line, Grey nodded. “What happened?”

“
Pearson happened. The man
is worse than both of us at not making dangerous contact with his
dagger during training. He damn near killed me when he trained me.
So, make sure your head is clear of
all
distractions.”

“
I’m focused.”

“
You’re sure?”

He was still worried about not making
an appearance in his aunt’s apartments, but Gravenhurst was right.
He had to block out all of the distractions. He closed his eyes and
took several deep breaths. “I’m ready.”

“
Not to drag your thought
back to Lady Madelaine, but have you carefully thought about what
pursuing her means? Do you realize of six of us only one―your
father―is married?”

He’d realized it. But he hadn’t
thought much about it until now. “Madelaine’s father was married as
well.”

“
True enough. But he felt
he had to marry for the sake of an heir. From what I’ve been told
anyway. Her parents’ marriage wasn’t a love match. It was
convenience and mutual respect. I don’t think the woman was ever a
weakness for him.”

“
Your point makes no
sense. His enemies could have still gotten to him because of
her.”

“
True,” Gravenhurst
agreed. “But it’s easier to think logically if love isn’t involved.
He didn’t love his wife. But his daughter…”

Grey understood without Gravenhurst
finishing. “Madelaine is his weakness.”

“
I think so.” Gravenhurst
bounded across the grass toward the stables. “He’s acted strange
lately, and my theory is it’s her. He wants to marry her off, so if
something should happen to him, she’s taken care of.”

Grey paused. What if something should
happen to him, and he and Madelaine were married. She’d be left
alone. Vulnerable to his enemies. No. He frowned. She’d be
surrounded by his family. They’d protect her. Was it fair to drag
her into this life he had chosen? Was this the cost of being a
spy―living with guilt and fear for those you loved or living with
loneliness? He’d just have to get used to constant guilt and fear.
He didn’t think he could let her go to another, unless she didn’t
want him. “If things should work out between the lady and me, I’m
Stratmore’s perfect solution.”

After Grey and Gravenhurst mounted the
horses the stable master had readied for them, Gravenhurst led them
into the dark night. He turned in his saddle to look at Grey. “I
don’t think Stratmore will consider you a solution. In fact, he
might consider your interest in Lady Madelaine a problem. I know I
would if I had a daughter.”

Grey gripped his reins. He thought he
knew what Gravenhurst meant, but he had to know for certain. “What
do you mean?”

“
I wouldn’t want any
daughter of mine marrying a man I knew to be a spy. I wouldn’t want
her bound to someone engaged in life-threatening work, who would be
forced to lie to her the rest of their lives. Would
you?”

He tensed in his saddle, his fingers
curling around his reins so tight, the leather of his gloves bit
into his skin. No, he wouldn’t like or want a daughter of his to be
married to a man who lied to her. But it was too late. He wanted
Madelaine. He suspected he was beginning to truly care for her. And
his father had made marriage work, so he could too.

He pushed the unwelcome doubts away
and signaled his horse into a gallop. If they made excellent time,
and he completed this latest assignment quickly, he could get back
to catch Madelaine before she left his aunt’s apartments. The only
problem he foresaw was coming up with a believable explanation for
what had detained him. But if he ended up married to Madelaine, he
would probably have to lie to her many times, so he needed to
welcome the challenge, even if the idea of lying to her sat like a
ball of lead in the pit of his stomach.

THE MORE GREY’S AUNT AND sister
carried on about how unpardonably rude Grey was, the more
Madelaine’s embarrassment grew. She pressed a gloved hand to her
warm cheek. She had to get out of Helen’s apartments and escape to
the privacy of her own bedchamber where she could wallow in
self-pity. She would have inhaled a deep, calming breath, but her
stays prohibited it. The minute she was alone she was going to rip
them off and burn them in the fire. It was too bad she couldn’t get
rid of Grey with the same efficiency. To think she’d dressed with
extra care tonight to impress him. She hated stays. And never wore
the dratted things, but she’d wanted to show her figure in the most
pleasing light. What a silly fool she was.

Elizabeth touched Madelaine’s arm.
“Maybe Grey’s equerry training detained him again. I didn’t see him
at dinner.”

“
No, it wasn’t that.”
Madelaine forced herself to look up and prayed her misery didn’t
show on her face. Helen and Elizabeth exchanged a quick look. So
much for disguising her unhappiness. Her throat and nose burned
with the unshed tears of humiliation. “When the queen switched the
dinner seating tonight, I ended up by Lord Pearson. And when I
didn’t see Grey at dinner, I inquired whether his equerry training
was over. Lord Pearson said it better be because the last he’d seen
Lord Grey and Lord Gravenhurst, they were headed to the Merry
Tavern.”

Her throat felt too thick to continue
talking, but she swallowed and stood. “He said nothing else to me,
of course. But Lord Thorton, the wretched man, spoke so loudly to
Lord Pearson I heard him say the Merry Tavern will indeed make a
man merry with its abundance of mead and willing
wenches.”

“
Oh, dear.” Helen rose and
wrapped her arm around Madelaine’s shoulder.

Madelaine’s nose tickled unmercifully.
She wouldn’t cry. She refused to be a blithering child. She’d
opened her heart to a known rake and he had trod on it. “I wish I
didn’t have such excellent hearing. I heard every word.”

“
It’s better to know than
to be ignorant, dear. I am sorry.” Helen squeezed Madelaine’s
shoulder. “I’d thought Grey seemed as if he was finally settling
down, but I see now I was wrong. Small comfort this may be, but I
guarantee you one day Grey will see you at Court, finely dressed
with a brood of children and a handsome husband, and he’ll sorely
regret having botched his chance with you.”

“
I don’t know why I’m so
upset.” She dabbed at her eyes. “I barely know him, but he made me
feel hopeful. I know I’m an oddity, but he seemed to like that.”
Gads. She’d not meant to expose herself so.

Helen’s eyes swam with
pity. “Dear, oddballs often turn out to be what we refer to in
the
ton
as an
Incomparable.”

“
I’ll never be an
Incomparable. Mother always said I’d be lucky to find a man who
would put up with my oddities.”

Helen’s eyes narrowed. “I was an
oddball, you know. Too educated and too opinionated by half. And
then I became fashionable because of my oddity.”

“
That won’t happen for me.
Mother warned I’d be my own downfall unless I changed.”

“
Please don’t take this
the wrong way, but I knew your mother very well from childhood to
our time at Court together. She had a good heart, but tolerance for
anyone who did not fit into a perfect mold was not her
specialty.”

“
You didn’t understand
her,” Madelaine protested. It was one thing for her to have been
irritated with her mother in life, but she was dead. And she’d not
stand here and let anyone disparage her mother.

“
You’re wrong,” Helen
said. “You see, I knew her before she was the perfect model of
feminine accomplishments. Once, she loved to write, and I remember
her saying that she wanted to be a writer someday.”

“
I never knew she loved to
write.”

“
I daresay you wouldn’t
have. Her mother was very strict and whipped your mother many times
with a cane to rid her of her foolish notions. By the time we came
to Court your mother scoffed at anyone who hadn’t perfected
drawing, knitting, the pianoforte et cetera.”

“
She wouldn’t have been so
cruel!” Yet an inner voice whispered memories of all the times her
mother had sneered at Madelaine for the things she
enjoyed.

Helen offered a gentle smile. “Don’t
get riled, dear. She didn’t mean to be cruel. But if you beat
someone enough, they’ll gladly conform to the expectations of those
around them. And in my experience someone changed from fear often
becomes the loudest proponent of what they rebelled against in the
first place.”

“
I feel worse now.”
Madelaine set down her cup. “I was terribly disobedient and
willful. We weren’t close, you know. I imagine she hated who I
was.”

Helen shook her head.
“
Who you are
. And
I imagine she was envious that you were strong enough not to be
cowed.”

“
She never beat me with a
cane.” Madelaine didn’t want Helen to think her mother could have
been that cruel. Her mother had spanked her with her hand and on
occasion a belt, but only when she’d deserved it.

Helen arched a thin eyebrow. “Never
with a cane you say?”

“
No, never.”

“
How fortunate for you.
Though I daresay a hand and other things such as a leather strap
could cause their own fair amount of pain.”

Madelaine’s pulse beat a furious
tempo. She wanted to move away from this topic. “I wonder if Father
knows about her past.”

“
I doubt it. I only knew
because we grew up together.”

It was all so much to take in. The
desire to be alone grew stronger until she was fairly itching to
flee. “I’d better be going. I received word my father would be here
early in the morning, and I’ve not seen him in months.”

“
I’ll walk with you,”
Elizabeth said.

Madelaine had almost forgotten her
friend’s presence because of her unusual quietness. When she looked
at Elizabeth, she blinked in shock. Her friend’s normally bright
eyes appeared dull and tinged yellow. But worse was Elizabeth’s
complexion. A sheen of sweat covered her forehead and left her
usually rosy skin looking pasty. Madelaine grabbed Elizabeth’s arm
as her friend swayed. “Are you unwell?”