What Brings Me to You (27 page)

              “Collette, what is Jaime doing here?” I whisper-yelled. Darting my eyes to where he was deep in conversation with Jim, praying he didn’t notice me having a slight meltdown at his presence.

              “He’s a family friend,” she said confused about my outburst.

              “You’re shitting me.” I dropped my hand from her elbow and placed it over my gaping mouth.

              “No. I’m not. Wait...how do you know him? I thought you worked out with Markus?”

              “I do. I don’t really
know
him, know him. We’ve kind of been talking.” That was the only way I could think to describe our interactions. They were so rare and so -strange that I didn’t have another word for them.

              “What? You didn’t tell me.”

              “Well every time was kind of…coincidental.”

              “Like now?” She asked with a devious smile.

              “Yea, like now,” I said feeling flush.

              “Do you like him?”

                I didn’t want to say no, because that would’ve been a lie but I didn’t know him at all to say yes. Collette never accepted “I don’t know” as an answer so I just blinked and stuttered.

              “Okay, that wasn’t a fair question,” she admitted. I gave her the only answer I could think to give.

              “I think he’s cute. Hot actually. And sweet. At least to me he is, I think. He always…protects me? Is that what I want to call it?”

              “Ha,” she chortled to herself and shook her wavy brown hair from side to side. “I’ve known Jaime a long time. I think that’s a perfect word to use.”

              “Where is his family?”

              “Why don’t you have him tell you?”

              “Is he another stray your family has picked up?”

              “Sort of,” she sniggered.

              “So there’s a story there, huh?”

              “A long one.”

              It wasn’t too long after that that he saw me. The surprise on his face registered immediately so, like a fool I raised my eggnog glass in his direction. I felt so silly for being there, like an intruder, though I had as much right to be there as he did. He smiled a tentative smile and sauntered over, even his gait exuded confidence. All I could do was admire him.

              “Hi.” He said but there was no apprehension in his voice. It was unwavering. It was commanding. It was totally hot.

              “Hi, Jaime.”

              “You’re staying with Collette.” It wasn’t really a question, and I think he found the situation as funny as I did. The ghost of a smile playing on his ruggedly handsome face.

              “Yea. How do you, um,  know her?”

              “Old friend.” He offered no other explanation so we stood there for a brief moment in silence. “Let’s go outside for a bit,” he said. Again, he didn’t ask if I wanted to, though if he had there was only one answer I could’ve given. I guessed he was a guy who didn’t really leave anything up to chance.

              “I’d love that,” I said a bit less confident than he. “So, how do you know the Musgraves?” I asked realizing only afterward how dumb a question it was.

              “Dr. M. was in the service with my dad. Helped me after he died couple years ago.”

              “I’m so sorry to hear that.” Because what do you say to something like that?

              “Don’t be,” he said and looked me directly in the eye which was a bit unnerving.

              “Why not? He was your father.”

              “He was a dick. I mean, I loved the guy but he wasn’t the warm fuzzy kind of man. His father was army, he was ex-Marine. Took the drill sergeant mentality home with him, if you know what I mean.”

              “I’m starting to,” and I gave him a wink but he didn’t get my joke and I didn’t push. I cleared my throat and asked “You were in the military, too?” I knew the answer. It was actually pretty comical how much I knew the answer but it seemed like the right thing to ask.

              “Yes. I enlisted right out of high school. Was stationed in Ft. Benning Georgia. Did two tours in Afghanistan, one in Iraq. I was honorably discharged after dad died. Sole surviving and all that.”

              “Then you started training?”

              “Yea. Used my GI Bill rights to get a certification to be a trainer and now here I am. Been working here for a little over a year.”

              “You’ve been working here for a year and you’re already the head trainer?”

              “Go big or go home. My dad always said that if you’re going to bother doing something at all you need be the best.”

              “Words to live by.”

              “I do.” He was so somber when he uttered these words I couldn’t help but take notice. Jaime Rosen was not a man to be mocked or a man that you said “no” to. Jaime Rosen was a hard ass.

              “Why personal training? Why not be a pilot or something like a lot of them do.”

              “I get to be boot camp officer every day. It’s a little bit of revenge, I guess.”

              “Is that why you’re a bouncer, too?”

              “No. I do that for the money. And because I like to kick the shit outta drunk assholes who try and take advantage of women I’m pursuing.” This was his attempt at humor and it wasn’t lost on me, but I could only focus on what he’d said.
What?
He must have noticed how wide my eyes got because he changed the subject dramatically. “I like where this is going with us, Charley. I know we’re not exclusive yet, but I’d like to be. The thing is I need to know if you’re ready. I want pursue this a bit more aggressively, but we’re at different stages in our lives. I know you’re nineteen and we’ll talk about you sneaking into clubs with a fake ID later, but I’m twenty-four, Charley. I don’t need any more friends. I’m looking to settle down. If that’s not something you’re interested in then we should end this now.” Blinking rapidly and hives on my chest were my only response.

              “It’s okay to tell me what’s on your mind.”

              “I’m still trying to process it all.”

              “Doctor M. tells me you’ve got a story, too.”

              “So that’s what that outpouring was? A ploy to get me to spill my guts to you?”

              “No. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But, I figured I showed you my scars you show me yours.”

              “That’s a very Marine thing to say. “

              “I meant that since we’re getting to know each other we share things.”

              “I don’t know if I’m ready for that. Aside from Collette and Dr. M. as you call him, no one really knows about my past. I don’t know that I want to drag you down with my baggage. There are a lot of things that you don’t know about me, Jaime. You may not feel the same way about me when I do.”

              “Why don’t you give me the chance to try?”

              I could hear Collette’s voice in my head saying over and over that I needed to trust. I needed to let people in. I did trust him in that moment, which, for me, was pretty strange an I had to analyze why. Jaime was rough around the edges from years in the military and not having spent any time around girls before in a tender sort of way, but there was something in his demeanor that was comforting. He did save me. Twice. And because he did, I felt safe around him which for me was a big step. Besides Markus there wasn’t any man I felt safe to be around. Except Teddy. I felt a connection to him,after he told me about his dad because he showed me that he understood what it was like not to have a perfect home life like Collette or Kelsey or, again, Teddy. What can I say? Teddy was my only other…I don’t even know what we were but he was all I had to compare it to. I think what drew me to Jaime that night was that for the briefest of moments he dropped his mask. The face he showed to everyone else and showed me his true self. I liked that he showed it to me because, having kept such a control over my own I understood what it meant and how special it was to show it to someone else. I’d made the mistake to show teddy and he was cavalier with it. I wasn’t going to be careless with Jaime.

Still, I wasn’t ready to scare him off with the whole twisted tale, so I told him a version of the truth that didn’t make me look so pathetic. I didn’t tell him about Adam because that was a place I was barely ready address myself, let alone address it with another man. I didn’t tell him about Teddy because, he hadn’t brought up any exes so I was happy to table that until he did. Besides I wasn’t even sure how to address the Teddy situation. I’d pushed him to the back of my mind but he had this annoying way of creeping back in all time leaving me feeling raw. I gave him a little about Paul and my real dad. About mom and the last conversation that I had with her that landed me in the hands of Dr. M. and Collette. The story, even diluted considerably, still stunned him. When I looked up, his chest was rising and falling rapidly, the color had drained from his face down to his neck which was turning a deep purple.

              “Jaime? Are you okay?”

              “You haven’t been back home.”

              “God, no. I don’t plan on it either. I don’t really consider it my home, you know?”

              “She’s only come to see you once.”

              “Yea. She’s been calling the dorm a lot these days trying to get in touch.” This was information I didn’t mean to share. Not with him or anyone. I hadn’t even discussed it with Collette. I was happy just to ignore her.

              “And you haven’t responded.”

              “No way.  I don’t want her in my life, Jaime. I just want to forget.”

              “Have you? Forgotten?”

              “No, not yet. But I figure the more distance I put between me and them, the easier it will be.

              “Take it from someone who knows, Charley, running away isn’t going to make the demons go away. They chase you down wherever you are. You need to learn to make peace with them and then you’re really free.”

              “Free?”

              “Yea. Free.”

              “I am free, Jaime. I don’t feel like I’m missing anything because I don’t really have a family.”

              “You may not think so, but you aren’t. Look, my dad was an ass most of the time, but he was the only dad I had. Now that he’s gone, I can’t say that I miss him, but there are days that I wish he were still around. Maybe he could’ve answered some questions for me. Your mom is obviously trying. You don’t have to love her. Hell, you don’t have to like her, but you deserve to have closure.”

              “I appreciate your concern, Jaime, but, all due respect, you don’t really know what you’re talking about.”

              “I may not know all the details of your situation, but I’ve been in something similar. It’s taken me a long time to work through. Hell, I’m still working through it. Believe me when I say it will help if you talk to her.”

              “I’ll keep it in mind.”

*****

              “So how are things with you?” She asked scooping a large forkful of Caesar salad in her mouth.

              “Is this Dr. Collette or just Collette by BFF?”

              “This is Dr. Collette your BFF.” I sighed because I realized there would never be a time when she wasn’t analyzing me. I was like a whet stone on which she could sharpen her therapist skills whenever she wanted.

              “Things are good. My mother keeps calling. She’s getting more aggressive and Kelsey gave her my school email address the last time she left a message so now I’ve been getting emails from her too.”

              “You still haven’t responded?”

              “God, what is it with you guys? No. I have not responded. Just like I told Jaime, I do not want her in my life. I mean, it’s a too little too late now, don’t you think?”

              “Well…”

              “Oh no, not you too”

              “I don’t know what it is Jaime said to you about it, but if it’s that you should talk to her then I agree.”

              “I don’t understand…”

              “You need closure, Charley. You need peace. You don’t have to forget, but it would be healthy for you to forgive. She might even have has answers for you, too.”

              “That’s almost exactly what he said.”

              “Well he’s right. How are things with Jaime, anyway?” She asked taking another huge bite of her Cobb salad.

              “We’re really good, actually.” I couldn’t help but beam over my diet Coke.

              “Have you told him? You know about…
everything?
”

              “I told him some. I don’t think I can share it all yet, Collette. We’ve been together for a couple months, but it’s all so new and we’re in a really good place. I just don’t see anything good coming from me telling him.”