What He Bargains (What He Wants, Book Nineteen) (66 page)

She sighed. “Do you think he’s right?” she asked.

Jake sat back. “Do I think he’s right? Are you serious?”

“Well, you did fire everyone and now it’s just us. I don’t know anything about music or the industry—“

“Raven, don’t let his poison get into your head,” Jake told her.

“I know, it’s just hard,” she said, playing with her cell phone.

“Screw that guy,” Jake said.

“Totally,” she agreed, but inside she wasn’t so sure. Hec was a big producer, he’d worked with plenty of talented people and had tremendous success. Who was she to think that she knew better than him?

Seconds later, the doorbell rang and Jake threw his napkin on his plate and stood up. “That’s the boys,” he told her. “Time to make music.”

A
t the end
of the day, Rory did a rough mix of the songs they’d recorded thus far. The four of them sat in the control room and listened as the music poured out of the speakers.

Everyone was quiet, listening to what had been accomplished, and Raven wasn’t sure what everyone thought of the end result.

She only knew what she was feeling as she sat on the couch and heard Jake singing and playing from his heart, from his very soul.

The final song that Rory played for them was a soft ballad Jake had written called Too Far From Home. It was haunting, melodic, and Jake’s voice was so pained and yet beautiful and pure, that she was having trouble keeping her emotions bottled up.

She fought hard to keep the shaking tears inside, to pretend to be simply listening objectively.

And then, the strangest thing happened.

She glanced over at Phil, the keyboardist, normally so happy and mellow—almost to the point of absurdity—and he was staring straight ahead, tears streaming down his cheeks.

Raven couldn’t believe her own eyes. Phil was crying because of the beauty of Jake’s song.

Then she looked at Rory, and even though he was focused on the mixing board, slightly adjusting levels, she saw his hands tremble and then his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed back his own emotion.

Finally, the song ended on a haunting last note from Jake’s voice, sang to perfection, exquisite in its sadness.

The room fell silent.

“Holy shit,” Phil said, wiping his hand down the front of his face. “Holy motherfucking shit.” He leaned forward and stroked his chin. “That’s the best work I’ve ever been part of,” he whispered.

Raven looked to Jake, who smiled tentatively. “It’s not too shabby,” Jake said, his voice betraying cautious optimism.

Rory looked at him. “Not too shabby? Are you crazy?” He sat back. “What we just did these last couple of days is going to go down in music history.”

Raven breathed a sigh of relief, happy that she now had confirmation of her own feelings about what she’d just heard. “I think it’s amazing, especially Too Far From Home,” she said. “I’m so proud to have been involved. Even just to listen to it.”

“So what now?” Rory asked. “I mean, I can do a final mix. You’ve got six songs here—not quite an album, but a pretty damn good start on one.”

Jake folded his arms. “I don’t know what I want to do next. I need to take some time and think about it.”

“Well, if you ever want to work with me again, I’d be here—I’d come wherever you wanted, whenever. Making music with someone that’s got your kind of talent is a once in a lifetime opportunity,” Rory said.

Phil nodded. “Most definitely. I’ve been doing this for twenty years and never had a session like that, man.”

They all stood up, including Raven, and exchanged hugs and congratulations, and then Phil and Rory left.

When they were gone, Jake turned to Raven. “It was nice,” he said softly.

“Are you kidding? That was incredible,” she said, still high from everything that had happened, and the realization of just how good Jake’s new songs were.

Jake looked at her, his expression devoid of emotion. “You don’t understand,” he said. “It might have been fun, and those songs might be good—“

“They’re better than good,” she said.

“It doesn’t matter,” Jake told her.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, my career in music is over, Raven. I’m a laughingstock. I’m being sued by my label and I’m basically radioactive as far as the other major record companies are concerned. No one’s ever going to work with me. No one.”

She didn’t know what to say to that. “Why did we even bother making the demo if you knew it wasn’t going to go anywhere?”

“Because,” he said, “I needed to express that stuff. I had it inside of me, and I knew you were right when you said I had to get off my ass and do the work. But it’s over now.”

She opened her mouth and then closed it, realizing that Jake knew the reality of his situation better than she did.

“I love you,” was all she could say.

“I love you too,” he told her, and then he walked away, and she let him go be by himself, understanding that there was nothing she could do to help make it better.

T
hey’d been apart
for a few hours.

Jake had gone for a long walk on the beach by himself, and Raven had stayed back at the house, playing video recordings of pieces of the recording session that she’d made on her phone while they were working.

There were a bunch of clips, and they were all amazing, in her opinion.

But as she played one of the last videos, she realized that she’d actually captured the full video recording of Too Far From Home, Jake’s ballad.

Surprisingly, the video and audio quality were actually quite decent, considering she’d made it on her phone and hadn’t been trying to do a particularly good job. She’d simply wanted to capture memories so that she could refer back to it in the future.

Only now, a new thought occurred to her.

It was a dangerous idea, and one that she knew Jake wouldn’t approve of.

Raven replayed the video of Jake on his guitar, plaintively singing his ballad, and she continuously was amazed—blown away—by the power of it, the simple haunting beauty of the performance.

Jake was still away on his walk, and Raven knew that she was going to do this next step, and that he might be very angry with her for it.

But if I ask him, he’ll say no. And I need to do this because it’s the right move, the only chance we have to turn things around.

Before she could talk herself out of it, Raven uploaded the video to YouTube. She then got on her email and forwarded the video to all of the major bloggers and social media personalities that she’d become aware of since starting to spend time with Jake.

As she sent the very last email out, Jake came back into the house.

He looked at her. “What’s up?” he asked, almost suspiciously.

She put the phone away, as if it was going to start talking on its own and telling him what she’d done. “Nothing,” she said, trying to sound casual. “Just relaxing.”

“You have a weird look on your face,” Jake said, walking to the refrigerator and taking out a small bottle of fruit juice, opening it and taking a swig.

“I’m probably just tired,” Raven said, her voice quivering, as the enormity of what she’d just done hit her full force.

If this backfired, it might end their relationship.

Oh God, Raven. What is wrong with you?

Jake continued drinking his juice, sighing contentedly and wiping his chin with the back of his hand when he was done. “I’m wiped out myself,” he told her. “I just feel exhausted, but in a good way. Like I can finally close that chapter of my life and move on.”

She nodded, not responding out of fear she might give something away. If he truly wanted to just move on from being a musician, she’d certainly put an end to that when she’d uploaded his new song to YouTube.

Whether everyone loved it or hated it, he was going to have his new song heard by millions of people.

It began dawning on her that what she’d done just might be unforgiveable. She’d put out his music, his most personal song, without so much as asking him. Just minutes ago it had seemed like such a good idea, a way to renew his career without going through the traditional channels.

But now she saw her impulsive meddling for what it early was. It was a betrayal.

Jake was walking toward her, smiling. “You’re amazing,” he said, his eyes so bright and happy and joyful that she didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth.

I’m not amazing
, she thought
. And soon, you’re going to hate me for what I’ve done.

“
D
id you hear me
?” Jake Novak asked, as he stood in front of Raven, his eyes shining with warmth. “I said you’re amazing, Raven.”

She couldn’t breathe—she could hardly stand to meet his loving gaze.

This was everything she’d ever wanted. This moment, and Jake Novak telling her he thought she was amazing, looking at her with adoration, having proven himself to be the trustworthy, incredible man that she’d hoped he might be.

And yet she’d just betrayed him. She’d uploaded a video of him playing his most confessional, personal song, to YouTube, where millions upon millions of people would have access to it. She’d done that without asking Jake, because she knew he would’ve told her no.

And now it was hitting her just how badly she’d messed up.

“I—I need to fix something,” she told him, getting on her cell phone and pulling up her YouTube account. She’d only just put the video up, so if she could pull it down now, almost nobody would have a chance to even watch it.

Of course, she’d also emailed it to those bloggers…

Jake was watching her closely. “What do you need to fix?”

She put her hands up to her forehead and closed her eyes. “I did something stupid. I did something really, really bad.”

“Okay. Calm down,” Jake said, lowering his voice. “I’m sure whatever it is can’t be that bad.”

“No, you’re going to be really mad at me, Jake.”

“Raven, you need to stop and take a breath.”

She stopped and looked up at him, her heart pounding fiercely in her chest. “I’m scared.” Her eyes were already filling with tears, as she imagined the anger Jake would unleash on her in a moment, when she told him the truth.

Why had she been so impulsive, so thoughtless? Did she feel the need to sabotage everything good that happened to her?

“Just tell me what’s going on,” Jake said. “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s up.”

Raven took a deep breath and let it out, and the air whistled past her constricted throat. “I did something really, really stupid. I made a big mistake.”

“Okay, I hear you loud and clear, baby. Now just tell me already what you did.”

She looked up at him again. “I posted a video of you playing Too Far From Home on YouTube.”

Jake blinked. “What video?”

“I took video of you playing during your recording sessions,” she said, going to the camera application on her phone and showing Jake the various clips. “I wanted to have memories of it, just little video clips to look back on.”

Jake’s eyes scanned what she was showing him. “And you uploaded one of those clips to YouTube?”

She nodded. “I knew you wouldn’t want me to, but I just thought it was wrong to not even give your beautiful songs a chance.”

Jake folded his arms and sighed. “Take it down. Now.”

“Well, I was just about to—“

“Do it, Raven,” he growled. “It can’t have been up long. If you pull the video now, only a handful of people will have even seen it. You obviously didn’t use my account, so how many people even know the thing exists?”

“I didn’t just upload it to YouTube. I also sent the video to a bunch of bloggers and media personalities,” she admitted. “I knew it wouldn’t get noticed for a long time otherwise.”

Jake stared at her blankly. “You sent that video out wide? Without even mentioning it to me?”

She started to cry then, her shoulders shaking, her eyes welling up. The look of total hatred on his face was tearing her apart inside. “I’m…I’m so…I don’t know why I did it. I wanted to help. I think your song’s beautiful and I wanted people to see you play it.” Most of her words were unintelligible through her tears and sobs.

But then, shockingly, Jake’s arms were around her and he was kissing her cheek. “Hey, hey, hey,” he whispered into her ear. “Don’t cry, babe.”

“You hate me,” she wailed.

“I do not hate you,” he laughed. “I might need to revoke your phone privileges, though.”

Raven couldn’t laugh with him. “Here.” She tried to give him her cell. “Take it, Jake. I’m serious—I can’t be trusted.”

Jake held up his hands. “I’m not taking your phone, Raven.”

“But you just said—“

“I was making a joke,” he told her softly. “I don’t really plan on taking your phone away from you or micromanaging everything you do.”

Raven wiped at her eyes, staring up at Jake with wonder. “But I thought you’d be so angry with me. I mean, you wanted to put all those songs away, close the book on your music career. And then I went and just put that video online without even mentioning it to you.”

Jake just chuckled. “You’re kind of nuts, that’s true. But I love that about you.”

“So you’re not mad?”

He shook his head. “Not even a little bit.”

Raven couldn’t believe it. She was stunned and overwhelmed with love for Jake. More than that, she’d gained a tremendous amount of respect for his ability to forgive, to understand, to be compassionate.

“I want to make it up to you,” she told him, sniffling.

“You don’t have to make it up to me,” he said. “It’s fine. Whatever people think about that song or whatever they say about it, why should I care? My career is over and I’m okay with it.”

“Still…” she said, eyeing him with steadily growing lust. She’d never felt such devotion and attraction to another person.

Jake was standing in front of her in long shorts and a tight t-shirt that showed off almost every definition of his sculpted chest, shoulders and stomach. Standing in front of her, he looked sexier than he’d ever looked—including on screen. The quizzical half-smile on his face only added to her desire.

“We should be celebrating together,” Jake said. “Not crying over YouTube.”

“I’m not crying anymore.”

“Good. So let’s move on. You hungry?”

She nodded her head, staring at his crotch. “I’m hungry and I want to put something in my mouth,” she said pursing her lips.

Jake caught on to her mood and the grin faded, and it was replaced by his own hunger, as his eyes focused onto her. “I can arrange something if you’re in an all-you-can-eat sort of mood.”

“I am,” she admitted, sliding onto her knees in front of him.

“Pull down my fucking shorts,” he commanded her.

She did so, sliding them down over his muscular, thick thighs and letting them drop to his ankles. Beneath his shorts he was nude, his pulsating cock was released now, and it throbbed in front of her, completely hard and engorged.

“It looks so good,” she whispered, and she meant it. His dick was big, and getting bigger, if such a thing was even possible. The shaft was thick and the head was bulging towards her. Raven wanted to slide it into her mouth and hear Jake moan with pleasure.

“Wait,” Jake told her, stopping her from sucking on it. He grabbed her hand and placed it around his shaft. “I want you to stroke it,” he said, his jaw tensing, his eyelids heavy with excitement.

Raven did as she was told, gently taking him in her hand. He was warm, his skin hot to her touch, and a she slowly slid her hand up and down the length of his shaft, he thrust himself toward her.

“I want it in my mouth,” she pouted. His cock was so close to her face and she really did want to suck it. She loved having him inside her mouth, so intimate, knowing she was driving him crazy with desire.

“You’ll put it in your mouth when I tell you it’s time,” he said. He was already enjoying her ministrations, and she began stroking him faster.

“Jake, you’re so big,” she smiled.

“Spit on my cock,” he told her.

She looked up at him uncertainly. “Spit on it?”

“Yes.” He stared down at her, and his tone wasn’t playful.

Raven did as she was told, getting closer to his erect penis, spitting onto it. Her saliva hung off the edge of his hard-on, dripping down to his balls. “Now what?”

“Keep doing what you were doing,” he replied huskily.

Raven started stroking again and instantly understood why he’d wanted her to spit on him. It was making her hand slide over him so much more easily now. Of course, the same thing would’ve happened if he’d just let her start giving him a blowjob.

As her hand cupped his massive erection, Raven’s own juices were starting to flow, making her wet between her legs. She was imagining Jake throwing her down, pulling off her clothes and fucking her on the floor. She was so ready that even as big as Jake was, he’d slide right into her like a hand fitting into a cozy glove.

But that was all just fantasy, because right now, she was still stroking him, faster and faster.

“Stop,” he said.

“What?” she took her hand away as if she’d just touched a hot stove.

“I want you to get undressed,” he said, taking a step back.

“You want me to—“

“Take your clothes off,” he growled. “Right now. No more questions, just do as I say.”

Raven didn’t hesitate. She trusted him utterly. So she quickly disrobed, pulling off her shirt, then the rest of her clothes, leaving them in a scattered heap on the floor.

She stood in front of Jake, completely nude. “What should I do now?”

“I said, no more questions,” Jake replied. His eyes scanned her body up and down. “Get on the couch.”

Raven glanced furtively at him, trying to register what he was thinking from his facial expression. Was he mad at her for putting his music online? Deep down, did he want to punish her for it?

Is that what this was all about?

She didn’t know and she couldn’t hesitate much longer. Instead, she did as Jake commanded, sliding onto the couch in a sitting position, all too aware of how naked she was and how Jake was watching her every movement.

“Don’t sit. I want you to lie down on your back with your legs spread open.”

She swallowed, her heart pounding in her chest. “Okay.”

“Then do it.”

She did it. Lying back so that her head was supported by one of the throw pillows, she opened her legs. The sun streaming through the window was capturing everything, showing every freckle, every scar, every flaw. This wasn’t exactly the most flattering lighting she could imagine for such a spectacle.

But this was what Jake wanted her to do. She owed it to him to honor his request, even though it made her uneasy and self-conscious. She didn’t think her body and skin was nearly perfect enough to look good in this circumstance.

“Now,” Jake said, “I want you to touch your pussy. And I’m going to watch you do it.”

She turned her head to look at him, embarrassed. “I don’t know if I can.”

“You can. And you will.” He folded his arms and waited.

She noticed that his cock was still standing at attention, hard and swollen with blood. He was excited.

That was something, at least.

Raven realized that despite her anxiety, she was excited too. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then let it out. Instantly, her muscles relaxed a fraction, and her heart rate came down.

It’s okay. He wants this. He wants you. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Even though he can see every flaw?

Jake loves you, Raven. Have you forgotten that?

She smiled a little to herself, remembering that, yes—Jake Novak did love her. He’d proven that over and over again in recent days. She was the one who kept doubting him, doubting what they had.

As she reminded herself of their connection, her hand began drifting down, gliding past her breasts, her stomach, and then she was touching the beginning of her private place with the tips of her fingers.

She was soaked down there.

And as her fingers touched her own skin, she also felt sweat beading over her upper lip and prickling her forehead.

“That’s perfect,” Jake said, his voice lower and deeper than ever before, as if he was a hypnotist, and his voice was transfixing her. “I want you to pretend that I control your hand, Raven. Because I do control it. Don’t I?”

“Yes,” she moaned.

“Now, I want you to find your clit. I know it’s already gotten very big because you’re wet and you want me to fuck you. Isn’t that right?”

“Yeah,” she admitted, spreading herself open and instantly contacting her clitoris with her fingertips. It sent a shockwave of excitement through her lower body.

“Start rubbing that clit,” Jake said.

She did as he told her, slowly rubbing her clit in a circular motion, and her legs spread wider as he continued with his instructions.

“Good,” Jake told her. “Now, I want you to start fucking yourself with one of your fingers. Just one finger.”

Raven slid her middle finger down and inside, and she contracted around herself. She was imagining Jake’s cock inside her, pushing his way in. “Oh God,” she moaned.

Her hips began rising and falling. More and more, she was losing herself in the act.

“That’s right,” he encouraged her.

Raven turned her head, opened her eyes and looked at Jake. He was stroking his shaft and watching her intently.

As their gazes connected, she felt an intense energy flowing through her entire body. She wasn’t looking away and neither was he. They were both masturbating, staring at one another, completely turned on and completely unashamed.

Fuck me
, she thought, but didn’t say. She showed him with her eyes as she continued to use her finger on herself. Raven couldn’t believe how wet she was getting.

“I’m going to come,” she told him.

“Not yet,” he said, and she knew he meant it.

“I don’t know if I can stop—“

That’s when Jake approached her, stepping close to her, looking down at her.

His cock hung over her as he stood there. It looked even bigger from this angle.

“You’re going to take me in your mouth now,” he said. “I’m going to fuck that pretty mouth of yours, but you better not come.”

And before she could argue, Jake was bending down, using his arms to support his body weight by holding onto the couch while he slid his cock into her mouth from above.

Raven was still shocked by how big he was. From this position, Jake had the control, he was pushing it into her mouth while she lay on her back.