What I Fight For: A Bad Boy Military Romance (Easy Team Book 1) (11 page)

I shook my head, reaching to clutch his sleeve. “You don’t know that!” I protested. “You were trying to save the countless other lives that that drug leader could’ve ruined! You
were
thinking of others! He might’ve detonated the vests anyway! He might’ve just killed the women once he was out of town.”

Cooper’s eyes were tight with pain and tremendous regret. “Well, we’ll never know that now,” he said. “All I know is, I spent the next thirty six hours helping those villagers scrape their wives, mothers, daughters off the streets and walls to have something to bury.”

I closed my eyes, the harsh visual too terrible to stomach.

“Later we heard through chatter that Randall had gotten involved in the drug trade and was doing extremely well. No one in the cartel business could match his skill or ruthlessness. We had thought the cartel leader had reached out to Randall. But later, we found out that it had been Randall who had made initial contact.” Cooper shook his head, snorting dryly. “Mercenary pay had finally become just too meager for him to live on. And he realized his talents could be used elsewhere. And for more money.”

              “Oh my god,” I breathed, unable to comprehend all this new information. I imagined those terrified women, crying, as they clutched at the horrific vests strapped to their waists. The fear they must’ve felt, knowing that death was only a click away.

              “I hadn’t heard of his whereabouts in a couple years till just this afternoon,” Cooper continued. “Now he’s in Qunar doing who knows what else besides selling girls as sex slaves.”

              I stared at Cooper. Everything took on a deeper shade of understanding with this information. I could see why Cooper had been so ready to give up Sora when he realized how many lives were on the line. He knew Randall was someone who really would and could kill everybody. The only reason why he hadn’t was because of the monetary value the girls had.

              And the fact that Cooper had assessed the situation correctly. He had sacrificed one for thirty seven.

              He had tried to correct his past mistake in hopes of saving the lives he couldn’t save that long ago day six years ago.

             
Feels like old times, doesn’t it, Hawk?

              I suddenly remembered Randall’s taunting words and I finally understood what he meant by that.

              Randall had clearly had no problem throwing back those long ago deaths back in Cooper’s face.

              I stared at the soldier in front of me. I could only imagine how he must’ve felt to have such a familiar situation play out again in front of him years later.

              If I knew nothing else about Cooper, I knew he was a man who never not known a day of hard work. He had had a mission and he had wanted to accomplish it. And he had thought he could find a way to save the village and accomplish his mission at the same time. It had been a fatal error in calculation that had taught him just what his limitations were as one man.

Today, Randall had made sure to remind Cooper just how cruel and ruthless he was.

I can see you’re not a fan of history repeating, Captain.

              Randall…what a monster.

              I thought back to that night on the fallen tree branch.

“And what is it you deal with?” I had asked a little breathlessly.

“Death,” he said promptly. “Torture. Kidnap. Murder. Corruption.” His face twisted for a moment before adding, “Betrayal.”

Randall had been the one who had betrayed him. He had had a man whom he had trusted with his life betray him and then taunt him by holding captive lives at stake. Not once but twice.

Things began to become a little clearer around the mystery of Cooper Hawking. And yet, the clearer things got, the darker they became.

“Easy Team is called only when absolutely necessary. So you can imagine how many levels of shit the situation must be under for me to be involved,” he said. “That means we see the absolute most base, primal form of men. I’ve seen true bravery but I’ve also seen the lowest, dirtiest fucking point a human could sink to. This is not a life for everyone. It can be a difficult life even for the ones that lead it. And it is definitely not a life for a partner. A significant other.”

I had thought he had been wrong then. I had thought he had been underestimating me and my strength. But that was before I had had six guns pointed at my face. That was before I had watched a sick girl sold into sex slavery. That was before I had had to walk away from thirty seven more girls scheduled for slaughter to save the two dozen sick ones at camp.

“I’ve shot more men than you’ve shaken hands with. Lead a life like that and you’re bound to make enemies. Both kinds of enemies—the ones in the real world and the ones in your head.”

The enemies in his head. I could only imagine. I could only imagine the guilt and anger and frustration he must deal with on a constant basis. Doing what is right against doing what is possible. Saving those against those he can’t. These were terrible, horrific decisions that most people in their wildest dreams would never have to make.

              And yet this man’s job was to make these decisions every day. Every mission.

              And enemies in the real world.

              Now Cooper knew Randall was in Qunar. And more importantly, Randall knew Cooper was in Qunar.

              There was unfinished business between them. Anger, betrayal, hatred—all things that could lead to the one ultimate ending that no one can come back from. Death.

              Yes. Yes, I understood much better now. I saw much more clearly than I did that night on the fallen tree.

              Cooper Hawking was a dangerous man.

Chapter
Thirteen
Cooper

              “Hawk, the camp’s been completely cleaned out. They even took the tents,” Dozer reported over the radio.

              I sighed before replying on my own radio. “I’m not surprised,” I said. “I knew it was a shot in the dark. Why don’t you take the UN workers to the camp? I’m already prepping the team here for the town.”

              “Got it,” Dozer replied.

              I lowered the radio, harsh regret clenching against my chest. Outside of the U.S., there were always so many harsh reminders of how hard life was for people. How cruel it was. How unjust it was.

              There was no justification for those poor girls being trapped and sold into slavery like that. But there was no justification for kids forced to mule drugs in South America. Or boys conscripted into African armies at twelve. Everywhere, there was pain and cruelty.

              And I had had to grow a hard shell to face it. But it never completely protected me from feeling the pain of realizing there was nothing I could do to save them. As much training and experience as the men of Easy Team had as a whole, we couldn’t stop the entire drug world or all the civil wars or all the black markets that we came across.

              It was impossible.

              And impossible was the worst feeling.

              Although I knew it would be a useless mission, I had actually called the UN to send people to check out the camp with the trafficked girls. I had expected them to immediately reject my request since I knew they were stretched pretty thin amongst all the refugee camps but it just so happened that a team was coming to visit our refugee camp to take a census count.

              I sent the UN team on ahead with Dozer to see if the girls were still there. Even if they were, I didn’t know where they could possibly send the girls. The country was too broken and overwhelmed to run a proper orphanage. They’d be kidnapped and trafficked again in a matter of weeks of arriving at any orphanage in this country. But I remembered Emilia’s eyes and had sent the UN workers on ahead.

              That look of pain. I recognized it. I recognized that pain because I felt it as well. It was something that had become as common in my missions as carrying weapons or sweating your ass in tick infested jungles.

              But more than the pain, it had been the disappointment. She hadn’t realized what it meant to be a mercenary, to be an Easy Team member. It wasn’t brave heroics where we tramped around some godforsaken part of Earth, wielding rifles, and rescuing damsels in distress.

              Yes, there was death. There was blood. There was injuries.

              But a lot of it was compromise. A lot of the missions were about realizing just how far your limit was.

              You can’t rescue everyone and that is the worst realizations to have.

              And Emilia had gotten a taste of it.

              She had been disappointed in realizing I couldn’t save everyone in the camp.

              I could bear that disappointment from anyone, but not from her. She was a fucking amazing doctor and I wanted her to always believe she could save the world. I wanted her to have that confidence. I wanted to protect her from the reality of her own limitations.

              But the real world wasn’t having that.

              So fuck it. If the real world wanted to fuck with her like that, then I would fuck with the real world by ignoring my limitations and calling the UN.

              But the camp had been emptied. Randall wasn’t stupid. He probably had kept a man or two back after we had left to grab all the girls and take them to some new and more hidden location.

              I knew it had been a futile attempt but still…I had hoped that there had been a chance. A chance at saving those girls. A chance at preserving Emilia’s belief in hope.

              “Hawk?”

              I turned around and saw Bear standing ready at the mouth of the tent. I straightened up. “Are they ready?”

              Bear nodded. “The med team is packed and ready for town. Half of Easy Team will accompany them. They’re already waiting in the trucks.” Bear looked down at the radio in my hand. His lips turned down in a frown but there was no surprise in his eyes. He was all too familiar with the ways of this kind of world. “No luck with the camp, huh?”

              I shook my head. “That sick fuck took them all before we got there.”

              Bear shook his head. I knew he was remembering the El Salvador mission. I could tell by the way his fists curled up in old rage. “I can’t believe he’s here. In Qunar. What are the fucking chances?”

              I shook my head again. What
were
the chances? And not only was he here in Qunar when I was also here. Randall was here when Emilia was here as well, putting her life in danger.

              “Tweety hasn’t heard any chatter about an American in these parts,” Bear continued. “Have you let the commander know?”

              “First thing I did,” I said. “But so far, the orders have been to stay put and to make no waves. Our business here is first and foremost to keep the peace and protect the refugees.”

              Bear snorted darkly, his lips twisting in a grim smile. “If I remember correctly, Randall has a distaste for peace.”

              “Which is why we need to protect it,” I said. But instead of peace, all I saw in my mind was Emilia.

              As if reading my mind, Bear’s face slowly relaxed into a teasing glint. “The med team is all loaded but,” he paused giving me a sly look, “we were short on seats and Dr. Lyon is still in need of a ride.” He grinned at me knowingly. “I figured you wouldn’t mind driving the good doctor yourself, boss.”

              I narrowed my eyes at Bear, not enjoying his knowing leer. And I especially wasn’t enjoying the fact that Bear probably knew just how eager I actually was to have Emilia in the truck to myself.

              “Fine,” I said stiffly. “Let’s go.”

              Bear grinned. “Yes, sir,” he said with mock severity.

              I gave him a good punch in the side and was pleased to hear him grunt in response.

***

             
Well, this is awkward
. I drove down the road, following the parade of trucks towards town.

              Emilia sat next to me, stiff and formal, as she stared out her window. I knew she wasn’t mad at me. She wasn’t so petty as that. It was something more. She was trying to reimagine me with the truth of who I was with the idea of who she thought I had been.

              It had been a cold decision to let Sora go. And I could tell Emilia was still shocked by it. Regardless of the fact that if I hadn’t let her be taken, the other girls would’ve been shot and killed, Emilia still couldn’t believe Sora hadn’t been rescued.

              “Did you…” she suddenly started. “Did you call the UN?”

              I pressed my lips, silent for just beat before answering. “Yes,” I answered honestly, keeping my eyes on the road.

              Emilia turned to me in surprise. “You did?” she asked. Seeing her surprise made me realize that I hadn’t fooled her with my promises the other day. At the time, I hadn’t thought I would actually call the UN. I was just trying to calm her down. And clearly, she had seen through all that.

              “And?” she pressed. “Did they come? Are they going to come?”

              I tried to weigh the options before me.

              Emilia still had several weeks ahead of her in Qunar. She had much more to see during her time here. She might very well see a bombing or a terrorist attack bleed over from Pakresh. She had prevented a measles epidemic but something else might break out and we might not get so lucky. We might run out of medicine and vaccines and she would have to see people die from preventable diseases right in front of her.

              But more than that, she might see sides of me that were dark. That were bloody.

              Randall was here in Qunar. And now he knew I was here as well. Regardless of our mission of peacekeeping, I knew it was just a matter of time before we had our confrontation. It was inevitable.

              And a side of me that Emilia won’t have seen before will come out. A side that is even more ruthless than she’s already seen.

              Till that day came, I wanted to protect Emilia. I wanted to protect her ability to hope and to fight and to work for a better future with Qunari.

              I didn’t want to taint her further with the darkness of my world.

              “They went to the camp this morning,” I said, keeping my voice even. “They were able to round up the girls and will be transporting them to the capital today. There’s an orphanage there far from the border where they can be safe.”

              Emilia fell back against her seat with a deep sigh. I looked over at her and I saw a glowing relieved smile on her face.              

              “That is probably the best news I’ve ever heard in my entire life,” she said sincerely. “And I’m including the time I found out I had passed my final anatomy lab by the skin of my teeth.”

              I chuckled and Emilia laughed, a heavy weight off her shoulders.

              I was glad to take the weight off her shoulders and I had absolutely no problem of carrying the weight myself for her.

              “Maybe there’s some hope after all,” she said softly to herself.

              I looked over at her before reaching for her hand. She jerked in surprise but I held firm and gave her a squeeze. “There’s hope if you keep fighting for it,” I said. “Things can get dark in this world but that’s why hope is that much more precious. And that much more worth fighting for.”

              She stared at me in surprise and wonder. Her eyes studied me carefully and I made sure to keep my expression neutral and genuine.

              “You’re right,” she said, squeezing back. “But it’d be hard to keep fighting if you couldn’t see hope at work. I’m glad those girls are safe. That gives me strength.”

             
It’d be hard to keep fighting if you couldn’t see hope at work.

              I knew from the minute I had seen her that she was someone special. Only someone special could be so insightful because fuck, were her words true.

              Fuck. They were the truest words anyone could say.

              But before I could reply, we arrived in town and were quickly swept up into the work of setting up the medical station. The city official had done a great job in letting the word get out about our arrival. There was already a modest line of people waiting for treatment near the meeting hall.

              Immediately, we unpacked the equipment, helped the doctors set up their stations, and then began the process of organizing the people outside. Within a few short hours, the meeting hall was buzzing with activity as the doctors worked nonstop to treat the patients.

              Every quick moment I got, I watched as Emilia work tirelessly to bandage, stitch, examine, or splint a patient. She smiled and spoke her few words of Qunari to the patients. She was gentle with the children and understanding towards the elderly. She showed no signs of disgust or revulsion at their poverty or their dirtiness.

              One man came in with an infected foot that was covered in dirt and oozing pus. Emilia calmly examined the foot and carefully cleaned the wounds and lanced the boils, draining the remaining pus, before bandaging the entire foot. And through it all, she was calm and friendly to the man, making sure he wasn’t in too much pain through the procedure.

              Yes, a woman like that was worth protecting, even if it meant lying to do so. She had something special in her that the world needed and I didn’t want it to get snuffed out.

              “Hawk!”

              I stepped out of the entrance of the meeting hall and saw Bear a few meters down the road escorting a group of elderly city people. Two of them were pushing someone in a wheelbarrow and were struggling. Another was limping on a crutch.

              I ran over to help the group when I felt a sudden tremor run underfoot.

              Immediately, I froze.

              I looked up and saw Bear standing still, motioning to the group of patients to stand still, with the same look of horrifying realization that I knew was in my eyes.

              He looked at me, locking eyes with me.

             
Fuck, no. God, don’t let it be.

              Then another harder tremor ran beneath us again. A small corner from one of the buildings fell off and plummeted down to the street, landing just mere feet in front of Bear and the city people. One of the women screamed.

              I looked around quickly. Even before the refugee crisis from Pakresh, Qunar had never been a wealthy country. Most of these buildings were old and outdated and certainly not made with reinforced steel and concrete. And after some bombings and shootings, a lot of the buildings were even more unstable.