What Kills Me (27 page)

“But my lord…”

“The swordsmith is an enemy of the
Monarchy. There is no room for leniency.”

“But he is mine. I should have a say
in his fate.”

“You are an exile. You have no rights.
The Empress has agreed to spare you on account of your service.
That is all the consideration that you will be offered.”

“Spare me?” her voice raised an
octave. “General, I had assumed that after my actions I would be
allowed to return to the Monarchy.”

The general frowned. “My lady, that
will never happen.”

“But I delivered you the vampire. I
proved my loyalty to the Empress. I thought…”

“We serve the Monarchy, the Monarchy
does not serve us,” said the general. “You know our rules. You were
a member of the court before you disgraced yourself.”

Nuwa’s mouth fell open. “Disgraced
myself?”

“You gave us no choice by opposing the
Monarchy. The only reason you were not put to the sunlight is
because you belong to the Empress.”

“So, you would leave me here again?”
she asked, her voice wounded.

“You are unwanted. You will remain
here.”

She appeared to implode; her chest
caved in, her face crumpled. She shriveled like a dry leaf ignited
by a match, doubling over, clutching her abdomen. Her entire body
was shaking and I thought she was sobbing. Then she threw her head
back and unleashed a shrill cackle.

Stunned, Lucas and I stepped away from
her. A few soldiers shifted and exchanged glances. She convulsed
with uncontrollable laughter. It terrified me, seeing her so wild,
as if she had been set on fire.

“Step aside. We are returning the
demon vampire to the Empress,” the general said.
“Surrender.”

Nuwa sighed to calm herself. Her smile
faded. But her eyes still burned. “If I cannot leave here,” she
said, “no one is leaving.”

Nuwa tore her sword from its scabbard
and the soldiers rushed in like a tide released from a dam. Their
dark bodies closed in and the first one to reach us was decapitated
by Lucas’s blade. With a scream I kicked the closest enemy in his
chest plate. He shot back into the air, flying over the general’s
head. The soldier smashed through a wooden beam, then through the
temple wall. The roof supported by the beam collapsed onto the
veranda.

The general and I locked eyes. The
surprise on his face switched to fury.

“Take her down!” he roared.

A soldier grabbed my forearm. Without
looking at him I gripped his arm and spun him off his feet. Then I
used him as a bat to strike other vampires before launching him
into the sky. I tried to look for Lucas but everything was a blur
of bodies. I heard him grunting over the clank of swords, and I
felt a mist of blood settle on my skin.

I ran for my sword, knocking a vampire
down and then stepping on his stomach to leap onto the veranda. I
threw myself flat on the table to avoid the sweep of a blade.
Rolling, I hit the ground, hugging my sword to my chest. I crawled
under the table and kicked one of the stone chairs at a vampire. It
crashed into his legs, snapping both of his shin bones, and he
tumbled over the edge of the cliff. Someone grabbed my ankle and
dragged me out from under the table. Flipping onto my back, I
unsheathed my sword and slashed at the soldier. He collapsed on top
of me, blood from his neck pouring onto my face. I shoved him off
and scrambled to my feet.

Nuwa was surrounded by corpses. Her
long sword felled three vampires in one swoop. Her eyes on the
general, she flicked the blood off the tip of her sword and brushed
her hair back from her shoulder. He half-smiled and brandished his
mammoth sword in one hand.

“Just like old times, my lady,” he
said.

“And like old times, you will
lose.”

He sniffed. “You haven’t changed,
Nuwa. Still lost in delusions of grandeur.”

“Don’t address me so informally,
General,” she said. “You don’t know me anymore.”

“But I do. You’re the kind of vampire
who would give the life of her child to ingratiate herself with the
Monarchy. You’re the kind of vampire who is only loyal to
herself.”

“I was loyal to you. I trusted you. I
thought you would be loyal to me.”

“You still put yourself above the
empire. You were always weak in here,” he said, pounding once on
his chest. “Do you know how well I know you, my lady? I knew you
would ask to return. I knew you would react poorly to being
refused. And I asked the Empress for permission to remove you if
you resisted.”

“My obaia wouldn’t do that,” she
whispered.

“Just as you sacrificed your child for
yourself, the Empress agreed to sacrifice you in the name of the
empire. Finally, the Monarchy will be rid of your stain. You and
your wretched creation.”

Nuwa shrieked and charged at the
general. Her blade in the moonlight moved like streaks of lightning
and the general struggled to ward off the blows. Unable to help the
general, the remaining soldiers redirected their attention to us.
Lucas had leaped up onto the roof to disperse the crowd. Cornered
on the terrace, I ran around the table before tipping it over. A
soldier bear-hugged me from behind.

Across the garden, the general pushed
Nuwa back with a grunt and staggered. He was losing. He drew a
dagger from his belt and looked to the roof. Nuwa and I followed
his gaze.

“Lucas!” I screamed. I drove my elbow
into the soldier’s gut.

The general flung his dagger at Lucas.
I didn’t even see its path. Lucas must have known it was coming
because in that split second he twisted his torso. The dagger
embedded itself in his left shoulder. He cried out, and at the same
time so did Nuwa.

I looked back and Nuwa was holding her
chest. A line from her left shoulder to her right hip gushed blood.
Her sword whirled through the air and stuck itself in the
sand.

The general had used the distraction
to cut her.

“Obaia!” Lucas yelled. He leaped from
the roof, pulled the knife from his shoulder and buried it in a
soldier’s forehead as he hit the ground.

Nuwa raised her hands as if to embrace
the general, her hands wet with blood. I couldn’t see her face. I
only heard her soft voice.

“Julius,” she said.

The general cut off her head. She fell
at his feet, her body on its side, her hands together as if in
prayer.

Soldiers filled the space between us
and the general. Lucas was still screaming. I saw him push his toe
into the sand, preparing to explode, preparing to rush into the
wall of soldiers. He was going to try to fight them all. He would
die as Nuwa had.

“STOP!” I screamed.

I had startled everyone. Lucas
faltered but didn’t take his eyes off the vampires.

“Stop,” I said. “I surrender. Stop
fighting.”

“Zee, no!” Lucas shouted at
me.

“General!” I yelled.

The general pushed his soldiers aside
so he could look at me.

“General, if I agree to go with you,
will you let my friend go?”

“No!” Lucas barked.

“You are not in a position to make
requests,” the general said.

Trembling, I backed up onto the
terrace until I was near the edge of the cliff. “Then, do you and
your soldiers want to chase me over the edge?”

“Zee,” Lucas pleaded.

“The Empress requests your presence
before court.” The general narrowed his eyes. “It would be wise to
comply.”

“Well, you could bring me back to her
in pieces. Or whatever parts you can find in the mountain, that is.
Would that please the Empress?”

Scowling, the general considered my
words. I didn’t think that I would break apart on the mountain’s
jagged edges. But I was hoping that the general would not call my
bluff. I was hoping that he didn’t want to hunt me
anymore.

“Very well,” he said. “Come with us
and there will be no more conflict tonight.”

“If you think—” Lucas said.

“Lucas, please,” I begged.

He shot me a look of desperation.
“Zee, don’t do this.”

“Please,” I said. “This is my
choice.”

“You promised,” he said.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

I scanned the soldiers. “I’m stepping
away from the edge. You promise to put away your
weapons?”

“You have my word,” the general
said.

“What is that worth?” Lucas
growled.

“You have my word, in the name of the
Monarchy, that the swordsmith will have one day’s
grace.”

The soldiers slid their swords into
their scabbards, and the general put his bloody blade into its
sheath at his waist. I crossed the garden. Lucas and I stared at
each other.

I know that I promised
that I wouldn’t do this. I know this hurts you. But I can’t let you
fight anymore. I couldn’t bear it if you were killed. I
couldn’t.

As I passed him, he stuck one of his
swords in the sand and grabbed my wrist.

“It’s okay…” I started.

He yanked me to him. His arms crushed
me against his body. Wrapping my arms around his back I clung to
him. I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my face against his chest.
He cradled my head.

What if this is the last
time we are together? What if I never see you again?

“I’m going to come for you, Zee,” he
whispered.

I nodded, rubbing my cheek on his
collarbone. I gripped his shoulders and held him
tighter.

“Be brave,” he said.

He dropped his arms and I pushed
myself away from him. Fighting back tears, I focused on the
general’s smug expression. The soldiers parted and as I walked up
to the general, he turned and escorted me onto the veranda. I
looked over my shoulder at Lucas. He was still in the garden,
watching me leave, his face a mask of stifled fury and pain. He
nodded once. I tried to memorize his image. But the soldiers
followed us out and then I could no longer see him.

Be brave.

It took several soldiers to wrestle me
into a metal coffin. I heard their scramble to lock it, and I
shouted obscenities at them from inside. I blinked furiously
against the black, expecting my eyes to adjust, expecting to see
something. Inside my narrow prison I thrashed away, pounding my
fists, banging my knees, and trying to kick out the bottom. I don’t
know how long I struggled or how long I screamed. At one point, I
thought I couldn’t breathe, which made me panic and fight
harder.

Then I stopped. I stopped
when I realized that I didn’t breathe. And when the dull ache
subsided in my hands and feet from hitting the metal, I became
still. No noise. No light. I felt nothing.
This is what it’s like to be dead. I’m dead.

I imagined the Ancients.
Trapped but alive, like this, with nothing but their
thoughts—forever.
Perhaps this is worse
than death. To spend eternity missing life, missing people. Missing
Lucas.

I scratched my scalp. Vampire blood
was viscous and sticky on my skin. It smelled bitter. It made me
sick. There had been so much blood, so much death in recent days.
In the darkness the images of the fallen and the dead were so
vivid. The visions terrorized me, and I could not escape them. I
could not escape the despair.

They’re going to kill me.
They’re going to hunt Lucas and kill him.
What had he said to me? It had all happened so fast. “I’ll
come for you. Wait for me.” I couldn’t recall anymore. I couldn’t
remember his last words to me. “Be brave.” I remembered
that.

I’m sorry, Lucas. I can’t
be strong right now. I can’t do this. I can’t.

Instead I wept.

If the Aramatta catch up
with him and kill him, will I ever know? Does it even matter,
because I’ll be dead too? Is there an after-afterlife for vampires
and will we meet there?

I conjured up our day at the resort,
when I had accidentally pushed him into the hot springs. I had
knocked on the bathroom door that morning and asked for his
clothing before picking up detergent from the front desk. When I
returned, I found his clothes folded outside the door, and I had
gone and washed the sulfur out of our garments in the women’s
change room. The soap was called “Heaven Clean.” I had wanted to
tell him about it; I was going to make some joke about being ready
to die in fresh laundry. It seemed inappropriate now.

I wanted more than anything to see him
again. To tell him how much he meant to me. To have him hold me. To
have him kiss me.

And now it was too late.

The coffin suddenly tipped upright so
that I was standing. I heard them lift a latch, and a small window
opened in front of my face. I peered through the small square pane;
the glass was so thick it distorted my view. The lights in the room
were bright, like in a convenience store. I could see only glossy
black floors and a table with a mirrored surface, on which sat a
single silver sculpture. It looked like a tree made of razor
blades. On either side of my prison, two rows of soldiers faced
each other.