What She's Looking For (14 page)

She nodded. “How about both? That
hurt, Parker.”

“It was supposed to. Why do it
otherwise?”

She could think of a few reasons
otherwise. In her fantasies, she’d always dreamt of a lover who gave her
playful spankings before — and during — sex. A lark, no real pain.

So why did her body respond the way
it did to the harshness of Parker’s hand? She didn’t think she was ready to
think about that.

“Well, you didn’t have to do it so
hard, Parker.”

His gaze cooled. She was struck by
how alive his eyes always looked under the prominent, dark eyebrows. Alive …
and cold.

“Sir”, she added quickly. “I mean,
I’ve always … liked a little of that during sex, but … “

“This is talk time Ashley, not
argument time.”

She swallowed, hoping the defiance
she felt surge within her didn’t make it to her face. “Sorry, Sir.”

“You know you protest at the pain,
but your body wasn’t protesting at all.”

“Parker, I don’t like pain.”

“Yes, you do, Ashley. You
practically flew apart when I spanked you at the end.”

He’s right.

She glared up at him, her jaw
clenched.

“There’s nothing wrong with that
you know.” Parker lowered his strong chin. “I happen to like giving pain. I
think our needs mesh quite well, in that regard.”

She laughed, trying to mask her
nervousness. Then she sobered.

He wasn’t joking.

“You mean … you
like
hurting
me?”

He nodded slowly. “Does that
surprise you? Think less of me?”

She knew she should say yes. Should
wonder if he was a psycho, a different brand of monster than Terry. But it
would be a lie. Her dripping pussy told her everything she needed to know about
his little revelation.

“I don’t think less of you,” she
murmured, glancing down. Then she locked her gaze with his. “Parker, I‘m afraid
though.”

“Nothing wrong with being afraid.
That can be nice sometimes too, can’t it?”

She looked away, the humiliating
heat back at her cheeks. How could he know?

“Ashley, it’s okay. Nothing you say
will scare me away, or make me think less of you.”

He leaned toward her and rubbed his
chin, looking over her shoulder. “Believe me, you don’t have the market
cornered on deep, dark urges.”

“Yes, Sir.” It felt so odd just …
talking. She realized that she and Terry had hardly
ever
talked. Sure,
they’d communicated about everyday, meaningless things. The bullshit. But
they’d never actually talked like
this
. With honesty; without hiding. It
was a revelation to her, at once terrifying and exciting. To have someone care
was something she’d missed, more than she’d realized.

“That’s why we do this. Why you’ll
need to do it.”

“I don’t understand.” She gazed up
at him again, trying to make out what was going on behind those cruel, gray
eyes.

“You need to understand something,
girl. About what I’m looking for with this. With us.”

She ran a hand along the top of her
thigh, nodding. She watched his lips, wanting to kiss them, feel their fullness
with her fingertips. He had a graceful, long countenance with a strong chin.
She remembered the rough feel of his stubble on her buttocks as he kissed her,
and a frisson of pleasure shuddered through her.

He continued. “I don’t want games.
Playing.”

She tilted her head. “I’m not
saying we’re playing games.”

“Aren’t we though? You let me spank
you, didn’t you?”

Blushing, she nodded.

“I’m looking for true submission,
not role-playing, Ashley. Someone who will truly be mine. All mine. Do you know
what that means?”

“I … I don’t know, Parker.” This
was uncharted territory. She’d thought of submission as spreading her legs or
bending over whenever Terry felt like fucking her. Though the dirty, shameful
part of her enjoyed his use of her body in that way, she’d always felt it was …
incomplete.

Ashley knew that yielding her body
to the use of her man wasn’t really the issue, even at those times she didn’t
particularly feel “in the mood”; that yielding actually had always held a dark
attraction to her — though she wouldn’t be caught dead admitting that to
anyone. The problem was that it was missing something. It was too easy, too
casual. She had no idea what that might actually mean though.

“You are a submissive. There is a
deep core of it in you, but you spend so much time and effort suppressing it.
Why?”

She knew why. Did she want to tell
him? Tell him all of it?

“Because I’m … afraid.”

He leaned forward, his palms up. “What
happened with him? Why won’t you tell me? Do you think I’ll just write you off
as damaged goods? Defective?”

She felt like he’d shot an arrow
through her heart. “Yes. I think maybe — a man, you, wouldn’t want to deal with
my shit.”

He smiled at her with a warmth
she’d never seen from him before, and it made the tears well in her eyes. “Ashley,
I’ve seen a lot of terrible things. I know what man is capable of. Trust me
when I tell you, there is nothing,
nothing,
that would chase me away.
Try me.”

Maybe he would understand. Maybe it
was possible to pick up the pieces and find someone else? Someone she could be
herself with?

Ashley took a deep, ragged breath. “Terry
didn’t take no for an answer — ever.” She firmed her chin, meeting his gaze. “It’s
why I left him. I was afraid someday even that wouldn’t be enough for him.”

“Jesus.” Parker’s jaw clenched, but
his eyes never left hers. He didn’t put on that faux concerned affect people
manufacture when they don’t know how to deal with the unpleasant. He didn’t
treat her like a victim, and she was thankful for it.

Shivering, she suddenly felt cold
and exposed, her fingers clamped painfully onto her thighs. “It’s worse than
that though. Sometimes, I …
liked
it. It freaked me out, and I ran from
it.”

Parker was still for several moments,
not even his eyes moving. They were the longest moments of her life, for this
was the part she thought would send him running for the hills. She waited for
the look of disgust to twist his features, the veil of revulsion to fall over
his gaze. But she saw nothing. He just regarded her, as if she hadn’t just
puked up her most vile inner thoughts. Why the hell was she even telling him
this anyway?

“You ran because you were afraid of
him, Ashley,” he said, his expression softening. “Even if you did like it, it
doesn’t make what he did to you right. You know that don’t you?”

She nodded, looking down.

Don’t cry damn you. Don’t
fucking cry!

The tears were welling, and she
hoped she could get the rest out before they started to fall. “It
is
wrong to like it, even if just a little. I can’t help it. Maybe if … maybe if I
had told him, things would have been different—”

“Stop right there.” He leaned closer,
his gaze boring into hers. “You can’t blame yourself. I won’t
allow
you
to blame yourself. He’s an asshole, who used you.
Betrayed you
. He’s not
even a man. He’s a little boy unable to control his urges.”

“Parker, I can’t do this anymore.
Can we stop, please?” The tears streamed down her face. Though she hated to
cry, she needed the tears this time. Needed to let it go. She was so ashamed,
felt such despair.

Then he knelt down in front of her
and hugged her to him as she cried into his chest. The feel of his strong arms
around her, holding her up, protecting her. Keeping her safe.

“Ashley, it’s all right.” His lips
moved softly against the top of her head. “You’re safe from him, now. We won’t
let anyone
ever
hurt you again.”

“What if I want you to? Fuck,
that’s messed up.” The dam burst then, and she clutched tight, sobbing against
him, the pain rending. She felt so confused. Was she this way because of Terry?
Scarred? Or was this something his predatory nature had detected already within
her? Had she tempted him to do the things he did? Could she label his forcing
her as abuse, if a part of her buried inside felt it as something other than a
violation? She didn’t want to think about it anymore. She just wanted Parker’s
arms to hold her. To keep everything away.

“If you didn’t consent to what he
did, it’s wrong, Ashley. You can let go of the guilt. He’s the guilty one — for
betraying your trust.” She felt Parker’s hard jaw against her head as she
hugged him tight. “It’s okay, girl. It’s over now. Never again.
Never
again.”

Soon enough she got herself under
control, her sobs winding down to merely sniffling. Parker left her leaning
against the couch for a moment, and returned with some tissue. “Here, blow your
nose.”

He got her cleaned up, and she
wiped the last of the tears from her eyes. She hated the puffy feel of her
eyelids after a good cry, but she also felt that strange elation one feels
after getting rid of that pent-up energy. She could do this. She could go on —
especially if he was in her life.

Ashley leaned against the couch,
her head laid sideways over the cushion, watching Parker walk into the kitchen.
She casually perused the muscular buttocks, so well defined in his faded jeans.
Her belly coiled, her desire beginning to stoke itself again. She wanted to see
him
naked next time. Hell, she wanted him to fuck her. Like, yesterday.

Why hadn’t he just taken her though?

Your little crying fit is
exhibit A as to why he didn’t fuck you.

She scowled, but smiled again as he
came back into the room. His eyes were concerned. He
cared.

“Feel better?”

“Much.” Her hand beckoning him. He
sidled back in front of her, his knees on each side of her head. His hands came
to rest on her, stroking her hair, playing with her soft earlobes.

They sat for a few minutes, no
words between them. She felt relief seep into her keyed-up body, her tense
muscles. He hadn’t run, hadn’t rejected her. She told herself it wouldn’t
matter if nothing happened between them. Now she knew that would be a lie.

She felt Parker’s hand on her
cheek, a gentle pressure. She looked up at him.

“Anything else, Ashley?”

Shaking her head, she laid her
cheek on the cushion again. “I’ve said way too much already.”

“No such thing between us, girl.”

She looked up at him. “What did you
mean by ‘we’?”

His eyes flashed. “What do you
mean, Ashley?”

“You said ‘we won’t let anyone hurt
you’.”

“So I did. I meant that Drake and I
would keep you safe. He’s a lot bigger than me. Nice guy to have around when
you find yourself in a jam.”

“Oh.” Her eyebrows knit together. “That’s
it?”

“Don’t sound so disappointed,
Ashley.”

“I’m not disappointed. I mean —
well, I just thought.” She tilted her head. “You said something about Drake.”

“The first time you and I were together,
you mean?”

She blinked her eyes. “Yes.”

“What if I had meant something
else? Something more? What would you have said?”

She wasn’t sure. What did he really
mean? “That depends … on what you had in mind.”

“I guess we’ll see won’t we, girl?”
He tapped the top of her head and stood up. “Right now, it’s time for bed.”

She sat back on her heels, looking
over her shoulder at the clock in the kitchen. “Little early isn’t it?”

He glared down at her, and she
self-consciously crossed her arms over her breasts. His voice was almost a
whisper, cold as the winter wind. “My message still hasn’t been received has
it, girl?”

“What?”

Parker twined a fist in her locks,
twisting them in his fingers and drawing a pained whine from her. He tilted her
head back until she looked up directly at him. “Lower your arms. Now.”

Shit.

Ashley dropped them, but felt an
overwhelming urge to wring her hands together. Instead she forced herself to
lay them back down on her naked thighs.

“When I say it’s time to go to bed,
then that’s what we’ll do. That’s what
you’ll
do. You do as you’re told.
Remember that, or you’re going to have a very, very sore ass.”

Too late for that.

“Just because you said so? I’m not
a child.” She moved to stand and his hand clenched in her hair, stilling her,
her face grimacing.

“No, you aren’t a child. You’re
mine
.
You’ll do what I tell you because it pleases me — and because it pleases you
too.”

Extricating his hand from her hair,
he brushed his palm down the side of her cheek. “If you want this to work, you
start with that. I’ll teach you everything else.”

This was so new, so unnerving. The
stirring she felt in the depths of her belly at his words — and the rising heat
between her thighs — told her he was getting through to her on an entirely
different level; her body seeming to be betray her at every turn

“Now.” He stepped to the side. “Stand
up. Go to the bedroom and wait for me. I’ll be there in a minute.”

Rising, she cursed herself for her
clumsiness, her legs shaking from kneeling for so long. Her bottom felt swollen
and twice its size, and as if the entire world were staring at it. She took a
shuddering breath and walked down the hallway toward her room, cursing the way
she knew her ass must look. She peeked over her shoulder as she went.

Parker’s avid gaze, as inscrutable
as ever, was glued to her backside.

Thank God.

Chapter Fourteen

S
he didn’t even make it to the doorway
to her room. Parker was on her in two long strides, both of them crashing
against the wall of the hallway, arms entwined, his lips coming down on hers.
She tasted so good. He thrust his tongue into her soft mouth, his hands
squeezing her arms. Hot pain flared as her nails raked down his back, and even
through his shirt he knew she’d drawn bloody furrows in his flesh. His little
defiant Ashley.

He growled and pinned her wrists
behind her back, crushing her against the wall as he took her mouth ruthlessly,
sucking on her lips, nibbling their moist softness between his teeth. She
moaned as he clasped a hot buttock in his hand, squeezing the martyred flesh.

“Parker, Parker. Just do it! I
don’t want to think anymore.”

He tapped her cheek with his hand. “Quiet.”
He nipped her lower lip, swollen from his ministrations. Her eyes were closed,
her head thrown back against the wall. Vulnerable. Open.

“Oh fuck, Ashley,” he growled.

Picking her up, he strode into the
room, their mouths locked together again. Her agile tongue tangled with his,
and he couldn’t suppress the thought of what that tongue would be capable of on
his cock. He was hard as stone again, and he could think of nothing else but
being inside her. Possessing her again.

He dropped her ridiculously slight
weight on the bed, her breasts wobbling. He would have to have a talk with her
about eating more — she was just too thin. She flipped her hair out of her face
and looked up at him, the hunger that burned in her gaze matching his.

“Lay back and spread them.” He
ripped at his belt, unbuttoning his jeans. “Wider!”

He was pleased to see her obey,
even as the flush burned across her face and chest. Her pussy called to him
like a siren to a lost sailor. The soft, wet folds glistened in the light, and
his mouth watered.

Her eyes widened as he shed his
jeans and underwear, his cock springing forth. So much he wanted to do,
experience with her. The feel of her being his. Owned by him.

She smiled up at him as he pulled
his shirt off and dropped it on the floor. Her hands reached out to him, and he
came to her.

Her hips were the perfect cradle
for him, her soft thighs whispering against his. So right. Her lush body, all
of it, for him.

“Parker, please. I want you inside
me.
Please
.” Her dark gaze spoke as much as her words. He dipped his
head and kissed her again, harder, more insistent. He slid into her in one
steady stroke, savoring the grip of her, the heat of her sex. She groaned as he
seated himself fully, allowing her a moment to adjust to him.

“Fuck me, Sir.”

And he did, his eyes devouring hers
as he thrust. “Keep your eyes open, Ashley. There’s no hiding from me. From
this.”

Biting her lip, she stared into his
eyes, her body rocking under the smack of his hips.

His strong hands clasped hers,
their fingers interlocking, as he took her deeper, to the core of her. Her cunt
clenched him too tightly and he almost lost control, pulling back just at the
last moment. She was going to undo him if he wasn’t careful.

He would teach her. Everything she
needed to learn, to be, he would show her. She may not like some of it at first,
but he knew, just knew, that she would eventually come to crave it, to need it.
His nature spoke to hers; the duality of his need to control complemented,
reflected, in her need to
be
controlled. There was a time when he
wondered if he was just wired wrong, a mistake of nature. Now, as he sunk into
the wet heat of his Ashley, his slave, he knew he didn’t care anymore. Even if
he was a freak, he knew he’d found someone who didn’t judge him. Someone who
might need him as much as he needed her. A way to go on, to cope with the
harshness of life, and what lay ahead. Someone to share the future with.

He took those swollen lips again,
her moans swallowed up by his fierce kisses. He lay claim to her throat,
nipping the sensitive flesh just below her ears, his breath rasping at her
temple. Still he thrust, alternating languid strokes with punishing deep lunges
that had her groaning at each one. He ground against her clit, her moans rising
an octave as he rotated his hips against her. He felt her legs clasp his lower
back, her calves resting against the hard swells of his buttocks.

“Ashley, you’re mine.
Mine
.
Never leave me. Never.”

Her eyes flew wide. “Yes, Parker.
Never! Oh, YES!”

Making her control it, to delay her
climax, wasn’t an option here. He would make her obey him in the future, but
now, he was overcome with it. The sounds of her cries, the surprising, almost
supernatural strength of a woman as she succumbed to her orgasm. But it was
more than just the sensation. It was the emotion. He finally felt
right
,
felt whole. As she cried out, her cunt clamping onto him, hot moisture flooding
over him, he came. With soul deep groans he poured his seed deep within her,
sealing his ownership of this surprising, amazing woman.

His Ashley.

Parker wasn’t sure how long he lay
there, his weight entirely upon the slight woman. When he realized his large
frame was crushing her into the mattress. He tried to move, but he felt her
fingers tighten on his shoulders.

“No, I like to feel your weight.
Stay,” she whispered, her eyes opening. “Sir.”

Her languid smile as she said the
word began firing his lust anew, for he could see she was more comfortable with
it. With his claim.

She
would
be his.

Stroking the sweat-matted hair off
her forehead, his thumb traced a damp brow. Her features were so delicate, so
feminine. His urge to take simultaneously warred with his urge to protect. They
were tangled up, confused. She did that to him. No woman had ever made him feel
that way. It made him a little uneasy, really, the intensity of it something
entirely new.

He knew she really had no idea who
he was or what he was, what he was capable of doing. Maybe he’d figure out how
to tell her without her running away screaming. Maybe.

But there would be another time for
that.

“You need a shower,” he murmured,
tracing the beads of sweat on her temples. “We both do. I think it’s time I
showed you what else to expect.”

He kissed her forehead, his hands
clasping her face, then pulled himself off of her. Her arms gripped him
tightly, reluctant to let him go, and he had to fight his desire to lay back
down upon her. He could easily laze the day away with her in his arms. His
Ashley beneath him.

But there was more to show her, and
he really couldn’t wait.

Helping her out of bed, she giggled
as his hands took plenty of liberties with her charms. He couldn’t keep away
from her heavy breasts. He had suspected they were wonderful, her outfits
tastefully emphasizing her curves. Still, he wasn’t prepared for how beautiful
they really were. He couldn’t imagine how incredible they’d look restored to
their full grandeur once he got her eating properly again.

She sighed, leaning back against
him as he tweaked both of her nipples in a sharp grip. The weight of her
breasts called out to his hands, and he ended up standing, naked with her for
several long minutes as he fondled and squeezed the generous globes. Her rising
moans, and her luscious ass grinding back against his already hardening cock
brought him back from his lustful reverie. He stepped back, turning her around
to face him.

“Put something on.”

She glanced over at her bathroom
door, puzzled. “I thought you … “

Parker shook his head. “Not here.
We do it at my place.”

Her brow furrowed momentarily, then
she turned to her dresser and pulled out a pair of black warm-ups and a dark
gray t-shirt.

He lay a hand on her slim forearm. “The
shirt is all you’ll need.”

“Parker, this won’t even cover my
hooha.”

He burst out laughing. “‘Hooha’?
Goddamn, I’ve never heard a woman call it that before.”

She dipped her chin, a hint of a
smile on her face. “You haven’t known enough women then. We have all kinds of
names for it.”

“And you’re going to be telling me
every one of them.” He pulled the warm-ups from her hand and threw them on the
bed. “Just the shirt, Ashley.”

Frowning, she pulled the t-shirt
on, freeing her hair from the neckline to lay loose over her shoulders.

Her hard nipples peaked the fabric
and he brushed knuckles across them. “Good look for you, girl.” His other hand
danced fingertips through the sodden curls at her pubis, emphasizing her
exposure.

“Parker,” she murmured, her head
drooping. “I can’t go outside like this.”

“Who’s going to see? It’s my
property, Ashley.” He tipped her chin up so that he could gaze into her eyes. “
You’re
my property.”

Shivering, she closed her eyes a
moment. Her lips moved as if to say something, but she stayed her tongue.

“Good girl.” He planted a wet kiss
on pink, swollen lips. “Let’s go.”

* * *