What the Dog Ate (33 page)

Next she thought about one incident
at the reception that stood out crystal clear, even though most of her party
memories were fuzzy around the edges, like out-of-focus photographs. After the
toasts and cake-cutting were done, she’d avoided the empty seat next to Dippy
and gone to sit by Gram and Humphrey.

“Your toast was very nice,
sweetie,” Gram had said. “And I’ve been meaning to tell you that you and your
young man make a lovely couple.” As she said this, she’d nodded her head
towards Russell still seated at the head table. “I’m glad I got to meet
Russell.”

“Gram, Russell’s not my boyfriend.
Brian’s my boyfriend. Brian, you know; he had to leave after Thanksgiving
dinner?” Maggie was thankful when recognition had flooded the old woman’s lined
face; recognition tinged with embarrassment.

Gram had put her parchment-paper
hands to her face. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I got confused. Of course, Brian. I don’t
know what I was thinking.”

Maggie had joked, “Too much
champagne for you, young lady. Humphrey, she’s cut off. Don’t let her operate
any heavy machinery. Keep an eye on her.”

“I never take my eyes off of her,”
Humphrey had said. He rubbed Gram’s arm and smiled.

Yep, he’s a keeper, Maggie had thought.

Thinking back on it now, she
realized it was the first time she’d ever seen any sign of confusion or
forgetfulness from Gram, who was always so sharp. It worried her.

Next she thought of the things she
was leaving behind: she started with Gram, who wasn’t getting any younger. Then
there were her siblings, her mom (
OK, Mom makes me crazy,
but I still love her
), and especially Beth and James. Knowing she’d
never have kids of her own, she wanted desperately to have a close relationship
with them. She loved them so much. She couldn’t wait until they were old enough
to come and spend summers with her, but she worried that maybe by then they’d
hardly know her.
Will they want to spend time with me? I’ll
have to try to stay close over email and the phone and fly out as much as
possible. It could work...

Then she thought of the things she
was heading back to.

Her dog, but he didn’t count; not
because she didn’t love him to death, but because he’d go with her wherever she
went, so wasn’t really part of the equation.

Her soon-to-be-ex-husband and
ex-home. Not fun things to head back to. She just wanted the stupid house to
sell already. She was anxious to be on to something new. Once the house sold,
everything could be finalized with the divorce and she’d never have speak to
Dave again.

Her job. There was another thing
she wasn’t looking forward to returning to, she thought as she shifted in her
seat. The place was doing OK, but they needed to swing a deal with one of the
big chains if they were going to make real money. Stephen had the R&D team
re-working the formulas into something cheaper as he and Maggie hunted for
other ways to cut expenses. He was in a bad mood most of the time. It was
stressful and generally no fun at all.

What else?
Hmmm. Brian
. Finally, here was something worth heading home for.
My Golden Boy. Boy...
Or was she excited about heading
home to him? She felt guilty now, thinking about that wave of lust she’d felt
for Russell last night.
I wouldn’t have cheated on Brian
though. That was just a champagne-induced whim... Thank God I didn’t
do
anything
.

Thinking of Brian made her wonder
what he’d wanted to tell her when he’d pulled her close on the street, right
before the call from the museum. Maybe she was reading too much into things,
but she worried that maybe he was going to tell her he loved her.

She was trying to be like Kona, go
with the flow, enjoy the ride, and she had... for a while. But now she
suspected the ride might morph from the merry-go-round into the tunnel of love.
She wasn’t ready for that. She wasn’t in love with him.

I wish I was.
He’s practically perfect. We love the same things. Well, most of the same
things. I wouldn’t mind going to a ball game or eating something greasy once in
a while. And maybe just once it would be nice to hang out in our sweats...
watch something mindless on TV; just blob. I always feel like I have to be so
perfectly dressed and pressed with him
.

But maybe I’m
being too nit-picky. It’s early on; we haven’t been together all that long. I
could maybe fall in love him. Maybe. He’s a great guy—thoughtful, super smart,
kind
. She thought about how her whole family seemed to like him;
remembered how adorable he’d been with Beth.

Wait a
minute... I wonder... does he want kids? If he does, that would definitely be a
problem
.

She knew she didn’t want them; and
now, when she thought about it, really examined her feelings, she also knew she
didn’t want
him
. She realized, right there, crammed
between the window and the large man on the right leaning into her space bubble,
that even though she was fond of Brian, she would never fall in love with him.

He’s sort of
like accounting. They’re both perfect for me, on paper, but I’ll never love
accounting and I’ll never love him. I’m stuck with accounting, I need it too
much, but Brian... I’ve gotta break it off
. If he was falling in love,
she wanted to end it right away, before he got in deeper. She didn’t want to
hurt him.

Or, maybe I
could wait; see how things go... Maybe I’m all wrong. What makes me think this
brilliant guy is falling for me? He probably just wanted to tell me something
else. Invite me on a trip or something. Maybe he’s... thinking about moving. Or
getting another dog. Or he’s planning to take Samba lessons. Yeah, I’m making
way too big of a deal out of this. I’ll just let things continue on the way
they’ve been. We’ll go out and keep having great sex, well... pretty good sex.
I’ll just keep... enjoying the ride
.

Only, that wasn’t how she operated.
She’d always thought it was better to be by yourself than be with someone you
weren’t one hundred percent crazy about. Of course, she’d never actually had to
put that into practice before.

This doesn’t
feel right anymore. I can’t just “pass the time” with him. Sure, I like him,
but I’ll never be in love with him. Deep down, I’d be waiting for someone else
to come along, someone special. Then when (or if) he does, Mr. Special will
think I’m already with someone
.

She felt terrible thinking these
things. Brian was special; just not
her
special.

She punched the pillow and stared
out the window at the blanket of clouds below.
Swell. I’m
heading home to a house I need to sell, a job I can’t stand, and a boyfriend I
need to break up with. Ugh
. And depending on how things went with Brian,
she might need to stop volunteering at the museum as well. Hopefully he’d be OK
with being friends. Or at least leave work early on Thursday nights when she
came in.

Her head pounded worse than before.

Finally, she thought of her
friends; something she was excited about heading home to. Russell and Helen had
been so great. She didn’t know how she would have gotten through the last few
months without them. Maggie looked forward to heading straight to Helen’s after
she landed to pick up Kona. She could use a hug from her friend and that
I-missed-you-more-than-you’ll-ever-know look from her dog.

Thank heaven Brian wasn’t meeting
her flight. He’d called last night while she was at the wedding and left a
message saying he’d be at the museum all day Sunday, trying to get everything
finalized so they could re-open on Monday. He told her he hoped she was having
fun, wished he was there, and asked her to call when she got in on Sunday.

She figured she’d tell him she was
tired from the flight, too exhausted to get together tonight, and she’d see him
Monday after work. She couldn’t deal with seeing him today.

I’ll break up
with him Monday. How depressing
.

She squirmed in her seat. Breaking
up with Brian was bad enough, but she’d never been this blue heading home from
a trip before. But then, this was the first trip she’d taken since her
separation from Dave. Before, if she traveled alone, there was always Dave to
go back to. And if they went away together, Kona, their home, and their life
waited for their return.

She weighed the balance of the
things she was leaving behind and going to miss against the things she was not
looking forward to returning to. She was going back to nothing more than a
couple of great friends and glorious weather.

The pilot came on over the
intercom: “This is Captain Sattler. We should be landing in San Diego in about
twenty minutes. The weather is... well, for those you of coming to San Diego
for the first time, it’s going to be little disappointing. It’s only
forty-three degrees on the ground and raining. But we’ll be getting you to your
gate on time.”

When the plane landed, she turned
on her cell. There was a voicemail from Helen.

“I know your message said you’d
take a cab to my place, but look for me at the curb. You know I don’t believe
in that ESP bullshit—in fact, I’m going to start calling it
BS
P—but, I just had this feeling you could use a hug
sooner rather than later. I’ll be circling,
amiga
.”

She’d hate me
calling her this, but she is so sweet
.

It was drizzling when Maggie
stepped out of the airport, but she brightened as soon as she spotted Helen’s
yellow Beetle. She waved and Helen pulled up; it was even better to see her
there than Maggie had anticipated: Kona was in the passenger seat. He saw
Maggie and stood up and started his happy-to-see-you dance, which was tough in
the confined space.

Helen shoved him into the backseat
so Maggie could get in. Once in her seat, he tried to squeeze in with her,
covering her with kisses and whipping Helen with his tail.

“No one’s ever that excited to see
me,” Helen said, shoving on the dog’s hindquarters.

“There’s nothing like one of Kona’s
greetings to make you feel loved.”

“I missed you.” Brian wrapped her
in a hug. She heard his “mellow” playlist in the background and noticed the
dim, romantic lighting over his shoulder. He kissed her, but she pulled away
after a few seconds.

“How are you?” he asked. “Tired?”
He held her shoulders and looked into her eyes.

“Yeah. Very.”

“Me too. It was a stressful
weekend, dealing with the police, the museum board, Hidelbaum, the insurance
company. I didn’t sleep much.”

And I’m about
to add to your list of troubles
.

“And, the worst part,” he
continued, “is that I lost out on spending the long weekend with you. I wish
you could spend the night.” He’d invited her to bring Kona and stay over, but
she’d lied and said she needed to be at work early the next day so she
couldn’t. “I’d like to show you how much I missed you.”

He moved in for another kiss, but
she pretended not to notice and took her purse off her shoulder to deflect him.
She set it on the table in the foyer. “No greeting from Peaches?”

“Poor Princess is still at the
kennel. I knew I’d be at the museum and wouldn’t have time for her so I called
and asked them to keep her until Tuesday. It’s been very lonely around here.”
He moved toward the kitchen. “Wine?”

“Yes, please.”
Oh
no; no Peaches to pour his troubles out to when I’m done with him
. She
flashed on the comfort she’d felt at least having Kona there when Dave walked
out, and felt even more guilty.
But maybe he’ll be fine.
Maybe he’s not that into me. Maybe this will all be a big relief
.

He handed her a glass of cabernet.
“Tell me all about the wedding.” He put his hand on her back and steered her to
the living room. He’d lit a dozen candles and set them about.

Oh God
.
“It was really nice.” She sat on the sofa, took her shoes off and pulled her
feet up under her.

“Nice? That’s it?” He tried to sit
close, but it was awkward with her legs between them.

She gave him the
CliffsNotes
version of the weekend, wanting to get as
quickly as possible to the reason she’d come.

“We need to talk,” she said.

“I don’t like the way you say
that.” He set his glass on the coffee table and inched closer.

“Brian,” she set her glass down as
well, “You know I like you, a lot...” She sought the words she’d rehearsed with
Helen, then again in bed last night, all day at work, and in the car driving
over.

“There’s a ‘but’ coming, isn’t
there?” He slumped against the cushions. “You’re about to give me the ‘let’s be
friends’ speech aren’t you?”

“I
do
want us to be friends.” Now she moved closer to him. She put her feet back down
on the floor and reached out to touch his arm. She felt the sharp crease of his
shirtsleeve as he put his hand over his eyes.

“I can’t believe this.” He dragged
his hand down his face; shook his head. “I thought... You just took me to meet
your entire family. I really... loved meeting them. I thought—”

“I know.” No, she didn’t know what
he thought. She was afraid to hear what he thought. “But I didn’t mean to send
any signals. I wanted you to come with me to the wedding, but I—”

“You what?” His eyes narrowed.

“I didn’t mean for it to... mean
anything.”

“You didn’t want it to mean
anything? Just a casual jaunt cross-country for Thanksgiving and this huge
family event. Introduce me to everyone. But I’m not supposed to see anything in
all this, or
feel
anything. I thought you invited me
because...” He pushed himself up off the couch. The candles winked and mocked
them. He reached the other side of the room and spoke without turning to look
at her. “I, I’m just a complete idiot, aren’t I?”