What The Heart Finds (28 page)

“Yup,”
Lena agreed. “that's Emily. I guess right now, there are very
few people just randomly showing up so there is no need to constantly
man the check-in,” she said, feeling the need to defend Emily.

Elliott
grabbed a stack of papers and handed them toward his brother. “You
have some researching to do,” he said, then reached for
another, much larger stack, and handed it to Lena. “you too.
This should get you pretty prepared for your new job. You'll need to
review all of this before you can start.”

–

Lena
fretted over her clothes for almost an hour. It was so easy for men.
They just threw on any old suit and they looked professional,
commanding, in control. Was she supposed to wear a pantsuit? Or would
a skirt be appropriate as well?

She
eventually settled on black slacks, a tight lightweight white shirt
and a suit jacket which she could or could not wear. And heels, with
the hopes that it sent the message 'if I can be on my feet in these
torture devices for twelve plus hours, you know I got this shit
handled'.

She
made her way into the office with a nagging, twisting feeling in her
belly. A feeling she was trying desperately to blame on nerves. She
took the elevator to one floor below her old office. Stepping out,
she saw desks. At least a dozen black desks, six on each side of the
room with a low black counter running along the center covered in fax
and copy machines. Everything was loud and crazy, people talking and
typing at the same time, others yelling across the room at each
other.

Lena
turned, looking back toward the elevator as it closed. To the side of
the doors was a snack bar with a four burner coffee machine, a sink,
and a mini fridge. She looked back out into the room, noticing a few
eyes falling on her curiously.

What
the hell was she supposed to do?

Then
an arm linked through hers. “Kinda intimidating, huh?”
Hannah asked, smiling a warm, encouraging smile.

“That's
an understatement.”

“Alright,
lets get you to your office first,” Hannah said, leading her
past all of the desks toward the back where a half-glass wall was,
the bottom a simple black paneling. It spanned the entire length of
the room. “God, it's loud out there,” Hannah said,
closing the door behind her.

Lena
looked around. There were two desks, one toward each end of the room,
facing each other. Windows were floor to ceiling like the ones in
hers and Elliott's offices. She looked over toward the second desk,
already piled with paperwork, a bag sitting on the chair.

“Oh,”
Hannah said, waving at it. “this is where Elliott threw James.
On the rare occasion that he shows up. He figured that it was the
most appropriate place for him since he works so closely with
acquisitions. You wont see him here much. This is pretty much your
office.”

Lena
nodded, looking at her desk, empty except for a computer and a holder
with pens. Because the last person to sit there had left. To pursue a
wholly impractical dream.

“Well,
I am going to let you settle in. Don't be freaked out,” she
said, walking to the door. “everyone out there knows and
respects you. And if you have any issues at all, just give me a
call.”

“Thanks
Hannah,” she said, meaning it.

“Don't
mention it,” she said, walking out.

Lena
sat down on the office chair, laying her hands out on the clear desk,
looking out into the other office. This was what she wanted. This was
it. She got everything. She should be ecstatic. Positively beaming.
She had worked so hard. She had sacrificed so much. She deserved to
feel the pride and joy that was accomplishing a lifelong dream.

Lena
reached for her purse, opening the bottom drawer of the desk and
slipping it inside. Then she reached into her purse, unsure what was
driving her to do it, into the pocket. She pulled out the red rock,
staring at it for a moment, before placing it down on her desk next
to the computer.

She
sat there for a long time staring at it. Seeing it as more than a
rock. More than a memento from a date. More than the only evidence of
her vacation. More than a gift from Eric.

It
represented everything she had been denying herself in the pursuit of
a more stable life. It represented all the long-buried dreams. It
represented every time she decided to do paperwork instead of making
new recipes. It represented every man she never had time for. Every
event she never attended. Every trip she never took.

It
represented everything that actually mattered in life.

Sitting
there on the desk. In the office she had wanted. In the building she
had devoted her life to.

And
she felt nothing but sadness. A bone deep regret.

Lena
put her head in her hands for a moment, willing herself to pull it
together. Put on a brave face. Get up and handle her business.

She
grabbed the rock in her palm and got up. And did just that.

Twenty-Three

Eric
paced his kitchen, restless. What did he normally do with his free
time? Watch movies? Chase women? He ran a hand down his face. He
didn't want to do either of those things. What he really wanted to do
was forget about Lena. He wanted to have the memory disappear so he
could go back to his meaningless pursuits, blissfully ignorant of how
hollow they were.

He
sighed, going out and down the stairs. He walked down the street,
nodding at everyone who waved at him, half out of guilt for the way
they had treated Lena, knowing that he had been her only defender.

He
walked into the bar, grabbing a stool and waiting. Because the kid
behind the bar had gotten used to the routine. Whiskey. Straight. And
keep it coming. Keep your opinions to yourself.

He
was on his third when someone sat down next to him, shaking his head
at the bartender when he went to put a glass in front of him.

“I
don't want a lecture, Liam,” he growled, reaching for his
glass.

“Wasn't
going to lecture you.”

Eric
snorted. “That's a first. Then why are you here?” he
asked, turning his head, watching his brother.

“Just
to talk,” Liam said, looking uncomfortable at the prospect.

“Talk.
Talk about what?”

“Lena,”
Liam said carefully.

“There's
nothing to talk about. Lena is gone.”

“Yeah,
that's the thing,” Liam said, looking at the back bar.
“Normally when a woman is happy to sleep with you and leave...
you're in your glory. Makes your life easier. So... what's
different?”

“You
know what's different,” Eric grumbled, looking at his drink but
not drinking it. He put it back on the bar untouched.

“How
about you say it?” Liam shrugged.

Eric
eyes his brother for a moment. He must really have been behaving
badly for taciturn, bookish Liam felt the need to come out and have a
conversation with him.

“I
love her,” he said simply, the words feeling heavy on his lips.

Liam
nodded. “So what are you going to do about it?”

“What
the hell do you mean what am I going to do about it? There's nothing
to do.”

“There's
always something to do,” Liam countered.

“She's
in the city. I'm here.”

“Yes,
because it is impossible to go from one place to the other,”
Liam agreed, nodding.

“My
life is here,” Eric said, his voice sounding resigned. “my
job, my friends, you. Everything is here for me. And...” he
said, looking down. “her job is really important to her.
There's no way she's coming back.”

Liam
didn't speak for a long time, the silence comfortable between them.
Eric sighed. There was really no use talking about it. There was
nothing he hadn't thought of. Every time he went over it in his head,
he came to the same conclusions. He needed to be where he was. She
needed to be where she was.

He
had even given thought to proposing a long distance kind of thing.
They could travel on alternating weekends. It wasn't that far. And it
seemed like she spent all of her time at work anyway. She wouldn't
even miss him on weekdays.

But
what kind of future did that leave? An endless amount of miles driven
to spend forty-eight hours with each other? There would be no sharing
of every day moments. No curling up into each other at night. No
roots to plant.

“You
should go,” Liam said finally.

“Liam,”
Eric said, rolling his eyes. “I just told you I cant...”

“Why?”

“Because
of you and my friends and the shop...”

“I
want you to be happy. And so do your friends. And you're not happy
here anymore.”

“This
town would fall apart without a garage.”

“I'll
handle that,” Liam shrugged.

“What?”
Eric asked, looking over at his brother, shaking his head.

“I'll
take over at the garage...”

“Don't
be ridiculous. You have the bookstore.”

“So
what? I can hire someone to help at the bookstore. I can do repairs
part time. The gas station takes care of itself.”

“You
hate the garage. You hated every moment of working there after Dad
died.”

“I
hated everything,” Liam said, dangerously close to smiling. “I
was a miserable teenager.”

“Yeah
and you still make me fix your car now.”

“You
offer,” Liam shrugged. “I want to do this.”

“Why?”

“Because
you would do this for me. Because, in a way, you already have.”

“It's
not the sa...”

“You
gave up any plans for your future to work like a dog to save money
for mine. The least I can do is offer up a few days a week so you can
finally have what you want.” He paused for a few minutes,
slowly getting up off the stool. “Just... think about it. If
you really love her and want to be with her, and the only thing that
is holding you back is your obligation to me and the town, then here
is your way out. Consider it,” he said and walked away.

Eric
pushed his full drink back toward the bartender. Could he possibly do
it? Could he leave everything behind? He looked down at the bar,
knowing every face in the building, having known them all his life.
There was an undeniable amount of comfort in that. He could walk out
of his apartment and start a conversation with any person he came
across without it being weird or forced.

He
had hardly spent more than a week outside of Stars Landing in his
whole life. It was easy to forget that there was an entire world
outside their town that so carelessly revolved around itself.

Could
he leave? Could he leave and go somewhere as unpredictable and
different as the city? Where literally no one would know who he was.
Where starting a conversation with someone on the street would
probably land him with mace in the face.

And
what potential did he have for work there? Sure, there might be shops
everywhere... but what if they required actual schooling? His
experience might not be enough. On top of that, what would it cost to
live there? He couldn't presume that he would move in with Lena. He
would have to find a place of his own. From what he knew about the
city, it would be insanely expensive.

And
he would need to take her out. Show her things. Get her away from
work sometimes. Remind her of who she really was. There was no way he
was going to let her pay for the dates either. So he needed a good
plan. If he was going, that is.

Then
there was the issue of whatever it was that came between them the
night before she left. Something had changed, throwing up a wall, and
keeping him away. Would she even want to see him?

Had
he somehow inflated the whole issue? Had he just been a fling for
her? Just some out of town strange to scratch an itch? Just some
stress relief for someone who was obviously too wound up?

Maybe
all the opening up wasn't special. Maybe it was what happened as soon
as she stepped out of her work shoes. Maybe it wasn't some special
thing she had only shown to him.

Eric
paid his tab and walked out of the bar, walking down Main Street
aimlessly.

“Slow
down,” a voice yelled behind him, making him stop cold. Of
course. Of course it would be her.

“Hey
Anna,” he said, turning around to face her.

“You
look like hell,” she said, tilting her head to the side. Her
hair had grown since she moved to Stars Landing with the awful
almost-shoulder length bob. It fell past her breasts, blowing crazily
around her face as the wind picked up.

“Gee,”
he said, sinking his hands into his pockets. “nice to see you
too, darlin',” he smirked.

Anna
swatted the hair out of her face, holding in a twist at the side of
her neck. “It's been forever. How come you don't meet me for
junk food dinner at the diner anymore?”

“Sorry.
I haven't...”