What to Expect the First Year (77 page)

• Respond … or not. Now that your baby is crying, there are a few ways you can respond. Some experts suggest you let baby cry until she tires herself out and falls asleep from exhaustion. Others suggest you set a time limit on the crying—a full 5 minutes (it'll seem much longer), for instance—before you go back in. Or you can be less regimented about sticking to a clock and go with your gut instead (perhaps your gut is telling you to respond after 2 minutes, for instance). When you do go back in, repeat the original routine—a quick pat, a gentle good-night, a phrase that reminds her it's time to go to sleep. Replace the pacifier (if you use one), and go. It may be better for dad to head in at this point if mom is associated with feedings and comfort.

Another variation on the same concept, which works better for some older babies and is more comfortable for some parents, is to reassure your baby from a chair near her crib until she falls asleep each evening (again, without picking her up). Move the chair a little farther away each night, until you're at the doorway. Finally, move out the door—at which point, baby should be able to fall asleep without you present. Keep in mind, however, that for some babies, parents won't be out of mind unless they're out of sight—in that case, this approach will definitely not work.

• And repeat. Repeat the process you've chosen for as long as baby cries, extending the time you leave her alone by about 5 minutes (or again, what your gut says) each time until she falls asleep. Stretch the time she spends on her own by a few more minutes the second night and again on the third. Keep in mind that sleep teaching at naptime will have to be slightly modified, since 30 minutes of crying and there goes baby's naptime. Consider setting a limit of a total of 10 or 15 minutes of crying (and responding), for instance, before resorting to giving up on the nap altogether or using another means of getting baby to sleep. The good news is that by the end of the first week of nighttime sleep teaching, nap-times should be smoother as your little one comes to understand that when she's placed in her crib, it's time to sleep.

• Reap the reward. You'll likely find your baby's crying jags diminish steadily over 3 nights, and—drumroll, please—virtually disappear somewhere between the fourth and seventh night, replaced perhaps by a bit of fussing or short burst of tears. The next sound you're likely to hear: nothing … except maybe a tiny, blissful snore. Sure, there'll be plenty of nights, even after the initial sleep teaching period, when your baby will fuss (perhaps loudly) or cry (even louder) at first, but give it a chance. Once your baby learns how to soothe herself to sleep each night (and almost all babies do in time)—perhaps by sucking her thumb or a pacifier, or by rocking herself, turning her head, or changing position, or even by whimpering—she'll be able to drift off to dreamland solo at bedtime and drift back to dreamland when she wakes during the night. And Mission Sleep Teach will be accomplished.

Does that mean you'll never face another night of broken sleep? Maybe … maybe not. There may be nights even after your sweetie has started to sleep through the night when she'll put up a sleep fuss. Whether it's a case of sleep regression (common when a baby's busy trying to conquer a new skill;
click here
) or just a case of temporary teething pain, avoid sliding back into old routines of rocking or nursing, which will undermine all the hard work you both did. Instead, sticking to the consistent strategy that helped her sleep train in the first place will help ease her over this bedtime blip.

“We live in an apartment, and our baby's room shares a wall with the next apartment. We'd like to try some sleep teaching, but we're honestly afraid of what the neighbors will think about her crying.”

It's hard enough for you to listen to your baby crying in the middle of the night—but what about the neighbors? If you live in an apartment or otherwise within earshot of the folks next door, letting your little one cry for any amount of time during the night may seem decidedly unneighborly. Here's how to make a sleeper out of your baby without making enemies out of your neighbors:

• Give fair warning. Let your neighbors know what's in store ahead of time (rather than at 3 a.m., when they call to complain). Tell them your plan
(to teach baby how to sleep through the night by letting her cry for short periods each night) and how long you think it will take (hopefully not more than a week).

• Apologize in advance … and if that doesn't work, buy forgiveness. Chances are, they won't be thrilled at the prospect of broken sleep (after all, broken sleep comes with your territory as new parents—not theirs). Neighbors who have little ones of their own (and have done their own share of walking the floor with screaming infants) may be empathetic—and may even offer some coping suggestions. Other neighbors may be less understanding—and who can blame them? Apologies may be accepted more graciously if accompanied by a small disturbing-the-peace offering (a bottle of wine, a basket of fruit and cheese, a box of chocolates—or, in tough cases, all three). If your neighbors have a sense of humor (which they hopefully do), you might offer up a set of earplugs or a pair of earmuffs.

• Close the windows. Make sure baby's cries can't travel out an open window and down the street.

• Take some muffling measures. Hang blankets on the wall in baby's room or over any windows that are adjacent to the neighbor's. If possible, put baby's crib in a carpeted room or place an area rug under it to better insulate sound.

• Don't feel too bad. Some amount of noise comes with apartment or townhouse living—chances are you've put up with your share of yapping dogs, slamming doors, midnight footsteps, blaring music, and crack-of-dawn vacuum cleaners. A good neighbor (hopefully the kind you have) will be just as tolerant of your crying baby.

“We'd like to give our baby boy a bedtime routine, but we're not sure how to go about it.”

Whether you're co-sleeping or sleep teaching, every good night's sleep begins with a good bedtime routine. A predictable, comforting sequence of nightly activities when it's nearly time for bed will give your baby a heads-up that it's time to put his sweet head down, gently leading him to the land of nodding off. It bridges that transition from the buzz of the day to the lull of the night, helping your increasingly busy little one go from 60 to zero with less fuss. What's more—a lot more—a bedtime routine provides a chance to bond with your little bundle at the end of a long day. After all, the time spent snuggling, singing lullabies, and quietly reading are some of the coziest—and calmest—you'll get to spend with your baby.

To allow enough time for a satisfying and successful bedtime routine, get things rolling about 30 to 45 minutes before you'd ideally like your little one to hit the sheets. Though bedtime routines should be consistent from night to night, you can be flexible in developing one that works for you and your baby, incorporating all or some of the following. But first things first: Get ready to get your baby sleepy. Creating a sleep-inducing atmosphere—dimming the lights, turning off the TV, powering down the phone—will help set a relaxing tone. Then move on to:

A bath.
After a day of cleaning the floor with his knees, massaging his scalp with mashed banana, and rolling in the grass, baby probably needs a bath. But the evening bath does more than get a baby clean—it's also relaxing. Warm, soothing waters wield magical, sleep-inducing powers, so don't waste them by giving baby a bath earlier in the day. You might also want to try baby bedtime bath wash or lotion enriched with lavender and chamomile, known for their soothing and relaxing properties.

A massage.
If your baby enjoys a good rub, now would be a great time to relax him with one. Research suggests that babies who are massaged before bed produce more of the sleep-inducing hormone melatonin. Use a soothing scented oil or lotion for extra sleepy benefits. For tips on baby massage,
click here
.

Breastfeeding or a bottle of formula.
A nightcap can fill your baby's tummy till morning. Don't forget to brush baby's teeth (if he has any) afterward, or to wipe them with a tooth wipe or washcloth. If your baby tends to fall asleep during this feeding and you'd rather he
didn't, do it a bit earlier (such as before the bath) and keep the noise and activity level high. Later, when your baby is closer to the end of the first year, you can opt to add a bedtime snack.

A story.
After your baby's been diapered and pajamaed, settle down together into a glider, a comfortable chair, or the sofa with a book or two and some snuggles. Any book will do, but bedtime classics like
Goodnight Moon
or
Guess How Much I Love You
often become family favorites. Read in a soft, soothing tone rather than a lively, animated voice. Or just look at the pictures together.

A song, a cuddle.
Sing quiet songs and lullabies, cuddle, but save rougher fun (such as “I'm gonna get you” kissing games or tickling sessions) for daytime—after all, once baby's motor is turned on, it's hard to turn off.

Good-byes.
Take a good-night tour—saying night-night to stuffed animals, siblings, mommy, and daddy. Share good-night kisses all around, say, “I love you” or “good night, sleep tight” (or anything else you'd like to say—just make it short, sweet, and predictable), put baby down tenderly, stroke his hair or his cheek gently for a moment or two, add a few quiet rounds of “shhh,” and then make your exit (unless you're all going to sleep together).