What's His Is Mine (4 page)

F
or the last two days, I had just been crying. I mean crying hard. You always take things for granted until something bad happens. I didn't know what I was going to do without Lisa around. It was already so difficult. I was just trying to deal with it. I was on my way back to the hospital when I saw Mikey's number come up on my cell phone. I was scared to answer. I couldn't bear to hear any bad news. I just couldn't.
Damn it, Lisa, why?
I thought. I pushed his call to voice mail and then he called back again. I looked down at the ringing cell phone, picked up, and said, “Mikey, don't tell me any bad news. I couldn't take it. I really couldn't.”

“It's not bad news. Lisa is up.”

“She is? Oh, thank you, Lord. Oh my God, I'm on my way down there now.”

I rushed down to the hospital. I was so happy that Lisa was conscious. When I walked in her room, Lisa was sitting up looking normal. She didn't appear like anything was hurting her. She saw me and she smiled. I walked in and gave her a hug. I wanted to remain calm, quiet, and pleasant—but I couldn't. I couldn't act like what she just tried was okay.

“Why would you do this?” I asked angrily.

“I don't know. I felt hopeless. I felt like I wanted to give up. I don't have a job, I have all these bills, and Mikey wasn't acting right. I don't know; I just lost hope.”

I wanted to scream at her, but I used a normal tone. “So killing yourself would make it all better? Who is going to take care of Kyle and Miles? Your children need you. That is so selfish. You had everyone so scared. If you don't care about yourself, you should at least think of them.”

“I know, Zakiya, I know. I'm not going to do it again. I'm glad I wasn't successful.”

“I'm so mad at you,” I cried. “You're so fucking dumb, Lisa. I told you to leave him alone. If Mikey's the problem just leave him.” I knew I was supposed to be nice to her, and not cuss her out, but I couldn't hold it in. I was so upset at her. I walked out of her room and went down the hall, crying. Aunt Tina followed me. She came behind me and began consoling me.

“Calm down, Kiya. It's going to be okay. Let's go to the cafeteria. I want to talk to you anyway.” We took the elevator down to the second floor. She asked me if I was hungry and I said no. She ordered herself soup and insisted that I have a sandwich. I wasn't hungry, but I hadn't eaten in days, so I let her order me a tuna sandwich and an ice tea. Once the sandwich was in front of me, I began to nibble on it.

“What are you doing with yourself?” Aunt Tina asked.

“I'm working at the market.”

“And what else?” she asked.

“That's it,” I said. I knew she was trying to change the subject. Take my mind off of Lisa, but right now was not the time.

“Listen, don't take this the wrong way, Zakiya, but you need to be doing more with yourself.”

“Huh? I'm going to go back to school, probably in the fall.”

“I think that is a good idea, because I told Lisa to go to school before she had them babies and she didn't listen. Now look at this mess. You need to get a better job and get in school. Do you understand me? If not, you will end up with a life of nothing, with a no-good man like Mikey. Lisa needs to break up with him. He is bringing her down.”

“I know. I know, but she won't leave him or listen to anyone.”

“Well, she needs to listen to somebody, 'cause he ain't shit. He is in and out of jail, doing whatever he wants to do with his money, while she's struggling,” she said, upset.

“You're right. He don't help her at all.”

“I know. See, that's a problem and I don't want you to get caught up like that. I'm going to tell you what's gon' happen. You're gon' sit around here and meet one of these little boys and you're gon' wind up pregnant. Then you're gon' be talking the same stuff Lisa's talking about. And it's gon' be too late. You'll be stuck with no way out. Is that the kind of life you want for yourself?”

“No,” I said, shaking my head.

“I think you should get out of Philly. I think that you should go stay with Vicky.”

“I'm not moving. Lisa needs me.”

“No! You need you, and . . . um . . . You know she's in LA now.”

“I thought they lived in Florida.”

“No, they moved to California. She's doing real good out there and she got a real nice place. Her boyfriend is a white guy. I think he's like a producer of movies, and I'm going to buy you a plane ticket. And you are going to go! Because I'm going to tell you something—time don't wait for no one and you are nineteen. You are not in school. You need to be having fun, living your life, seeing the world. But all you're doing is working in that market and taking care of Lisa's kids. And Lisa's depression . . . that stuff is contagious. If your mom was living, she would be telling you the same thing.”

“B-b-but . . . ” I stuttered.

“There is no ‘but,' Zakiya. At least just try it out for a few weeks. Zakiya, you don't have any children or responsibilities. You're going to listen to me and you're going to go. I'm going to call Vicky now.”

Before I could say no, she had dialed her on her phone and passed it to me.

“Zakiya, how are you, hon?”

“Hey, Aunt Vicky. Y'all living in California now?” I asked.

“Yeah, we are in Los Angeles. You need to come out here. You would love it. The weather is pleasant all year round. It is so busy and everyone is doing something with themselves. Tina told me about everything that's going on out there. Why don't you come out here for a while and get away? Jade and I would love to have you.”

“I might. Thank you for the offer, Aunt Vicky. I have to think about it,” I said as I gave the phone back. I heard Aunt Tina say, “I'm going to make her come, Vicky. I'll call you when I buy her ticket.”

She couldn't make me do anything. If I didn't want to go to California, I didn't have to. I hadn't seen my Aunt Vicky and cousin Jade in years. They were always moving. They lived all over the country. Vicky was my mom's second to youngest sister. She was always on the go—city to city. She was a makeup artist, a dancer, a singer . . . and a bunch of other things.

I remember growing up, my mom was always so happy when Vicky would come into town because she always had some fabulous story to tell my mom. Like where she had been and who she was working for. My aunt Vicky was blessed with the gift/ability to never work too hard and always had a rich boyfriend to take care of her.

I
was in the middle of my overnight shift. In front of me were stacks of charts and paperwork that I had to complete. I only had the next four hours, but I would need at least six days to complete it all. I was counting down to 7 a.m. when I could go home and go to sleep like a normal person. Some RNs preferred nursing homes, but I didn't. I hated working nights. It used to be easy—no visitors, everyone asleep—but lately it seemed like the overnight shifts were when all the residents decided to go crazy. It was a very depressing place. I hope to grow old someday, but I hope my daughter doesn't send me to a retirement home. It is the worst.

Just two days ago, I had two patients die on me in the middle of the night, and if the residents aren't passing away, then they are falling. What that equals for me is a lot of paperwork. Nursing homes are really the last stop, the end of the line, before, well . . . going home literally. I'm trying desperately to get back in a hospital, but haven't come across the right position. Some people don't come and visit their parents, others come and yell at them the entire visit or yell at the staff about what we are not doing right for their parent. My response for that is,
How about you take them home and take care of them yourself? Then you can make sure they have everything they need.

Kalisha, a CNA, came to the station and handed me a menu. “Dina said do you want to order with us?”

“Where are y'all ordering from?” I asked as I opened the trifold menu. “Probably from the pizza place,” she said as I stared down at the menu. Nothing looked appealing and I wasn't really hungry. Plus, I knew I shouldn't be eating at night, but I decided to order something anyway, just in case I got hungry later. Dina, another nurse I worked with, called down from upstairs. She was in her midthirties, but still fun. We helped each other out covering for each other when were late or needed a nap.

“I want a chicken cheesesteak and French fries,” I said to Kalisha as I closed the menu and went back to my charts. “Tell her I'll be up with the money. I have to go to the ATM.”

A few moments later when the phone began ringing I knew it was Dina asking for the money for the order.

“Adrienne, I need you to come upstairs.”

“I'm about to bring the money up. Give me a moment, Dina.”

“No, I need help with Mrs. Fein. She's hanging at the elevator doors, trying to leave again. And I can't calm her down. You know she likes you.”

“Ugh. Why me?” I sighed out loud as I took the last sip of my room-temperature coffee and left the nurses station.

“I'll be right up. Keep her calm and stay with her.”

Once I was on the third floor I saw eighty-nine-year-old Patricia Fein balled up crying on the floor. She was balding and what was left of her hair looked like white sticky cotton. Her pale blue nightgown was sagging off of her wrinkled neck.

“Mrs. Fein, we talked about you trying to leave. You cannot just walk out of the building.” She didn't respond; she just looked at me with frozen, deerlike eyes. It was like I was talking to myself. Sometimes talking to the elderly when they were suffering from dementia or Alzheimer's was like speaking to a child. She was not responding and I was angry with Dina for calling me up for this. I looked over at her and whispered, “What do you want me to do?”

“Make her go to sleep. I'm tired,” she whispered back.

“Mrs. Fein, I want you to stop crying, okay? Tell me why you are trying to leave.” I walked over to her and tried to rub her back. She pulled away and kicked at me. I reacted fast enough to move away.

“Mrs. Fein, you can't kick at me. I'm here to help you. So, tell me what's wrong.” She relaxed a little and then said, “My daughter said she was coming today, but she didn't come. She promised she would come and see me. She doesn't love me anymore. She is supposed to help me get out of here. I want to go home. I want to be back in my house. I want my daughter to love me.”

“She does love you, Patty. She was just a little busy today. I just spoke with Maureen a few minutes ago, and she said she'll be here first thing in the morning to see you. So how about you get your rest and when you awake, Maureen will be on her way, okay?”

“Are you sure?” she asked as she looked at me with uncertainty.

“Of course,” I said, reassuring Mrs. Fein. “When you awake she is going to be here, so go get in the bed and when you awake it will be time for your visit with Maureen.” Mrs. Fein reluctantly let me walk her to her room and she got in the bed.

“Whew, I'm glad that is over,” I said as Dina and I walked out of the room.

“The food is here,” Kalisha announced as she handed everything to Dina to sort.

“How much do I owe?” I said as I dug into my scrub pants pocket for money.

“You don't owe me anything. I got it. You just did me a huge favor getting Fein to sleep,” she said as she handed me my order.

I thanked her and I was on my way back downstairs when Dina ran up to me with the medicine log and asked me to sign.

“What's this for?” I asked as I handed her my bag as I signed.

“I have to go upstairs and give Henderson his medication. It's morphine—you know he only has a few more days.”

“Yeah, I was up there yesterday.” I signed the log and she handed me my food and I handed her the clipboard back.

 

 

After eating all my food, my scrubs felt extra tight and I felt like a nasty fat beast. It was four in the morning and I had a few more hours to go. All the residents were asleep and we were all just talking and watching videos. Dina was doing her favorite thing, which was shopping. I think Dina was the only person who shopped more than me. However, she didn't necessarily buy nice things. Like she wasted money on Pandora charm bracelets and expensive key chains. She bought everything online for her house and her husband. But right now she was looking at something I heart, and that was shoes.

I peered at the computer screen and said, “They are so cute.”

“Girl, aren't they? I had to track these shoes down. They didn't have a size eight anywhere in the country. I'm going to New York to pick them up.”

“You are—when?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Really? Who's going with you?”

“No one. I'm just picking up my shoes from that boutique I was telling you about—Lena Charles. It's in Midtown.”

“I should ride with you. I wasn't doing anything tomorrow but sleeping,” I said as I got excited thinking about shopping in New York.

“You should. And remember that bag of mine you liked? I got that from there, too!”

“That's where you got that bag from?” I thought about it momentarily. I didn't really have any money, but I did need new shoes and a new bag. Lately, I didn't really have enough money for bills. But I was going to make a way. I deserved it. I worked hard. I knew I shouldn't be shopping, but I was going to pull money from somewhere. It had been a while since I bought me and Asia something. I thought it had been at least three weeks. I didn't care if something didn't get paid—I was going.

 

 

The next day I was on my way to New York City with Dina. I hadn't been anywhere besides work in months. Just being a passenger driving down the road was relaxing. Dina and I talked the entire drive about our kids, the job, and celebrity fashion. I lied to my mom and told her I had to work so she would pick Asia up from school for me and I wouldn't have to rush home.

We went to Lena Charles's boutique in Manhattan. Looking through the window I could see a huge chandelier and pink walls and every shoe imaginable. There were rows and rows of shoes lined up against a white brick wall. I stood by the door. I was afraid to go in. I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself. It was like a shoe heaven, and before I could even think to say it, Dina said, “Just breathe. I won't let you do too much damage.” I took her advice and took a deep breath. Dina held my hand and we walked in and went straight to the register. She gave the short, blond saleslady her name and said she was there to pick up the shoes she had on hold. The saleslady looked up the information and then brought out a big black box with gold writing on it. While Dina tried on her new shoes, I salivated over all the designer shoes I was seeing. I wished I could buy every pair. There were everything from embroidery flats to seven-inch dominatrix heels. Dina got up and modeled her new pair. I took one look at them and loved them. They were so worth the two-hour drive. They were so cute I wanted a pair myself.

“Dina, you are about to be mad. I'm about to get a pair.”

“Get them. I don't care.” As soon as Dina gave me the okay to copy, I asked the saleslady if she had a size eight.

“Yes, I think we do, but not in black. Only green,” the saleslady said.

“Green? Let me see what they look like.”

She went in the back and came out with my shoes and I fell in love. They looked even better than Dina's. I put them on and walked to the mirror.

“They are so cute. Buy them,” Dina said.

“I am,” I said. “How much are they?”

“Five forty-five.”

Ow!
I thought, but I had to have them, okay?

“How about I don't have anything green,” I said, thinking about what I would wear with them.

“Well, you are going to have to buy something green.”

“You're right—another excuse to buy something.” I laughed.

 

 

We shopped all through New York City. Store after store. I forgot about my budget, but I could not resist so many one-of-a-kinds, last markdowns, and I-had-to-haves.

By the end of the day I'd bought three pairs of shoes, and I treated myself to YSL sunglasses and a Michael Kors dress that I found marked down sixty percent. I also bought Asia a bunch of clothes and shoes.

After shopping, we went to have lunch outside at a little café in busy Manhattan. I felt like I was in
Sex and the City,
shopping, drinking cocktails in the middle of the day.
Why couldn't life always be this good?
I thought.

“My husband is going to kill me. I'm going to be working overtime for the next three weeks to make up all the money I spent,” Dina said.

“Well, at least you have a husband. I am going to be paying this credit card down for the next six months.” I laughed even though it wasn't funny.

“You better go find you a husband. A cute girl like you. You could get a rich one, too.”

“You think?” I laughed. She had no idea. I tried to get a rich man before and it didn't work out.

 

 

I picked up Asia from my mom's house and came home and made us dinner. After dinner I read her a book, played a little, and then ran her bathwater. She was in the tub smiling and splashing the water.

“Asia girl! Asia girl!” Every time I would say it she would slap water in my face. She was such a happy and playful child. I love my daughter.

After her bath I dried her off and tried her new clothes on her. The pink skirt and pink and white hoodie looked so cute. I took that off of her and then tried on the aqua drawstring one-piece. That looked adorable, too. She didn't care about the clothes; she was trying to get off the bed and run around.

“Asia, stay still so I can take your picture,” I said as I reached for my bag to get my camera phone. She kept moving around, but I finally got her to sit still and smile and take a perfect picture. I instantly sent the picture to my mom. I couldn't wait for her to get older, so I could really dress her up and do her hair.

I put Asia to bed, and then began trying on everything I bought myself. I pulled my boots out of the bag. They were so damn cute. I was so happy I went to New York, but sad that I couldn't go shopping all the time. I wished I could buy whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it. I didn't like this being-on-a-budget stuff at all.

 

 

Dina was right—I needed a rich man. And in order to get a rich man, I needed to get back on the chase. And in order to get back on the chase, I had to get back on the scene. Damn, I had to find my friend Angelique's number. She would be my link to a new sponsor.
It is time for me to try to get back on my mission again
, I thought as I searched for my old cell phone so I could find her number. There is no need to work hard all day, when I can just find someone who will give me their money. I met Angelique at a game and she put me on to all these parties. We used to have so much fun together. She would have me in D.C. on Friday and New York on Saturday night. She knew everyone, and whenever there was an exclusive party she was there. Angelique's only flaw was that she had too much confidence. She thought that anyone who wasn't drooling over her and asking for her number was gay. I would have to deal with that, but I thought I could stand her long enough to make some connects. I found my old phone and powered it on and scrolled thought the A's. I found her number and dialed her on my new phone. After two rings she answered rudely, “Yeah.”

“Angelique?” I asked.

“Who is this?”

“It's Adrienne, girl.”

“Adrienne. What's up? Where you been at?”

“Nowhere, I just haven't been doing too much since I had my daughter. How about you? What have you been up to?”

“Me? I just been doing the same old thing, piling up my frequent flyer miles. I'm living in New York now. I sold my condo in Philly.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I wasn't down there as much anymore. Yup, oh, and you know Princess got married. I was in her wedding a few months ago in the Cayman Islands.”