What's His Passion 2 - Climbing the Savage Mountain (3 page)

Toby nodded. “I guess that makes sense, but why do
you
want to climb it? I know that it’s only number two on your list. K2 is the one you really want to conquer. Why not focus on that one instead of risking everything on Everest?”

Jensen met Toby’s gaze and said, “If I can summit Everest, I have no doubt that I’ll get to the summit of K2.”

“So Everest is just a litmus test as to your ability to climb big mountains? What happens if you end up getting injured while trying it? Will that convince you that you can’t do it or will it strengthen your resolve to try again?” Toby clenched his hands.

He winced at the pressure Toby exerted on his fingers. Jensen cupped Toby’s face in his free hand.

“Nothing will happen to me on this trip. I promise.”

Toby jerked away from him then shot to his feet. He started pacing while Jensen watched. “Don’t promise me something like that, Jensen. You’re a good climber. I know that. Hell, Cat and Jigger tell me that all the time. You’re a natural. One of the best they’ve seen in years. I know that means jack shit when you’re up on that godforsaken piece of rock and a storm rolls in.”

Jensen opened his mouth then snapped it shut when Toby whirled on him. He saw the fear in Toby’s eyes and he rushed to him, wrapping his arms around his lover to hold him close. He pressed his mouth to Toby’s ear and whispered, “I promise to never make light of your fears. I’m sorry. I guess I didn’t realize how scared you were about me going.”

“It’s not just Everest, Jensen,” Toby confessed. “It’s every time you walk out that door on a trip. I’m left here, wondering if you’re going to come home. So far you’ve done it, but what if something keeps you from coming back to me?”

As much as he wanted to say that the only way he wouldn’t be coming back to Toby was if he were dead, Jensen knew it wasn’t the right thing to say. It certainly wouldn’t reassure Toby at all.

“I know you’re afraid I’ll decide to keep wandering.” He stepped back to stare down at Toby. “I can make you this vow, Toby, and this one I
do
have control over. I will
always
come back to you. I wasn’t strong enough to face you when I ran away before. I didn’t trust in how much you cared for me. We both know I should’ve come to you and told you about my addictions and my problems.”

“Damn straight you should’ve. How can I help you when I don’t know what’s wrong?” Toby encircled Jensen’s waist, resting his head on Jensen’s chest.

Jensen kissed the top of Toby’s head. “Do you really feel like talking about my trip right now? Why don’t we go for a run then when we get back, we can take a shower?”

Tension eased from Toby’s shoulders and Jensen realized it was just a reprieve from the complications of him going away. Yet he didn’t want to talk about it right then. He wanted to spend time with the man he loved and soak up all the good times, so he had something to cling to when he was on the side of Everest, praying to God to keep him safe.

“All right. Thank God, the roads are clear. That storm we had two days ago dumped a lot of snow, but looks like the road commission got the trucks out.” Toby eased away, but took his hand and led him toward the stairs. He scooped up his suit coat.

“If you set out your clothes, I’ll drop them off at the dry cleaners tomorrow on my way to the gym,” Jensen told Toby as they went into their room to change.

“Thanks. Since I forgot to take them last week, I’m running low on shirts.” Toby chuckled. “How do you feel about being the house husband while I go to work every day?”

Jensen dug through their dresser, pulling out two pairs of running tights and two long sleeved sweatshirts for them. “To be honest, I thought I’d hate it,” he confessed as he stripped. “Before I left, I was always busy with work, going out or doing a hundred other things. Even after rehab, I kept myself moving and doing odd jobs while waiting for my next climb. But I like doing stuff for you, whether it’s taking care of your dry cleaning or cooking dinner. There’s so many things to do around the house.”

Toby removed his jeans, distracting Jensen when he bent over and Jensen found himself staring at Toby’s perfect ass. After reaching over, Jensen pinched him and Toby squeaked. He burst out laughing when Toby glared at him while rubbing his abused flesh.

“What the hell was that for?”

“Couldn’t resist. You stuck it out there.” He wiggled his eyebrows and Toby rolled his eyes.

“Sometimes I think you’re channeling a twelve year old.” Toby dressed quickly, as though he didn’t want Jensen to get any more ideas.

Frowning, Jensen adjusted his cock in the jockstrap he’d put on.
Christ!
He hoped the cold air would take care of the problem because it was a bitch running with a hard-on. He dressed then put on his running shoes. They jogged down the stairs before heading outside.

They stretched and Jensen wanted to discuss his training schedule with Toby, but he’d said they wouldn’t talk about Everest for now. There would be enough conversation as the weeks progressed and he didn’t want Toby to end up hating the idea of him going. Because if Toby ever asked him not to go, Jensen would seriously have to consider doing what Toby wanted. It would always bug him not to have gone to Everest when the opportunity presented itself, but if Toby was that scared about him going, he would stay home.

“Ready?” Toby smiled at him.

“Yes.” Jensen gestured for Toby to take the lead. He’d follow that round, firm butt anywhere.

Neither of them were talkers while they ran. They’d discovered they were evenly matched in stride and pace. Both of them enjoyed running. Toby had told him once that it helped him clear his mind from all the shit he dealt with during the day at work. For Jensen, it helped him organize his thoughts, but also it helped build up his lung capacity and stamina. It was just a small part of his training regime. When he got to Wyoming, they’d do several fourteen thousand feet climbs to help get him as used to higher altitudes as he could get before he left for Nepal.

Jackie, their neighbor, waved to them when they passed her house. Jensen waved back, smiling at the sight of her two little kids playing in the front yard. On his days off, he would wander down and entertain them for a while so that Jackie could have some time to herself. Jensen liked kids. He studied Toby’s back as they continued along their street.

They’d never discussed kids—or really anything that felt like a future. Was that because Toby still wasn’t convinced Jensen would stay? Considering what he’d said earlier, Jensen had a feeling that was it. Would Toby be interested in adopting a child—or two? It wasn’t as if they didn’t have the money to support kids. Jensen had invested most of his earnings and, even with all of the climbing trips, he still had a very substantial nest egg.

Toby could still go into the city every day for work, and Jensen would be more than happy to be a stay-at-home dad. Or if Toby wanted to stay home with the kids, they could both be that. There wasn’t a written law anywhere that at least one of them—or both of them—had to work.

He stumbled over a crack in the sidewalk and pin wheeled his arms to keep from falling flat on his face. “Fuck!” He cringed when Toby glanced back at him and smirked.

“Head in the clouds, Brockhoff?” Then Toby pursed his lips for a second. “I guess that might be possible. How high is Everest? Your head is probably at least that high up in the sky, huh?”

“The summit is twenty-nine thousand twenty-eight feet in the air,” he muttered. “But that wasn’t what I was thinking about.”

Looking surprised, Toby slowed so that they were running side by side. “No? What had you so distracted then? I haven’t seen you take a wrong step like that since we started running together.”

“Do you want to have kids?” Jensen blurted then blushed, not really wanting to have asked that.

Toby halted, forcing Jensen to do the same. Giving him a narrow-eyed stare, Toby inquired, “Where did that come from?”

Jensen heaved a sigh before waving his hand back in the direction they’d just come from. “I saw Jackie and her kids outside and I got to wondering if you liked kids. I realized we’d never discussed them before. Then I got thinking about whether you wanted some or not. We have more than enough money to be able to support them, and if you wanted to keep working, I’d be more than happy to stay home with them.”

He was babbling and Toby stared at him as though he’d grown three new heads or four arms all of a sudden. Jensen dropped his gaze to the concrete in front of him and stubbed his toe on it.

“Never mind. It’s not important. I just got thinking about it then my mouth took over from my brain and dumped the question on you.” He motioned ahead of them. “Let’s get moving again. It’s fucking cold out here.”

Toby startled him by stepping up to him then rising up on his toes to press a kiss to his lips. When he tilted his head in a silent question, Toby grinned.

“I’d love to have a family with you, but I think we should shelve the discussion until after you’re done with your climbing trips. It’s not fair for a child to have his—or her—parent disappear for months at a time, unless said parent is in the military,” Toby qualified.

Excitement shot through Jensen and he couldn’t help grabbing Toby and whirling him around in a big circle. Toby looked at him as though he couldn’t figure out exactly what Jensen had taken to make him react that way.

He set Toby down and grinned. “You’re right. It wouldn’t be fair to you or the kids if I took off for months at a time, doing things that were fun for me. That’s selfish and I’m not that kind of guy anymore.”

“Don’t you think we should talk about maybe getting married before we discuss adding children to the mix?”

“Was that a hint? Do you want to get married? We can totally do that here in Connecticut or in New York.”

Toby held up his hands. “Whoa! Calm down. We aren’t running out to do it right away. We need to do some serious talking about it all, especially if you’re going to be climbing mountains, Jensen. I don’t know how Cat and Jigger can leave Pamela behind every time.”

Jensen lifted one of his shoulders. “To be honest, I think Everest will be Cat’s last expedition. She wasn’t too upset when our trip got canceled last year, and K2 isn’t on her list. She doesn’t want to take a chance on leaving Pamela an orphan in case something happens during a climb. She’ll do smaller trips in Wyoming and around the country.”

“Sounds wise,” Toby said, then shivered as a cold breeze blew passed him. “Come on. We either need to finish our run or head home.”

“Let’s run. We have chocolate cake at home and I want a piece.” Jensen added marriage and children to the list of postponed conversations. They would get back to them soon.

Chapter Three

This was one of those uninhibited dreams that come free with growing up. I was sure that mine about Everest was not mine alone; the highest point on earth, unattainable, foreign to all experience, was there for many boys and grown men to aspire toward.

—Thomas F. Hornbein

Toby groaned when they got back to the house. As the sun set, the temperature had dropped and they’d run faster to get back home before it got too cold. He hadn’t run that fast in a long time. His legs protested as he dashed up the front steps then jogged in place until Jensen finally got the door open.

“Holy shit!” He chaffed his hands. “It got cold out there.”

Jensen nodded. “Yeah. Let’s go grab a shower. Just be careful about the water. Don’t start it out hot. Do it cool and we’ll slowly warm it up.”

He wasn’t looking forward to that experience. “Why don’t we just wait until we’re warm before we take a shower? I really don’t want to take a cold shower. We can have some cake.”

It was a bribe, but Toby didn’t care. He didn’t like being cold and if getting Jensen to eat dessert with him meant he could take a warm shower, then he’d do it. Shaking his head, Jensen locked the door before taking a hold of Toby’s hand and escorting him upstairs.

“I want dessert, but not cake. My dessert’s going help me burn some more calories, warm us up and get us even more sweaty.” Jensen leered at him.

Toby didn’t argue. He’d much rather make love with Jensen then eat any day. He took the hem of Jensen’s sweatshirt in his fingers, lifting it up over his head. Jensen raised his arms to help him. They didn’t say anything while they finished undressing.

Once they were naked, Toby gripped Jensen’s hips, easing his chilled body against Jensen’s. He sucked in a deep breath and shivered. Jensen leaned down to nibble along Toby’s jaw to his mouth. Moaning softly, Toby opened to Jensen’s questing tongue.

While they kissed, Toby slipped his hands around to squeeze Jensen’s ass. Then he trailed one set of his fingers along Jensen’s crease to tease his hole. Jensen rose up on his feet, but pushed back into his touch.

Toby broke the kiss, dropping his lips to the soft triangle of skin at the base of Jensen’s throat. He sucked hard, leaving a mark there, claiming Jensen for all to see. He brought his hand up to Jensen’s mouth.

“Get them wet,” he ordered. He knew Jensen liked a little bit of burn, so they didn’t always use a lot of lube when Toby topped.

While Jensen sucked and licked, Toby leaned farther down to press the tip of his tongue to one of Jensen’s nipples. Then he nipped at it, making Jensen jerk slightly. Toby pinched it between his teeth and tugged, playing as much as he could until Jensen tapped the back of his head.

Easing away, he looked at Jensen. “Done?”

Jensen whirled out of his embrace then bent over to brace his elbows on the edge of the mattress. He arched his back, sticking his butt out for Toby.

“I take that as a yes,” Toby joked.

He spread Jensen’s lightly furred cheeks to expose his puckered opening. Toby ghosted a touch over that hole then pushed one finger in slowly, but not stopping. Jensen tensed for a second before inhaling and relaxing as best as he could. Toby slid it out then pressed two in.

“Oh,” Jensen gasped, moving away a little, but Toby kept going.