What's Left of Me (8 page)

I laugh at the small banter between the two.

“Aundrea, Jason was telling me last night he’s thinking of hiring some part-time help.
 
I thought that might be something you’d want to do?” she questions, walking into the dining room.

“Yeah, I mean, it’s nothing special.
 
Help with cleaning, filing, and maybe phones?” Jason adds.

“I thought you’d want to do something.
 
You know, when you’re feeling good between treatments.
 
Get out of the house,” Genna says, shrugging as she walks back into the kitchen.

“That might be good,” I say.

And it might.

I run back upstairs to change into something a little more appropriate for company.
 
Leaving my pink tank top on, I slip off my extremely short cheerleading shorts and put on comfy yoga pants.
 
Going into the bathroom, I apply a little concealer and mascara.

I readjust my wig until it sits correctly, then clip it into place.
 
I’m lucky that this wig has built in clips to grip onto your hair.
 
It’s the only reason it stayed attached to my head last night with Parker.
 
Or was it this morning, technically?
 
It’s made specifically for hair that is growing back.
 
I prefer longer wigs, but they don’t look as realistic as the short ones.
 
I’ve had this one since the beginning of August.
 
Before that, I was a bleach blonde.
 
It’s kind of fun to be someone else for a while.
 
To
feel
like someone else.

As I finish running a brush through my hair, the doorbell rings.
 
I make sure the last of my strands are in place before turning off the light and heading downstairs.

Just as I’m about to head downstairs, my phone goes off.

Jean:
Hey.
 
Sorry, I forgot to text you.
 
I made it back safely.
 
Have a good night. Talk to you soon. xo

Me:
Have a good night. :)

When I reach the bottom of the staircase, Genna is talking to someone whom I assume is the new guy.
 
His back is to me, and he’s leaning with one shoulder against the wall where the living room joins the dining room.
 
He’s tall and has short hair that looks wet from a recent shower.
 
Dressed in dark, washed out jeans that hug his body in all the right places, and a green t-shirt, he looks yum-o!

Jason clears his throat next to me.
 
Embarrassed at being caught checking out his new employee, I laugh nervously.

“Not you too?” he asks.
 
His eyes stay where mine are placed.
 
Him.

“What?”

“All the girls at the office think he is
so
dreamy.”
 
He drags out the “so” as he brings his hands up to his chest while lifting his shoulders slightly, displaying a cheesy grin.

I burst out laughing.
 
It’s the voice I hear next that stops me, causing me to choke mid-laugh.

“Sorry I’m a little late.”

I recognize that voice.

His right hand comes up to run his fingers through his hair.
 
That looks familiar too.

I know that hand.

I know those fingers.
 
All too well.

This.
 
Is.
 
Not.
 
Good.

“Oh, don’t be silly.
 
You’re just fine.
 
How was your day?” my sister asks.
 
My sister!
 
He’s talking to my sister!
 
I need to get out of here fast.

“To say I had an interesting day would be an understatement.”

I don’t move.
 
He’s turning around.

Move!

He’s still speaking, but I don’t pay attention to anything he says.
 
I just watch his mouth move as he follows my sister into the living room.
 
That’s when I see his face.

“Fuck.
 
Me,” I whisper loud enough for Jason to hear.

Jason starts laughing so loudly it causes me to jump.
 
I forgot he was still standing next to me. “Oh, Aundrea, you’re going to fit in perfectly with the girls,” he says, continuing to laugh as he wraps his arm around my shoulders.
 
I can feel his body shaking with every laugh.

It’s then I notice that Parker is staring straight into my hazel eyes.
 
Mouth agape.

I can’t breathe.

I can’t move.

I can’t hear anything.

The man I slept with last night is now standing in my sister’s house.

Holy freaking hell.

“Come on, let me introduce you,” Jason says as he drags me to Parker.
 
It’s a good thing he’s guiding me because I would still be stuck on the bottom step.

Parker’s eyes don’t leave mine.

My eyes don’t leave Parker.

“Parker, this is Aundrea.
 
Aundrea, this is Parker.”
 
Neither of us makes a move.
 
I just stand looking at him.
 
This cannot be happening to me.

Of course it is!
 
Everything happens to
me.

Clearing his throat, Parker reaches his hand out, taking mine in his grasp.
 
Shaking my hand, he smiles.
 
“Nice to
formally
meet you, Aundrea.”

I open my mouth, but nothing comes out, so I close it.
 
Jason starts to laugh again.
 
I elbow his side, which causes him to laugh harder.
 
If only he knew how funny this really is.
 
And I don’t mean that lightly.

Finding my voice, I reply, “Yeah, uh, it’s nice to meet you too.”
 
This causes him to give me a wide smile.
 
Jason doesn’t stop laughing.
 
Genna says something to him, and he instantly becomes quiet.

“Dinner is done.
 
Why don’t we go eat?” she asks, giving Jason a stern look.

I can’t eat.
 
I’m sitting across the table from Parker.
 
He doesn’t appear to be affected by my presence as I am by his.
 
He carries on a conversation through the whole dinner with Genna and Jason.
 
I nod when needed.
 
Smile when indicated.
 
Laugh when they do.
 
All while not paying attention to anything they’re saying.

“Aundrea?”
 
I hear my name, but I don’t know who said it.

“Yes?”

“I was just telling Parker here how you’ll be helping out around the office,” Genna says, taking a break between bites.

Looking at Parker, I find my voice.
 
“Oh, I’m not helping there.
 
It was brought up, but I’ll be too busy with school.”

“Class is only onli—”

“Wednesdays.
 
Not to mention I signed up to help tutor,” I interrupt.
 
I specify Wednesdays because that’s my chemo day.

“Since when?” she counters, giving me an odd expression.

“Today.”

“It’s Sunday.”
 
Oops.

“I emailed my instructor today and told him I would.
 
He emailed the class last week to ask who would be interested.”

“Riiiight.”
 
She knows I’m lying.

“Well, if you’ll excuse me.
 
I’m not very hungry.”
 
I stand up from the table.

Genna lets out a soft sigh. “Aundrea.” Her eyes plead with me.
 
She looks at my barely touched plate, then back at me, but she doesn’t have to say anything.
 
I can see it in her sad eyes.
 
She’s doing it.
 
Trying to tell me that I need to eat.
 
I contemplate sitting back down, but then remember who is across from me.

I look at Parker.
 
I try to put on a fake smile for my sister and Jason. “Parker, it was great meeting you.
 
Maybe I’ll see you around.”

Or not.

I leave the dining room and head toward the stairs.
 
I can hear Parker mumble something to Genna and Jason, but I don’t turn back. Instead, I take the steps two at a time.

When I make it into my room, my heart is pounding so fast.
 
I go to push my door closed, but it’s stopped.
 
There’s a hand pushing it back open.
 
Parker.

Parker walks into my room, closing my door quietly behind him.

“You left.”
 
I don’t think he’s talking about just now.

He takes a step toward me.
 
I take a step back.
 
He’s looking at me with
those
eyes.
 
The ones from the bar.
 
The ones with fire.
 
I suddenly can’t breathe again.
 
I look at his lips and back up into his eyes.

“Look, Parker.
 
I don’t usually go home with strange men, or strangers for that matter.
 
I promise after this moment I won’t bring up last night again, or even think about it.
 
It won’t happen again, and I swear I won’t tell Jason.
 
So, your secret of screwing your boss’ sister-in-law is safe with me.”
 
I make a zipper motion across my lips when I say the last part.

“Usually?”

“Never.
 
I never go home with strange men.”

“You think I’m strange?”

“Yes.
 
I mean, no.”
 
I’m flustered because all I can think about is me on his couch and him holding my hands above my head while thrusting inside of me.
“Are we done?” I ask, trying to get back to the topic on hand.

“No.”

Okay, then.

He walks toward me, causing me to bump into the bed.
 
He’s so close.
 
Close enough that I can smell his cologne.
 
Why does he have to smell so good?

“I want to make sure we are on the same page.
 
First, I hope what you said about not ever thinking about last night isn’t true because it’s
all
I can think about.
 
And second, I hope it does happen again.
 
As a matter of fact, I’m counting on it.”

With that, he turns and walks out the door.

Chapter Five

Monday goes by quickly, and I don’t think about Parker once.

Okay, that’s a lie.

His damn blue eyes and strong hands are all I can think about.
 
Every time I think about what he said to me the evening prior, I smile.
 
I can't help it.
 
Genna knows something is up and keeps pressing for answers, but I don’t know what to tell her.

Sorry, I’m reminiscing about your husband’s new employee fucking me on his couch and then threatening that it will happen again.

Um, no thanks.
 
Instead, I play it off as having had a really good weekend out.
 
I’ll tell her about Parker …
 

 
Eventually.

Dr. Bradley, my new general surgeon, places my port without any difficulty.
 
It’s a simple procedure than can be done under sedation.
 
It sits just below my left collarbone.
 
You can see it underneath my skin, pressing up like a small grape.
 
It’s not too noticeable unless someone is close—or, I guess you’d be able to see it poking through if my clothing were tight.
 
But, to me, it’s
very
noticeable.
Every scar or mark on my body that is related to my cancer is noticeable.

There’s an inch and a half long scar on the right side of my neck where the first biopsy was done, and where, later, a lump was removed.
 
There’s one by my left collarbone from my previous port.
 
I had to get that one removed because it became infected.
 
At that time, I only had two chemo treatments left, so they did it through an IV instead of replacing it.

There is a two-inch scar under my right arm and discoloration on the right side of my neck, reaching down onto my chest and under my right arm from the radiation I went through.
 
It forms a large square and might appear to be a birthmark to someone who didn’t know any better.
 
There is a black tattoo dot by my right shoulder that was used for the radiation beam.
 
It looks like a small, dark mole from a distance.