What's Meant To Be (3 page)

Mr. Morgan shakes his head. “Here’s what’s going to happen. Since it’s only the first day of school and you aren’t what we refer to as ‘troubled,’ you’re going to receive an alternative to suspension. You can go back to class as normal and finish out the rest of the day. Monday and Thursday of next week you will stay after school until five o’clock and go through anger management classes.”

I’m so annoyed that I can barely speak. Anger management classes? I didn’t even touch her!

“I don’t have an anger problem. I didn’t even touch her.”

Mr. Morgan sighs. “Ashley, this is the best option that I can offer you. The alternative is two full days suspension, and somehow when I call your parents to explain the situation I think that this is going to sound a lot better to them than suspension on your first day back to school.”

The threat of my parents brings me back to reality and I start to relent. The last year has been really tough on my mom with the divorce and everything, and the last thing I need to do is cause her anymore stress, or give her and my dad something else to fight about.

I sigh. “I understand.”

“All right then,” Mr. Morgan says, closing the file that’s on his desk and handing me the same yellow form I saw Melissa heading out of the office with before. “Why don’t you head back to class then.”

********

I don’t even make it halfway down the hall before Alexa flings her entire body on top of me and I almost fall over.

“Hey!” I exclaim detangling her from me. “I’ve been pushed enough times for one day!”

“What. The. Fuck. Happened?” Alexa’s practically jumping up and down in front of me. “The whole school is talking about you!”

“They are?” I ask. Ha! Take that Melissa! The lie she told the principal must have traveled all over the school by now. Everyone is probably talking about how I was screaming in her face and she was so scared of me that she pushed me, begging me to not hit her! How’s that for karma?

“Yes,” Alexa says. “The whole school! Everyone’s saying that Melissa like totally laid your ass out in gym in front of everyone!”

“That Melissa laid my ass out?”

“She said you totally went crazy with jealousy because her and Austin were sitting together and she had to like totally put you in your place. Now once again, what the FUCK happened?” Alexa’s talks so fast that I’m starting to get lost in her words.

“Not that, not that even a little. And I am not obsessed with Austin. I could care less about the kid. He’s nothing to me. NOTHING!” I’m so filled with rage over this whole situation at this point that the words fly out of my mouth.

It takes me about twenty seconds to realize something must be wrong, because Alexa’s just standing there with a blank expression on her face and not saying anything. Quiet is not something that Alexa does.

“Well,” Alexa says, “I should go.” Then she sprints off down the hall, and when I turn around, confused, I see why.

Austin’s standing about four feet from me.

Chapter 5

The whole thirty seconds that it’s silent between us feels like the longest period of time in the history of the world. I hate being this close to him, my heart can’t handle being this close to him right now. The pain still stings too much.

He speaks first. “I deserved that.”

“Yeah,” I say simply. “You did.”

“Look Ashley, about what happened last period, I don’t blame you. I know Melissa can be a little bossy sometimes…” he trails off and suddenly every single bone in my body feels hot.

“Melissa? Are you honestly talking to me about Melissa right now?” How could he possibly think that what happened with Melissa was the most important thing on my mind right now? Melissa who? She doesn’t even matter, what I care about is why he was acting like we weren’t even friends anymore, how it was so easy for him to be such a jerk after spending almost the entire summer with me.

Austin looks everywhere but at me when he continues. “Look I was up on the bleachers, I don’t know exactly what happened, or if it was about me or whatever…”

I laugh aloud. “Oh please Austin, don’t flatter yourself. It wasn’t about you.”

“Oh, so what are you saying--that I’m not worth getting into a fight for?”

he snaps.

I’m not about to get into a stupid fight over how big his ego is, so I ask the question I’ve wanted to know the answer to all day. “Why have you been ignoring me since we got home? And why did you look away from me this morning?

Why?”

“Ashley, I’m sorry, okay?” His face softens when his eyes meet mine “It’s complicated.”

“No, its not, Austin. It’s not complicated at all. I thought we were friends.”

“We are,” he tells me. “We are friends, Ash.”

“No,” I say. “No we aren’t, because friends don’t ignore one another for weeks or look the other way when they see each other in the hallway. No friends of mine act like that, Austin.”

He takes a step closer to me. “Can you calm down? You’re like shaking.

You need to relax.”

I steady myself and try to get my emotions under control. “What happened?” I ask him. He looks away from me again and I say his name. “Austin, what happened? Tell me.”

He looks at me then and sighs. “I guess I just got freaked out once I got back. I mean, the whole thing was just a little intense. I’d never told anyone the stuff I told you in Florida. No one, especially not a girl. And then…” he trails off.

“And then what?” I press him to continue.

“Nothing, its stupid.”

“And then what Austin?”

He pauses, and for a second I think he might not answer, but he does.

“Mike Foley had this party a few days after I got home, and everyone was there, and they were all asking about my vacation, you know. So I started to talk about some of the stuff we did…and your name came up. Only Melissa and her friends started making this big deal, saying all this stuff about how weird you were and about how you probably planned to run into me down there and…I just…I don’t know.” He’s looking down at the ground now and I can tell he’s ashamed of everything he just admitted to me.

“And you believed them? Because whatever Melissa and all her friends think must be true, right?”

“No,” he says forcefully. “Not right, but at the time, I don’t know. I don’t know what I was thinking and I guess I started to treat you differently after that.”

I shake my head and hold back the tears that are beginning to form behind my eyes. “We spent everyday together over the summer. You should have known me better than that.”

“I know,” he says, and he’s so close to me now that I can feel his breath on my face. “And I’m really, really sorry.”

For a minute I almost believe him, I almost believe that he really is sorry, that he still cares and wants to make this right. But somewhere deep down inside of me is the truth. And the truth is that I’m way too hurt to forgive him.

I take a step away, muster up my strength, and look at him. “It’s too late for that. You’re a coward, and that’s not the type of friend I want to have.”

Then I turn around on my heel and leave him standing there alone in the middle of the hall.

Chapter 6

This is the worst first day of school I’ve ever had. I swear it’s like set in the stars or something that my first day of school will always suck. I might as well just start staying home. It’s not like I miss out on any learning on the first day, since nothing worth remembering is taught on the first day of school anyway.

I’m in the second floor bathroom now pacing back and forth like a crazy person. As soon as I left Austin standing in the middle of the hallway, I took out my phone and texted Alexa 911 telling her to meet me here, but so far no Alexa.

I’m so mad and upset about everything that’s happened today that there’s no way I can face going to class right now, especially with what everyone’s apparently already saying about me. I’m not strong enough to deal with the looks or questions that are sure to come after the events of this morning. I’m just about to give up on Alexa altogether when she finally comes busting through the bathroom door. Her hair is all disheveled, she’s completely out of breath, and she appears to be limping or something.

“I…got here... as fast... as I could,” she tells me in between gasps for air.

“Jeez. Where were you? Canada?” I ask. “You don’t look so good.”

She shoots me an annoyed look. “That’s almost like a thank you for rushing to your rescue! Now tell me what happened after I left. Tell me this instant!”

“Well,” I say, “he’s a jerk!”

She considers this carefully before answering “How so?”

“The reason he hasn’t been talking to me is because he went to a party after he got home and Melissa and all his friends were making fun of me, ” I announce

“And he cares what people think more than he cares about what I think.”

Alexa gasps. “What. A. Pig.”

“I know!” Now I’m starting to pace back and forth again. “If he cares so much about what Melissa and her friends think, he can be their friend, not mine!”

“Yeah!” Alexa says now. “He’s just as bad as them!”

“He is isn’t he?” I say it more like a statement than a question.

“Yes! They deserve each other!” Alexa’s kind of yelling now.

“Yeah!” I say back just as loud. “Screw them!”

“Yeah!” Alexa says. “And to say he cares more about what people think than he does about you, OMG, like really, how pathetic is he?”

“Yeah!” I say, then realize what she just said. “Well…he didn’t say that exactly per se…but close enough!”

I wait for Alexa to keep up with the back and forth chanting, which lets face it, at this point is actually starting to make me feel better, but she just looks at me kind of blankly. “Well, what exactly did he say?”

“Just what I said, that he went to a party and people we’re talking about me, and it freaked him out.”

“And did he feel bad?”

“He tried to say he was sorry, like I’d ever forgive him! HA!” I say. Then I throw in a Tthe JERK!” as a last effort to start our ranting back up again, but Alexa doesn’t seem to be having it.

“He said sorry?” She asks and suddenly she looks kind of thoughtful.

“Hmm, why don’t you tell me exactly what happened.”

So I replay to Alexa the exact conversation as I remember it and when I’m done she’s quiet. “Well?” I ask her. “Can you believe him?”

“So,” Alexa says .“He didn’t really say all his friends were talking about you? He said it was mostly just Melissa and her friends?”

“Well, I guess.” I’m a little annoyed now. I mean Alexa’s my best friend, shouldn’t she be like ready to hunt him down and tell him off or something? “But it’s pretty much the same thing.”

“Well not really,Ash.” She takes out her makeup bag and starts reapplying her makeup like maybe this conversation wasn’t as intense as she once thought. “I mean, we’ve known Melissa and those girls since middle school, and we both know more than anyone how manipulative they can be. They can be so over the top and convincing in what they say that sometimes you can’t help but get wrapped up in it for a little while.”

“I can’t even believe you’re sticking up for him right now. You’re my best friend.”

She sets the eyeliner in her hand down and turns to look at me. “I’m not sticking up for him, what he did was wrong, no doubt--but I don’t know. Maybe you should hear him out.”

“Well, I don’t want to,” I tell her stubbornly.

“Yes you do.” She says matter of factly.

I gasp aloud. “No, I do not.”

She smiles a sad smile. “Deep down you do.”

“How do you know what I want?” I demand. “You don’t know what’s going on in my head.”

“You’re right, I don’t. But I know you’re my best friend and I know that you were happier this summer than you have been in a really long time.”

“No I wasn’t,” I say, but it sounds unconvincing even to me.

Alexa stares at me a second. “Oh yeah?” she says and she’s digging around for something in her purse. A few seconds later she retrieves her cell phone and starts scrolling through her texts. What is she thinking? Can’t she see I’m going through a crisis here? Who could she possibly need to text at this exact moment?

She should really start to take best friend lessons or something, I mean honestly, this is just getting ridiculous.

Then suddenly she starts reading aloud from her phone. “I never thought I’d say this Lex—ever--but I’m really glad Austin ended up being here. I’ve never felt as close to a boy as I do with him.”

I recognize the text immediately. It’s one I sent Alexa over the summer one night after me and Austin had just gone mini golfing. Before I can react, Alexa starts reading off another text. “I feel like I can tell Austin anything and he would never laugh at me, even if it was totally stupid. Is that weird?”

“Where did you get those?” I demand, reaching for her phone.

“I saved them, locked them right up.” She puts her phone behind her back.

“Want me to read you more? I have plenty.”

“No,” I snap, “I don’t. And why would you even save those?”

“’Cause,” Alexa says, “you were happy, for the first time in a long time.

You weren’t stressed out about your parents’ divorce, or about things that you shouldn’t be worrying about, Ashley. You weren’t worried about things that are completely out of your control, you were just happy. Austin helped do that, and it’s easy to forget that when you’re upset.” I don’t say anything and she continues.

“Or we could just stop all this pretending and talk about what’s really killing you right now, Ash.”

“And what’s that?”

“You don’t send texts like this about someone you don’t care about as more than a friend. You’re upset because you got close to him, which I get. But it’s okay to admit that you like him, and you like him a lot. Until we address that, you’re not going to get anywhere.”

I think about denying it, about telling her she’s crazy, but I know deep down that she’s right. I do like Austin. I do. A lot. And if I can’t trust my best friend with that, who can I trust? So I nod instead. “I know.”

Alexa smiles “Then tell him. Fight for him, Ash. If you can’t do it, if things could never be the same, I get it. But if any of this was real,” she says, waving her phone in the air, “then I’d give it a chance, I’d fight for it. Don’t let Melissa and her snobby friends ruin the first real thing you’ve had in a long time. That’s all I’m saying.”