When Angels Fall (Fallen Angels) (27 page)

My Dearest Chloe,

If you are reading this, then I have left you. I can only imagine what you are going through as you go through my things and now have found this box. Oh, Baby Girl, please know I didn’t want to leave you. You are the reason I fought to stay so long. You will never know the love I have for you until you have your own children. I pray that I passed in peace. I prayed every day that I just pass in my sleep and I hope that is what happened.

Know I’m not suffering anymore and that I am by your side every day. My hope is that your father had a change of heart and took care of you. If he didn’t, or something happened to him as well, please know that I did everything for you. You will find things in this box that will explain a lot and I hope that whatever has happened between you and your father, you will understand better.

Know that I loved you with all my heart. The best day of my life was the day you were born. I made you so many promises that day and I have failed in the promise that I would always be there for you. Know that when you are sad, and if you feel a soft breeze, it is me, touching your cheek. When you’re happy and the rain is falling, I am crying with joy. And when you are alone, and feel as if you have no one, I am by your side, wishing I could hold you and comfort you, like I always had. I never wanted to leave you, my Chloe girl. I wanted to be there for everything in your life. That is why I wrote you letters for special days. Please open them then. Just to feel that I am still with you.

As the days are getting harder for me, my body begging to fade and fail, I pray you have the strength you need to help you though all of this. Remember the good times, like baking cookies or singing silly songs in the car. Remember dancing in the rain and spinning until we fell. Don’t remember the sad. Be glad we had the time we did and I hope that someday, when you tell your children about me, it will be about our silly songs and our rain dances.

Follow your dreams, Baby Girl, and I will always be there for you. I love you so very much and I will miss your sweet smile, but it will be with me as I watch you grow.

Love,

Mommy

Chloe read the letter over again and, when she finished, held it to her chest and started to cry. It was her final good-bye to her.

When Nick saw her crying, he went to her and knelt on the floor.

 
With her hands shaking, she handed him the letter.

After he read the heartfelt words her mother had left her with, Nick sat on the floor with her and held her.

Chloe picked up the box and started going through it. “She said there are things in here that would explain a lot. The question is; do I really want to know the truth?”

“It may explain a lot but it also may leave more questions. Do you think you can handle that right now?” He didn’t want her to be too overwhelmed with everything she had to do.

“I don’t really know,” was all she could say as she leafed through them.

“Maybe we should take a break,” he suggested.

“No, not yet. I want to get some more done,” she answered. She could think better when it was all done.

They spent most of the morning and early afternoon packing up the boxes. The only thing that remained to do was remove the furniture and the boxes down to the garage.

Nick stood at her mother’s bed and waited for Chloe to tell him what to do. She went into her room and came back with a small box. He watched her carefully pick up the fragile dried rose and place the pieces in the box. It broke and fell to pieces back onto the bed. When she’d gotten it all in the box, she placed it on the nightstand. “After she died, they had to get rid of her mattress. Once the new one came, I made the bed up and put that rose on it, where she was.” Chloe laid her hand on the pillow where the rose had been.

“We’re going to have to take the bed apart. Where do you want to put the quilt?”

“I’m going to wash it and put it on my bed. I won’t let them take it. Everything else can go tomorrow. I have what I want.” She got up and lay back on the bed, laying her head on the pillow. She stroked the pillow as she thought of her mother and those three days she ‘d been alone with her body.

Nick crawled over next to her and spooned her body next to his. He stroked her hair and held her. “I’m here. I won’t leave,” he whispered to her.

His family arrived a short time later to help with the rest of the moving.

It’d taken them three hours to move everything to the garage, and as the last piece of furniture was moved out of the room, and the curtains were taken down, Chloe stood in the doorway. The only thing left were the impressions in the rug from where everything had been. She dusted the walls and cleaned the windows, even wiped down the baseboards. The ‘shrine’ as Shelly had called it, was gone now.

Nick walked up to Chloe and stood behind her, putting his arms around her waist. “Hey,” he said and rested his chin on her shoulder.

“Hey.” She laid her arms on top of his.

“There are still a few things that you need to decide what to do with. Are you sure you want everything to go? There are a lot of your mom’s things that you might want to hold on to.” He wanted to be sure she really wanted to let the stuff go.

“It’s sad that this is what we will eventually amount to in life. An empty room that once held all our worldly positions, left to be discarded and forgotten. Our memories fade into nothingness, except for a few letters that proved we once existed. I forget sometimes what she looked like, before she got sick. Maybe it will be good to have life in this room again.” It was sad to give it up, but this was their house and she just existed in it. When she was gone, there truly would be nothing left.

“Come downstairs with me. We can finish up and then be done for the night,” he said, seeing she was having a hard time pulling away from the room.

She turned around and put her arms around his neck. She pulled him to her, almost pulling him off balance. Slowly, she started to kiss him. Her hot tears fell down her cheeks as her breathing grew heavy.

 
He cradled her head in his hands and his lips brushed her cheek.

 
She closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder. “Close the door,” she almost begged.

He did and she went into her bathroom for few minutes.

After she composed herself, Nick took her downstairs. They went to the garage and Chloe stared at how packed it was.

“What do you want to do with all of your paintings? You can’t just want to let them go,” Mrs. Allen said.

“You can have any of them you want. I did them to pass the time.” Chloe looked them over and really didn’t see the point in keeping them.

“Sweetie, you looked drained. Why don’t you come home with us tonight?” Mrs. Allen suggested. “After everything you’ve gotten done with your mother’s room, you need a break.

“Thank you so much for the offer, but I don’t know what time they’re coming tomorrow for her stuff. I should be here in case it is early,” Chloe said softly.

 
Nick guessed that she probably wanted to be alone to read through the letters she’d found. “I could stay with her. When they come, I can help them get everything moved into the truck,” he suggested, jumping at the chance to spend the night with her again.

“If you want, Mom, Kevin and I can stay, too, and this way, we can get everything loaded up and taken care of then head home,” Mark added.

“I think that may be a better idea, Nicholas. Chloe, is that all right with you? I would feel better if someone was with you. And they can get that stuff moved out faster. Then, why don’t you come to our house and stay the weekend?” Mrs. Allen said as she put her arm around Chloe’s shoulder.

“It’s fine, but really I would be okay.” Chloe was surprised that Nick’s mother was worried about her.

“Well, I would feel better if you did. It’s settled. Mark, why don’t you come home with me and get your brothers something to change into since we are all kind of dusty right now? And, Kevin, you and Nick stay here and keep Chloe company. Sweetie, I’ll see you tomorrow, and if you need anything tonight, please call. If they start making trouble, call me, too. I will send their father over to straighten them out.” She looked at both Kevin and Nick with the usual warning eyes.

*
   
*
   
*
   
*

Chloe was sitting on her bed Indian style, the box of letters in front of her. Her mother’s quilt had been neatly folded and was lying at the end of her bed.

Nick came in and stared at her. “Hey, I thought you were going to wait to do this,” he said.

Chloe put down the letter she’d been reading and tried to smile. “I wanted to just start reading through some of the letters. She wrote a lot to someone named Kenny, who she called KC, and then there’s a letter to him that is sealed like she meant to mail it. I just started reading one from my father. It is hard to believe that this is the same man who left her to die.” She handed him the letter to read.

After he read it, he could see what she meant. It was puzzling that he professed his love for her mother, and then did what he did. It also sounded like they’d made a lot of plans together.

Chloe picked up another that looked like it was tear-stained. It wasn’t in an envelope like the others had been. It just sat alone. And the paper was hard from where her tears must have fallen.

Lissa,

What do you expect me to say to this? How do you expect me to react? We never talked about children. This was not our plan. I will give you the money to put an end to it, but I know from the look in your eyes, that you will not. What about all our dreams, Lissa? Have you forgotten them? This baby will only complicate things and stop us from living. If this is what you really want, to destroy the plans we have made to have this child, then I will do what is right. I will marry you and give you a home, but don’t expect too much from me. Children were never my forte and I thought you felt the same. You need to understand, this child would mean nothing to me but a burden you are forcing on us. Please think carefully on what you want to do.

--Tom

The harsh reality hit her like a ton of bricks. She’d been a mistake, something he could get rid of with money. “He never wanted me. I destroyed everything for him.”

“What makes you say that?” Nick asked, not realizing she had a letter in her hands. He’d still been reading other letters, some that Chloe had written when she was younger, when he noticed her drop the letter. He picked it up and read through it, trying also to watch Chloe as she went through the letters quickly.

It was then that Chloe found the envelope from her father’s office, her mother’s name typed out on it like it was a business letter. She opened it and saw that his secretary had typed it up for him and he signed it.

Melissa,

It pains be to have to do this with your illness taking so much of a toll on you. But I have to be honest with myself and can no longer hide what has happened. I have fallen in love. I can no longer deal with you or your child and its needs. You asked me years ago to set you free, but you are mine and will be mine. I, however, told you this would happen if you forced me into this marriage. The papers will arrive in a few weeks. I want this done quickly. I am giving you the house so that you and the child are not on the streets. How would that make me look if I did that? You will receive an allowance from me to care for the child. And I will sign papers stating that should you succumb to your illness, the child will be taken care of. Understand, I want nothing to do with either of you. I want my life back, Lissa, the one I lost due to your mistake.

--Thomas Gardner