When Autumn Leaves: A Novel (3 page)

Justy wiped his hands on his apron. “Oh hello, Ellie. I thought it might be you.”

Ellie’s mouth shot open. She quickly shut it again, but she was sure the man had seen it. Something was wrong. Firstly and most obviously, Justy had recognized her even though he hadn’t seen her in years. The way he said hello wasn’t like he had just happened to surmise from a phone call that it must be her. He had greeted her as if he knew exactly who she was. As if he not only saw her, invisible Ellie, he knew her.

“Ellie? Everything all right, dear?”

Ellie felt the flush of pure embarrassment spread and warm her already rosy cheeks. “Oh. Yes, Justy. It’s just I can’t imagine how you would remember me. It’s been such a long while since I’ve been in here.”

“Well now, I suppose I have a thing for faces, especially those that are as pretty as yours. No, now don’t go looking away. Your virtue is safe from me, my dear.”

Again Ellie was horrified. How was it that she had no control over her face? “Oh no, Justy, I didn’t think that . . . I know you weren’t . . .”

Justy chuckled warmly. “I know, I know. I was just having a bit of fun. So let’s see what you’ve got in that bag. There isn’t a pair of shoes in this world that I can’t work the Old Bluehorn magic into.”

Ellie pulled her old shoes out of her tote and put them into Justy’s hands.

“Well, they may look worse for the wear, but these are good, solid shoes, here.” He laughed, and turned one of the shoes around to examine the heel. “I think you understand what I’m saying, don’t you? About the way something looks different from how it really is?”

Ellie wanted to speak to this strange old man who remembered her name; she wanted to tell him, “Yes! Yes! I know exactly what you mean, look at me! No, don’t look at me, close your eyes and imagine who I might be and that would be closer to the truth of it!” But of course she could not get the words out.

Justy must have sensed this. “Well, they will require a bit of work. You sure you don’t want to give them a proper burial and choose something from the shop? I’ll give you a discount.”

“Oh no, Justy. That’s very kind, I don’t really think . . . I just . . . maybe next year.” How could she tell him that she thought his shoes were too beautiful for her without sounding like she was fishing for a contradiction? “Um. Isn’t there anything you can do with these old ones?”

“Yes, I think I can figure something out. Don’t you worry. I understand you’ll be wanting these for tonight?”

“That would be great, if you could manage it. I was hoping to pick them up after work. I’m sure you’re really busy, and I feel terrible for asking you to do this on such short notice.”

“Don’t you worry a bit, Ellie my dear. I’m always up for a challenge. Tell me, this isn’t your first Solstice Lighting, is it?” Justy leaned toward her almost conspiratorially.

“Oh no, I’ve been going since I moved here.” Ellie was suddenly aware of the time. If she didn’t leave soon she was going to be late for work.

“And how long is that? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“No, I don’t mind.” She twitched, though, and realized she was running her fingers over her watch. “I guess about seven years, since I graduated from college.”

“Why Avening? Why not Vancouver or Seattle or even New York City, for that matter?”

Again, Ellie was startled by this conversation. “Well, let’s see. I went to Victoria for university. After I graduated, I was going to drive to Arizona to visit my dad. He moved there after my mother passed. I thought I would maybe stay with him a while, see what my next move was going to be. I loaded up the car and somehow . . .” Ellie momentarily placed her fingers over her mouth, not to stop the words from coming, but out of habit. It was often something she did when she was thinking. Her eyes widened and she looked at Justy square in the face. “You know? I don’t even remember how I got here. God, that’s weird. Anyhow, I . . . I stopped and got some coffee, and I suddenly felt like . . . like . . .”

Justy smiled knowingly. “Like you were home?”

“Yes! It was almost as if I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else in the world at that moment. And I just . . . I just decided to stay.” Ellie half-smiled, but it was more to herself than to Justy. She could not have explained why it had felt so right in Avening. It wasn’t like she was living the life she had always wanted there. It wasn’t as if she had a great circle of friends, or even, God forbid, a boyfriend. But at the end of the day, Avening had more to offer than anywhere else. A good job, great restaurants, beautiful scenery, and nice people.

Justy saw Ellie struggling, and cocked his head. “That was pretty brave. I don’t imagine you knew anyone else who lived here.”

“No, but that didn’t really bother me. I don’t really know anyone anyway.” As soon as Ellie said the words she wanted to suck them back inside her mouth. She couldn’t believe she had said something so private to a stranger. “I . . . I meant, you know, I don’t really know anyone really well, I mean, the way that I suppose a lot of other people do.”

“And why would you suppose other people know each other better?” Justy raised an eyebrow at her.

Ellie felt herself get flustered. “Well . . . my parents, for example. They each knew what the other was thinking most of the time.”

“So we’re talking about the idea of true love, then?”

“No, not entirely. I’ve met good friends, siblings, people who are just able to read another person absolutely. I . . . just never found that I had that connection with anyone else.” Ellie eyed the door, wondering how she could cut the conversation short.

“Maybe you’re just a very complex person, Ellie, and you haven’t met anyone capable of understanding you.” Justy smiled. He suddenly seemed to decide to back off. “Yes, well. I’m sure you’ll figure it all out. You’re young yet. You have loads of time. Come back around five-thirty and I’ll have your shoes done for you.”

Ellie breathed a sigh of relief. And yet as she backed away from the counter, she found that there was a huge part of her that wanted to stay. What was it about this odd, wizened man that inspired such intimacy? Why did he see so much of her? Why did he even care? But then again, why shouldn’t he? What have we become, she wondered, that we care so little about those around us, in our community? She was ashamed of her cynicism. But she glanced at her watch, knowing with an inward groan that she was going to have to get a move on it if she didn’t want to be late.

“Yes, thank you, Justy. I’ll see you then.” Ellie headed for the door, turning its great black iron handle with little effort.

“Bye, Ellie. Have a good day.”

“Bye!” Ellie pushed herself outside, where the weather had taken a turn for the worse. A great wind was blowing down Brigid’s Way, creating mini cyclones of old newspaper and loose garbage down the normally clean street. She quickened her pace, trying to climb outside of her own head and the words that Justy had put there. “Nothing is ever easy,” her mother often said when her day had not gone in the direction she thought it should have. No, nothing is easy, Ellie thought. But does it become easier? Ellie couldn’t imagine herself as an old woman, silver and shriveled and still not knowing anymore about how to turn her brain off, how to stop caring about all the questions she knew she’d never find the answers to.

Before she knew it, she found herself in front of the
Avening Circle
office. The old building had seen better days, but Ellie couldn’t imagine what it must have looked like new and unworn. The walls sagged a little, not quite dilapidated, but with an easiness of sorts that made everyone feel comfortable upon entering. As often as Ellie had felt uncomfortable in her life, she never felt truly out of place in that building.

She climbed the familiar groaning steps up to the second floor. The heat from the old radiators made the windows steam from floor to ceiling like abstract canvases. Here she moved ghostlike past the maze of mahogany desks. If her coworkers took any notice of her arrival, they might have called out a greeting, but Ellie slipped into her invisibility and moved past them all without being seen.

Quiet was the excuse she gave for needing her own small office. Ellie was the paper researcher and often had to make phone calls. The separate office didn’t prevent her from overhearing her coworker’s phone calls and chats. She was a serial voyeur. It wasn’t spying, not exactly. Only her way of feeling included, like she was part of something other than her own small life.

Ellie opened the door to her office and sat down at her desk. She felt foggy, like she hadn’t slept well, except that she had. Justy’s face with its deep lines and his perfect long fingers swam behind her eyes. Normally, she loved her job. She would have never believed that something like research on a small town paper could ever be satisfying, but it turned out Ellie loved a great story, playing detective, pulling those stories out from dusty books. Today, though, she was just lacking energy. She turned on her computer and looked despairingly at her inbox. Some of those memos would have to wait until after vacation.

Vacation. She suddenly remembered today was her last day of work until after the new year. She rolled her eyes, irritated that she had not made any plans at all. She had just plain forgot. She supposed that she could go away, but this time of year was one of her favorite parts of living here—the lights, the trees, the excitement and happiness everywhere. No, she would definitely stay. Nothing in that moment seemed more blissful than the idea of all the movies she could watch, the books she could read, the organizing she could do. She might even finish that embroidery project that she had started two years ago.

She smelled Stella before she heard the knock. The sickening sweet smell of Shalimar was made bearable only by a hint of rain and mud.

“Well hey there, Sugar. I didn’t see you come in!”

Of course Stella hadn’t seen Ellie come in; no one had. No one ever saw her come in. “Hello, Stella,” Ellie muttered. It really was too early in the day to deal with all of that energy. She didn’t dislike Stella Darling. More than anything Ellie felt a twitch of pity for her. At just under five feet, Stella could barely contain herself within her clothes. Ellie wasn’t sure if they were too small for her, or if she just happened to own one of those unlucky bodies nothing seemed to fit right. Her hair was an unnatural red that flew out in every direction and she wore too much makeup.

At the paper, Stella’s specialty was weather and farm reports. She also knew a fair bit about natural remedies for everyday problems. She always had great tips for things like curing earaches with a hair dryer and various surefire stain removal techniques. Truth be told, Ellie often felt like she had more in common with Stella than she did anyone else. She recognized the invisibility magic wrapped around Stella’s uncontrollable curves. But unlike Ellie, Stella fought it with everything she had. She tried too hard, and although she was not invisible physically the way Ellie could be, she slipped the minds of those around her. She invited herself loudly, brazenly to be included. It was that brazen energy that Ellie wasn’t always keen to deal with at nine in the morning.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, Ellie, but you don’t look so good,” Stella chirped in her thick Southern accent.

“I’m just tired,” Ellie said, fighting to urge to roll her eyes.

“No, I don’t think it’s that.” Stella walked her way right into the office.

“Really? Well, what do you think it is then, Stella?” Ellie asked the question even though she really didn’t want to hear the answer.

“Hmmm.” Stella tapped a purple fingernail on Ellie’s desk. “It looks like Puppy Brain to me.”

“Puppy Brain? Wow! Is that dangerous?” Ellie grimaced at the edge of condescension she heard in her own voice.

“Now, Ellie, just hear me out. That’s what my Granny Pearl called it, Puppy Brain.” Granny Pearl starred in most of Stella’s quirky anecdotes. They had become so increasingly bizarre that Ellie wondered if her Granny wasn’t just a device Stella had invented. Maybe she thought an eccentric mountain woman somehow added credibility to her various diagnostics. “It happens when you think yourself out. Every thought and idea chasin’ its own tail.” Stella patted Ellie’s shoulder in a way that was probably meant to be comforting. “Relax, you’re almost out of here, right? Just hold steady.”

Ellie felt her skin was thinning out. After Justy’s conversation this morning she couldn’t deal with anyone looking so closely at her. She felt like crying. She could just imagine Stella’s version of comforting, wrapping her lily arms around her, patting her gently like a grandmother would, that smell of hers permeating everything and sinking down into her own pores. No, she wasn’t going to cry. “Yeah, Stella. I really do need some downtime. So, did you need anything?” Ellie hoped she didn’t sound dismissive.

“Well, I was hoping that you checked out that patent thing I dropped off a couple of days ago.” If she was offended, she didn’t show it.

“Oh right, the Idlewilde patents. Well, the info is all right here. I was about to go and drop all these off to everyone’s inbox, but you might as well take it now.”

Stella took the packet from Ellie but didn’t leave. “So . . .”

“So what?”

“So I mean . . . were they real? The inventions?”

Ellie was tempted to tell her to just read the report she had worked half a day on. But it was obvious by the way Stella had both her feet rooted into the hardwood planks that she wasn’t going anywhere. “Well yes, according to the patent office. Jamie Idlewilde did hold the patents for such things as the 45-Foot Beanstock Seed Cure, The Phantom Messenger Service, and the Happy Horse Hypnotizer. But I couldn’t track down any evidence that says that these inventions actually worked.”

“You think they didn’t?”

There was a moment of silence as Ellie eyed her coworker. She couldn’t tell if this was Stella’s way of making a joke, or if she was actually serious.