When I Find You: A Trust No One Novel (21 page)

“Dinner is about ready.”

“I’m not hungry.” Her flat voice carried no hint of what was going on inside her head.

“You should eat something.”

No reply. He sighed. She wasn’t going to make this easy for him. He, no doubt, deserved that too.

“Darcy, please don’t shut me out. I’d never hurt you intentionally. I think you know that. I was only trying to do the right thing. I admit, since the first time I kissed you, I’ve been a little confused about what the right thing is. Anyway, I’m done with taking the high road. The house has been pretty empty without you this afternoon, and I’m a lousy martyr. Maybe you’re right. Maybe you’re exactly what I need. I’m sorry I . . .”

“I understand. You did the right thing. I overreacted, but I’m fine now. I certainly don’t need your pity. I’m sure this assignment will be over soon anyway, and we’ll both be glad we didn’t do anything stupid.”

The lack of emotion in her voice chilled him, and he wanted to reach out and shake her to bring her to her senses, but that would be his second mistake today. Maybe she just needed time. Things would look differently in the morning. He reached for her hand and squeezed it, then silently rose and walked away as a pain stabbed his chest and radiated outward.

“I’d like to go to the beach tomorrow. Would you please ask Deputy Cooper if he’d take me?”

Her words stopped him at the door. He turned slowly to stare at her, feeling the faint stirrings of jealousy. “I’ll take you.”

“Don’t trouble yourself, Walker.”

“It’s no trouble.” He left before he could say anything else he would regret.

H
E TRIED TO
sleep on a couch in the study in case she came up during the night. At six he gave up and went upstairs for a shower. When he came back down, Darcy and Cooper were talking over coffee in the kitchen while she cooked pancakes and eggs. He caught the tail end of their conversation before Cooper spotted him and cut it short, but not before her words made it obvious what they’d been talking about.

“Do you really think the U.S. Marshals Service would let me go with Johnny and Gwen into witness protection?”

“Good morning, Walker. Hey, you missed out on the pizza last night. Just as well—it wasn’t that great.” Cooper was talking fast to throw him off, but Walker wasn’t falling for it.

“Good morning, Darcy, Cooper. What are we talking about . . . witness protection?” He glanced from Cooper to Darcy.

She looked much better this morning, although her eyes were puffy and missing their usual sparkle. He could tell his perusal made her nervous, and when Cooper didn’t respond to his question, she did.

“We were talking about Johnny wanting me to catch that bus and I was wondering why. Cooper thinks it’s because he wants me to go with them into witness protection.”

“Until Johnny makes his intentions clear, you’re not going.” Walker stared at Cooper.

“How will he do that if I don’t go to meet him? He’s not going to come here.” She turned back to the stove.

“It’s too dangerous.” He stared at the back of her head, hoping she’d turn around.

“Deputy Cooper said he’d follow me and be there in case something went wrong.”

Cooper groaned as Walker swung around to face him. “I told you to leave it alone.”

“She’s got a right to know her options. I’m on her protection detail too. If she chooses to get on that bus, I’ll take care of her. You won’t have to lift a finger.”

“Cooper, I think it’s time we parted company.”

“No, I want him to stay.” Darcy turned and her voice was quiet and confident. She’d obviously given this some thought, and since she wasn’t into listening to him right now, Cooper was the only game in town.

“Only if you promise you won’t do anything without talking to me first.” He studied her intently and tried to read her expression, but it was closed to him. He was slightly encouraged to see her nod stiffly.

“Breakfast is ready.”

Cooper seemed glad to have something to occupy himself with. Walker didn’t have much of an appetite, but he wasn’t about to leave the two of them alone, ever again.

They were almost finished eating when Darcy’s phone rang. “It’s the boys.” Excitement shone in her eyes. She jumped up to take the call in another room when Walker caught her arm and took the phone from her.

“It could be Johnny.” He pushed the button to put the call on speaker, ignoring the challenge in her eyes.

“Hello.” Her cheerful voice was in direct contradiction to the silent accusation in her furrowed brow as she stared at Walker.

“Darcy, when are you coming? Dad said you’re coming.”

“Eddy, I’m so happy you called. Are you and Nick okay? I’m glad your father is all right.” Darcy relaxed and a genuine smile smoothed her face as she drew the phone closer.

“I’m scared, Darcy.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

Concern sent a shadow across her face. She tensed as she gripped the edge of the table. It was obvious how much she loved those kids. Walker couldn’t fault her for that, but his priority was Darcy’s life, and if he had to choose between those kids and her, it would be her, hands down. If that made him a hardass . . . so be it.

“Dad said you were with a dangerous man. He’s only pretending to be your friend because he wants to find us. I think Dad’s scared too.”

“Don’t worry, Eddy. The man isn’t going to hurt your father. He promised, and he never breaks a promise.” Darcy’s gaze flew to Walker, and she crossed her arms, distrust once more flickering in her eyes.

“You won’t bring him here, will you?”

“No, Eddy.” She hesitated and dragged her eyes from Walker. “Not if you don’t want me to.”

“Good. When are you coming? I miss you.”

“I miss you, too, sweetie. Soon . . . I’m coming soon.” Her voice broke.

“I just want everything to be like it was.”

“Me too, Eddy.”

“I have to go now.”

“Bye. I love you.” There were tears in her eyes when the line went dead. She picked up her phone and ran from the room. Walker caught up to her at the top of the stairs.

“He’s afraid of
you
.” Tears rolled down her cheeks.

Her angry words hit him hard enough to shake his confidence—not an easy thing to do. Bottom line was, she didn’t trust him—not completely—and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about that. “I haven’t done anything to make him afraid. Johnny’s told him something that’s not true. That’s the only reason he’s afraid.”

“Johnny isn’t stupid. He’s just trying to protect his family. Why does he suspect you?”

The anxiety in her voice and the doubt in her eyes stabbed through him like a dagger. “Are you afraid of me now too?”

“No. I know who you are . . . better than you do.”

He took a deep breath. “Damn it, Darcy . . . you have to trust me.”

She straightened and wiped at the tears that rimmed her eyes. “When can we leave for the beach?”

Walker sighed and shook his head. “Whenever you’re ready.” The old Darcy had been there with him for a short while—angry, but there. Now she was gone again, her feelings and opinions shuttered over like someone had closed the blinds. He wasn’t fooled, though. Her emotions had her walking too close to the edge, searching for answers in all the wrong places. Johnny might care about her as she believed, but not the way Walker did. Of course, Darcy didn’t know that because he’d gone to such incredibly great lengths to convince her otherwise.

“H
OW MANY PEOPLE
have you killed, Walker?” Darcy’s breath caught. She hadn’t intended to ask—didn’t realize she’d spoken the words out loud until she heard them. He’d already told her she wasn’t ready to hear the answer. What made her think he’d talk about it now?

After he maneuvered the Land Rover into a parking spot at the Tidewater Motel, Walker glanced her way, his gaze assessing as though deciding whether she could handle the reality. The truth was, she didn’t know if she could either.

There were plenty of people coming and going on the beach access, which was just what he’d said he wanted. No deserted stretches of sand to give someone a chance to grab her. A chill teased across her skin. He turned off the engine and sat silently, staring out the windshield. The silence stretched uncomfortably until she slid her hand to the door latch.

“More than a few.” He turned to look at her. “I joined the marines when I was barely twenty, and after basic, they shipped me out to Afghanistan.” Walker shook his head, something in his memories etching lines across his forehead. “War is bad enough, but the special unit I was in . . . I lost track of how many people I killed. After the first one it gets easier.” He snorted a laugh. “Or at least that’s what they told us. It changes a man—hardens him. Eventually, it didn’t bother me as much, except at night . . . or when something exploded.”

He paused and a brief smile washed across his face. “It wasn’t all bad. That’s where I met Joe. We had some good times—and some not so good times. He saved my ass more than once. So when he asks me for a favor, I try to accommodate him.”

Darcy’s gaze swept his face—his eyes, darkened with pain or something equally undesirable, and the flexing of his strong jaw with each breath—and tried to imagine the demons that haunted him. She tentatively laid her hand on his arm, still braced on the steering wheel. “That’s why you came looking for me?”

“Joe is a good man. It’s second nature for him to help people. That’s how he met Cara. Finding her was the best thing that ever happened to him.”

“You and Joe have a lot in common.”

He laughed scornfully. “He’d have something to say if he heard that.”

Darcy let it go. She didn’t want to argue with him and probably couldn’t change his opinion anyway. “You and Cara are very close.” It wasn’t a question, so she didn’t expect Walker to reply. She grimaced, hating that the thought of their friendship made her jealous.

“We have a . . . history.”

“Oh.” Darcy dropped her gaze under his amused grin. She’d no doubt just proved how naïve she really was.

“Not the kind you’re thinking about.” He popped the car door open and stepped out.

Darcy joined him on the path leading to the beach.

“Cara and I are friends. It’s possible to have friends of the opposite sex, you know.”

“I suppose so.”

“What about you and Johnny? You’re friends, aren’t you? Or is there more to that relationship than you care to talk about?”

Darcy frowned and shot a glance at him. It wasn’t the same. Or was it? Did he have feelings of jealousy, or maybe betrayal, when she defended Johnny? A wickedly appealing smile teased her. Obviously, he was trying to lighten the mood and get a rise from her. She drew herself up straight and feigned an indignant glower, narrowing her eyes. “Isn’t that the same question that got Cooper in so much trouble the day he interviewed me?” Darcy saw the answering glimmer in his eyes and knew he wasn’t buying her act, but she was okay with that. She was just glad he was finally talking to her . . . really talking . . . and she would say nothing that would make him stop.

“I guess it was.” Walker paused and turned toward her to smile apologetically. “Except I know the answer because I know you, and I know how much you love those kids.” He reached out as though he would caress her cheek, then stopped and stuck his hand in his jacket pocket.

Darcy yearned for that touch so much, it was all she could do to keep from leaning in to him, but she wouldn’t make a fool of herself again. They resumed their stroll along the path to the beach.

She fell silent, thinking about Nick and Eddy. They were practically grown, especially Nick. He reminded her more of Johnny every day. Eddy would still need her for a few more years anyway, but that wouldn’t last forever. If she assumed a new identity and left everyone she ever knew or cared about behind, what would become of her when Eddy grew up? Johnny and Gwen would no longer need a nanny. Would she be able to come back to this life . . . to her parents? Possibly, but it wasn’t likely. She’d be forced to start over somewhere new again, only this time with a new job. She’d be completely alone.

A set of wooden steps, partially covered with drifted sand, led down toward the beach. She’d come here today to make some decisions. The beach had always been her place—when things were bad at home or school—to come and think things through. Here she was only a tiny piece of the puzzle, and she took comfort from the fact that God, or whatever forces ruled the universe, gave the water boundaries it couldn’t cross, knew exactly how many grains of sand it would take, and, occasionally, let some small treasure wash up on the shore. With the first touch of her foot on the sand, she stopped and turned to Walker.

“You have to wait here.”

A hard glint came into his eyes, and he opened his mouth to argue.

She rushed on. “I did what you said. I asked myself a lot of hard questions. Now I just have to find the right answers, and I need to be alone to do that. So is there a compromise we can agree on?”

“No compromise. We’re doing this my way.”

“Walker . . . what can happen to me out there alone that can’t happen if you’re with me?” She met his gaze and smiled tentatively.

“I might be able to take the bullet for you.” His eyes darkened dangerously, and he looked away.

She reached for his arm and held on until he regarded her again. “I don’t think I could live with that. Besides, who’ll take the second bullet?”

A myriad of emotions swirled in his eyes. Darcy knew she had him after he huffed out a couple halfhearted arguments. She smiled when he raised his hands in surrender and pointed out the place she was to stop and turn around. Then she walked away, certain his gaze never left her back.

She turned back well before reaching the farthest point Walker was willing to let her go alone. When she saw him still standing, his back up against the handrail of the steps they’d descended together, she frowned. It would take her a while just to get him out of her head so she could get on to the reason she’d come. He . . . did things to her just by looking at her and the sound of his voice with its faint southern accent. He’d actually answered her question in the car. He didn’t sugarcoat it. Was it possible he was starting to open up to her? She should have asked him what his first name was, too, while he was still in the mood to talk, but it no longer mattered. Walker had made his feelings abundantly clear. She wasn’t his type, and he didn’t want to hurt her by treating her like she was. It was noble of him, really. End of story.