When I Look to the Sky (8 page)

Adaleigh
stepped closer to hug him. Everything about her exuded sex, and he realized that he wanted more. He toyed with the pendant that lay just above the plunging neckline of her dress, running his finger along the edge of the fabric. She put her hand on his and held it at her chest.

“
Stop,” she said, and he looked up with a grin, “Unless you’re planning to finish what you’re starting, but this time it’s me who has the caveat before we start anything. This is just sex, no more, no less; crazy sex, wild sex, but not emotional sex.”

“
I want you, Adaleigh, crazy, wild, whatever, but tomorrow we’re back to business.”

“
Good, this works for me,” she said.

He pulled her closer. Kissing her, his hand went to the back of the
short, red dress she wore and eased the zipper down. She allowed the dress to slide to the floor. Under it, she wore a black and red under-bust corset that lifted her breasts to allow the cleavage he’d seen earlier, and black thong panties.

“
You planned for this,” he laughed. It was a statement, not a question.

“
I hoped it would happen,” she admitted with a sultry laugh.

He left at two to return to his own room.
 

~ ~ ~

When she was eleven, starting sixth grade, Carlee began attending Brighton Preparatory Academy, a prestigious private school. It was Andy’s idea. Everyone knew she was smart. She spent most of her time with her face in a book; she read everything she could get her hands on. She had good grades, and Andy decided she could get a better education at Brighton. When he discussed it with her dad, he agreed.

When she was fifteen, her whole life changed…

On Wednesday March 12, 2013, Andy went to her school, and the Head Master escorted him to her class. They excused Carlee from class as her classmates looked on in wonder. She went with them to the school’s office and Andy checked her out. She knew something was wrong.

“
Let’s go for a ride,” he told her, taking her hand as they walked out the doors of the school. It was just after lunch. They drove the two miles to the beach, but they didn’t talk. Finally, he parked the car and they sat there for a minute looking out at the ocean ahead.

“
Take a walk with me,” he said, finally.

“
Tell me why,” Carlee replied.

“
Let’s walk and I will, come on.” He took her hand as they made their way to the boardwalk.

It was breezy,
winds of March,
she thought and felt scared.
It must be something really bad.
“Papa?”

He looked,
and motioned for her to join him on a bench close by. “It’s your dad, Carlee,” he began; there was a car accident this morning, just after he dropped you off at school. We don’t know all the details yet, but he died before rescue got him to the hospital.”

She sat quietly, not knowing what to say.
Andy wrapped an arm lovingly around her shoulder and pulled her to him. She put her head on his chest and they sat like that for some time. The only sound was the waves rolling in on the beach just below where they sat.

Andy
just kept thinking how grateful he was that she wasn’t in the car with him, it couldn’t have been ten minutes after John dropped her off.

“
What do we need to do?” she asked, finally.

“
Well,” he paused; “Kimmy is looking into all that now. She wanted me to come get you,” he told her and squeezed just a little tighter.

After a while,
she turned to him and asked, “Where will I live?”

“
We all decided that we should let you decide about that,” he told her. “There’s Kimmy, and Nanny…”

“
What about you?” she asked, before he went any further.

“
What about me?” he asked her, and prayed.

Slipping out of his embrace, she turned to look at him.
“I’ve spent the last eleven years being shuffled around. I spend a week here, a weekend there. I have four bedrooms; I don’t feel like I belong anywhere.”

“
And?”

“
I’m ready to have one room.”

“
Where?” he asked her.

“
1750 Amberville Lane,” she said.

“
That’s my house,” he replied, and smiled.

“
Now it’s our house,” she said. “We need to go, I’m sure there are things we need do.”

“
Carlee Elizabeth…”

“
Yes, Papa?”

“
I love you like crazy.”

“
I love you, right back. Let’s go home,” she said and reached for his hand.

Andy called Kimmy on the way, “Hey there, we’re on the way to
our
house,” he told her, as he looked at Carlee and smiled. “Want to meet us over there?”

Kimmy
’s house was just around the corner from Andy’s, and only a few miles from where they were. She was already there when they arrived. She had a key, let herself in, and had a pot of coffee brewing. She went to Carlee and wrapped her in her arms when they came in through the kitchen door.

“
I’m so sorry, honey,” Kimmy said.

“
Where’s Jenna?” Carlee asked. Jenna was six years older, but the two had grown up together, like sisters. She was a first year teacher at the local elementary school.

“
I called her, and she’ll be here as soon as school is out for the day.”

Carlee left them and went to her room. Kimmy poured coffee and she and Andy sat at the kitchen table.

“
How’d it go,” Kimmy asked.

“
OK, I guess. I’m a little worried,” he said, after a while. “She hasn’t cried since I told her.”

Kimmy sat back savoring the dark brew
, and looked at Andy. She had known him a very long time. They’d shared a lot over the years. She lived through every up and down he’d been through with Beth, and every experience he’d shared with Carlee since. Life had a way of bringing people together, and she was happy to call him her friend.

“
She will, on her terms, in her time. You know she’s a different soul, Andy,” Kimmy said. “She’s a loner. Life made her that way. Her life isn’t like the kids she goes to school with. Her family is her friends, and I think she likes it that way.”

“
You know what she wanted to know when I told her about John, ‘Where will I live?’”

“
And?” Kimmy heard him say ‘our house’ again in her head as he spoke, and smiled.

“
I told her it was up to her, and before the conversation really started she told me she wanted to live here.”

Kimmy
looked at him as he said the words. She wasn’t surprised by this at all. She knew how much Carlee loved him, and he adored her.

“
And?”

He looked up from his coffee mug and smiled;
“And, I couldn’t be happier.”

Kimmy knew how much he loved Carlee. She knew it started as a connection to Beth, but it grew into way more than that. He rescued her when her dad wasn’t there for her, but she had done the same for him. He was a different soul too, since she came into his life. They saved each other.

They talked a while, and then Andy excused himself to go look in on Carlee. She
’d been gone a while, and he wanted to make sure she was OK. She was on her bed, facing away from the door, he thought she was asleep, but she heard him and turned. She was crying. He went and sat on the side of the bed. She sat up and he held her close.

“
Something between us was just never right,” she said between the tears. “For as long as I can remember, I think he was angry at me.” She wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt. “I didn’t ever tell him I was sorry…” she mumbled.

“
You don’t have anything to be sorry for, Carlee,” Andy told her as he pulled her closer. “Your dad knew you loved him, and he loved you, you know that. Sometimes people just go off on different courses. They get lost, and sometimes they get so lost that it’s hard to find their way back. You have nothing to be sorry for,” he said again, as he placed a loving kiss on the top of her head. As he did, he remembered a time when he’d been lost, and thanked God he found his way back.

“
I know you two had your moments, but I know there were good times along with your trials. I don’t think he ever meant to push you away, or hurt you, Carlee. I think he just never got past being hurt by your mama’s illness,” he told her. “And me,” he added.

Jenna arrived, and she and Kimmy came into the room. Kimmy sat on the other side of Carlee as Jenna crawled on the bed
behind Carlee and wrapped her arms around her neck. Carlee leaned to Kimmy and hugged her.

“
What do we need to do?” Carlee asked, finally.

“
It’s all done, basically,” Kimmy told her and handed her an envelope. “Your dad left this with me a while ago,” she told her.

Carlee opened the envelope. It was John
’s Will, dated January 13, 2010. She read that he wished to be cremated. It named her as his sole heir. There was also an envelope with her name on it in his handwriting.

“
I can’t read this just now,” she said and put it aside.

After a while they all went to the kitchen and sat at the table. Carlee looked around, three of the people she loved most in the world were sitting there with her, and she felt the tears trickle down her cheeks.

“
We’ll have a memorial, right?” Carlee asked.

“
We will do whatever you want,” Andy told her.

Together they planned. Kimmy was on the phone with the funeral home once Carlee knew what she wanted.
They planned it for Saturday morning.

Later that evening, Nanny and Pops came. Nanny had been cooking since Kimmy called to tell her about John, and brought dinner for them. Kimmy’s husband, Lane, came too. They ate and talked, and remembered John Oliver.   

“
Do you want to go see him,” Andy asked after everyone was gone, when it was just the two of them.

“
No, I don’t want to think of him that way.”

Later, Carlee said good night and went to her room. She still had not opened the envelope from her dad, and she needed a few minutes alone.

My Dear Sweet Carlee,

I hope and pray that it is
many years after I write this that you are reading it. I want you to know how very much I love you. Before you were born I loved you, and through every experience in your life, through every up and down we shared, I loved you more. I am so proud of the person you’ve become.

You
’ve had many good examples to follow, your mama, Kimmy, Jenna as she got older, Nanny and Pops, and Grammie and Gramps before they passed away. And yes, Andy… as hard as that is for me to say. He loves you, Carlee. I know that. You’re surrounded by love.

I
’m sorry if I hurt you. I never meant to. I have to confess, I know I haven’t done things right. I’ve struggled. I tried to give you what you needed. I tried hard to open my heart, but after everything with your mama, there was this big hole, and a wall that I couldn’t break through myself. It was a security tool.

I saw a poem once that said something like;
‘I wish you enough happiness that your spirit stays alive, and enough pain so that the smallest joys in life are greater.’ I hope I gave you ‘enough.’ If I didn’t, I’m sorry.

It was hard to share you, but I made a promise to your
mama to keep Andy in your life, and I worked hard to keep it. It wasn’t easy. I was jealous, I tried not to feel that way, but I was hurt. I was angry, and it was a hard promise to keep, but I did, because that’s what your mama asked for.

I loved her, Carlee. She loved
me too, for a time. But her love for Andy overpowered everything when she got sick. It hurt letting her go, but I guess ‘if you love something, you set it free…’ I could have fought, but why? It would have been futile. It would only have hurt you. I loved you too much to fight and put you through that. We all knew what was ahead. I couldn’t see spending the end of her days in a battle. So I let go, but it hurt, and I carried that hurt around like a shield. Maybe the hurt I felt spilled over to you. I’m sorry if it did.

I made sure that if anything happened to me you would be taken care of. I know Kimmy, Nanny and Pops will make sure you have all that you need.
And Andy, I know that Andy will, as well, because he loves you.

Carlee, I love you more than you can ever really know, and if I didn
’t do it right, just know that it wasn’t because I didn’t love you. You are my life, and if you are reading this… I couldn’t have loved you more.