When It's Right (7 page)

Nate glared at the dial as if it were personally responsible for every bit of what he was feeling right now. It wasn’t, but three hours of show tunes and another two of scratchy newscasters spouting tired headlines and traffic reports could do things to a man.

He redirected his glare from the radio to Cassie, working to keep his growing frustration contained. If he let himself be as mad at her as he was at the stereo, well… He frowned. He didn’t think he could be that angry at Cassie.

He was close, though. Sure, she liked show tunes, but under normal circumstances she would never have inflicted so flipping
many
of them on him, or at such ear-splitting volume. Her excuse of wanting something she could sing along to only got her so far. She was avoiding talking to him, plain and simple.

Letting out another groan, he stretched, itching to get out of this car and out of this stalemate with Cass. As it turned out, his estimate of even a fourteen-hour drive had been optimistic. The route they’d been planning to take through the city had thrown them into one roadblock after another as the streets shut down for New Year’s Eve. The sun was already setting over the skyline. It felt like it was setting over all their plans as well.

He raked his fingers through his hair and swept them over his face. If she wouldn’t let him talk about what was going on between the two of them, he’d have to find something else to vent his frustrations on. “We’re never going to get a spot where we can see the ball drop,” he complained.

“Nope.” She checked the rearview mirror and executed a deft lane change that had Nate reaching for the door handle just for something to hold on to. She spared him the briefest glance before training her eyes back on the line of cars ahead of them. “But we never had much chance of that. At this rate, we’ll be lucky just to get there before the ball drops at all.”

Maybe she'd been right the night before. Maybe this was all folly. All a disaster. All wrong.

“Are we even close?”

“Yup.” She pointed ahead. “See that bridge there?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Gran’s just on the other side of it.”

With that, she threw her blinker on. Nate tightened his grip on the door and on the edge of the seat. Hung on with all he was worth. Gazing at Cass, he let out a deep breath, only to choke on the next inhale as she swerved. He clenched his jaw and bit down hard against the pounding in his heart.

He stared at her. He
stared
at her.

All her actions since this morning, all her evasion and her silences. Her crazy driving and her awful taste in road-trip entertainment. She drove him insane. She always had.

And yet in spite of it all, there was no one else he’d rather be here with.

When he’d asked her to go on this trip with him, he’d been at a loss to name the discontent in his gut—the emptiness burning a hole in his life. He hadn’t known.

But he knew now.

He knew what he wanted. From this night and from this trip. From her.

All he needed was the opportunity—and the courage—to tell her.

Chapter Eight

Cassie was an idiot. She must have hit her head in the crash and just not noticed, or maybe she was suffering from some sort of post-traumatic brain malfunction. There had to be a reason.

Nothing, absolutely nothing was worse than hanging around in limbo. And yet here she was, doing it anyway, all to avoid the chance of things not going the way she wanted them to. Because as awful as all this uncertainty was, there was one thing that scared her more: knowing for sure that what she’d wanted had been hers and had slipped through her grasp. Knowing for sure Nate didn’t want her.

And so she’d pushed away the possibility that he
did
in favor of this ambiguity.

As she turned onto her grandmother’s street, she hazarded a quick glance at Nate. God, she really was an idiot. This morning, he’d been so beautiful, so naked and warm beneath the sheets. She could have stayed. Could have kissed him awake and breathed the sunshine of his hair. She could have talked this out. But she hadn’t. She’d run. And she was running still.

And in so doing, she was probably destroying whatever chance they’d had of making this work. The hope in his eyes had evaporated, fading bit by bit with every closed look she had given him, every avoidance tactic she had employed to forestall the inevitable.

They’d have to talk soon. They’d have to. Maybe he’d confirm all her fears and tell her it had been a mistake. And maybe he’d say he saw her, wanted her. That last night had meant as much to him as it had to her. Maybe.

She refocused her attention out the windshield at the rows and rows of buildings. Finally, she spotted the one she was looking for. It was an ancient six-unit walk-up, tucked into the middle of a street full of similar-looking façades. But sure enough, the light in the window on the second floor was on.

A relieved smile stole across her face. She ducked her head and pointed. “There! That’s Gran’s apartment.”

“Thank God.”

In the first stroke of good luck of the entire trip, Cassie found a parking spot on the street only half a block down. It took her a good three tries, but she managed to parallel park without doing any damage. The instant she cut the engine, the passenger’s side door jerked open, and Nate spilled out.

Nerves bit at Cassie’s stomach. Other than their quick pit stop back in Pennsylvania, this was the first time they’d be confronted with each other, no music or traffic reports to buffer the space between them. She took a deep breath and put her game face on. By the time she poured herself out of the seat and into the frozen air, Nate had already retrieved both their bags from the backseat and was waiting for her at the rear of the car. She pulled her purse over her head and nodded her thanks, then led the way across the street.

Within seconds of ringing the bell for her grandmother’s apartment, there was a loud buzz and a click as the latch to the door of the building released. Cassie pushed it open and started trudging up the stairs. The face that met her at the top of them was a sight for sore eyes.

“Gran!”

“There you are!” Her gran caught her up in the fierce hug only a grandmother could provide, smelling of talcum powder and cookies and dust. “I was so worried.”

“I called.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Gran held Cass at arm’s length, as if inspecting her. “You’re sure you’re all right?”

“Completely fine.” She chose not to mention the possible brain injury she was still blaming for her idiocy when it came to Nate.

She didn’t have to.

Gran’s gaze drifted over Cassie’s shoulder, and her eyes widened. She whistled before leaning in conspiratorially to whisper, “Is that
him
?”

Cassie’s ribs constricted. She’d told Gran all about Nate, figuring at the time that the two of them would never meet. Now, though…

Giving Gran a meaningful look, full of warnings, Cassie nodded.

“Nice.
Very
nice.” Gran leaned in even closer to speak right in her ear. “You two finally figure things out then?”

What could she say to that? Eventually, she settled on, “It’s complicated.”

“Oh, hon.” Gran patted her cheek consolingly. “When it’s right, it’s simple as can be.”

If only Cassie could believe that.

Nate cleared his throat, and with a start, Cassie pulled back. She introduced the two of them, ducking her head to conceal her blush when Gran openly flirted with Nate or wiggled her eyebrows. Gran didn’t embarrass her too much, though. As soon as Nate had their bags deposited in the spare room, she was pressing a key into Cassie’s hand and kissing her cheek. Pointing at the clock that said it was almost nine o’clock and telling them to hurry so they wouldn’t miss out on all the fun.

Cassie hugged Gran tight, then pulled away and waved as she hurled herself back down the stairs. After all that time cooped up in the car, it felt good to
move
.

And there was something else, too. Something loose and rattling around in her heart. There’d been truth to what Gran had said. This thing with Nate, it could be simple, if it was right. And Cassie was making it entirely too complicated. If it was meant to be, it was meant to be. And if it wasn’t…

She pushed through the door at the base of the stairs and out onto the street, Nate right on her heels.

“So do we have a plan?” He was wrestling to get his hat on and not meeting with all that much success.

Without thinking, she reached up and tugged it down over his ears. Her breath caught when her hand brushed against his. It was the first contact they’d had since last night. They both stopped short, their eyes meeting. And he was so close. She could…

She didn’t. With a gulp, she jerked her hand back, pivoting on her toes and looking all around to get her bearings. To get her breath back after Nate had stolen it from her. She spied the subway station on the corner and pointed at it before walking backward toward it.

“NQ train,” she said. Her breath was a cloud in the frigid air. “Should take us straight to Midtown.”

“Lead on.”

She turned and quickened her pace. But before she could get too far or think to pull her gloves on, there was warm pressure against her palm. She looked down to see Nate twining his hand with hers.

He still hadn’t pushed. Not really. And they’d held hands plenty of times before, especially when navigating unfamiliar places. Just as friends.

And it felt good. So good.

She beamed at him and he beamed back, the tension that had been lingering around the corners of his eyes all day finally easing. Hope swelled inside her until it felt like it might consume her.

As if recognizing the renewed lightness between them, he pulled her hand up and ducked his head to kiss her knuckles. Before she could get her mind around the way her ribs still seemed to be expanding, though, he smirked. Stepped forward and tugged on her hand until their arms were stretched out between them. And then he was running.

And he was just…hopeless, really. Clueless and adorable and Nate. Nate who had traveled—of course he had, he insisted—but never to New York, not like this. It wasn’t until he stood before the fare card vending machine, gawking as if the instructions were written in Hebrew, that she realized precisely how insane his whole idea for this trip had been. She giggled as she picked up a map, then showed him how to put money on a card and ushered him through the turnstile. Got him to the right side of the tracks to catch an inbound train and pushed him in when the doors slid open. Kept him from getting his foot stuck in the gap.

And she almost forgot. She almost forgot that everything between them was up in the air. Because it was just her and him. Her and her very best friend, and that was simple. As simple as breathing. Her lungs filled up for what felt like the first time since she’d awoken in his arms.

As the train roared through the tunnels, he nudged her with his elbow and pointed at the zoomed-in inset on the subway map. Letting go of the strap overhead for just a second, he pointed at a cluster of streets in the heart of Midtown. “So here’s Times Square.”

Cassie faux-boggled at him. “You know where something is?”

“I did do
some
research.” He shifted his finger, hardly skipping a beat. “This is supposed to be the best place to go if you can stake out a spot early.”

“Not for us, then.”

His mouth twisted downward. “No. Probably not.” The train rocked them forward and he flailed to grab for the strap again. “We’ll sneak in as close as we can get, though.” He studied the map for another minute. “There’s supposed to be a restaurant called Cassandra’s right around here somewhere. Too bad we won’t be able to go there this trip.”

Her heart rose into her throat. “Maybe next time.”

Widening, his eyes darted down to hers. His throat bobbed, and he nodded, but there was something strained to his voice. “Maybe next time.”

She didn’t have a chance to think about his reaction. Before she knew it, the voice on the loudspeaker was warning them to exit at 57th Street instead of 49th to reach Times Square. The conflicted expression slid away from Nate’s face, and his eyes lit up. He squeezed her palm.

She hadn’t realized he still had her hand. That he had never let go.

Along with so many other people, they spilled out into the station. With him clinging to her, she led the way, following signs and following the flow.

Right up until he jerked her to the side.

“What are you—?”

Any other words she might have said were stolen from her. Nate stood before her, his hands on either side of her face, those big, warm palms cupping each of her cheeks. And his expression was so earnest. So open and vulnerable in a way he rarely chose to expose himself.

In the way he had last night.

She swallowed hard. All the restraint he’d imposed in accordance with her wishes today…all of it was gone. And she knew. She knew she couldn’t avoid this any longer. It was time. And she wasn’t scared. For the first time since her life had spun out of control on a rain-soaked, deserted road, she was unafraid. Because this was Nate, and even if he didn’t want her…even if…somehow, they would be okay.

She whispered his name, and his face cracked with a broken smile.