When Love Hurts (2 page)

I hear him take a deep breath. “What am I suppose to say to Angela when she sees you staying here?”

I look at Jaylen’s hands as they carelessly hang above the sofa’s headrest. I know those hands would kill for me. “I don’t know,” I answer.
 

I’m about to suggest staying in a hotel, when Jaylen stands up and places a hand on my shoulder. I bite my lower lip and look up at him and see him smiling. “I guess I better not tell her then,” he says, then picks up my suitcase and takes it to the guest room.

I follow Jaylen into his guest room, speechless at his suggestion to keep my presence here a secret from his girlfriend. The room contains a full-sized mattress, a dresser, but no TV. I stayed in here the first time Chris and I broke up, but Jaylen was single then, and now it just seems wrong, like we’re sneaking around.
 

Jaylen lays my bag on top of the thick blanket that covers the bed and unzips it. He studies the first layer of items and picks up my pink plastic digital camera. He holds it up so the light coming through the window can shine on it. “I remember you used to always take pictures,” he says.

I try not to think about why I gave up on taking pictures, but I know I can’t. I walk over to the bed and sit down next to where Jaylen stands. “Yeah, I know,” I say. “I just moved on, I guess.” I shrug, to act like I don’t care. I honestly don’t think I can really pick up that camera and take pictures without remembering my failed career and thinking I wasted my time.
 

 
“So, Jay, you’re not going to tell Angela about me staying here with you?” I say.

Jaylen shrugs and says, “If I tell her that you’re staying here, I would have to convince her that nothing’s going on between us. Something she would never believe, and then you’d end up in a hotel room by yourself and with me paying for each night until you find your own place, and that’s not cool either.”

 
“She’s going to find out about me staying here whether you tell her or not. There’ll be little clues all over this apartment.”
 

He thinks for a while and says, “Not if we’re careful.”

I shake my head and laugh a little. “That’s impossible.”

 
“You know how Angela lives thirty minutes away but works here in Chicago? Well, sometimes she comes by here after work before she heads back home. She doesn’t stay that long, depending on her work hours that day. But every time she comes over you can just stay in this room till she leaves, and I’ll lock this door from the outside so she doesn’t get curious and open the door.”

I shake my head. “And if she wants to stay the night?”

“Stay in the room until she leaves the next day. Most likely she’ll leave early. If not, I’ll sneak you some food.”

I laugh again. “Why do you want to protect me so much?”

He frowns. “You know why. You’re like a sister to me.” Then he smiles. “Well, almost. I’m not as selfless as you are.” His cell phone starts ringing before I can reply to his compliment. I tell by the way he’s talking that he’s talking to Malcolm.

“Tell Malcolm I said hi,” I shout.

“He said hi,” Jaylen says, then stands up.

“Where are you going?” I ask. Jaylen puts one finger to his lips and leaves the room.

I’m left in the room staring at all the empty walls. He should really put some nice pictures up to give the room a warmer feel. I stand up and continue to unpack. I notice the camera Jaylen picked up, and now that I look at the small pink thing I don’t remember why I brought it with me. Then the memory starts flowing back like it’s trying to drown me. I can’t let this camera go because it’s connecting me back to me, to the old me before I met Chris and fell in love. When I was still a girl with a dream.
 

I place the camera on the dresser and continue to unpack and don’t look back at it until I’m done. Jaylen hasn’t come back in the room yet, and I wonder what he’s talking to Malcolm about. I miss Malcolm, but I’m happy he’s having such a nice time in Vegas. Jaylen would have gone with him, but he has no one else to cover for him at his bar. I would have gone too, but I was still with Chris, and they don’t like each other. Neither Malcolm nor Jaylen likes Chris because of our dramatic relationship, but I always stick by Chris’s side. I don’t know why I do other than because I love him, and that should be enough, right?
 

I unpack my toothbrush and realize it isn’t a good idea to put it in the bathroom where Angela might see it. I swear I don’t know how this sneaking around thing is going to work. I mean, she’s not stupid. In fact, she was able to finish college when I—

I stop myself midthought and shake my head. Now is not the time to relive bad memories. I walk out of the room and into Jaylen’s living room and sit on the couch. I stare at the TV and wait. I’m not sure why I’m waiting, but I just don’t know what else to do. Maybe I should go outside and get some fresh air.

“Hey, Jess.” Jaylen pokes his head into the living room, and when he sees me sitting on the couch he comes in and sits beside me. He leans back and smiles. “Good news. Malcolm said you can stay with him when he gets back, for however long you need to.”

“Are you sure he wouldn’t mind? I don’t want to be in his way. In anyone’s way, for that matter.”

Jaylen chuckles and starts playing with my hair by twisting the longest strand in the back around his finger. This always calms me down. “He’s cool with it, Jess. Just relax.”

“When am I going over there?” I ask.

“When he gets back. In about four days.”
 

Suddenly, my stomach growls, and I realize I haven’t eaten since this morning and it’s almost five now. I stand up and walk into the kitchen. “Do you want anything to eat?”

“You cooking it?” Jaylen asks in mock horror.

“Yes, I’m cooking it,” I say, placing my hands on my hips. “What do you have here to eat?”
 

Jaylen shrugs. “Look in the fridge.”

I look inside and find a pack of chicken and a pack of pork chops. Either one will do for tonight, but I grab the chicken, figuring chicken will still taste good even if the skin ends up a little darker than anticipated.

I place the chicken on the counter, but it’s still a little frozen, so I go back and sit next to Jaylen on the couch. “So what were you up to before I got here,” I ask him.

“Just working out. Nothing much.”

I lean back and close my eyes. I open my eyes a few seconds later to Jaylen staring at me, and my heart starts beating faster. “Hey.” I breathe, fighting back my heart attack.

“Hey,” he says in a low voice. “You tired?”

I shake my head. “Nope. Just thinking.”

I walk around Jaylen’s apartment trying to distract myself while he’s working at his bar and the chicken fries in the skillet. I pace back and forth down the hallway that separates the kitchen and living room from the rest of the apartment. I finally decide to plant myself in one of the kitchen chairs and rub my cell phone between my hands while listening to the chicken sizzle.
 

I tap my foot against the floor and try to keep thoughts of Chris out of my head. I rub my sore arm not even wanting to think about how bad my back hurts from being slammed into the entertainment center twice. A bath would be nice right about now.

It isn’t until after I have started the bathwater that I remember the chicken. Sure enough, when I flip them over the other side is burned. I shake my head. This is embarrassing. I watch carefully as the chicken cooks on the other side, and then I take it out and place the pieces on a plate and paper towels I laid out. I collapse back in the kitchen chair and wonder what excuse I’m going to tell Jaylen about the chicken. I stare at them on the counter, half black and half golden brown, and wonder if I could fool him if I set all the chicken golden-side up. Maybe I should cook something else with the chicken, like mashed potatoes or corn or something. I stand up again and start to search his cabinets, then grab a simple box of mac and cheese.

I grab a pot from the dish rack and start filling it with water. As I watch the water fill the pot, I suddenly remember my bathwater is still running and drop the pot spilling the water all over the floor, the counter, and a little on the chicken. I ignore it and sprint toward the bathroom. I shut the water off just as it reaches the rim of the tub.
 

I let out a breath and sit beside the tub, staring at the pink-and-white bubbles. I stick one finger in and pull it out, realizing the hot water was going full blast the whole time. A hot bath would be relaxing, but I don’t want to boil.
 

I check the clock in the bathroom that hangs above the toilet. It’s nearly six o clock, and Jaylen should be back any second. I stand up and walk back to the kitchen. I wipe up the mess I made before fixing Jaylen a plate of the least-burned chicken and setting it on the table. They still look burned, but that’s the best I can make them look right now. I stare at the plate I made for him and remember I still need to make the mac and cheese.

I’m cleaning the pot I dropped, when the door opens and I hear footsteps. I spring around sharply, and Jaylen is standing there with his hands up in surrender. Then he laughs. “You gonna knock me out in my own house?” He’s staring at the pot in my hand.

I place it on the stove before I smile. “Yeah. You fuck with Jaylen, you fuck with me.”

Jaylen nods approvingly as he walks into the kitchen and stares at the chicken. “You made this?” I nod. “Looks good.”

“No, it’s not,” I admit despite myself. “It’s burned on the other side.”
 

Jaylen gives me a weird look before he turns one of the pieces over. “Oh, I see.” Then he laughs. “How do you burn chicken?”

“I was distracted,” I say, staring down at his floor again. I wonder how smooth it will feel beneath my socks tomorrow morning. “Daydreaming I guess.”
 

“About what?”

I look up and see his brown eyes poring into mine. “About today, I guess. Mostly.”

Jaylen nods before walking closer to me. “It’s gonna be all right.” He wraps his arms around me and pulls me in tight. I can’t help but deeply inhale my favorite cologne. I sigh and melt into my best friend’s arms. “He will never hurt you again. I promise,” Jaylen says.

I nod even though in my heart I can’t help but think how difficult stopping Chris from hurting me would be, especially since I’m still in love with him.

I lie in Jaylen’s guest bed facing the ceiling wishing I could see the stars, but I’m feeling too sore right now. The bath helped a lot, but I had to get out earlier than I wanted to, since the chicken didn’t sit too well with Jaylen’s stomach.
 

I close my eyes, but see Chris so quickly I reopen them and realize it’s going to be a long night. I wish I can get my mind off him, but all I can think about is the girl I saw him with in the car. What does she have that I don’t have, other than a nice car?

It’s breaking my heart to think about him telling someone else he loves them. Maybe he would say it just to make love to them. It doesn’t make it better, though. I turn onto my side to stare at the wall. As I stare at the wall, I see it from the corner of my eye. It’s crawling on the headboard, and before I can act my age and grab my shoe, Jaylen bursts into the room wearing only his boxer shorts.

“What the hell you screaming for?” He scans the room, and then looks out the window. I didn’t even realize I’d screamed.

“There’s a spider right here by my head,” I say, rolling over in the bed so he can kill it.
 

Jaylen has the most pissed-off look on his face. “You called me in here for a spider?” He walks over to the wall and picks up my shoe and kills my roommate.

“I didn’t hear me call you,” I mumble. “But thank you, though.”

“Jess”—he plops down beside me and pats my bare thigh—“you have to let Chris go. I know that’s why you can’t sleep.”

“I’m trying to. It’s not that easy.” I pause before I continue. “I can’t stop loving someone just because of the mistakes they’ve made. It’s going to take some time.”

“I know that, Jess. I just want you to keep moving forward and not look back.”

“I am, but sometimes I feel like I’m in the middle. I feel like . . .” I stop. I don’t want to finish that sentence as much as I thought I did. The truth is I feel that Chris and I can still work things out and be together. Maybe even be a family one day. I’ve invested two years of my life with him, and I would hate to throw it away to start off brand new with someone who I might break up with in the end anyway. I guess I’m not a real positive thinker, but that’s honestly how I feel. It seems stupid. Sometimes I think even my love for Chris is stupid, but it’s like loving the nerd in school. Just because no one else likes them or understands them doesn’t mean you can’t be happy with them and make a great team.

Jaylen is quiet. I smile at him. “I better get to sleep. I’m going to try again.”

“What if you still can’t sleep?” he asks.

“I’ll come sleep in your bed.” I shrug.
 

Jaylen stands up from my bed and smiles at me. “I’ll hold you to it,” he says, then leaves.

#

The next morning I wake up to Jaylen’s deep-brown eyes staring into mine. I close my mouth sharply, afraid I will disgust him with my morning breath. “Good morning. I’ll let you go back to sleep if you want. I just wanted you to know that I’ve made breakfast for you.”

I lift my head up, feel the pain shoot up my back, and collapse back down. Luckily, Jaylen doesn’t question my behavior. He rises and starts walking back to the kitchen. “I’ll save you a plate.”

I make a low sound that says I agree. I lie in bed looking for a clock or my cell phone so I can figure out what time it is. It’s probably around seven since Jaylen normally goes to his sports bar called Miller to check on everything before it opens at eleven o clock. Jaylen is the owner and founder, and Malcolm is the manager. The bar was all Jaylen’s idea, and he set up the whole thing and did all the hard work himself. I was in college at the time, and Malcolm was working at a mechanic’s garage and cutting people’s hair on the side. Jaylen and I entered college together, and we both dropped out. He dropped out to start a career, and even though I dropped out for the same reason mine didn’t turn out the way I planned.