When Mercy Rains (33 page)

“Sure.” He folded his arms over his chest and locked his knees, giving her his full attention.

“My uncle wouldn’t tell me what you two were fighting about. He told me I should ask Mom, because it’s ‘her place’ to tell me.” She caught her lip between her teeth again, her forehead crunching. “I’d rather not ask Mom. She’s had kind of a sad day, visiting the cemetery and doing some reminiscing. So I wondered if you would tell me instead.”

Although he’d longed to do something for her, he couldn’t bring himself to divulge the reason Clete had attacked him even if it would make things easier for her. “You know what? I think Clete is right. Your mom is the best one to answer your question.” Had he passed the responsibility to Suzy out of spite? Just in case his motives weren’t as pure as they should be, he added, “But you don’t have to ask her today if you don’t want to. Pray about it. I’ll pray for you, too. You’ll know when it’s time.”

She gazed at him for several seconds without moving, without even blinking, as if trying to read beneath his skin. Then she nodded very slowly and walked backward, her gaze still locked on his. “All right. Thank you. Good-bye, Mr. Aldrich.” She grabbed her purse from the shelf beside the hallway and dashed off.

Paul returned to the cabinet and squatted, but then he sat with the unused tool in his hand. He’d planned to stay out here and work until five before going after Danny, but what would it hurt to cut his day short? Mrs. Zimmerman had been asleep for over an hour already. She wouldn’t nap much longer. He’d stay until she roused so he could deliver his message from Alexa—he wouldn’t fail to honor the first promise he’d made to his daughter—and then he’d pick up Danny and they’d go together to Karina’s grave. He had the need to do some reminiscing of his own.

Danny leaped out of the pickup and galloped toward the cemetery as exuberantly as if he were joining a game of baseball. And that boy loved playing baseball more than eating, sleeping, or anything else Paul could think of.

Paul grabbed the cut bouquet of dyed daisies he’d picked up from the barrel at the convenience store and followed more slowly, shaking his head indulgently at his son. Wouldn’t Karina be proud of Danny? Although reckless at times and maybe a little lacking in tact—he was young, after all—he followed his conscience when it came to truthfulness, and he was openly loving. His teacher called him a good-hearted boy. Karina, who’d been the sole caretaker when Danny was small, had planted those seeds of goodness in him. Even though she was gone, her influence continued in their son’s mannerisms and behavior. She’d been a loving, diligent mom.

Just like Suzy must have been to Alexa, based on his daughter’s kindheartedness.

Blowing out a breath of aggravation, he pushed aside thoughts of Suzy. He had come to spend time remembering Karina.

Danny leaped from steppingstone to steppingstone, taking a meandering journey all the way around the cemetery. With one final burst, he raced directly to the little plot where Karina’s body rested. He came to a halt in front of Karina’s unpretentious, knee-high stone, and a look of surprise broke across his face. “Dad! Dad, come here!”

His son’s frantic call sent Paul into a clumsy trot even though every thudding footstep sent a new shaft of pain through his spine. The daisies shed petals with his jarring movements. Had someone desecrated his wife’s grave? There’d been some trouble a couple of years back when high schoolers from a neighboring community drove over late one night and vandalized the cemetery. He glanced around, seeking evidence of damage, but saw nothing out of place.

His heart pounding, he rounded the stone and followed the line of Danny’s pointing finger. Surprise replaced his worry. A jar, one like the ladies used for canning vegetables, sat at the base of Karina’s stone. Peonies tucked into the jar created a plump, pink mushroom.

Danny yanked at Paul’s hand. “Lookit that, Dad. Mom’s already got flowers!”

“She sure does.” Paul frowned at the bouquet. The flowers didn’t upset him—it was a kind gesture to decorate his wife’s grave—but who would have put them there? The first year after Karina’s death, several of her friends had left little bouquets or notes at her grave, but as time went by and focus shifted, he’d been the only one to visit. So why now?

“Betcha Alexa and her mom did it.”

Paul jolted. “What?”

Danny pointed to the far corner of the cemetery. “I saw flowers just like these over there. Where Mrs. Zimmerman’s husband is buried. So I betcha they did it.”

Paul didn’t know whether to be pleased or perturbed. Before he could decide, Danny took the daisies from Paul and squatted with his bottom hovering several inches above the close-cut grass. He placed the cut flowers next to the jar, fiddling with the petals as he began a casual one-sided conversation.

“Hi, Mom. Me and Dad came by to see you. We brought you some daisies, too. I wanted to bring roses, but Dad said they cost too much—”

Paul cringed. At least no one else was in the cemetery to overhear his son call him a cheapskate.

“—so we got the daisies partly because they didn’t cost so much, but mostly because there are lots of colors. Dad says you like rainbows, and those daisies look like a rainbow. Well, sort of. If rainbows were scrunched up. And shaped liked daisies.”

Paul hid a smile.

“I got to stay at Jeremy Theiszen’s house today instead of going to work with Dad at the Zimmerman place. We had a lot of fun building a fort in his backyard. Dad says you and Jeremy’s mom used to be friends. Maybe that’s why I like Jeremy so much, huh? He’s my best friend in my class at school. Oh!” Danny plopped down and crisscrossed his legs, as if settling in for a long talk. “School let out, and I got mostly good marks. I did best in science. Dad says that’s because I take after you—he says you liked science.”

It suddenly occurred to Paul how many times Danny had used the phrase “Dad says” when referring to details about Karina. Granted he’d not yet turned six years old when Karina died, but didn’t he have any memories of his own of her?

He touched Danny’s hair and waited until his son looked up. “You know what I liked best about your mom?”

Danny crinkled his nose and shook his head.

“Her smile. When she smiled, it was almost like someone turned on a light bulb. That’s how much she lit up. And her smile always made me want to smile back, even if I’d been having a bad day.” He closed his eyes for a moment,
seeking an image of Karina’s face in his memory. It came—fleetingly, but it came. He grinned down at Danny. “What did you like best about her?”

“Um …” Danny played with the daisy petals again. Several dropped onto the grass. He flicked them with his finger, his head low. Then he looked upward again. “Didn’t she make paper airplanes and fly them with me? Didn’t you say she did that?”

Sorrow pressed down on Paul. “Don’t you remember?”

Danny made a face. “I’m not sure.” He pushed to his feet and stuck his hands in his pockets, staring at the headstone. He lowered his voice to a whisper as if afraid Karina would hear his confession. “I
want
to remember. But when I think about her it’s all kind of … fuzzy. I’m not sure if it’s real or not.” Tears swam in his eyes and he sniffed.

Paul put his arm around Danny’s shoulders and pulled him close. “It’s all right, son.”

“But she’s my mom. Shouldn’t I know her?” He leaned his head against Paul’s rib cage. “It makes me feel bad.”

It pained Paul that his son’s cheerful countenance had faded so quickly. He shouldn’t have asked about Danny’s memories. He leaned down stiffly and kissed the top of his head. “You don’t need to feel bad. Not too many people can remember things from when they were five years old. And whenever you have questions about her, you ask me, and I’ll tell you whatever you want to know, okay?”

“Okay.” He didn’t sound cheered.

Paul set him aside and cupped his chin, lifting his face. “Your mom loved you so much. Her biggest worry when she got sick was leaving you. She read Bible stories to you until you could recite them in your sleep—”

Danny’s lips twitched into a grin.

“—because she knew she was going to heaven, and she wanted to tell you as much as she could about Jesus before she had to go. And you know what? Before she died, you came into our room and told us you’d asked Jesus to take away your sins.”

Danny’s face lit up just as much as Karina’s had. “She was there, too? I didn’t remember that!”

“Yep. And she was the happiest I’d ever seen her. Because then she knew your place was secured in heaven and she would see you again someday.”

Tears shone in Danny’s eyes even while he grinned. “And when I get there, I’ll find her and we’ll
really
get to know each other, right, Dad?”

“Right.” Paul snagged Danny in a tight hug.

Danny clung for several minutes, his face pressed firmly against Paul’s shirt front, then he pulled back and rubbed his nose with his fist. “I’m gonna go to the truck now.” He waved at the gray stone. “Bye, Mom. See ya later.” He bounded off.

Paul watched him until he climbed into the truck’s cab, then he turned back to the grave. Danny had shed his despondence as easily as those daisies were shedding their petals. Maybe he should have gotten the roses, after all. “Karina, it was hard for you when I told you about my relationship with Suzy. It took some prayers, but you finally told me God had forgiven me and you shouldn’t hold me accountable for something that, in God’s eyes, hadn’t even happened. You showed me mercy and grace. I’ve been grateful for it. But what would you have said if you knew I’d fathered another child?”

He closed his eyes, waiting for a reply. He heard no audible voice, but by drawing on his memories of his wife, he believed he knew what she would have advised.
“You’re responsible for her being born, so you need to be responsible in all ways.”

He nodded. Pressing his fingers to his mouth, he placed a kiss on his fingertips and then transferred it to the headstone. “You’re right, as usual.” He drew in a fortifying breath. “You can’t come back to us. Danny can’t know you here on earth. But I’m here. As you and God are my witnesses, I will know my daughter, and she will know me.”

Suzanne

Suzanne bit through the crispy graham crackers. Melted marshmallow and chocolate oozed between the crackers onto her fingers, but she didn’t mind. She hadn’t eaten s’mores in years. The flavor transported her to childhood, to other evening bonfires, to happy places.

Stars winked overhead, the nearly full moon seeming to smile down at the group gathered around the snapping bonfire. Mother had declined joining them, claiming the smoke would bother her, but all of her siblings had responded to her invitation for an evening picnic and bonfire in honor of Memorial Day. Clete had even gathered branches and built the fire without a word of complaint, and Shelley brought an extra bag of marshmallows that she said was taking up space in her cabinet.

The children, their tummies full from roasted marshmallows, now snoozed inside, leaving the adults to visit around the fire without distraction. Across the pit, Alexa perched on the footrest of Mother’s lounger and held a straightened metal hanger with two plump marshmallows bobbing at its pointed end. She laughed at something Sandra said, her sweet face softly lit by the fire’s glow. Suzanne smiled. How good to see her daughter so relaxed and happy. As a matter of fact, even Clete and Shelley seemed to be enjoying themselves—a small miracle.

Derek opened the last package of graham crackers and plopped a slab of chocolate onto a cracker. “Gimme those marshmallows, Alexa, before you charcoal them. They’ve gotta be done by now.”

Alexa aimed the hanger at him, and Derek sandwiched the blackened marshmallows between the crackers and slid them free of the hanger. He carried the treat directly to his mouth and took a big bite. His eyes widened and he flapped his hand at his face. “Hot!”

Sandra swatted at his arm. “Goofy, you’re supposed to blow on it first.”

He swallowed, clasping his throat and making a comical face. “
Now
she tells me.”

Sandra and Alexa exchanged knowing looks while Harper and Clete teased Derek, and Tanya and Shelley laughed. Suzanne felt a smile grow in response. Such joy to simply
be
, with no one setting their lips in grim lines or sniping out critical comments. She memorized the moment, savoring the pleasant fellowship with her brother and sisters even more than the sweet flavors on her tongue. Caught up in her contented reflections, she nearly missed Sandra’s question.