When The Light Goes Out (47 page)

"He was expendable." "
Expendable
?!"

I heard what had to have been Serena putting more bullets into her weapon. I wondered for a moment, exactly how many extra bullets she had stored away, and even more so, I wondered how long she'd been planning this shoot out. It didn't matter much. I didn't know if Dustin was dead or wounded, but I saw blood traveling the floor, and there was no response to Pixie's begging him to speak. I started crying harder than I already was, unaware for a moment that I'd been crying at all. It was as if I wasn't even in my own body anymore, I didn't know what was going on at all.

I didn't care.

"You fucking bitch," I whispered more than anything, glaring weakly up at Serena's perfect black hair. I wanted to rip it all out of her head. "You fucking bitch. Why the hell would you do that shit? Why? Why? Why? Wh"

"
Shut up
!" She screamed, rounding on me, pointing a shaking gun. "I'll do whatever I want, because I can, and you can't do a goddamned fucking thing about it, you little brat! Do you understand that? You're
helpless,
Excel.
Helpless
."

"Tell me something I
don't
know already!"

"Malachi's about to shoot you in the head," Jared supplied.

Maybe it was the way he said it, or the look in Serena's eyes, but I choked on a sob and had to avert my gaze from them all. I felt so, so terribly weak. I had absolutely no doubt that Serena would be able to find a way to make Malachi kill me. But, I wondered, why the head? Why not draw it out? Make it more painful? That certainly seemed more to Serena's taste, especially when it came to me. So I decided to ask, "Why the head?"

"That way we don't have to waste a second bullet when you come back as a zombie. Shoot you in the head now, and the brain will already be destroyed, ergo, no zombie." "I'm not going to shoot her Seren"

"But you
are
going to shoot her, Malachi. It's the lesser of the many evils present right now."

"Many evils presented?" I heard the confusion in Malachi's voice. I could imagine his eyebrows knitting together in a thoughtful expression, trying to figure out exactly what it was the girl meant by what she said. "As far as I recall the only option you've given me is, 'Excel dies.'"

"No, no, no!" Serena chuckled, turning her back on me to face the boy again. "There are
many
more options."

"I'd certainly like to hear them!" Malachi exclaimed, sounding rather relieved suddenly. Meanwhile, I had a knot in my stomach like no other,
and
a sinking feeling. Serena took a breath, beginning with, "Don't kill Excel"

"I'm liking this one already!"

"And every single one of your friends, in this room, dies.
Including
Excel." Once more with the mistaken karma.

Murphy's Law to bite me in the ass.

Everything that
could
go wrong, was
going
wrong, in the
worst
possibly way, and all we seemed to have left
were
worst possible moments. I wanted to extend my middle finger towards the sky, and tell God to stuff it.

I wanted to call Serena a bluff.

I wanted to call Serena a
cow
, but that was aside from the point.

"Jesus," I whispered, shaking my head as Serena stepped away from me, towards Malachi.

I watched as she placed the gun in his hand, moving his fingers to clench the handle. It seemed then that his entire body gave out, his knees buckled, and he fell to the ground with a rough crash. Jared and Billy both seemed to converge on him, taking a grip under both of his arms to hoist him to his feet. They seemed to let go once he was standing, but didn't move away. Malachi was just staring at me. I couldn't quite read his expression past 'horror.'

"Just shoot her, Malachi. You've done it before. You were killing those zombies like a professional not that long ago," Billy urged, nudging Malachi's shoulder gently with one hand. "Just clench your finger."

"I can't."

The most shocking sight yet was Blaz's cane being used against him. Fast as lightening, Billy whipped the blade from it's container and shoved it straight into the prone, old mans shoulder. The man hissed, and I was relieved to know then that he was alive. Horrified to think how much pain he must have been in, possibly more than the pain shooting up from my arm. The sword was removed from Blaz's flesh just as quickly as it had entered, and placed back into it's sheath.

"We're not joking."

I stared at Malachi, trying to focus on something other than the gun in his hand. I was hurt by the fact that he seemed to be considering what to do. He was actually thinking about killing me. Of course I understood why he would consider, he had the difficult task of weighing one life against another. It was not a decision I'd want to make, I knew, so I tried not to form a grudge. I tried so hard.

"Just pull the goddamned trigger, Malachi."

As if to make a statement, another gun went off, and Dustin's body jerked. Once, twice more the gun went off, and after several seconds of watching his body writhe, Dustin went still again. I wanted to wish that he was alive, but my heart wanted him to be dead, just so he wouldn't have to feel the pain anymore. Lila was screaming from where she was seated, unable to move with a foot against her chest. Everything was just moving so quickly, I was missing pieces of the story, unsure was exactly what was going on, and when it started happening.

"Do it," Serena's voice sounded from where she held both Pixie, and Lila hostage. George sprung up to help, but got kicked in his stomach, immediately curling up in agony. Crying hysterically from however much pain he must have been feeling. The bitch knew he was wounded, she'd done it on purpose, I knew. "
Do it
."

I'd seen many things in my life. Many,
many
, different expressions. But never one so determinedly sadistic. The young black haired girl had seemed so pretty originally. So nice, and honest, and kind in the very beginning. Indeed, as time passed I noticed things, certain things. But the fact that she wasn't perfect made her a bit more human. Then it went down hill. She, I was afraid, might actually succeed in killing me this time. She was absolutely marred by the emotion present. And I wanted to do nothing but cry. I wanted to curl

up in a ball and scream for my mommy. "No I"

"
Do it
, or they
all
die."

With the screaming, and crying, and shooting, and stabbing, I realized how much I wanted them to live. I remembered what I'd said. How I'd promised that I'd do whatever it took

to keep my friends alive. Of course, at the time I'd sworn such a thing to myself, I figured I'd be giving my life to the zombies, not a bunch of crazed, living humans. However, their humanity was truly in question then. If this was the fate I needed to save them from, then I figured, so be it. I needed to save them.

"We will kill them
all
, Malachi!
All of them!
Do it
!"

"Do it!" I echoed, starting to cry impossibly hard because I never thought I'd be begging someone to shoot me. I couldn't stop the words that just flooded from my mouth. They didn't pass by my brain at all. They just came into existence, and the boy seemed to be having such difficulties making a decision. "
Do it, Malachi
!"

"No! No"

"
Malachi
!" I felt so weak for crying out the way I did, tears streaming down my face. It took great effort to speak around the hitching breaths. "Malachi, please, they don't deserve to die."

"
Neither do you
!"

"Maybe not. But if it can save them" "
No
!"

"Shoot her!" "
No
!"

"Shoot her
now
!" "No No, I" "Shoot me!"

"I
can't
!"

It was almost a shock when I realized how badly he was shaking. He was only being held up by the efforts of the two men beside him. They had a death grip on him. Like one I'd never seen before. I didn't want to, but I glanced up at his face, realizing in that moment that he was crying as well. His eyes were almost a golden brown, color brought out by the light reflecting from tears unshed. His hair was frazzled, sticking unnaturally up in certain places. Though his skin was flushed, from screaming, from crying, from trying to breath, there was just something about him that made him almost beautiful.

Maybe it was the fact that he was upset about me. Crying about me.

Perhaps crying harder than I was. And I couldn't blame him.

Sure,
I
was about to die.

But he had to either shoot one of his friends, or let
everyone
die. It was a hard decision, honestly.

"It's just one life Malachi. If she doesn't die here, we all will. And if we all do, no one will ever get the antidote. Do you want that? Do you want the whole world to die because you didn't give them the antidote? Do you want that?"

"No. II"

"Think of it this way: One life for a million. What do you want?" "I"

Pixie screamed from where she was suddenly being held by her hair, and I moved to help. Serena's hand was wrapped in the young girls locks, and it infuriated me. I almost staggered to my feet, and I don't fucking know why, as it sent agonizing waves of pain through my system. But I did try. She was just a baby. I wanted Serena to put her the fuck down, and the knife that came out revealed just how serious they were.

"
Now Malachi
!" "
NO
!"

"
Shoot her,
NOW
!" "
NNO
."

Pixie screamed again. "
Shoot her!!
"

"
NO!
"

I saw blood. Pixie's blood.

It took all my strength, my courage, my heart to shriek the words, "Shoot me!!
FUCKING
shoot me!! Please!
PLEASE!
Mala
"

BANG!!!

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Violently he fell then, knees slamming loudly on the unforgiving floor. He knocked down anyone who chose to touch him, gun hanging limply from his fingers. He shot her. He shot Excel. Hot tears fell from his eyes, cascading down the planes of his face to collect, and fall as droplets from his chin. Truly, if anything else,
this
was heartbreak. Not the heartbreak of one losing love. Not the heartbreak of the drunken teen who killed his friend in the passenger seat, perceivably by accident. It was the heartbreak of one who took an active role in the murder of an innocent girl. The heartbreak of the young man who pulled the trigger.

Hair sticking to the tears, to the sweat soaking his face, Malachi's lips moved without releasing sound. He couldn't see anything, couldn't feel anything. He went entirely numb, knowing exactly what it meant that he killed Excel. Killing the zombies was nothing. It was self preservation, anyone who expected anything else was truly sick. But.. he was a murderer. She hadn't done a bloody blue thing, and he shot her. He fucking shot her. He
killed
her.

He was a grown man. He had brown hair, cropped short for reasons he still didn't entirely understand. He was often told that he had, "the brownest eyes ever." He was able to hold his weight, and more, though not necessarily amazingly so. He was proud of his accomplishments. He was proud of the man he was growing into, and the fact that in his entire life, he'd never truly been a bad person.
He was a grown man.
A good man. But now, at the worst of times, he was a murderer. Whether she begged him for it or not, he was a murderer, and he was crying like he was anything
but
a grown man.

"Oh, Kai," Serena whispered, and he knew it was Serena even without the capability of sight. He knew it was her because only she would have the balls to approach him so, after what she'd made him do. Without her prompting, none of it would have happened, and she was such a
bitch
. "Oh, Malachi, you did the right thing baby." Slender arms wrapped about him in a tight embrace. From anyone else, the gesture would have been comforting, but Malachi wanted to rip her arms off and beat her with them. "You did the right thing."