When You Least Expect It (25 page)

             
The dial tone buzzed in Ray’s ear.

             
                                                        ~~~             

             
Carrie was shaking after slamming down the phone.  She thought she’d hear regret in Ray’s voice, after the big goodbye scene last night.  She wanted him to feel as bad as she did.  His leaving her was so sudden. 

             
Carrie fought back the tears that had yet to come. She got up and busied herself in the kitchen.  No way was she going to cry over Ray Knight.  She wouldn’t cry until she was certain that her marriage was truly over.  As it stood now, she knew he’d be back.  After twenty years, Ray needed her.  She’d just wait him out.

~~~

              Amanda was getting ready for work when her phone rang.  Since no one else ever called her this early, she knew it had to be Ray.  She ran to answer it.

             
“Hello?”  She found herself holding her breath, hoping it was.

             
“Hello.  It’s me, Ray.  How are you, Mandy?” 

             
“Ray, hi.  I’m good thanks, how are you?  I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately.”  She continued to hold her breath. 

             
“I’m okay.  The shit finally hit the fan at home.  That’s why I’m calling.  I’ve left, Mandy.”

             
She was speechless. 

             
“Mandy?  Are you still there?”

             
“Yes, I’m here.  I’m just a bit in shock, I guess. What happened?”  She couldn’t believe he had actually left home.  Every time she spoke to him about it, it always seemed as if he had planned it down to the last detail.  This seemed too sudden for that.

             
“I can’t get into it right now, Mandy.  I haven’t told anyone here at work yet, and I don’t want to have to start.  Let’s just say it had to do with her letter to you, and her finding my packed up den.  The rest, as they say, is history.  Our marriage definitely is.”

             
Amanda noted how sad Ray sounded.  He must be having a hard time of it.  She suddenly wished she were there to lend him a shoulder.  “Where are you staying, Ray?”

             
“I’m temporarily at my mom’s house.  I’m looking to move into those apartments I had told you about.  I probably will be there by the end of the week.” 

             
“That’s good.  It must have been a horrible scene.  How are the girls handling it?”

             
“Nikki is not handling it well at all.  It was so hard to tell her and then say goodbye.  To leave her…”  Ray’s voice caught on the lump in his throat.  He fought back tears, willing himself to keep his composure. 

             
“It’s ok, Ray.  We’ll talk later.  I know how hard this is for you.  I’m sorry.”  She was also on the brink of tears.

             
“Thanks, Mandy.  The reason I called is, I was wondering where we stood.  You seemed very upset the other day, and I had this terrible feeling our relationship was just too much trouble for you.  I’m so sorry you became involved.  I’m sorry Carrie e-mailed you, and I’m sorry you feel caught in the middle.  I want us to stay friends.  Right now, I can’t talk to you on the computer, or even email you, but we can talk occasionally on the phone.  I just can’t imagine not having you in my life.  Not now, not when I need you the most.”  Ray was talking a mile a minute.  He tried to get everything he wanted to say out before she could cut him off.  He listened to the silence on the other end of the line.  His heart was racing and he felt as if his head would explode.  “Mandy?”

             
“I’m here, Ray.  I just don’t know what to say.  I want to be your friend, but I don’t want to be in a triangle with you and your wife.  Our worse fear has come true; she’s going to blame me for you leaving her.  Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?”  She was crying.  She was so torn between doing what she felt was the right thing, and continuing to be Ray’s friend.

             
Ray’s heart sank.  This couldn’t really be happening; how was his life so messed up?  Could it really be that he was losing his family
and
Amanda?  He was at a loss for words, afraid to say the wrong thing, struggling to come up with the right ones.  “Mandy, you know I’m not leaving Carrie because of you.  If Carrie is honest with herself, she knows it too.  I won’t deny I have feelings for you, or that I never imagine us together.  I have hopes that maybe someday we’ll meet, but I also don’t think it’s likely.  I don’t want to give up that hope.  For now though, I have a divorce I have to get through, and to try to learn how to be without my kids.  I just need someone I can talk to, Mandy, and more than anything, I want that someone to be you.”

              Amanda could barely speak through her tears.   She didn’t really understand it, but Ray affected her in ways no one else ever had.  Amazingly, enough, this man whom she had never met could touch her soul.  She couldn’t abandon him now.  “You’re right, Ray.  There isn’t any harm in us being friends.  We’ve been through a lot together in the short time we’ve known each other.”  She laughed, “Hell, we haven’t even met, yet.  Imagine when we do?” 

             
His eyes filled with tears.  He had so much pent up emotion and he had no idea how to release it.  He wanted to jump up and down for joy, do the hokey pokey and shout to the rooftops all in one big swoop!  “If and when we meet, Mandy, it will be the most exciting moment in my life.  Thank you for continuing to be my friend.” 

             
“You’re welcome.  I’m here for you if you need me.  Right now though, I have got to get to work.”

             
“Oh gosh, I’m sorry.  I’ll call you soon.  Take care.” Ray wanted to go through the phone and hold her so bad he could almost feel her in his arms. 

             
“Take care and hang in there.  It might seem bad now, Ray, but it’ll get better.”

             
“Thanks Mandy...for everything.”

             
She quickly hung up and called Mariah.  She was already late for work, Mariah must be wondering where she was.  She had something she wanted to do before leaving.  She made up a car trouble scenario, and told Mariah she would be in a bit later. 

             
She went to her computer and logged on.  She wanted to change her email address.  She really didn’t want to get any more letters from Ray’s wife.  It was too unsettling.  What she did want to do was send a response to her letter.  She had thought about discussing it with Ray first, but decided against it.  This was something she had to do for herself, especially if she was going to stay in Ray’s life.  She poised her fingers over the keys and stared at the blank document.  She had no idea how to put what she wanted to say.  She definitely didn’t want to make it worse for Ray, because he was going to get all the heat from this.  She bit her lip, thinking that this might cause him to regret asking her to remain his friend.  Too bad, he’d just have to deal with it.  This was something she had to do.  She typed furiously, just going with the flow.  When she was through, she felt drained.  It wasn’t long, but it was to the point.  She had made her case and felt good about it.  She reread it one last time.

             
Mrs. Ray Knight,

I received your email.  I do admit, I was a bit surprise to hear from you.  I was even more surprised at the threatening tone your letter had.  I didn’t appreciate that one bit.  It’s true; I’m a friend of Ray’s.  I’m well aware of his being married and he talks about his children all the time.  He does talk about you too, Carrie.  I think the reason that we became friends is because he needed someone to talk to, someone who’d actually listen. From what I can gather, this is because it’s missing at home. We have no romantic involvement, nor do we have any plans to meet.  I’m not a home wrecker and resent the implication.  My husband cheated on me and I’d never do that to another woman, nor would I stoop to the level that my ex-husband did.  I’m sorry that you have problems with Ray, and I’m sorry that your marriage is in trouble, but it has nothing to do with me. I’m just a name on a screen that allows your husband to vent and say whatever he wants without judgment or recrimination.  I refuse to feel guilty for that.  If anyone should feel guilty, it should be you.  After all, shouldn’t you be the one he comes to when he needs to talk?  Shouldn’t you be the one he is lying next to in the middle of the night instead of cozying up to his computer? What’s missing? These are the questions you should be asking yourself Carrie, instead of trying to place the blame on an innocent bystander. 

              Don’t ever threaten me again. 

             
Mandy40

              She hit send.  She deleted Mandy40’s account.  She thought about what her new screen name should be and decided on
TexasRose
.  Yes, she liked it.  Ray wouldn’t be emailing her anytime in the near future, so she’d tell him her new email address next time they spoke. 

             
She felt good about sending the letter to Carrie. It might have been the coward’s way out not giving her a chance to reply, but in all reality, she didn’t want to hear it.  Carrie seemed to be a bit out there, so why give her the chance to go psycho on her.  No thanks, this was the right thing to do, whether or not Carrie; or Ray, liked it.

             
She turned off the computer, picked up her purse and walked out to the car, feeling better than she had in quite awhile.

              Carrie was on the Internet looking up apartment complexes close to home.  She wanted to give Ray a list.  Although she was sure he’d be back, he knew he wouldn’t last at his mother’s too long, so she wanted to make sure he knew where it was appropriate for him to look.  After all, her children would be visiting him there, and she wanted to make sure the place was livable.  All the places were within a five-mile range.

             
“
You got Mail
.”   Carrie was pleasantly surprised to hear this.  She loved getting email.  She went to her inbox and was shocked to see the mail was from Mandy40.  She couldn’t believe the nerve of this woman!  She actually had written her back.  What part of ‘don’t contact Ray or me’ did she not understand? Carrie’s first instinct was to delete it.  It was a mute point.  Ray was gone, so what did it matter what it said.  She continued to stare at the yet unopened email. Against her better judgment, Carrie opened it and commenced to read.

~~~

              Ray’s mom was driving him crazy. She asked him so many questions about things he didn’t want to talk about.  He cleaned up his dinner dishes and went downstairs to the den to call his daughters.  Why didn’t his mother understand that this was hard enough without her pointing out everyone’s heartache?  He dialed the familiar number and hoped Carrie didn’t answer.  No such luck, she picked it up on the first ring. 

             
“Ray?”

             
Ray wanted to implode.  “Yes, it’s me.  Are the girls’ home?”

             
“Where else would they be?  They’re sitting here waiting for you to come home.  Aren’t you coming home for dinner?” 

             
Ray was incredulous.  “No, I’m not.  I don’t live there anymore.  I’m at my mother’s until further notice.  Carrie, I’m not coming home.”

             
“Yes, you are!  Do you hear me Ray Knight?  You’re NOT going to do this to me, to us.  I don’t know what you think you are trying to prove, but I’m already sick of it.  You had better come to your senses and FAST.”  Carrie was hyperventilating.  She wanted to get through to him, she just didn’t know how.

             
“Put Nikki on the phone, Carrie.  NOW!  I’m not going to talk to you.  I want to talk to my daughters, not to you! 

             
Carrie slammed the receiver down on the table.  Ray winced at the sharp pain it caused his ear.  This was progress; she gave in with almost no fight. 

             
“Daddy?”  It was Nikki.  “How are you, Daddy?”  She instantaneously began to cry.  “I miss you so much.” 

             
“I know, honey, I miss you too.  How are things going there at home?”  It was unbearably painful to hear Nikki so sad.  Not for the first time today, Ray wondered if he could really go through with this.

             
“Not well.  Mom is pretty pissed off at the world.  She’s taking it out on us; like it was our fault or something.”

             
“It’s not your fault.  Just stay out of her way, Nikki.  How are your sisters?”

             
“They’re good, hiding out mostly.  Do you want to talk to them?”

             
“Okay.”  Ray suddenly felt very tired.  The up and down emotions he had gone through today was taking its toll.  He felt as if he could lie down and go to sleep for about three days straight.  He spoke to Glenda and Norma, who of course said they were fine and that he was doing the right thing.  He arranged to pick them up for dinner the next day after work.  He missed them and wanted to see them.