Where did your heart go? (The Heart Trilogy Book 1) (3 page)

Yawning Charlotte reluctantly put the diary aside. It felt strange to be reading her Mum’s thoughts and feelings from when she was 15 years old yet at the same time she knew exactly how she felt as it was the same when she had first seen Craig at school. He had always been in her year but it seemed that all of a sudden he had started to style his hair and being in the final couple of years they were allowed to wear what they liked and he definitely looked better in jeans than in his uniform. He walked past her whilst she stood at the lockers and then one day he had stopped and leaned against the row next to hers and spoke to her.

Chapter 4.

Charlotte was startled from sleep by her phone beeping. Through her bleary eyes she glanced over at the clock and saw that it nearly three in the morning. She reached for her phone and looked at the screen. It was a number she didn’t recognise but she pressed on it and read the message

“Having a great night with Craig, he is one hell of a kisser”

There was no name on the text so she quickly deleted it and tried to forget it as she lay back. The image of Craig with another girl was too much to bear as the tears started to tumble back down her cheeks. She got up eventually and went to the bathroom to swill her face and grab a glass of water.

Lying in the darkness the thoughts kept tumbling around so she turned her light back on and grabbed the diary again. She hoped that the life of her Mum would ease her back to sleep.

Monday 11
th
January, 1988.

I woke just before my alarm went off and groaned, it was Monday again and another week of school. I got out of bed and headed for a shower, my mind was still on the events of Saturday evening and the time I had spent in the pool with him. I wondered if Sarah might be right and whether he might fancy me as much as I did him. Only time would tell as I pulled my drab grey uniform on and gathered my work from the previous night into my bag.

As I joined up with Sarah, June and Amanda the conversation had already started about the party

“My dress certainly got tongues wagging” June said

“Yeah, the guys just wouldn’t leave her alone” Amanda said, smiling and obviously remembering the attention.

“But did it work” I asked

“Of course I am now going out with John, in fact he promised to meet me at the gates this morning so let’s hurry up as I don’t want to keep him waiting” June replied.

We all smiled at her news and walked slightly quicker than usual towards school.

At the gates we spotted John talking to Gareth and they both looked up as we approached them.

“Hi John” June purred as he opened his arms to her and she moved into them.

“Hi June, girls” he said, before his lips came down and claimed hers. We all tried not to look at the passion before us.

“Catch you by the lockers” Sarah said to June. But as we continued to walk into the school grounds we weren’t sure if she had heard us.

“I’ve got to go on a double date with the two of them next Saturday” Amanda said, groaning.

“Good luck for that” I said “Which of his mates is he bringing?” I finished

“Gareth I think but I’m n
ot sure. She’ll owe me a big favour for that” Amanda said.

The day passed slowly but we were soon on our way home. As I parted from Sarah we paused for a quick chat.

“So when will you see James again?” she asked

“I might go swimming tomorrow night but I’m not sure yet” I replied.

“I really do think he likes you” she finished as we hugged.

“Perhaps he’s got a mate he can introduce you too, he did say he would bring someone next time” I replied.

“Let’s hope so” she said “I hate feeling like a gooseberry”

I laughed “You could no way even look like a gooseberry” I finished.

“Bye Steph” she said, as we waved each other off on our separate roads.

“Bye Sarah, see you in the morning” I replied.

I spent the rest of the evening after tea continuing with my essay; however I kept finding I was doodling the name James on my spare sheet of paper surrounding it with hearts and kisses.

Tuesday 12
th
January, 1988.

School was ok today, although we all tried hard to ignore June and John. They somehow managed to be found in every spare moment with their lips entwined or with their arms around each other. I turned to Sarah

“If I ever get like that then please shoot me” I said

“Me too” Sarah replied

“Yeah and me. I don’t think I’m going to get through this date on Saturday without wanting to throw up” Amanda said, joining in.

On the way home Sarah peeled off with Amanda as they were heading to her place to study biology together. As I made my way home I decided that I would go to the pool tonight.

After tea I got all my things together and was about to head out the door when Mum stopped me

“Not more swimming?” she asked

“Yes Mum, I need to practice some things before Thursday evening” I replied. Once again I tried to hide the blush that was trying to creep from beneath my jumper.

“Well, at least its keeping you fit” she replied. I nodded and left her standing in the hallway.

Arriving at the pool I was disappointed to find that James was not on poolside and as the lifeguards changed over he was not there again. Oh well I guess I couldn’t always hope to find him there every time I went swimming. I managed to swim a mile in just under an hour, which was very quick for me and left my heart pounding from the exercise. Drying off I took another critical look at my bod
y and felt that all the exercise was starting to tone me up in all the right places. I hoped that James would notice on Thursday night.

Thursday 14
th
January, 1988.

Apart from the mountains of homework I seem to be getting school is going ok. I was eager to get home early as it was Life saving night again and I couldn’t wait. Packing my bag I decided to wear my bikini instead of my swimsuit, after all both the other girls would probably be wearing theirs. When I got there we headed upstairs to the far end of the café area as we were going through some of the theory of the course.

James appeared carrying a resuscitation doll that we had to practice doing mouth to mouth on. I felt at a slight advantage as last term at School we had done a basic first aid course and I felt pleased that I hadn’t forgotten any of it. As my mouth covered the dolls I tried not to think about how it would feel to be doing this on James, or for that matter him doing it to me. Once James felt we had covered that and the recover position we headed for the changing rooms and then onto the poolside.

Emerging in my bikini I felt much more at ease than I had last week in my swimsuit. I spotted James appear on the pool side and felt his gaze run up and down my body. I tried not to tremble and blush as I slid into the cool water. We started with some lengths to warm up and another couple of side stroke until James was happy. Then he gathered us all to the side and explained that we were actually going to try some life saving and to pair up. The two girls eagerly grabbed the two guys which just left me.

“Don’t worry Steph I’ll come in and demonstrate on you and then you can practise on me” he said. I watched in awe as he stripped off his top and shorts and slid into the water beside me.

“So Steph, if you can swim up into the deep end and then flail your arms around as if you were drowning” he said. I crawled up the pool to a fairly central spot and then tried to pretend to drown. I could feel my heart racing anyway as I watched James heading towards me at speed.
Then I felt his hand cup my chin pulling me back against his chest as his other hand and feet pulled me along and back to the shallow end. The feel of his body behind mine was almost too much to bear as I felt dizzy and light headed.

“So everyone, your turn now” he said “We’ll do a pair at a time and Steph and I will go last to give her time to watch” he finished. He leaned against the side and I tried to catch my breath as I watched the other two and tried not to think about my turn.

As James swam away from me I took a deep breath and tried to calm my shaking body as I waited and then swam towards him. I took his chin firmly in my hand and then pulled him back against me as I started to work my way back to the side. I felt really pleased with my effort and James was too as he said “Well done Steph, good work” he finished, as we reached the shallow end and I reluctantly let go of him. We finished on that high note and everyone left the pool. Gathering my bag together I heard over and over in my head his words of praise. My hand still tingled from the feel of his skin under my fingers, his body practically lying on top of mine in the water.

In
the foyer I spotted James talking to Elaine on reception. He spotted me and headed over.

“Are you coming swimming again on Saturday?” he asked
.

“Yes I think so” I replied
.

“Cool, I’ll be in the pool again and I’ll bring my best mate Chris too” he said “At least we’ll have a more even splash fight, boys against girls” he finished.

“Ok, well I’ll see you on Saturday then, about five?” I said, as I just about managed to get the words out in the right order.

“Five it is, see you then Steph” he finished. I watched him wander upstairs to tidy everything up before the pool closed.

Walking a
cross the car park I paused and looked back towards the bright lights of the building. He was there in the window again as we both raised out hands and waved. I ran home with all the excitement bubbling away inside of me. In bed that night I fell into a pool of magical dreams and fantasies staring James.

Friday 15
th
January, 1988.

I practically skipped down the road towards Sarah as I couldn’t wait to tell her the exciting news.

“Are you ok?” Sarah asked, as I linked my arm through hers.

“Oh yes, more than ok” I replied

“Well share” she said

“We’re going swimming on Saturday with James and he is bringing his friend Chris with him” I replied.

“Oh, so things went well in class then?” she asked.

“Yeah, he saved me from drowning in the deep end and then I saved him too” I replied. The image of his semi naked body filled my mind. My fingertips tingled as if to reinforce the memory.

As we joined the other’s I gave Sarah a quick glance and she knew to keep quiet so instead we listened to June giving us the low down on John. School passed fairly quickly which was a surprise and as we said good bye I arranged to meet Sarah at the end of her road at four tomorrow. At home in my room I turned to Rick Astley on the stereo as I tried to decide what to wear. I listened intently to the words of “Whenever you need somebody” and as I sang along with Rick I knew they portrayed how I felt

             
“Whenever you need somebody, I’ll be around

             
You don’t have to say you love me, I just want to be with you”

I knew I wanted it to be love between James and I but at this stage I would settle for anything and just being a friend was good enough for now.

Charlotte felt her eyelids getting heavy and looked across at her alarm clock. She had been reading for an hour and she knew that she needed to get her head down and some sleep. She found a bookmark and placed it in the page. Part of her really wanted to continue reading to find out how things went at the pool the next day. Were they going to get together at last? Was the Chris in the diary her Uncle Chris? She guessed perhaps he might have been so it was even better reading about her Aunt and Uncle’s first meeting too. Turning out the light she placed her head on the pillow and fell asleep.

Chapter 5

Charlotte
had missed her alarm this morning as I headed upstairs and gave the bedroom door a knock

“Charlotte,
Charlotte, are you moving otherwise you’ll be late?” I said.

“Yeah Mum, sorry I overslept” she mumbled from behind the door.

“I’ll do you some toast and coffee” I said, as I headed back down the stairs to the kitchen. When Charlie emerged I spotted slightly more make up than I would have liked, as she sat down. She was wearing her pale pink jeans and big fluffy pink jumper that I had bought her for Christmas.

“You look nice” I said

“Well, I’ve got to make Craig see what he’s missing” she replied, as she munched on the toast.

“That’s your decision but as I said, there are plenty more guys out there who would be lucky to go out with you” I said, giving her a hug as I walked behind her.

“Thanks Mum” she finished, as she grabbed the thermal mug I had poured her coffee in and headed for the door.

“See you later” she replied.

I watched her disappear down the driveway and catch up with her friend Julia who was waiting at the corner.
She reminded me of me so much, well except she was much more aware of things that I had largely been innocent to when I was her age. I guessed it was mostly to do with the wide array of technology that everyone had access to these days. I headed upstairs to gather a load of washing before I had to leave for work. My diary lay on her bedside cabinet, a book mark highlighting her progress. Sitting on the bed I picked it up and opened it at the page she was on. I smiled as I read the entry.

Saturday 16
th
January, 1988.

It’s two weeks since I first saw James and can’t believe that I am now lucky enough to call him a friend but I still want more, I wanted to add boy to the start of friend. I met Sarah at the corner of her road and we huddled under my umbrella as some shelter from the stormy wind and rain. After a quick browse around some of the shops Sarah dragged me to the Library so she could hand in her books. I grabbed her hand as I spotted the sign in the window

“Look Sarah, they need a Saturday assistant” I said, reading the small advert.

“That sounds good, I’ll ask at the desk” she said.

With the application form tucked safely into her bag we continued towards the pool. I could hardly wait to see James again.

As we headed onto the poolside I spotted him up at the deep end, his blond head next to a dark head in conversation. I grabbed Sarah’s arm
.

“There they are” I said, motioning to the deep end of the pool.

“I like a man with dark hair” Sarah replied, squeezing my arm as we slipped into the cool water of the shallow end and started to swim towards them. James turned and spotted us heading over and moved aside a little so there was space for us to hold onto the side.

“Hi Steph, Hi Sarah” he said “This is Chris” he motioned to his mate, who turned and nodded at us. I tried to control my breathing as we chatted for a while before we raced down the pool.

We spent an enjoyable hour splashing around together, laughing and joking. James gave me some pointers on my diving technique befor
e showing off with a somersault off the board. Then as we took a breather on the side he motioned to me

“Steph, why don’t you go under the water and close your eyes” he said

“Why” I asked

“It’s a surprise” he said, grinning at me. I grinned back and then I headed beneath the surface. As I waited for something to happen I felt his hands on my waist and I almost opened my eyes but I didn’t. He pulled me closer and then I felt his lips on mine in a short kiss.

Startled my eyes sprang open as I felt the heat of my skin burning like fire beneath the cool water. I looked directly into his eyes for a second and then he pushed up to the surface. I was only seconds behind him as I reached out for the side. My heart was pounding and my whole body was
trembling as I tried to keep control of my spiralling emotions. I felt over come and faint as I clung to the side, I didn’t have the nerve to ask him what this kiss meant. Instead I watched him streak off down the pool and back, racing against Chris. Sarah edged closer to me

“So” she exclaimed

“He just kissed me” I replied “I’m still in shock” I finished. My lips were engrained with the feel of his lips on them. Everything felt new and exciting and wonderful.

The rest of the hour in the pool passed without incident as we all laughed and joked together. James made no mention of the stolen kiss and I was too nervous too in case I had imagined it. As we parted the guys waved and we waved back then we headed in different directions. Saying good bye to Sarah at the end of the road we paused

“So what do you think the kiss meant?” I asked Sarah.

“That he likes you a bit more than just as a friend” Sarah replied.

“God, I hope so” I sighed.

“Chris was nice but a bit quiet” Sarah murmured.

“You like him?”

“Oh yes, he has something about him” she finished.

“See you Monday” I finished

“Yeah Monday” Sarah replied as we parted company for the short walk to our respective homes.

I am lying in bed watching the clock tick away. It’s gone midnight and for some reason I can’t sleep. I can still feel his lips pressed against mine and the feel of his hands on my waist when they pulled me close enough. I just felt his lips on mine, soft and firm against the liquid coolness of the water that surrounded us and held us both. We were suspended in a timeless moment. And into that timeless moment I eventually slipped as I dreamed of kissing James for the rest of my life.

Sunday 17
th
January, 1988.

I spent the day catching up with school work. In between I drifted off into romantic day dreams about James and wondering what was going to happen next. I knew that I wouldn’t see him again until Thursday next week as it was my Dad’s birthday on Tuesday so I couldn’t slope off to the pool.

Monday 18
th
January, 1988

Walking to meet Sarah, June and Amanda I was looking forward to hearing all the other gossip from the double date of the weekend. As we all fell into step together I gave Sarah a small wink which meant that I didn’t want to discuss James yet. I loved the fact that he was our secret from the others. Also I knew how jealous June could be and I didn’t need the extra competition for James affections if she were to suddenly turn up at the pool with us. June was also a renowned gossip at school so it also meant that none of it would leak out to everyone in the year.

“So how was the date on Saturday?” I asked

“John was the perfect gentleman and paid for us to go for a meal and then the cinema in
Gloucester” June said.

“Not sure how much of the film they watched” Amanda said, laughing.

“Too much kissing going on” Sarah added. They both nodded and I watched June clutch at her heart and declared

“Girls, I am in love”

We all smiled at her, and wondered how many times in the past she had said this to us, only to split up with the guy in question within days.

“For how long
?” Amanda asked

“Forever of course” June said “He is the one for me” she finished. We neared the school gates and
I spotted him waiting for her.

School passed fairly quickly and on the way home I stopped in town to buy my Dad a birthday card and present. Luckily he loved books and reading almost as much as I did so I found an interesting one on the Second World War. Wrapping it up I wondered when James’ birthday was and whether we would still be friends or perhaps more by then. I looked at all the lovely Valentine’s Day cards that were already out on the shelves and wondered if this year would be the first year that I would receive one?

Tuesday 19
th
January, 1988.

No swimming tonight as it’s Dad’s birthday, so we all went out for a meal at the local Chinese. It was a great evening as we chatted over the food and my Dad actually poured me a glass of wine. I tried some of the red but didn’t really like the taste so instead he ordered me a white wine spritzer with lemonade in it which was much more palatable. I almost felt like a grown up, until I spotted a girl and guy walk in who looked about the same age as James did. I tried not to watch them sitting opposite each other, she laughed at his jokes as they held hands across the table. My heart ached as I wondered if I would ever get the chance to do that, especially if that chance came with James. I missed the pool and I missed James; and I wondered if he was missing me?

Wednesday 20
th
January, 1988.

I don’t really have much to talk about today. As last night had been a little on the late side I found I was trying to stifle my yawns throughout History in the afternoon. It was a subject I normally enjoyed but today my thoughts were definitely elsewhere in space and time. I was still thinking about the kiss beneath the surface of the pool. I was still unable to decide if it had just been a friendly one or whether it held the promise of more to come?

Thursday 21
st
January, 1988.

As School came to a close I almost dashed out of the gates at a run. I was eager to get home and do my theory revision for the Life saving course as it was exam time tonight. Sarah just about managed to catch up with me, as we left June and Amanda dawdling near the gates with John and Gareth. I spotted Gareth giving me a passing glance as I sped by but I ignored him. There was only one guy in the world for me and he was at the swimming pool.

Walking into the pool at around seven that evening I could tell everyone was as nervous as I felt. We all shuffled around the papers as we waited to take the exam, part of it was theory which went ok. Then we had to demonstrate CPR and the recovery position before we headed into the pool. Once there a couple of the lifeguards took turns to be the drowning person and we all had to dive in and save them. I wished it was James I was holding, but I also thought it was probably best it wasn’t otherwise I might have been too distracted to concentrate.

Once we had finished James called us over to the side of the pool

“Congratulations you’ve all passed so your certificates will be waiting for you at reception” he said, smiling at all of us. It felt as if his gaze lingered longer on me but perhaps I was imagining it.
As the pool was free for a little longer I stayed in and swam a couple more lengths before I got out. After I had dried off and got dressed I realised that I was the last one left in the changing room. Quickly I checked my appearance in the mirror and applied a small amount of lip balm before I entered the foyer.

I walked across to the reception desk and Elaine handed me the final certificate. I was about to head through the doors when I heard footsteps behind me.

“Hi Steph, I just wondered if I could walk you home tonight?” he said

“I’d like that” I replied, smiling shyly at him. He held his hand out.

“I’ll carry your bag if you like” he said.

“Are you sure about that?” I replied. I handed him my Wham bag with photos of George and Andrew on each side. I saw James give it a look before he flung it over his shoulder.

“I take it you like Wham then?” he
asked. I nodded as we headed down the steps and into the car park.

We walked in silence across the car park and then at the entrance he hesitated and looked across at me.

“Turn left” I said “I’m
at the top end of Greytree, second avenue” I finished.

“I know where that is, luckily I’m not that far away
from you down on fourth avenue” he replied. The darkness made me brave and I reached out and placed my hand in his, he squeezed it but didn’t let go. As we neared the avenue sign I slowed down and we stopped.

“Here will be fine” I said “I’m the third house along” I finished, pointing to the gate ahead.

“Cool” he replied, as he handed me back my bag.

In the glow of the street light I watched as he bent down towards me and gently brushed his lips against my cheek. So soft was the touch that I could hardly feel it, but I did. Under the cover of the dark sky he couldn’t see the pink blush staining my cheeks. He reached for my other hand and held it in his, passing me a piece of paper before he withdrew.

“Night Steph” he whispered, and then I watched him walk on down the road and out of sight.

I
carefully unfolded the note that had been stapled onto my old diary page; it was ripped and fading in places. How many times had I read and re-read this?