Where Love Grows (40 page)

“My wedding dress,” she whispered. “It's still so beautiful.”

This was a dress that needed wearing in the spring, when the winter had made its first turn toward changing seasons. Her heart pounded at the thought. Would it happen for her? Had she found love again? Could she trust a man again? Or would she come out some Sunday night after the hymn singing and find Steve standing in the shadows talking with another girl? That would be too awful to bear. Her heart couldn't live through that again. The dress slipped from her fingers and fell to the floor. It lay crumpled, the rays from the sun highlighting the dust motes moving around the cloth.

Long moments passed. This was just a dress, she told herself. She shouldn't read too much into finding it. Were not hearts meant to bond, meant to hold on to promises held by hope, by trust, by the goodness they contained? Thomas had broken the sacred trust, and before him, her own
daett
had done worse. Gentle, loving
Daett
had a child before he knew
Mamm
. How did
Mamm
live with that knowledge and even join him in walking through the darkness of penance?

Mamm
must be more of a saint than she appeared to be or else what she shared with
Daett
was what real love was made of. Susan picked up the dress and held it to the light again. She remembered the hour she had spent picking out just the right color at the fabric store on a trip to northern Indiana. The care she had taken sewing, marking twice and then checking again before proceeding. She wore out the measuring tape,
Mamm
had said laughing. She had wanted this dress to be just right. But the dress hadn't been enough to keep her dreams alive. She'd needed more.

Could what
Mamm
had be hers with Steve? Did it help that she hadn't pursued him? Was he capturing her heart? The least she could do was keep it open. Susan sighed. Hanging the dress on the closet rod, she stood back for another look. Strange that she wasn't crying buckets of tears, sobbing her heart out, but she wasn't. The dress was just something to wear now. Should she wear it on Christmas Day?
Yah
, she decided. Steve wouldn't know the history and probably wouldn't care if he did.
Mamm
might raise her eyebrows, but she would get over it.

Then bitterness lifted its head for a moment. “Stupid dress,” she whispered. “You betrayed me too. I worked on you for all those hours, dreaming and hoping—and all for naught. You ought to be burned.” Tears stung her eyes.

The door opened behind her and
Mamm
entered.

“What's wrong, Susan?”

Susan turned to face
Mamm
. “I found my old wedding dress.”

Mamm
walked over to lift the dress from the closet rod, holding it up to the light.

“I'm going to wear it for Christmas at Steve's parents' house.”

“You will do no such thing. It will stay right here on the hanger until we iron it for your wedding day.”

“
Mamm
, I can't do that.”

“Come, come.”
Mamm
took Susan's arm. “We have work to do. Enough of these tears. You're a grown woman now, almost ready to marry. It's time you grew up. You don't wear a wedding dress for anything but a wedding. Trust me, it will be okay. Steve will love it.”

“He hasn't asked me to marry him yet.”

Mamm
smiled. “Don't worry, he will. When it's time, he will. And Steve will know when that is.”

T
he headlights of the car cut through the early dawn, flooding the Hostetler house and barn with light as the
Englisha
driver turned into the driveway. At its honk, Susan came racing downstairs, taking the final two steps in a flying leap.

“Susan!”
Mamm
called from the kitchen. “Slow down before you injure yourself.”

“I'm so nervous!” Susan gushed, standing in the kitchen opening. “How do I look?”

“You look fine,”
Mamm
said, not even looking at her.

“Can you handle things by yourself today? I've done everything I know to do. And I'll be back tonight.”

“Get going!”
Mamm
pointed out the door. “And have a
gut
Christmas with Steve's parents. Don't worry, they will love you.”

“I do hope so,” Susan said, heading for the door.

“Now remember,”
Mamm
hollered after her, “I can handle things. Even if I'm an old woman. And Teresa will help me if I don't get dinner ready in time.”

“See you!” Susan said as she dashed outside.

She slowed going down the steps. Steve would laugh if she came running across the yard. He'd know she was nervous.

“Good morning,” the driver of the van said through his open window.

“
Gut
morning,” Susan replied, going around to the other side. The van door was open, and the dome light was on. There was only one seat left—beside Minister Emery's wife, Lois. Steve was sitting in the front seat, but now he climbed out.

“Who wants to trade seats?” he asked.

“Now why would anyone want to do that?” Minister Emery asked, laughing. “I didn't ‘get up' this load. The one who gets up the load sits in front.”

“It makes no difference to me who got up the load,” Steve said. “I'm sitting with Susan!”

“Ah love, love, love…” Emery grumbled. “How they make old people go here and then go there.”

“Thank you,” Steve said, motioning for Susan to climb in. She sat on the seat beside Lois, whispering, “
Gut
morning. Sorry to chase Emery away.”

“Oh, he likes the front seat,” Lois said. “Don't pay him any mind. His bones ache in the morning, that's all. He'll get better as the day warms up.”

“It's not going to get all that warm,” Susan said as the driver rolled up his window and pulled out of the driveway.

“Well, it could be snowing and blowing like it was last year on Christmas Day,” Lois replied. “We had a trip planned to northern Indiana but had to call it off.”

Susan smiled. “I'm glad it's not snowing. Do you have relatives in Daviess County?”

“
Yah
, a sister. And Emery has a couple of cousins. Neither of us grew up there, but both of our families are scattered around. Not like some people, who all stay in one place.”

Susan nodded. “
Mamm
would have loved it if all us girls stayed around, but moving happens.”

“And what about you? Are you staying around?” Lois teased.

With Steve sitting beside her, what was she to say? They hadn't agreed to marry yet, let alone discussed where they might live.

“I'm sorry.” Lois laughed. “I really wasn't trying to make you uncomfortable.”

Beside her, Steve cleared his throat without looking at her. Apparently he wanted some kind of answer too.

“I'd love to stay on the home place,” Susan finally said. That was a safe enough answer, and Steve could do with it what he wished. Her big concern today was facing his folks for the first time. If they didn't like her, it would be a nightmare of grand proportions even if Steve managed to smooth things over. How would she marry Steve if his parents didn't like her?

Steve leaned forward on his seat to speak to Lois. “Menno hasn't said what he wants done with the farm other than to say he'd like me to work for him next year.”

“Oh.” Lois smiled. “I know Menno better than that. He's itching to get into his
dawdy haus
. But there's nothing wrong with that. Emery and I are loving our new
dawdy haus
. I wish we'd moved there two years ago instead of hanging on like we did.”

“I'm sure
Daett
can't wait,” Susan agreed as Steve settled back into his seat.

“I told Emery not to make our
dawdy haus
too big,” Lois continued. “I just needed two bedrooms, one for us and one for visitors.”

“I'm sure
Mamm
has her own ideas about the
dawdy haus
,” Susan replied, mostly to make conversation as she watched the Christmas lights on the houses race by.

“What time do we tell the driver to start picking everybody up?” Steve asked Emery a few minutes later.

“Ask Lois,” Emery said, not looking back. “I'll stay as late as she wants to.”

“You'd better ask the others,” Lois said when Steve looked at her. “I agree with Emery.”

Steve turned around and asked the question again. A lengthy conversation ensued, with eight o'clock receiving the most votes. Steve passed the information on to the driver, who grunted his agreement.

The rolling hillsides soon gave way to flat, open land. Susan watched for signs of buggies as they drove through a town and out into the countryside again. The first one they passed, the man and woman inside waved, apparently noticing the load of Amish-dressed passengers.

“Do you know them?” Lois asked Steve as she craned her neck to look back.

“I don't think so,” Steve said. “It's a huge community with lots of districts.”

“Time for directions,” the driver said. “We're coming up on the main part of the community.”

Several people hollered out road names, and Steve took the driver through the turns for each place. When they had reached the last stop, Steve gave directions to his parents' place. Five minutes later they pulled into the farm. Two silos rose high in the air behind the barn. The house was tall, white, and two-story. Lines of buggies were parked beside a huge earthen ramp that ran up to the second floor of the barn. Children were playing in the yard, but they stopped to stare at them.

“Home,” Steve said with a broad smile on his face. “Don't worry, Susan. Everyone will love you.” Steve offered Susan his hand, helping her down as if she were a rich
Englisha
woman climbing out of a fancy limousine instead of a plain Amish girl stepping out of a simple passenger van. Like always, Steve had known how nervous she was but had waited to say something until the right moment. His words helped her breathe easier.

“See you at eight,” Steve told the driver.

Susan clung to his arm as they walked across the yard.

“Hi,” Susan said to the children as they walked past them. They smiled at her and looked ready to return to their play.

“No tricks today,” Steve told one of the taller boys, who laughed and shook his head.

“This is a huge place,” Susan said. “You never told me.”

“It's pretty normal for around here. Now relax, okay?”

If this were an
Englisha
house, Susan thought, she would march in without any fear at all. Why all the nervousness now? It was time to get ahold of herself. So what if she was about to meet the parents of her
perhaps
future husband. That was no reason for feeling so nervous.

“You said there were eleven of you, but you're almost the oldest. Where do all the buggies come from?”

“My older sister, Martha, is married, and also two of the ones after me. A couple of the young people are in
rumspringa
. And I think
Mamm
invited some of the aunts and uncles. They're nice people, so don't worry.”

“I'll never remember everyone. That much I know.”

“You don't have to,” Steve said. “You only have to remember me.”

She laughed and muttered, “Conceited, just like a man.” Steve's teasing did make her feel better.

He squeezed her hand as they approached the front door and a round woman rushed out, wiping her hands on a white apron.

“Well, if it isn't Steve and Susan!” she gushed, wrapping her arms around Susan. “I'm Steve's
mamm
, Elizabeth. Oh, it's so
gut
to finally meet you! Steve hasn't said much about you, and I see why. He couldn't have said it well enough even if he tried. Steve's not much with words, as you already know I'm sure.”