Where Secrets Lie (9 page)

At the anniversary party, Katie returned to their table with a plateful of food and took her seat on David’s right-hand side. Sara was on David’s left. Lee and Jack sat at the other end of the table and chatted with a guest who stood in between them.

David picked up his silverware and started to eat in a halfhearted manner with his eyes directed at his food and his mind somewhere else entirely. Katie peeked at his plate.

“
So how’s the chicken kiev?” she asked. She had opted for the grilled salmon herself.

David glanced at her. “It’s ok, I guess.” His eyes slid back to his food.

Katie raised her eyebrows and looked over David’s bent head at Sara. Sara gave a slight shrug and turned away.

Oh boy, it was going to be a really long dinner. This evening would be so much easier to get through if Emily were here. Besides being great company, Emily possessed a knack for reviving lackluster conversations whereas Katie’s only idea for smoothing things over was to utilize the bar. She stood up.

“
I’m getting another cosmo,” she said to Sara. “You want one?”

Sara gave her an energetic nod. God yes!

“
David,” Katie said. “Want anything?”

David just shook his head.

Yeah, come to think of it, maybe she’d get a double.

~

As soon as the caterers cleared their dinner plates, Sara left the table and made her way to her mother’s rose garden in order to escape David’s brooding. She wandered along the garden’s meandering path and contemplated what would happen if she told her husband about Brian. David knew Sara dated Brian in high school, but that was all he knew. Would she be able to justify why she never told him the entire story? Would he be able to understand and move past it?

When she reached the center of the garden, Sara sat on one of the benches and leaned her head back. She closed her eyes, took a full breath of crisp night air, and wished there was some way to predict whether telling David would improve matters between them or cause them to disintegrate further.

~

Sara was lying on her bed reading when Lee knocked on her bedroom door.

“
Come in.”

Sara closed her book and laid it on the nightstand. Lee walked into the room and sat on the end of the bed.

“
I wanted to let you know I made an appointment with Dr. Brown for Friday morning.”

Sara sat up and criss crossed her legs.

“
Ok, but what about school?”

“
I already called and told them you’ll be out for the day.”

“
Why do I need to be out for the whole day?”

Sara was one of those rare children who disliked missing school. When she was in elementary school, she would cry whenever she was sick enough to stay home. Everyone assumed her attitude would change when she got older, but it never did.

“
Well, first you’ll talk to Dr. Brown in his office. He needs to ask you a lot of questions.”

“
Questions about what?”

“
About your period, sexual activity, birth control.”

Sara was not looking forward to that conversation. She didn’t even know Dr. Brown. To her, he was just her mother’s doctor. Sometimes she sat in his waiting room while her mother had her checkup, and she caught a glimpse of him once or twice, but that was the extent of her interaction with him.

“
He’ll want to make sure you are being safe and that you understand your options so this doesn’t happen again. He may have to order tests to make sure you’re healthy.”

“
Oh,” Sara said. This just kept getting better.

“
Were you being safe?”

Sara averted her eyes. “Yes.”

“
Every time?”

“
Yes, Mom, Brian and I were always careful.”

Sara brought her knees to her chest and hugged them.

“
Well I’ve asked Dr. Brown to give you a prescription for birth control pills as an additional precaution. You do know you’ll still have to use condoms to prevent disease?”

“
Yes, I know.”

“
After he explains everything to you and you answer his questions, you’ll have an exam and a pregnancy test. If it turns out you really are pregnant then Dr. Brown is available that afternoon to take care of everything.”

“
What do you mean take care of everything?”

Sara figured she’d have an exam and get vitamins and instructions about what to eat. Why would that take all afternoon?

“
He can perform the surgery right away,” Lee said.

Sara’s eyes widened. “You mean an abortion?”

“
Yes, that’s exactly what I mean.”

Sara jumped off the bed.

“
But I told you I don’t want an abortion.”

“
I know what you told me. Sit back down, and we’ll talk about it.”

Lee patted the bed beside her. Sara remained standing.

“
Brian and I want to get married. We have it all planned.”

“
Honey, your plan is much harder than you realize.”

“
We don’t care, it’s what we want.”

“
Are you sure it’s really what Brian wants?”

“
Of course I am.” Why wouldn’t it be?

“
It might’ve been what he said in the heat of the moment, but are you sure he didn’t change his mind once he got a chance to think about it?”

“
Why are you saying that?”

“
I spoke to Brian’s mother, and she agrees this would be entirely too much for the two of you to handle. She also thinks having an abortion is the way to go.”

“
You talked to Brian’s mother?”

“
Yes, before I made the appointment.”

“
He never told me.” Brian was supposed to talk to his parents tonight. He hadn’t mentioned his mother already knew. How could this be true?

“
I’m sorry, sweetie, give him some time. Maybe he isn’t sure how to break it to you.”

“
But it was his idea.” Everything, all of it, was his idea. Now he’s changed his mind and hasn’t told her?

“
What was his idea? Getting married?”

“
Yes, it’s not like I forced him or something.”

“
I’m sure he’ll tell you soon, honey. Meanwhile, I don’t want you to worry about Friday. It’s a minor procedure, and you’ll have the weekend to recover. You’ll be back to school on Monday like none of this ever happened.”

Could it really be that easy?

“
Now, I’ve told your father everything, so don’t worry about that. I’ll tell your sister you have a female issue that needs to be taken care of. The same goes for anyone else who asks. The less everyone knows the better off you’ll be.”

Sara did not reply.

“
Sara, did you hear me?”

“
Yes, yes I heard you.”

“
And you agree that no one needs to know the details?”

“
Sure, that’s fine.”

Sara just wanted her mother to leave, so she could call Brian. Before she went through with any of this, she needed to hear Brian say it was what he wanted.

~

“
What happened?” Brian asked as soon as Sara got into his car.

“
Just, please, get me out of here.”

“
Where do you want to go?”

“
I don’t care, just drive.”

Brian pulled away from the curb. He glanced over at her as he drove, but Sara didn’t want to ask him anything until she could look into his eyes. That way, she’d know for sure.

When he turned right on Arapahoe, Sara knew where he was going. After a couple of minutes, he parked in the library’s parking lot.

“
Do you want to go down to the water?”

“
No, let’s stay in the car.” There’d be fewer distractions.

“
Will you please tell me what happened?”

Brian had been frantic ever since he got her call. Sara sounded distraught on the phone but refused to tell him why. She just insisted he pick her up right away.

Sara twisted in her seat to face Brian.

“
Why didn’t you tell me you’d talked to your mother already?”

“
You mean about us getting married?”

“
Yes.”

“
Because I haven’t, my dad doesn’t get home until tonight and I wanted to tell them together. Don’t you remember? We talked about this.”

“
I remember, but my mother already talked to your mother.”

Brian blanched. “What?”

“
And the two of them decided that I should have an abortion.”

“
They decided? Without even talking to us?” Brian’s gaze wandered toward the windshield. “I can’t believe she’d do that.”

Brian didn’t know. That’s why he didn’t say anything. He hadn’t changed his mind. He wasn’t keeping anything from her. He just never knew.

“
Brian, I don’t want to do it.”

“
I know you don’t.” Brian shook his head. “I’m sorry, I just can’t believe my mother didn’t tell me. When did they talk?”

“
I’m not sure, Mom said before she called the doctor.”

“
She already called a doctor?”

“
Yes, and made an appointment for everything including the abortion. It’s all scheduled for Friday.”

“
Wow, she didn’t waste any time.”

Wait a minute. It wasn’t just her mother.

“
You mean they didn’t waste any time, right?”

“
Yes, of course.” Their mothers were both complicit. “But I thought you told your mother our plan?”

“
I did, I told her everything, and I thought she understood, but then she told me she made this doctor’s appointment, and they decided I should have an abortion. I thought you were in on it.”

“
I was never in on it. Why did you think that?”

“
It sounded like you were. Your mother was in on it. You hadn’t told me she knew. I don’t know, I got confused. I was just so shocked you hadn’t told me.” Sara started to feel unsettled all over again.

Brian laid his hand on her arm. “You know I tell you everything.”

“
I know, I’m sorry.” How could she have doubted him?

“
It’s not your fault. They’re trying to force us into doing what they want.”

“
Yeah, but what can we do about it?”

As far as Brian could tell, there was only one thing left for them to do.

“
We can leave,” he said.

Sara’s mouth was agape. “We can what?”

Brian clasped Sara’s hand in both of his.

“
If we stay they’ll make you have an abortion.”

“
But where would we go?”

“
I’m not sure yet, but if we don’t go, we’ll have to do things their way. Do you want that?”

Sara pulled her hand away from his.

“
I already told you I don’t, but Brian, I don’t think I can leave.”

“
I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do, Sara. It’s up to you.”

“
We’d miss graduation.”

“
Yeah, I guess we would.”

“
That’s crazy, how can we do that?”

“
I think they’d still give us our diplomas. We’d just miss the ceremony.”

“
Do you want to leave?” Sara searched Brian’s face for any sign of deception. She needed to know what he really wanted, what he really felt.

“
No, but I can’t tell you to have an abortion either, I just can’t. If you want to have one, I’ll be there for you. If you want to leave, I’ll do that. I just want you to be happy.”

Brian was doing his best to be supportive, but in essence, he was leaving everything up to her, and it was too much to decide in an instant.

“
I don’t know what to do, I need to think about it.”

“
Ok, but we don’t have much time. If we’re going to leave, we have to do it before Friday.”

~

Sara went to bed that night without a resolution. The pleading from her inner voice came back with a vengeance. Running away was in a whole different league than getting married. Brian was on the verge of making huge sacrifices without knowing everything about the baby’s possible origins.

Sara couldn’t justify keeping the entire truth from him anymore, but how could she tell him now? No matter what she chose, the repercussions could be calamitous. There didn’t appear to be a right answer.

After a restless night, sudden pain disrupted her sleep, and the sensation of wetness brought her awake. It was early morning, still dark outside, and she stumbled to the bathroom that connected her bedroom with her sister’s. Once there, she closed the door to Katie’s room before she turned on the light.

As soon as she reached the toilet, a gush of liquid flowed from her as though she were urinating. She looked into the bowl and was startled that it was a deep, dark red. While she stared at it, another stream of blood began to escape. She tried to hold it in, but her contracting muscles could not stem the flow. Watching the blood pour out of her body precipitated a surge of panic.