Where You Can Find Me (21 page)

“
J
ameson
, help Jack with that last box,” I yelled from the open front door.

“Which box?” he yelled back.

“The one marked ‘bedroom.’ If you aren’t sure, just open it up. It should have all of our sex toys inside. Beware of the anal beads, though.”

“Lu, you’re fucking disgusting.”

“Hey, don’t judge a girl for her anal beads. Some girls are into it. Hell, I got them for her,” Evie said with a wink in Jameson’s direction. He stomped off, mumbling about how Evie would be the death of him. I still wasn’t sure what was going on with the two of them. But a heavy tension filled the room every time they were together.

Strong arms wrapped around my waist from behind. Fear no longer choked me when someone snuck up on me. I no longer recoiled when someone touched me. Jack’s lips sucked on my ear and a deep rumble vibrated from his chest to my back. “Are you sure this is what you want, Lu? Because once I’m here, I’m not backing out. You’ll need a court order to remove me from this house.”

I closed my eyes and leaned back into his warmth, happiness forming a smile on my lips. It had been a little over a year since Grayson had been caught. Since we had been rescued. Since I had almost died. And today, Jack was moving in with me.

My chest expanded with the joy of being able to have him with me. The previous year would forever be one of the hardest I would ever have. Jack told me that as soon as I blacked out, he managed to get his ropes untied and get Grayson off of me. A little after that, the cops arrived. It had been about two in the afternoon. Shane received the DNA results at noon and tried to get a hold of Jack immediately. He didn’t wait for a response before checking out Grayson’s apartment. When someone reported back that Jack’s car was at Grayson’s building he had a gut instinct to act quickly.

They didn’t get there soon enough to stop Jack from killing Grayson. I knew that Jack struggled with a lot of guilt for the longest time. I felt no remorse at all, just a weightless joy at the thought of Grayson being beaten to death.

After we had been rescued, I was rushed to the hospital where I spent the next three months in a coma. I almost died a couple of times due to swelling in my brain. They worried about brain damage or memory loss, but when I woke up, I remembered everything. Anger settled over me while I finally tried to process it all. Anger at Grayson for getting off with a measly death. He deserved to suffer. The case went to court just so they could put it in the books and give retribution to the families of everyone who lost a loved one. What a hollow retribution. But it wasn’t my place to decide.

On top of everything else, I couldn’t be around Jack. I couldn’t be touched by family. Shame hung like a dark cloud over me, a reminder of what was taken from me. Jameson and Evie would try to come visit me, but the pity in their eyes as I recoiled from their hugs sickened me and made the anger grow.

Jack stood by my side and wouldn’t let my fear push him back until my rage forced him away in an argument where I yelled obscenities and blame that I didn’t believe. He still hung back in the shadows ready to support me when I was ready, but I needed to get help and stand strong on my own before I let him back in. After two months of therapy, he began to come to my sessions and we started dating again, slowly.

It progressed from there and my fear became smaller and smaller. I cringed and pulled away less and less at every person’s touch. Jameson and I both sobbed together when we had our family Sunday lunch and I didn’t jerk at his arms wrapping around me. I still attended therapy sessions. The rape left a dark mark on me that was harder to shake than anything else. Jack and I struggled to be intimate for months and only recently began having sex again.

I vowed to not let it defeat me and take more from me than it already had. I had my quirks now, but I was able to accept my body and be intimate again and that is all I wanted. I wanted to feel comfortable in my own skin.

So a little over a year later, Jack and I were officially moving in together. We decided that he would move into my house because it was bigger and had that amazing closet. His apartment closet wasn’t going to cut it. So when he asked me if I was sure about him moving in, no hesitation seeped in.

I turned in his arms and wrapped mine around his neck. My fingers intertwined with the longer curls in the back and I pulled his lips to mine for a heated kiss. This was where we belonged.

This was where I belonged, with the man I love in my arms, and my family surrounding me. This was perfect. This will always be where you can find me.

F
irst and foremost
, I want to thank my husband and my two girls. Chris, you were understanding and supportive in the only way you could be: hesitantly and with a lot of sarcasm. But, no matter what, you
were
understanding of all the nights I sat in bed clicking away on my laptop, of all the weekends I sat at the table writing. You listened, or at least pretended to, when I needed to talk about my characters. And you even offered to write some for me. Haha! But most of all, you provide for this family and I never would have been able to even think of writing this book if you hadn’t provided a life that enabled me to stay at home with the girls and write. Thank you for all the sacrifices you make for me and this family. I cherish and love you and our girls.

My sweet Emma and Madi. I love you both endlessly and hope to God you grow up brave and strong. Madi, thank you for always cheering me on in a way that only a seven year old’s blind faith can. I love you.

Whitney. Where do I start? This book would have never happened without you. When I came to you countless times saying, “I can’t,” you told me, “You will.” You never let my negativity and doubt last for long. You were always there to push me to actually do this. You taught me the world of writing and introduced me to sprinting. You’re the best sprinting partner I could ask for. Your books give me writing to aspire to, even though you’ll say otherwise. Thank you for taking me under your wing and walking me through this process. Thank you for being my editor and all your snarky comments WHILE you were editing. ;) But most of all, thank you for being the best friend I could ask for. Big things are coming for you and you better believe I’ll be standing there with some Fireball to celebrate. I love you.

Sanzana, my tiny Canadian who is the most romantic person I know. Your positivity about love is endless and inspiring. I never would have moved past chapter two without you demanding more. Those demands pushed me to keep going when all I had were doubts and questions about what the hell I was doing. One of these days I will meet you. And I will even hug you because I care about you enough to ignore the uncomfortableness. Haha! Thank you for listening to my freak outs and holding down the fort when it got to be too much.

Celeste Grande, we go way back and to be honest, I would never be here if not for you. You were my introduction to this crazy world of Indies. When I messaged you about beta reading Live Me, I had no idea a year and a half later I would be doing this. Because of you, I met more people than I knew what to do with and I was accepted into a community of fabulous authors and readers. Thank you for being my friend. And I can’t wait for more Blake. We all know he is mine.

The aforementioned fabulous group of authors includes some of my favorite people ever. Lex Martin, Stephanie Rose, K.L. Grayson, and J.A. Derouen, as soon as you found out I was writing a book, you pushed me and supported me and answered my endless questions. You all inspired me to want to write like you. I love all your books and I am honored to be amongst you.

Thank you to my beta readers. Kristen Johnson, your notes were my ego booster and helped me feel comfortable with what I wrote. Tina Lynn, you asked some hard questions and made me really think about my story. I almost dreaded seeing your comments because I knew they would be a struggle to fix. But in the end, I knew my book would be better for it. Christina Harris, you are an editor in disguise. You helped me out so much and pushed this book to be better than I could imagine. Your countless messages about what you were feeling while reading was overwhelming in the best way possible. It was my first real feedback and it makes me excited to share it with everyone else. You may have set my expectations too high. Haha! Thank you, all of you!

To my Assholes. Thank you for giving me a safe place to vent and share and be me without judgment. You are my support team and amazing friends. I hope, one day, we can all get together. I loved all the demands to finish my book and get it to you. I appreciated every time you shared or spread the word about Where You Can Find Me. It’s an odd group, but I am thrilled to be called an Asshole.

Thank you Najla Qamber Designs for walking me through my first book design and for your patience with all my questions. Thank you for calming me down about the realities of stock photos. I’m glad we stuck with this one, because I am in love with what you created.

Alexis Durbin, thank you for squeezing me in on your vacation. I feel more confident letting this book out knowing you have proofread it. Your comments were hard, but I always trusted your opinion and knew they were the right decisions to make. You’re an amazing friend.

Jade Eby, thank you so much for fitting me in and answering all my questions. Even when you were busy, you stopped to explain the formatting process and made some beautiful decisions. Your writing is beautiful and I looked up to the honesty with which you wrote Dirty Proof. It pushed me to write honestly in Where You Can Find Me. Thank you.

And finally, to everyone who read this. I never in a million years thought I would ever write a book, and yet, here it is. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you come back for more, because as insane as it is … I’m writing another book. And I’ve even started plotting Evie’s book. It’s an addiction and I hope you all loved it! Thank you for taking the time to pick this book up. Without you, these are just words. But you make it a story.

I
never imagined
I would ever write a book. I wasn't even really a reader until the age of twenty. But I picked up a romance and that was it for me. I fell in love. And then one day I stepped into this indie world of books and I started writing. Then I wrote enough to keep going. And then I had a book. Sometimes things happen when you least expect it, but it all falls into place. Writing is it for me.

I'm a stay at home mom with a degree in chemistry and biology. I LOVE science. If you get me started talking about biochemistry, it's all over. I'll rattle on for days! But I use all that knowledge to take care of my two little girls, mostly while my husband is away being a soldier.

It's taken me a long time to get here, but I like it... And I think I might stay a while.

You can find me here:

• AuthorFionaCole