While Drowning in the Desert (8 page)

Here’s the deal, Craig: I’ll pay Heinz Muller policy limits on the same day a trained monkey crawls out my butt singing “Tie A Yellow Ribbon ’Round the Old Oak Tree” in Polish.

Where are your balls, Craig? I didn’t hire you to roll over like a beaten dog.

Sincerely,

Pamela Holmstrum

Claims Superintendent

Western States Insurance Co.

Craig D. Schaeffer
Attorney-at-Law
3615 Monterey
Palm Desert, CA

Ms. Pamela A. Holmstrum
Claims Superintendent
Western States Insurance Co.
801 Flower Street
Los Angeles, CA

24 July 1983

Dear Ms. Holmstrum,

Thank you for your letter of the 21st inst. and may I observe what a wonderful thing it is that the attorney-client privilege allows us to have such a frank and open exchange of views.

While I understand your reluctance to reward a criminal act such as arson with a policy limits payment, I would be remiss in my duty as your attorney not to advise you to nevertheless do just that.

You have no proof. You have no witnesses. If you deny this claim, Mr. Muller will most likely file a bad-faith lawsuit which could expose your company to a multimillion-dollar punitive-damages award.

Pamela, I know that you are new to this job and eager to impress your bosses and that at your tender age you nevertheless deserved this promotion. I am further sensitive to the fact that, as a young woman executive, you feel more than the usual pressure to show “toughness.” I understand these things. Nevertheless—and again—my best opinion is to pay the $600,000 now or risk having a very large, multilingual, singing simian indeed force its egress from your digestive system, the hard way.

Sincerely,

Craig Schaeffer, Esquire

By Fax

July 26, 1983

Dear Craig,

Too late. I denied both claims.

Pamela

By Fax

July 26, 1983

Dear Pamela,

He’ll sue.

Craig

By Fax

July 26, 1983

Dear Craig,

He doesn’t have the
cajones.

Pam

The Law Offices of Eugene E. Petkovitch
1500 Mitch Miller Boulevard
Palm Springs, CA

Ms. Pamela Holmstrum

Western States Insurance Co.

801 Flower Street

Los Angeles, CA

27 July 1983

Dear Ms. Holmstrum,

This letter is to put you on notice that I have filed a lawsuit on behalf of my client and your insured,
Mr. Heinz Muller
, for breach of contract and bad faith. The conduct of both your claims department and its coverage counsel, Attorney Craig Schaeffer, has been despicable in the extreme. Your fraudulent, oppressive and malicious attempts to violate the rights of my client and avoid paying the insurance benefits to which he is rightly entitled are flagrant violations of both California law and common decency.

I am personally and professionally outraged—OUTRAGED—that an insurance carrier in this day and age would single out for oppressive treatment an individual just because that person happens to be a foreign immigrant. Immigration built this land, Ms. Holmstrum, lest you or Western States Insurance Company ever forget it!

Your conduct has been despicable!

I am certain that a California jury will send a message to the insurance industry—via a large punitive damages award—that this type of conduct will no longer be tolerated.

There is still time for you to avoid litigation.

My client,
Mr. Heinz Muller
, is generously willing to accept full policy benefits plus an additional
$10,000,000
for the pain, suffering and humiliation that your Gestapo-like inquisition and jackboot investigative tactics have inflicted upon him. This sum represents far less than an outraged jury would award and saves you the cost of a long, expensive, and ultimately futile defense.

This offers expires at close of business, five working days hence, and will not be compromised or renewed.

Sincerely yours,

Eugene Petkovitch, Esquire

The Law Offices of Eugene E. Petkovitch
1500 Mitch Miller Boulevard
Palm Springs, CA

Ms. Pamela Holmstrum

Western States Insurance Co.

801 Flower Street

Los Angeles, CA

27 July 1983

Dear Ms. Holmstrum,

This letter is to put you on notice that I have filed a lawsuit on behalf of my client and your insured,
Mr. Amin “Sami” Abdullah
, for breach of contract and bad faith. The conduct of both your claims department and its coverage counsel, Attorney Craig Schaeffer, has been despicable in the extreme. Your fraudulent, oppressive and malicious attempts to violate the rights of my client and avoid paying the insurance benefits to which he is rightly entitled are flagrant violations of both California law and common decency.

I am personally and professionally outraged—OUTRAGED—that an insurance carrier in this day and age would single out for oppressive treatment an individual just because that person happens to be a foreign immigrant. Immigration built this land, Ms. Holmstrum, lest you or Western States Insurance Company ever forget it!

Your conduct has been despicable!

I am certain that a California jury will send a message to the insurance industry—via a large punitive damages award—that this type of conduct will no longer be tolerated.

There is still time for you to avoid litigation.

My client,
Mr. Amin ‘Sami’ Abdullah
, is generously willing to accept full policy benefits plus an additional
$5,000,000
for the pain, suffering and humiliation that your Gestapo-like inquisition and jackboot investigative tactics have inflicted upon him. This sum represents far less than an outraged jury would award, and saves you the cost of a long, expensive, and ultimately futile defense.

This offers expires at close of business, five working days hence, and will not be compromised or renewed.

Sincerely yours,

Eugene Petkovitch, Esquire

Ms. Pamela A. Holmstrum
Claims Superintendent
Western States Insurance Co.
801 Flower Street
Los Angeles, CA

Craig D. Schaeffer

Attorney-at-Law

3615 Monterey

Palm Desert, CA

27 July 1983

Dear Craig,

Please see attached correspondence from Attorney Eugene Petkovitch on behalf of his clients, our policyholders, Heinz Muller and Amin “Sami” Abdullah.

FIFTEEN MILLION DOLLARS!!!???

He sends us form letters demanding fifteen million dollars?!

Who does this guy think he is?!

Pam

Craig D. Schaeffer
Attorney-at-Law
3615 Monterey
Palm Desert, CA

Ms. Pamela A. Holmstrum

Claims Superintendent

Western States Insurance Co.

801 Flower Street

Los Angeles, CA

29 July 1983

Dear Pam,

You’ve never heard of Eugene “The Wolverine” Petkovitch?! Where have you been?

Eugene Petkovitch is the most despised, loathed, feared and respected plaintiff attorney in California, if not the known litigious world. Over the past ten years the Wolverine has hit every major insurance carrier in the state for seven- and eight-figure punitive damages awards.

When that security guard in mid-Wilshire shot the big toe off the would-be bank robber and the bank robber got $2,000,000? Eugene “The Wolverine” Petkovitch.

When the security guard sued the company that made the gunsight and won $3,000,000? Eugene Petkovitch.

When the would-be bank robber sued his insurance company for failing to pay his legal costs, citing “Chronic Recidivist Syndrome” and won $5,000,000? Eugene Petkovitch.

When the security guard sued his insurance company, the bank’s insurance company, and the would-be robber’s insurance company, citing “Severe Post-Victimization Stress Disorder” and won $6,000,000? Eugene Petkovitch.

These are just a few of the judicial highlights of the Wolverine’s recent career.

The guy’s cross-examinations are brutal. I’ve seen them. I remember. I wish I could forget.

I’ve seen hardened insurance executives break down and sob on the stand during one of Gene’s cross-exams. I’ve seen homicide cops blubber like babies. I’ve seen guys develop permanent eye twitches and stutters. In fact, one of Gene’s victims was a claims superintendent who happened to be a deaf mute. Gene crossed him
in sign language
and I swear the guy’s hands were shaking. The jury concluded he was lying.

Eugene Petkovitch is Satan.

He rarely even has to go to trial anymore, everyone is that afraid of him. He just writes the demand letter, fills in the amount, and the insurance companies pay.

Pay the money, Pam. I’m begging you.

You don’t want this trouble. I don’t want this trouble.

Sincerely,

Craig

Ms. Pamela A. Holmstrum
Claims Superintendent
Western States Insurance Co.
801 Flower Street
Los Angeles, CA

Craig D. Schaeffer

Attorney-at-Law

3615 Monterey

Palm Desert, CA

1 August 1983

Dear Craig,

Where have I been?

I’ve been in Nebraska, Craig, where—naive and old-fashioned as this may seem—we still take a dim view of extortion. I’ll admit that I’m just the new kid here in sophisticated California—a hayseed, a hick, a corn-fed farm girl with the mud barely dry on her clodhoppers—but I guess I just don’t think that the best way to start my job as the regional claims superintendent for Western States Insurance is to fork over $15,000,000 of the company’s hard-earned money to a Nazi money-launderer, the male, Lebanese counterpart of Imelda Marcos, and an extortionate, blackmailing shyster with a candy-assed name like Eugene who embodies everything that I feel is currently wrong with this country.

I just ain’t a-going to do it.

In the ringing words of Thomas Jefferson, “Millions for defense, not one penny for tribute.”

Get to work.

Sincerely,

Pamela A. Holmstrum

Craig D. Schaeffer
Attorney-at-Law
3615 Monterey
Palm Desert, CA

Ms. Pamela A. Holmstrum

Claims Superintendent

Western States Insurance Co.

801 Flower Street

Los Angeles, CA

4 August 1983

Dear Pamela A. Holmstrum,

Realizing now that you have recently emigrated from the unsullied moral purity of the prairie, I understand just how shocking and offensive you must find the corrupt stench of the former Bear Flag Republic. How awful it must be to emerge still fresh-faced and dewy-eyed from your white clapboard Methodist Church, hymnal clutched in your firm hand, to find that not all the world is as honest as the yeoman tillers of the land who were your plain, straight-shootin’ kinfolk in Omaha.

Nevertheless, when in Sodom and Gommorah …

Pay the money, Pam. Pay it now. Without an eyewitness to this arson we are hosed.

You are a small insurance company. I am a small-time lawyer. And even Thomas Jefferson was never cross-examined by Eugene Petkovitch.

Sincerely,

Craig D. Schaeffer

P.S.: Doubtless you are a tall, blonde, blue-eyed right-wing Christian conservative who reads
National Review,
is a member of the NRA, voted for Reagan and sits around her house watching John Wayne videos. Am I right?

Ms. Pamela A. Holmstrum
Claims Superintendent
Western States Insurance Co.
801 Flower Street
Los Angeles, CA

Craig D. Schaeffer

Attorney- at-Law

3615 Monterey

Palm Desert, CA

7 August 1983

Dear Craig,

Small is as small does.

Western States Insurance Company is small in the sense that it does not have $15,000,000 to give away. I’m afraid we are saving this money for foolish things like hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, and accidental fires.

The question is: Are you a small lawyer? We need proof? Get proof. We need an eyewitness? Get an eyewitness.

Cheers,

Pamela

P.S.: As a matter of fact, I’m a short, brown-eyed brunette. Yes, I am a Methodist, no I am not a member of the NRA, and yes I voted for President Reagan. And yes, I do from time to time like to watch the Duke. You are probably short, have black hair, bottle-thick glasses, read
The New Republic,
are a member of the ACLU, voted for that loser Carter, and go to Woody Allen movies. Just curious.

P.P.S.: And it’s Lincoln, not Omaha.

Craig D. Schaeffer
Attorney- at-Law
3615 Monterey
Palm Desert, CA