Whispers of a New Dawn (17 page)

T
HIRTEEN

H
e turned in his wings.”

Flapjack leaned back in his chair and looked at Becky. “And resigned his commission.”

“When?”

“This morning. That’s why he never showed up for his training flight with you.”

Standing alone by the Piper, waiting for Raven to show up, Becky had felt something like this might be happening. What surprised her was that she had feelings about it. Her spirits sank like a rock in deep water.

“So that’s it?” The dark feeling continued. “He’s gone?”

“Not quite. Skipp gave Thunderbird three days to think it over. If he still wants to end his career in the air forces by Monday morning then that’s that. But until Monday he’s on leave.”

Becky’s mood lightened slightly. “That’s good.”

“Is it?” Flapjack began twirling his yellow pencil with his fingers. “Mind telling me what you guys talked about yesterday?”

“Yesterday?”

“Yes. Yesterday. The day before today. You sat out in the rain in that Piper J-3 for half an hour.”

Becky shook her head. “I need to find him.”

“I thought you didn’t care about him.”

“I don’t care about him. But I need to talk to him.”

Flapjack tapped his pencil on the desktop, his eyes locked on Becky.
“Funny thing is, I thought you might. Skipp grabbed Whistler and Lockjaw and they said he’ll either be with his Coast Guard buddy or he’ll camp out at a little cove he likes by Nanakuli. You know Nanakuli?”

“No.”

“I thought you wouldn’t. Here’s a map I sketched for you. It’s on the west side of the island.”

“Who’s his Coast Guard buddy?”

“Harrison. On the Coast Guard cutter
Taney
. Try Nanakuli first.”

“Okay.”

“Do you need a ride? Peachtree can take you there.”

Becky looked at the map. “I can’t have anyone else with me.”

“Hm. Can you drive?”

“Not too well.”

“I guess we’re stuck then.”

Becky folded the map and put it in a shirt pocket. “Give me a jeep.”

“What?”

“Give me a jeep, Flapjack. Or isn’t Thunderbird worth a jeep in case I crack up?”

“If you can get Thunderbird to fly like you fly it’s worth a hundred jeeps.” He tossed a set of keys at her. “It’s the one with my call sign painted on the side along with the silhouette of a SPAD. Use the key with the red fob.”

Becky ran out the door. “Thanks, Flapjack.”

“Anything for my country.”

She ground the gears and popped the clutch, but by the time locals had helped her discover a road that would take her to Nanakuli she thought the jeep was moving along pretty well. She had no idea why she was doing what she was doing except she knew if she didn’t do it Raven would never fly again. Why that should matter to her one way or the other made as much sense as her driving an army jeep to the west coast of Oahu to find him. She had nothing to say to him. There was no reason to expect he would listen even if she did find something to say.

A dirt track took her to a deserted beach, where October surf was
high and crashing over the sand. She got out of the jeep and walked through the brush to the shore.

There was no one around. That didn’t mean Raven wasn’t somewhere nearby. He could be back in the palms or up the slope on the hilltop. She began to head north along the beach, finally taking off her boots and socks so she could wade barefoot at the edge of the waves like she used to do in the Caribbean. After ten minutes of this her pants were soaked to the waist. She didn’t care. All thoughts of why she had come to this beach in the first place were swept away by the surf until she spotted his head in the water. He was swimming in with the help of some five-foot waves.

When he came out of the water Becky was surprised at the tan that was over his whole body and how muscular his chest and stomach were. In his uniform he was broad-shouldered and slim but there was no hint of how fit he was. She hadn’t seen a man in swim trunks since Turks and Caicos and she dropped her eyes for a moment. But she was not an almost Amish woman in an Amish community anymore and looked up again. There was nothing to be afraid of, she told herself, and she had no feelings for Christian Scott Raven whatsoever.

He approached her over the sand, wiping the saltwater out of his eyes with his hand. “What do you want?” His face was dark, his lips tight. “How did you find me here?”

Becky put on her sunglasses. “They told me you turned in your wings.”

“What’s it to you?”

“Nothing.” She adjusted her glasses. “I thought you might want to talk.”

“I talked too much yesterday. I should never have told you the things I did. But I—” He stopped. “So what do you want?”

“I want you to fly.”

“You want me to fly? No, you want me to do stunts. I’ll never do stunts again, Becky—no barrel rolls, no stalls, no steep dives, no corkscrews. You know why.” He sat down on the sand and faced the ocean, legs bent, his arms resting on his knees.

Becky remained standing behind him. “I’m not asking you to do that. Not anymore. Let’s just fly.”

“That won’t cut it with Billy Skipp or the Army Air Forces.”

“We have until Christmas.”

“Nothing will change. I thought it might. But it doesn’t matter if I’m in a P-36 or a Piper J-3. I freeze up.”

“If we go for a training flight every day for a half hour. I do some rolls and spins. We keep at it into November and December. Who knows? You might unwind.”

“I doubt it.”

“You might.”

Raven twisted his head around. “Why does it matter?”

“It doesn’t. Except I’ve never lost a student. Do you have to be the first?”

Raven laughed and looked at the sea again. “You’re nuts.”

“Well?”

“I’ll think about it.”

She waited a minute but he kept his back to her and wasn’t going to say anything more.

She got up and left quietly.

All the way to Peterson Air Services she kicked herself for going after him to begin with—if he didn’t care, why should she? Why did she have to go looking for him? Why did she say she’d keep taking him up when he had no desire to do anything she or Billy Skipp asked of him?

What is the matter with me?

Despite her anger she thought about him walking up out of the waves. His slender build reminded her of Moses. And his smile—the few times she’d seen it. How muscular Moses had been she would never know—Amish men did not go around in swimming trunks or with their shirts off. Raven’s shoulders were broader and so was his chest. But he was older than Moses by a few years too. And his tan. It was so golden and all over him. Moses would not have had anything but a farmer’s tan—face, neck, and hands, maybe a bit on each arm. But Raven had been out swimming. A lot.

“Stop it!” she shouted as she drove, startling a man walking on the shoulder of the road. “Stop thinking like that!”

The last time she had been swimming was in the Caribbean. She remembered the warmth of the water, its color like a turquoise gem, no waves, flat calm—and she had gone as far out as she dared, at least a mile, before turning around. She’d worn a white two-piece bathing suit. It didn’t show too much, it was modest for the most part, and very comfortable, but it showed more than a one-piece did and her mother asked her only to wear it when she was alone and far from the gaze of men. Rolling her eyes, she had nevertheless done her best to find secluded places to swim, but the men had always seemed to find her, pretending to beachcomb or just be walking past, their eyes lingering on her whether she was in the water or out. Sometimes she liked the men and liked the sensation. Other times she swam to another beach to get away from them.

“Stop it, Rebecca!” She was on the paved roadway with army trucks behind her and beside her. “Stop being such a fool!”

Raven’s eyes have never lingered on me. And they never will—he finds me skinny and unattractive. It doesn’t matter anyway. Why am I thinking like this? We have nothing in common but airplanes, and I’m committed to Moses for life. All this daydreaming is ridiculous
.

She parked the jeep in a savage mood and almost threw the keys in Flapjack’s face. “Thanks. It still has four wheels.”

Flapjack put his hand over the mouthpiece of the phone he was talking on. “Did you find him?”

“I don’t know what I found.”

Raven was standing by the Piper Cub when she arrived at Peterson’s on Monday. They both had their Ray-Bans on, but as she walked toward him over the runway she had the same feeling of being looked at she’d had on the beaches in the Caribbean. She glanced around quickly as she walked—was it ground crew, another pilot, a student? There was no one else. The sensation was strong, she liked it, but it unnerved her at the same time—what if Raven was the one staring? It was easier to bicker with him and trade shots than to imagine him
liking her or for her to start liking him in a way that belonged only to Moses. Still and always to Moses.

I hate that I want him to take his sunglasses off so I can know for sure if it’s his eyes that are tracking me
.

Raven’s aviators stayed where they were. And there wasn’t even a hint of a smile for her though she tried to muster one up for him.

“Hi,” she said. The smile was lopsided. “I’m glad you decided to keep your wings.”

“Half an hour lesson?” he asked her.

“Half an hour.”

“When you want me on the controls let me know.”

“I’ll do a few barrel rolls first. And a dive with a little corkscrew thrown in.”

“Whatever makes you happy.”

But Becky wasn’t sure what made her happy anymore. The other students she was training didn’t. Going home and spending the evening with her family didn’t. Going up in the air by herself and flying out over the Pacific didn’t. Even her vow to Moses didn’t. She hated it, but the one thing she looked forward to was climbing into the Piper with Raven. Even though his barrel rolls remained sloppy and his dives slow and shallow. Even though he never smiled. Even though she felt no warmth from him.

“Let’s go up, Thunderbird.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Do the best you can.”

“Yes, sir.”

Two nights later, the dam broke. She burst into tears in front of Ruth, flinging herself on her bed and burying her face in the summer quilt. “I’m not going to be unfaithful to Moses! I’m not!”

“Hush, hush.” Ruth sat on her bed and ran a hand over her back. “Why do you think you’re being unfaithful to Moses?”

“I…I think about Raven too much…I think about him all the time…I don’t even
like
him—but I can’t stop—”

“And this is being unfaithful to Moses? How?”

Becky rolled onto her back and almost snarled at her aunt. “How? I said I’d never fall for another man! Never! That I’d be faithful to Moses through all eternity!”

“And Moses is in heaven where there is no marrying, no husbands and wives, just love for everyone. If he can see you, he is no longer thinking of you as he did on this earth. He is like the angels. And he loves you now like a sister in the Lord. No more.”

“How can you say that?”

“The Bible says it. Shall I read it to you?”

“I know what the Bible says.” Becky rolled over onto her stomach again, snatching a tissue from a box on her bedside table. “So you think I mean nothing to Moses now?

“I didn’t say that. I just said he doesn’t see you as a wife anymore. He doesn’t have those feelings. They don’t exist.”

“But
he
exists. Except now he has wings.”

“Perhaps.”

Becky wiped at her eyes. “This vow has kept me going for months. If I let it go I don’t know what I’ll do with my grief. I’ll probably fall to pieces.”

“Maybe not.”

“I will. I’m sure I will. It’s already starting to happen. I pick fights with Mom and Dad. With Nate. With you. I can’t sleep. I don’t have any patience for my female students. I talk out loud when no one’s around. I’m a mess.”

Ruth smoothed back Becky’s short hair. “What if he said something to you?”

“Who?”

“This Christian Raven fellow.”

“Oh, he says things to me.”

“I mean nice things. Sweet things.”

Becky blew out air. “Pah! Are you kidding?”

Ruth narrowed her eyes. “I am not. Do you think no one has noticed your moods and your fits of ill temper? We’ve been praying for you. All of us. Why may we not expect to see some return on our prayers?”

“He tried to be nice when we first met. I shut him down, and that was that as far as him being sweet.”

“Didn’t you say he believed in God?”

“He says he does. I don’t know what that looks like because I don’t think he’s been showing his faith any more than I have.”

“If you realize that, then the day will come when he will begin to realize it too. We all have bad days and bad weeks. We all go off on our own roads for a time. Finally the Lord brings us back to our senses and we repent and return to being the person we should be in Christ.”